"There's a fucking monster out there, and it was gonna eat our asses."
A group of mercenaries at an archaeological digsite unleash Dracula.
Scott Whyte voices Simon and Fred Tatasciore voices both Flynn and Dracula. Based on the short story of the same name by Kirsten Cross.
Tropes:
- All There in the Script: The doctor's name is Wehunt according to the credits.
- Bolivian Army Ending: The short ends with the group managing to kill Dracula and escape...only to stumble into an entire nest of more vampires.
- Compressed Adaptation: A whole lot of the backstory is outright cut without a mention and only the action-packed elements of the original story remain. Ironically, the source material is the longest of all adapted stories.
- Cunning Linguist: One of the team members is skilled in ancient languages.
- Dracula: The monster is explicitly stated to be the Dracula, although he doesn't look like the Classical Movie Vampire.
- Dramatic Ammo Depletion: Flynn's gun runs out of ammo while he's fighting Dracula. Not that the gun was really helping.
- Dramatic Chase Opening: The story opens with two characters being chased down a tunnel.
- Gender-Blender Name: Gary is a girl.
- Groin Attack: Gary shoots off Dracula's dick with a shotgun just because she thinks it's funny. The monster then screeches in a high-pitched tone.
- Explain, Explain... Oh, Crap!: At the end, Doctor Wehunt is explaining that their escape tunnel leads to more prison cells, probably cells for more... then he trails off as he realizes what's likely to be there.
- Fantastically Indifferent: The mercs don't seem to be phased at all they are not only facing a real vampire, but Dracula himself.
- Full-Frontal Assault: Dracula's genitals are readily apparent when he first shows up, and towards the end of the episode he gets shot there. It regenerates but is apparently painful.
- Half the Man He Used to Be: Dracula perfectly slices a victim in half, lengthwise.
- High-Pressure Blood: Dracula's kill of the assistant results in a fountain of blood spraying and covering Flynn and Dr. Wehunt.
- How We Got Here: The episode opens with two characters running from something. We then cut back to see how they ended up in their predicament.
- I'm a Doctor, Not a Placeholder: When cornered by Dracula, Flynn demands Dr. Wehunt tells them what to do, to which the doctor responds that he's an archeologist, not a strategist. Flynn responds with that he's a mercenary, not Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but he's not whining about it either.
- Healing Factor: Bullets do damage Dracula, but he regenerates so fast that a single bullet has practically no effect against him. The fire from 2 fully automatic military rifles is enough to pin him down since even he can't regenerate faster than a rain of bullets, and he even seems to feel some pain when he is shot between the legs. However, when the mercenaries hold their fire, Dracula immediately regenerates and starts to hunt them again. As a matter of fact, a heavy wooden door slowed him down longer than the firearms.
- Mad Bomber: Gary practically giggles at getting an excuse to use the C4 she brought.
- Matchlight Danger Revelation: In this case lighting a road flare reveals more Ceiling Cling vampires.
- Near-Miss Groin Attack: Dr. Wenhut just misses having his groin impaled by a broken stalactite.
- Oh, Crap!:
- Flynn, Wehunt, and the assistant when Dracula first emerges.
- Dracula himself when he realizes he's about to get a face full of C4.
- The group when they realize that they simply escaped into a vampire nest.
- Our Vampires Are Different: Dracula appears at first as a giant, emaciated man, but after feeding rapidly turns into a monstrous bear-like entity.
- Out of the Frying Pan: The team escapes Dracula and even kills him, only to find themselves cornered by a whole nest of vampires.
- Outrun the Fireball: The team has to outrun the blast from Gary's C4; dialogue implies this is not the first time this has happened.
- Punch-Clock Hero: The mercenary boss doesn't really care one way or the other about Dr. Wehunt's discovery. When asked if he could at least pretend to be excited, he draws a comparison between mercenaries and prostitutes: Acting like they're having fun costs extra.
- Reality Has No Subtitles: Dracula speaks purely in Romanian, which is not translated by the subtitles. Dr. Wehunt translates Dracula calling Flynn a warrior, but Dracula's dialogue before noticing the C4 is untranslated.
- Red Eyes, Take Warning: Dracula has red eyes and it means no good thing.
- Shout-Out: Flynn mentions Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
- Shown Their Work: The depiction of Dracula is actually pretty accurate to the Bram Stoker novel.
- His physical appearance may not be as attractive as the Bela Lugosi-inspired look he usually has, but does resemble the book's description of a mustachioed old man.
- While he is far more bestial in attitude than he is in most of his appearances, the book did make a point of Dracula having a "criminal mindset", a
Victorian idea of criminals having less developed brains than decent folk.
- Stripped to the Bone:
- The research assistant Dracula slices in half falls apart in layers.
- Happens to Dracula courtesy of Gary's C4.
- That Came Out Wrong: Flynn keeps making accidental innuendo while trying to get the other mercs to understand the seriousness of the situation, which Gary, to his frustration, constantly focuses on rather than the giant Dracula trying to kill them all.
- Weaksauce Weakness: Dracula's weakness is cats.
- You Have GOT to Be Kidding Me!: The last words spoken by Flynn when he realizes they stumbled upon a nest of vampires.
