Season 2, Episodes 4
A brothel advertisement blaring through the Lexx's speaker system wakes up Xev and Stan. Based on the ad, the Luvliner is an upscale establishment with luxurious facilities and beautiful employees ready to service men and women of any and all persuasions. Stan and Xev decide, over 790's jealous objections, to visit the establishment.
They arrive at the coordinates and signal the Luvliner's desk employee, Schlemmi that they want to come aboard. However, he demands that they pay first, then makes a number of rude jabs at their poverty and their "big bug." Frustrated and annoyed, Xev tells Stan how she "gave them a little demonstration" at the hospital in "Terminal." Stan orders the Lexx to blow up a nearby moon. Schlemmi declares that he had forgotten about the discounts for, "uh, Bob's Comet Day!," and lets them board for free.
The brothel appears to have fallen on hard times since the (likely very old) advertisement was shot: The "gilded hot tub" is full of black scum, the sound of sheep comes from one doorway, and the lobby is full of drunken and/or drugged patrons. Nonetheless, Stan and Xev proceed to the counter. Stan warns Schlemmi the Lexx has orders to fire on the Luvliner if Xev and Stan don't return in two hours. He also lets slip that an assassin remained on board the Lexx. Schlemmi gives each of them a key to a room. Xev even gets a key on 790's behalf, although he protests that he doesn't want anyone or anything that the brothel could offer him, and is appalled when Xev drops him off in his room.
Schlemmi signals a criminal associate named Aulk and tells him about the Lexx and its crew. Aulk agrees to help Schlemmi steal the Lexx while the crew is occupied.
Stan and Xev deal with the Luvliner's faulty holographic interfaces, which sometimes show them prostitutes of the wrong sex and occasionally show them customers, and don't show Stan any of the beautiful women from the advertisement. He calls to Schlemmi to complain about the quality of the women available; Schlemmi says that "recruitment's way down," but promises to send him their "best girl," Ryssha. Much to Stan's disappointment, she turns out to be an average-looking woman approaching middle age.
Glitches aside, Xev has better luck finding a prostitute who appeals to her. She orders Varrtan, a handsome, muscular young man.
The computer tries to find an appropriate partner for 790, offering such options as a toaster and a pair of pliers. Things get worse when Schlemmi enters the room and begins dressing in an electrical interface that includes a giant glowing codpiece. "I've been waiting an eternity for someone like you," he says, and kisses a screaming 790.
Ryssha succeeds in overcoming Stan's initial disappointment and they engage in foreplay. Varrtan arrives at Xev's room. At first, they seem set for a mutually enjoyable session, but, when Xev admits that this will be her first time, Varrtan decides that her virginity is too precious to be wasted on some "throwaway encounter." Further, he declares that he's in love with her and that "true love cannot be hurried." He wants to develop a serious relationship over time, instead of simply having a one-night stand, as Xev wants. She jumps him and tries to forcibly remove his pants.
Aulk reaches the Luvliner. He interrupts Schlemmi while Schlemmi is using the electrical interface to rape 790, then bursts into Stan and Xev's rooms in turn, killing Ryssha and Varrtan. Aulk and Schlemmi take Stan, Xev, and 790 back to the Lexx, where Aulk ties Stan and Xev to the captain's pedestal. Schlemmi demands that Stan blow up the Luvliner, which he reluctantly does, and that they set a course for Schlemmi's bosses, whom he also wants to kill. Aulk has more immediate concerns: He locates Kai's cryopod and orders Schlemmi to take a moth and tow it away, then release it on a trajectory that leads to a star.
Schlemmi performs the task and returns to raping 790. Aulk, excited by Schlemmi's tip that Xev is a virgin, unties Xev so that he can rape her. Xev's unexpected strength allows her to knock him off balance just long enough for Stan to tell the Lexx to intercept Kai's cryopod. Aulk and Xev fight on the bridge; despite Xev's hybrid nature, Aulk clearly has the upper hand. Kai, whose proximity to the sun has thawed him out, heads straight for the bridge, kills Aulk, and captures Schlemmi. Schlemmi protests that Aulk forced him into crime and that he wants to dedicate the rest of his life to good works, but the crew looks unimpressed. Cut to Schlemmi, encapsulated in one of the Lexx's vomit-bubbles, crashing into his former bosses' conference room on a space station.
In the cryochamber, Stan and Xev thank Kai before re-freezing him. Xev suggestively tells a flattered Stan that she thinks she's figured out what she needs in a man: He needs to be "tall... handsome... and dead." The episode concludes with Kai back in cryostasis and with Stan, Xev, and 790 as sexually frustrated as ever.
