We pick up the madness where we left it, as Vocal Adrenaline leave the stage while Sue announces she's a judge and then reveals a theme: Old School. We'd suggest that New Directions recycle their Vintage setlist from season 2. Sue also reveals that the competition is three days long with the Warblers next then ND. Super Gay Warbler and Other Really Gay Warbler (remember them? And yes, they are marked in the credits as such) ask, where they're going to sleep. Sue says she expects those two specifically to sleep inside one another. Line? What Line? This is to give New Directions time to fulfill the 12-man count that has remained the constant rule throughout the series. Kurt says everyone should boycott the Invitational that they weren't even warned about anyway, but Sue says that the show must go on... even if one show choir's codirector is kidnapped and held against his will causing him to miss the performance. Okay at this point Sue you clearly don't know the concept of subtlety.
And now we'll remind you what Sue's become: an expy of the Klaine shippers to mock them, disturbingly and hilariously. We just - can't believe it. And we don't know if that's in a good way or a bad way. This part isn't even touching the Fourth Wall, but we love it. This is Murphy in total DGAF mode.
Anyway, Rachel decides to snap at Will for actually doing his job. She hurringly decides they need more members. Almost as useless as Will, clearly she's learned from the worst. Kurt offers the dubious option: a certain ex-member who's always Wilde. Rachel shoots him down, correctly saying she never learned the S4 Newbies' names. Kurt says he'll be alongside her, but the Tracksuit in the background offers a different scenario as we offer the Title Card.
We're at Breadstix because Lima consists solely of that, Rachel's house, and McKinley. Kurt's on a date with Walter, learning about how a lady gave birth on a table. Amazing. He V/O's about how he's confused as to whether they're actually dating. He blurts the question out, and both agree it's a second date. Who doesn't agree is the waitress, wearing a shirt with a picture of Klaine from junior prom. Sue then asks for drink orders, Shirley Temple for Kurt, Ensure for Walter. Token insult, not creative. She then asks if Kurt needs help with his grandpa, then gives old boyfriend a badge that says "KLAINE" to wear. Again, no longer subtle. Surprisingly, Walter does prove that he's pretty decent, thinking Sue's hilarious before asking how old she is. Oh boy, the man knows naught what he done did. Sue responds with "34", which pisses her off enough to return to her hurt locker, showing Becky a video montage of Klaine, including dream sequences as the fourth wall continues to fall. Sue starts insulting Becky and Karofsky whilst she's all caught up in her Klaine trance, and this is probably also a message to the fans that it's obviously only being obsessed with a couple on the show that makes them start attacking the creators (and actors) but they'd like them to stop, please. Yes, today's lesson isn't about bullying, it's entitled STOP ATTACKING THE CREATORS! Murphy, if you had less tantrums and vendetta against certain cast members, you would've had a seventh season.
Anyway, we cut to one feral Kitty as she is accosted by what appears to be a kneesock and loafer less Season 1 Rachel, who's looked up her character page to find out vital information to prove that she knows her. Kitty doesn't seem to care, and though she probably knows what's up she jokes that Rachel wants to hook-up with her and - WAIT, WHAT!?!! "lezzy... cheerleader... Quinn Fabray." We did hear that correctly? Damn, how much of the internet did they scour? So, Kitty just told Rachel to go for Quinn. Rachel's response to this is one of she's heard it before and is sick of it, but otherwise completely not shocked in any way and downright ignores the statement. (She's thinking of course the world's rooting for us, we don't exactly hide it when we sneak out of our bathroom together stinking of- Well, okay. Or something like that.) Anyway, jist is Rachel tries to recruit her for ND Mach 3, but Kitty accurately says this is a temp gig for her and that she's not gonna commit to something that's gonna disappear as soon as she rejoins. She leaves and Rachel follows, saying that she needs Kitty's energy and a head cheerleader to keep everyone in line. Because even the most cantankerous have emotions too, we see a slight crack as it turns out that much as Artie abandoned her, turns out Sue cleared out the others so fast Kitty didn't realize it, thinking they abandoned her as well and thus allowing Sue to worm her way into Kitty's head. She says she's not willing to get hurt again, but Rachel reassures her she's not bailing. Kitty contemplates as we cut to the next day, where Blaine walks out of the staff restroom, having wanted to use it, and then decides to walk with Kurt to the auditorium. They bump into a sign for a new elevator to the auditorium, and all the savviness that Kurt has had these two episodes up to now disappears because they decide to use it, remarking sarcastically at all its use after Artie (and Quinn) has left. Blaine finds a bathroom, the doors lock, the lights dim. I don't think it's a real elevator. Klaine, you're a pair of idiots.
