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Recap / It Feels More Like A Memory Chapter 5 The Honor To Be

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TL;DR: Aaron thinks Alexander wrote a pamphlet exposing his power, and accusing him of abusing public trust to gain power and lying knowing nobody could contradict him. They exchange angry letters and duel. Aaron decides not to shoot Alexander after all, but his gun goes off anyways.

Canon equivalent: Covers "Your Obedient Servant" to some of "The World Was Wide Enough."

Summary: Jefferson cuts Aaron out of party politics for not stepping down, so he runs for governor of New York. He ignores political accusations until the pamphlet that exposes his power and accuses him of abusing public trust to gain power and lying knowing nobody could contradict him. He thinks Alexander wrote it since he confided his power's specifics and fear he was too dangerous for public office to him. A letter's printed in the press that says Alexander said awful things about him, including a "still more despicable" thing it doesn't reveal. Aaron writes an angry letter inquiring as to what this, and Alexander thinks it's too vague a request. They exchange more angry letters and end up dueling. Aaron remembers better times with Alexander, the things he said to James Monroe to talk him out of dueling Alexander, his promise to himself to not kill Alexander, and that Alexander was his best friend. He decides not to shoot, but his finger twitches and the gun goes off anyways.

    Longer summary 
Jefferson is scared the Federalists have too much power because of the judicial branch, so he tries to impeach Justice Samuel Chase and Aaron has to preside over the impeachment trial. Jefferson cuts Aaron out of party politics in return for not stepping down and giving him the presidency, so Aaron runs for governor of New York State. He ignores political mudslinging, even from Alexander, until one pamphlet. He previously confided in Alexander what his power was and that he feared any campaign he mounted would be an abuse of power since nobody could verify he was lying; this pamphlet accuses him of lying knowing nobody could contradict him and abusing public trust to gain power, says any campaign he runs will be built on lies, and exposes his exact power to see peoples' deaths once he touches their skin. He feels betrayed, thinking Alexander wrote it. After he thinks Alexander is taunting him with a published letter from Dr. Charles D. Cooper to Alexander's father-in-law Philip Schuyler, and he loses the election for governor, he writes letters that lead to his duel with Alexander.

Cooper's letter says Alexander thinks Aaron is dangerous and shouldn't be trusted in government, and that Cooper could include a "still more despicable" thing Alexander thinks about Aaron but doesn't actually do it. Aaron wants to know what this "still more despicable" thing is, or for Alexander to deny saying anything that would give Cooper cause to write of how poorly Alexander thinks of Aaron. Alexander says Aaron's claims are too vague for him to be able to know what he's admitting to or denying: Cooper gives no details as to what the "still more despicable" thing is that would identify it like when he said it or who to, it could be anything from just barely worse than what he's already said to horrible, and it doesn't matter anyways because maybe Alexander said something that's acceptable to say about a political opponent that Cooper extracted an incorrect meaning from, and Cooper already thinks Alexander feels Aaron is "despicable" and that should be enraging enough on its own. Aaron replies that political opposition is no excuse for extreme rudeness and it's common sense what he means, whether he's said anything offending Aaron's honor, no need for semantic arguments like the ones presented in Alexander's letter. Alexander scolds Aaron for not taking the out Alexander gave him for Aaron's first overly-demanding letter, that whatever Alexander said about Aaron he stands by it, and Aaron's grievance is legitimate. Then they start the proceedings to duel.

The morning of the duel, Aaron rereads the pamphlet he thinks Alexander wrote, and remembers more positive times with Alexander. "I’ll fight so that you can be free, Mister Burr, sir," Alexander comforting him about not being able to hold Theodosia and saying he'd swap lives with Aaron to ease his burden as the Seer if he could, and especially the moments right before they almost kissed. He goes to the dueling ground, where he thinks on what he said would follow Alexander's death when he talked Monroe out of dueling, and his feeling Alexander betrayed him by publishing his fears in the paper to hurt his gubernatorial campaign. As the count to ten reaches nine, Aaron blinks and sees what he saw right after his chapter 1 death vision of Alexander was over. He thinks he's the one thing in life he can control, that Alexander was his closest friend, and decides not to shoot Alexander. He lowers his gun, but his finger twitches and so it goes off anyways.

