United vs. Rovers. A stern, by-the-book referee, Martin (David Morrissey) is on his final game before retirement. If United win, they go up to English Premier League. If Rovers win, they're saved from relegation. Martin's secret relationship with United captain, Calvin (Dipo Ola) is revealed as the game descends into anarchy over an illegal bet placed by hapless official Oggy (Steve Pemberton). Over three periods: before the game, at half-time, and after the final whistle, Martin attempts to keep his reputation intact, the game running, and to protect his secret from narcissistic official Phil (Ralf Little), the immensely boring Brendan (Reece Shearsmith), and Rovers mascot Mitch (Steve Speirs).
This episode contains examples of:
- Ambiguous Situation: It's never made clear if Martin had any feelings for Calvin at all, or if it was all just a long con to this point, or if it started off real until Martin saw the opportunity to give his team the advantage.
- Arab Oil Sheikh: Played for Laughs. There's plenty of humour about Phil looking out for the "Qataris", as he expects to be poached for The World Cup.
- Armored Closet Gay: Martin appears to be this, given his reaction when his affair with Calvin is revealed. However, the ending reveal raises questions of just how closeted he really is, and even whether he's actually gay or not (though if he's not he's nevertheless almost certainly bisexual to some degree at least, given his willingness to sleep with Calvin to achieve his goals). It isn't clear if Calvin is also this; while he reveals his affair with Martin, he's absolutely furious at the time, having been thrown off the biggest game of his career.
- Armor-Piercing Question: At the end, Mitch acknowledges the ridiculousness of his dressing up as a rather ambiguous rodent-like animal mascot for the club with a light-hearted "You'd do anything for your team, though, wouldn't you?" While Martin keeps his game face on enough to not alert Mitch, it slips just enough for the audience to realise what Martin's goal really was.
- Asian Speekee Engrish: Oggy reveals that a "Far Eastern betting syndicate" convinced him to award a throw-in at a certain time, for £15,000. He eventually admits that it might have been "a bloke doing a dodgy accent", saying that the anonymous voice on the phone sounded like "Benny Hill doing Mr Chow Mein". This doubles as a Chekhov's Gag, because it was actually Martin.
- Aspect Montage: The opening scene consists of key shots of Martin preparing for the match.
- As You Know: Phil lets Brendan know that he is the fourth official.
- The Bad Guy Wins: For a given value of "bad guy"; he's not the worst villain to appear in the series, but Martin manipulates everyone and succeeds in everything he was aiming to achieve.
- Bland-Name Product: The teams involved are only ever referred to as "Rovers", "United" and "City" (all of which are shorthand for several different teams).
- A Bloody Mess: Martin believes Oggy is injured in his head while it's only ketchup.
- The Bore: Brendan is very dull, and Phil and Oggy have very little patience for him. Martin is a little fonder of him but even his patience has limits.
- Bottle Episode: The entire episode plays out in the refs' changing room.
- Censored Title: "The Referee's a W***er" is the full title. It also doubles as a Chekhov's Gag, as it may stand for "wanker" or winner, as Martin surprisingly ends the episode on top.
- Chekhov's Gag:
- The title may stand for "wanker" or winner, as Martin surprisingly ends the episode on top.
- Oggy's confession that he thinks the "Eastern betting syndicate" was actually just one English man "putting a voice on". Because it was the English Martin.
- Chekhov's Gun: Brendan's trunks. They seem to only be there to establish that Martin is very tough on any signs of bias, but they also give Brendan a chance to establish that he and Martin are both City fans, and to talk about their waning hopes at the title. In fact, Martin's plan all along was to get the game abandoned, having both docked points, so that City could emerge victorious.
- Chromosome Casting: The first episode of the whole series with this: all the characters are male.
- Embarrassing Nickname: According to Oggy, Phil is known to the press and public as "Linesman Minnelli" because he wears eyeliner on the pitch.
- Even Evil Has Standards: Despite orchestrating the disastrous outcome of the game and setting Oggy up to take the fall via the fake in-line betting, Martin is genuinely concerned when he thinks Oggy is bleeding from a head wound from the angry fans throwing things at him.
- Exact Words: At the end, when the other referees are trying to comfort him, Martin ruefully sighs that all of his questionable and potentially legacy-destroying decisions during the game were made "for love". They were, but in the context everyone assumes that he's talking about love for Calvin. He's actually talking about love of his club, City.
- Foreshadowing: Early in the episode, Brendan reveals that he and Martin are both fans of City, a third team also playing that day, and their conversation results in Martin slightly gloomily noting that they're "always the bridesmaid" in that while they do well enough to get to the upper levels of the league, they never seem to be able to get promoted. It quickly gets overlooked in the chaos that results, but this turns out to be very significant to what is actually going on.