Tropes present in this episode include:
- Absolute Cleavage: Ryssha's dress.
- Attempted Rape: A lot of this. Stan and Xev coerce the Luvliner company into offering them free sex, then Xev tries to force herself on Varrtan, then Aulk goes after Xev.
- Bestiality Is Depraved: Downplayed. The evidence that part of the Luvliner houses sheep for sexual activities is the least of Xev and Stan's concerns.
- Bigger Is Better in Bed: The Luvliner's ad takes this to ridiculous levels, even "promoting" the brothel by saying that women who use their services "may never walk again."
- Black Comedy Rape: Schlemmi's absurd assaults on 790 involve a giant flashing codpiece and various pieces of a bulb-lined face mask.
- Blatant Lies: Schlemmi tries to get off the hook by saying that Aulk forced him to do all the bad things he's done. Since it was Schlemmi's idea to blow up the Luvliner, and Aulk had no interest in Schlemmi's plans for 790, it falls flat.
- Boldly Coming: Depending on whether "fish-girls" and "man-apes" are aliens or Transhumans, this trope may be referenced by Schlemmi.
- Curse Cut Short: 790's poem about Xev.
- 790: "On a branch there is a fruit, plump and ripe for sucking. On a bed there is a body, hot and right for—" (signal interrupts).
- A Date with Rosie Palms: One of the prostitutes in the Luvliner's ad implies that she's doing this.
- Prostitute: "Can you guess where my other hand is right now?"
- Double Standard: Rape, Female on Male: Aulk's attempted rape of Xev is the only one played entirely for drama.
- Erotic Dream: Xev and probably Stan are experiencing this at the beginning of the episode.
- Extreme Omnisexual: Schlemmi has had sex with man-apes, fish-girls, various kinds of livestock, "one furry nympho leper," and, by episode's end, a robot head that lacks orifices or genitals.
- Fan Disservice: The old, fat, shirtless clients hanging around in the lobby of the Luvliner.
- Filth: The Luvliner's commercial borders on pornographic. Unsurprising, given that it promotes a brothel.
- Gag Penis: The foot-long dildos on the Luvliner's walls.
- Hanging by the Fingers: Xev is still barely clinging to the bridge when Kai shows up and kills Aulk.
- Heroic BSoD: A literal example in 790. By the end of his second rape by Schlemmi, his eyes have turned into blue-and-white swirls from the trauma.
- Hunk: Varrtan, and some of the Luvliner's other male prostitutes.
- Hurl It into the Sun: Aulk's plan to get rid of Kai.
- I Have Your Wife: Aulk threatens to torture and kill Xev if Stan doesn't blow up the Luvliner.
- I Love the Dead: Schlemmi, who doesn't understand Kai's living-dead status, thinks that Aulk wants Kai's frozen body for sex.
- Intercourse with You: See Curse Cut Short.
- Likes Older Men: One of the prostitutes in the ad claims to like her men "mature."
- Love at First Sight: Varrtan, for Xev.
- Misplaced Retribution: Schlemmi may have good reasons to hate his job, but the lowly prostitutes on the Luvliner aren't to blame for it. He has them blown up anyway.
- Nature Adores a Virgin: Parodied. When Varrtan finds out that Xev is a virgin, he immediately declares his love for her and refuses her demands to have casual sex, despite the fact that, as Xev notes, "We just met ten minutes ago."
- Never My Fault: Schlemmi's implausible attempts to blame Aulk for his various crimes.
- Painted-On Pants: Varrtan wears these.
- Recurring Character: Thanks to reincarnation, the crew of the Lexx will run into variants of Schlemmi in seasons 3 and 4.
- Shoot the Hostage Taker: Kai does this to Aulk.
- Smug Snake: Schlemmi seems to look down on just about everyone he meets, despite the fact that he is himself immoral, incompetent, and lazy.
- Space Pirates: Aulk and Schlemmi.
- STD Immunity: Implicitly averted. One of Schlemmi's complaints about the Luvliner is the "open sores."
- The Peeping Tom: Schlemmi "take[s] a look at everyone who comes in" the Luvliner, and sometimes listens in on their sex sessions.
- A Threesome Is Hot: The Luvliner's ad suggests that you can order any number and combination of prostitutes that you want.
- The Tease: Xev does this with Stan in the Dénouement.
- Unexpected Virgin: Varrtan has this reaction to Xev.
- Very False Advertising: The Luvliner appears luxurious in its commercials, but it turns out to be filthy, dilapidated, and understaffed.