"the honor to be" contains examples of:

  • Adapted Out: Inverted. The fic has Aaron think "Just apologize, we have worthier pursuits" from "Ten Things One Thing," which eventually got replaced with "This man has poisoned my political pursuits" as "Ten Things One Thing" as the song went through more drafts and became "The World Was Wide Enough." An old lyric, no longer used, was reused in this fic.
  • Adaptational Expansion: Overlaps with Shown Their Work. On the letters from the lead-up to the duel. In history and the fic, a Dr. Charles D. Cooper writes of mean things Alexander said, and that he could include a "still more despicable" thing Alexander thinks about Aaron but doesn't actually do it. This letter gets published. Aaron wants to know what this "still more despicable" thing is, or for Alexander to deny saying anything that would give Cooper cause to write of how poorly Alexander thinks of Aaron. Alexander says "still more despicable" is too vague for him to respond to for various reasons, and that it doesn't matter anyways because Cooper already thinks Alexander feels Aaron is "despicable" and that should be enraging enough on its own. The musical does have an allusion to this, with Aaron saying "if you've got something to say" and Alexander saying "Even if I said what you think I said," implying Aaron thinks Alexander said something bad about him that he doesn't know the specifics of that Alexander won't reveal, but it doesn't clearly indicate the Cooper letter unless one already knows about it. It focuses much more on the known mean things Alexander said than the "still more despicable" thing he said.
  • all lowercase letters: Like every other chapter title of this fic, this chapter's title is in all lowercase letters.
  • Artistic License – History:
    • To stay true to the musical, Thomas Jefferson runs for a second presidential term with James Madison as his Vice President, unlike real history where his second-term Vice President was George Clinton.
    • In real life, Aaron Burr duels Alexander Hamilton in 1804 and presides over Samuel Chase's impeachment trial which starts and ends in 1805. In the fic, the events are reversed, with the trial starting first and the duel happening second, although the trial still concludes after the duel.
    • It's not certain whether real Alexander intended to shoot Aaron or not. The fic goes with the musical's choice to have Alexander choose not to shoot Aaron. Real Alexander's shot hit a tree above Aaron's head which wouldn't happen if he was aiming straight up, unless his gun went off as he raised his arm, so even if real Alexander did choose not to shoot it's uncertain whether he aimed at the sky.
  • Duel to the Death: Alexander Hamilton vs. Aaron Burr.
  • Foreshadowing: Previously, Aaron's fate after dueling Alexander was foreshadowed when he outlined consequences of killing Alexander to James Monroe to talk Monroe out of dueling Alexander. In this chapter, the things he said to Monroe come back again, as things he remembers. They're still a good outline of what happens to him in real life and in chapter 6 after killing Alexander.
  • Idiosyncratic Episode Naming: Following the convention of naming every chapter title after a Hamilton lyric, this chapter takes its title from "I have the honor to be your obedient servant" from "Your Obedient Servant." Like "Your Obedient Servant," this chapter focuses on the lead-up to the duel between Aaron and Alexander.
  • Ironic Echo: The morning of the duel between Aaron and Alexander, when their relationship is at its lowest, Aaron remembers more positive moments, specifically romantically-charged moments between him and Alexander in chapter 3, and the exact quotes Alexander said to him, "You're like poetry" and "The world wouldn’t be the same without you, my world wouldn’t be the same without you."
  • Malicious Slander: A good deal of the political mudslinging. Having followed Aaron's perspective through the whole story, the reader knows Aaron did not loot the estate of a Dutch baker for $6,000, seduce women from many walks of life, attempt to tear the Union apart, or desire supreme power for himself.
  • Meaningful Echo:
    • In "What'd I Miss," there's a lyric "Every American experiment sets a precedent," which is echoed here when Aaron presides over Justice Samuel Chase's impeachment trial, "he sets the precedent." According to The Other Wiki, this precedent is the independence of the federal judiciary, with federal judges trying to avoid seeming partisan and people not impeaching federal judges on partisanship anymore but on legal or ethical misconduct.
    • In chapter 3, Aaron reflects that "Hamilton doesn’t hesitate, he exhibits no restraint, he takes and he takes and he takes... If there’s a reason that Aaron kills him, well, it’s far beyond what Aaron has the capacity to imagine." In this chapter, Aaron understands for the first time why he may want to shoot Alexander, and thinks "Hamilton never hesitated, never hesitates—he exhibits no restraint, he takes and he takes and he takes and he’s taken all that Aaron has to give. Aaron is hollow. He’s imagined this day so many times that it feels like he’s just going through the motions." The reflections on Alexander's nature are the same, but he is no longer unable to conceive of why he'd shoot him, and Aaron's thoughts aren't full of concern and positive feelings for him anymore.
    • As Aaron waits to be given a pistol at the duel, he remembers "because there will be a trial, oh, yes, a full murder trial following Alexander Hamilton’s death" from chapter 4, when he said that exact phrase to James Monroe to talk him out of dueling Alexander, and as Aaron notices Alexander aim at the sky he remembers the rest of what he said to Monroe: "it’ll destroy all of his political prospects, his allies will desert him, he’ll be accused of treason, he’ll be sent into exile, he will die alone, cursed, cursing his own existence." He's now thinking of his warning to Monroe and how it might apply to himself if he shoots and kills Alexander.