- Gilligan Cut: Part one ends with Martin confidently asserting that, despite the high stakes of the match they're going to referee, "there's no reason we can't have a fitting, dignified, trouble-free end to the season". Cut to part two beginning with a title card reading that United are down one goal and the referees fleeing into the changing room from a furious mob of fans and players throwing food at them.
- Glory Days: Brendan can't stop talking about the height of his career as a referee in Italy... for a children's team in 1992.
- Lighter and Softer: It's one of the lighter episodes of the series. It's not free from sinister twists and secrets, but the secrets in this episode are a lot less dark, macabre and unsavory compared to many episodes (basically being limited to a secret homosexual affair and football-related corruption) and no one dies.
- Love Makes You Dumb: It appears to be what's happened to Martin as he tries to give Calvin an advantage. However, it's ultimately subverted - he was only pretending, throwing the game so that United would be docked points.
- Love Makes You Evil: This has apparently happened to Martin throughout the episode, being distracted and breaking his own rules for Calvin. But it all was actually for the love of his club, City.
- Manipulative Bastard: Martin throws the whole game to promote City, and remains above suspicion the whole time.
- Not So Above It All: Martin is furious and indignant at Oggy for wrongly calling a throw-in so he can collect £15,000, and annoyed at Phil for only showing off for the benefit of the "Qataris", and took it very badly when Calvin half-jokingly suggested he throw some of his decisions in United's favour. He even reacts sternly when Brendan wears some of City's colours in the changing room, when they aren't even playing. But he's actually sleeping with Calvin, and more damningly, he threw the whole game, setting up Oggy and Calvin, so that his team, City, could win. Largely justified though, as he needs to act indignant and angry at the others to maintain his cover and remain above suspicion.
- Pants-Pulling Prank: Calvin pulls Brendan's pants down to inhibit him during the brawl.
- Powder Keg Crowd: Even before the Hilarity Ensues, it's made clear that the match being refereed by the characters is one between two clubs with a particularly intense rivalry for some of the biggest stakes in English Association Football (promotion into the Premier League), meaning that the mood in the stands is already tense and likely to be set off by the slightest thing. After the Hilarity Ensues, it's pretty much outright stated that an all-out football riot has broken out by the end.Mitch: They're already calling it "The War of Wallace Park"!
- Produce Pelting: At half time, the refs have to flee into their booth as enraged fans have been throwing food after them.
- Retirony: It's Martin's last match as a ref and it becomes his worst nightmare...or so it seemed.
- Rewatch Bonus: Martin exploits The "I Love You" Stigma against Calvin. When he declares his love to Calvin, it appears that he's just overcome by the emotion of retirement - but he's actually trying to gain another advantage over him to throw off his game.
- Scare Chord: Playing early on, when the Rovers mascot approaches Martin from behind and giving him a good scare.
- Serious Business: Football. Very, very much Truth in Television.
- Slasher Smile: Although he's by no means the worst villain in Inside No. 9, Martin gives a genuinely chilling one at the mirror when he's left alone in the changing-room and acknowledges that he's won.
- Stealth Pun: The series title becomes one in this episode. Each episode is supposedly set within something — a building, an object, etc. — that is connected to the number 9, but this episode is set within a football club changing room, which have no room numbers. Then we learn that Martin has been engaging in a secret homosexual affair with Calvin, the captain of United. Calvin wears a shirt with the number 9. So in a sense, Martin has indeed been "inside" no. 9.
- Throwing the Fight:
- Oggy accidentally does this, as he's supposedly going to receive fifteen grand if he awards a throw-in at a certain time only for Rovers to score off it.
- Done far more successfully by Martin, who is actually The Chessmaster behind the whole incident so that the match will be abandoned.
- Title Drop: The crowd can be heard chanting "the referee's a wanker" at half time because of the controversial play Oggy allowed.
- Viewer Species Confusion: In-universe. There is a Running Gag of nobody knowing what kind of animal Mitch is supposed to be. Not even Mitch himself.
- Wham Line: For the audience, Mitch saying to Martin: "You'll do anything for your club, won't you?" Martin did it all not for love of Calvin, but for love of his club.
- Wham Shot: The Reveal right at the end of the episode. Martin strips down for a shower, takes off his shirt, and reveals the huge "City Til I Die" tattoo on his back.
- Zero-Approval Gambit: Martin's whole plan to get City promoted is to make so many poor decisions, helped along by having bribed Oggy (without his knowledge) into throwing the game, that the game would have to be abandoned and both sides would be docked points, allowing the lagging City to emerge as hugely unlikely winners.