    • "I am the one thing in life I can control" from chapter 3 comes back. It was used there when trying to avoid giving into letting Alexander kiss him, and more relevantly, when promising himself he would choose not to shoot Alexander. From the same chapter, he also thinks Alexander is the "closest, dearest friend he has." Now, he's in the duel with Alexander, again thinking "I am the one thing in life I can control," and then remembers Alexander is the "closest, dearest friend he had." Then he chooses not to shoot, keeping his promise to himself. Too bad the gun goes off anyways.
    • Back in chapter 1, Aaron sees how Alexander dies: in a duel against Aaron. When this vision finishes, he blinks and sees “young, innocent Alexander is grinning and pumping his hand up and down in the cold, dreary night, staring at Aaron like Aaron’s just made his whole day." In this chapter, when the count in the duel hits 9, Aaron "blinks, and for a moment all he sees is a young, innocent Alexander, grinning and pumping his hand up and down, staring at Aaron like Aaron's just made his whole day." It’s nearly an exact copy of the chapter 1 quote, since his chapter 6 self is seeing that chapter 1 moment again.
  • "Not Making This Up" Disclaimer: The author's notes say they're "not even making this up" in regards to the duel guns being modified to be hair triggers.
  • Obvious Rule Patch: President and Vice President were whoever got the most and second-most electoral votes respectively. There was no way to individually make sure your vote was for President only or Vice President only. You could cooperate with your political party to collectively make sure your vote contributed to a specific President/Vice President composition, but if not everyone complied or the opposing party voted a certain way it was still possible your vote would elect the right person to the wrong office.note  This flaw is why Aaron Burr, intended by most who voted for him to end up as Thomas Jefferson’s vice president, tied with Thomas Jefferson for the presidency itself. The Twelfth Amendment fixed this, mandating electors designate one vote for President and one for Vice President.
  • Real Event, Fictional Cause: "The Liar, Caught in His Own Toils" is a real pamphlet criticizing Aaron Burr that holds he tried to swipe the 1800 election from Thomas Jefferson. The real pamphlet did not have anything about Aaron Burr's powers to see death after touching peoples' skin, or about nobody being able to stand against his lies specifically because nobody else has visions of the future. Aaron confided this in Alexander Hamilton in the fic, meaning he could have written the pamphlet or given the information to someone else, either way being attributable to the fictional cause of Aaron Burr confiding details of Seer powers to Alexander Hamilton; this is certainly not a cause behind the real "The Liar, Caught in His Own Toils."
  • Season Finale: Along with chapter 6. This chapter has most of the dramatic conclusion of the first lifetime story arc, the duel, so it counts. Chapter 6 has the dramatic end of the conclusion, which would be the results of the duel (does the bullet actually hit Alexander?) and the aftermath.
  • Shown Their Work:
    • After Aaron Burr's first term as Vice President, he runs for governor of New York, which happened in real life but wasn't shown in the musical.
    • Most of the section about the political mudslinging against Aaron, and all of it in the paragraph with "A Young German," is sourced from historian Ron Chernow's Alexander Hamilton.
    • The letters between Aaron and Alexander before the duel are modified versions of the actual letters, and include more detail than the musical's modified versions of the letters in "Your Obedient Servant," especially the parts about what a published letter by a Dr. Cooper said, which was totally omitted from the musical and elaborated upon in Adaptational Expansion.
    • The real Alexander and Aaron didn't just duel after the Election of 1800 as the musical implies. Both the real and fic version of Aaron Burr think Alexander said negative things about him in the press during his campaign for governor in 1804, prior to their duel.
    • The guns used in the duel belonged to Angelica Schuyler Church's husband, John Church, in the fic and in real life. In the fic, Aaron's finger twitches, and the gun goes off. Though there are many different accounts of how the Hamilton/Burr duel went, with the musical having its non-Seer Aaron actually choose to shoot him, most agree the guns were hair-triggers that could indeed go off without someone actually intending to shoot. Neither the guns belonging to Angelica's husband or the guns being hair-triggers made it to the musical.
  • The Stations of the Canon: Jefferson changes things so President and Vice President run on the same ticket in the wake of winning against Aaron after tying many times, Aaron and Alexander write nasty letters signed "I have the honor to be your obedient servant," Alexander and Aaron decide to duel and show up at dawn, the doctor turns around so he can have deniability, Aaron notices Alexander is wearing his glasses, Alexander aims his pistol at the sky, and Aaron's gun goes off.
  • Title Drop: The chapter title is titledropped in the letters Alexander and Aaron send each other, each having "the honor to be" in the signatures of their letters. One titledrop per letter for a total of four titledrops. The longer phrase "I have the honor to be your obedient servant" that the chapter title was taken from is also titledropped three times, if one allows for abbreviating "your obedient servant" to "Your Obdt. St." Four times if one also allows the minor variation of "I have the honor to be, Sir, Your Obdt. St." instead of "I have the honor to be Your Obdt. St."

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