We return from break to the auditorium, where Sam asks a nervous Rachel why Kurt isn't there yet, and Sue pushes Skylar off the stage saying that the gay head Warbler has told her that Blaine is missing, too. However, as promised the show must go on, so Skylar recovers enough to have a "Knack" for performing Dead or Alive. He's also being the only co-star (only in the end credits) ever to have a released song. They were really good. Afterwards, as we see Kitty pull a Noah/Jake Puckerman in entering, watching, and leaving, we cut to the locker room where Sue finds Sam and puts him back under, convinces him to give Rachel the worst songs ever written to have the glee kids perform: ''Ascension Millennium", "Dear Mr. Jesus", and "Justified and Ancient". It's true, they suck, and if you seek them out, you have no one to blame but yourself. Cut to the choir room where Rachel attempts to file a missing persons report on Klaine, the operator taking her name before connecting it with her sucky show and laughing at her then hanging up because her show sucked. Professional conduct has never been a thing on Glee, but the police, now, too? Face Palm. HypnoTrout enters, claiming they're at Sheets-N-Things (remember that?), probably wedding planning... wait. Rachel notices it as well, reminding him and us they're just friends for the moment. Sam then says it doesn't matter that they broke up because they're endgame...
Excuse us. (grabs all the Kleenex in the world).
...like him and Rachel. He tries to kiss her, but Rachel pushes him off and snaps her fingers at him, inadvertently bringing him out of his trance. He doesn't remember what he was doing, and apologizes for any recent weirdness because he keeps getting "like, massive" gaps in his memory. Bigger gaps than usual. Rachel tasks him to find her new members, not songs as we go to break because god we need one.
We return to said elevator, where sadly it's not Lea Michele trapped with no signal, it's Klaine. And because we need more horror in this house of horrors, a JigSue enters, and tells them to kiss or she won't let them out. They fake it, but Sue wants something smutty, and then warns them what will happen the longer they resist. Basically, things designed to make them horny and overheated. A heart-shaped box is delivered, and they worry over what it might contain. It's only food. What were they expecting? What were we expecting, a coherent plot? Cut to Rachel, still awake as we're at night now, trying to find sheet music, and apparently deaf to the boys banging on the elevator door. Kitty comes in and says that she'll join. Good, now make out, because this is the only other pairing besides Faberry we will accept. Seriously, Lea and Becca are so damn cute together. They share a long, intimate hug and then Kitty says she knows how to get the perfect setlist for their judge, even though she finds Rachel's attempts (quote) "adorable". Kitty has already cut all the camera wires, and they sneak into Sue's office. By bribing Becky with South American junk food (she doesn't judge), Kitty has acquired the passwords to Sue's computer and encrypted folder containing an emotionally vulnerable song playlist. Cut to Spencer (huh) making plays as Sam arrives, having apparently completely escaped Sue's brainwashing. Spencer's planning field attacks for football, because he's planning to be QB. Apparently, figuring he could drop two avian creatures with a single boulder, Sam goes for the Will Schuester playbook, saying Spencer could never be QB, because he's not a leader - he's a coward. A leader wouldn't care what people think and would work hard at making everything accessible to everyone. Spencer, knowing Sam's play, still thinks that if he joins ND then the other footballers will show their homophobia - currently hidden because Spencer is a Straight Gay - and not want him on the team, and he couldn't handle that. Forcing season 3 flashbacks away, we can't pick a side. Sam then argues that it doesn't matter what they think because if you're a leader you can bring them round and that ND is a place that doesn't force you to be anything so you can discover who you want to be. Look at the shirt - that's Finn, his best friend, and *the* Quarterback, but he became so much more and lead so many people. Don't want to let him down. Spencer ponders the inevitable as we go to break.
We return to see Kitty enter the choir room as do the others. Madison tries to mock the fact that Kitty said she'd never come back, Kitty saying that someone needed to stop her from marrying her brother shutting her up. Rachel, doing nothing because Kitty is awesome, is then told by Roderick that there's a police officer waiting in her office. It's Hitchcock-we've-forgotten-his-character's-name. The Deaf Choir leader. Their funding got dumped and he had to find part time work elsewhere. He says that maybe they ran away back to New York, where they belong, unlike her, and maybe she's the one who kidnapped them, crazy after her show failed and jealous of having friends more talented than her. Ah, yes, now we remember that he never liked Rachel. She storms out, appearing in the choir room as Kitty hands out the new set lists (there's only one requirement to be in New Directions, you don't even have to sing, you just have to learn songs like stupidly quickly).
When ND objects, Kitty brings them to heel, then Rachel admits that while having Sue for an enemy isn't exactly pleasant, in the end, better to fight and lose than not fight at all. This of course leads to an 11th-Hour Ranger arriving, we of course know who, and he proceeds to organize the music as we cut back to Klaine, and a montage of them getting worse the longer they spend in the elevator. Cut to backstage, where Rachel goes to say sorry to Will for wanting him to throw the competition. Will's still mad, and Rachel looks clueless, so he says he caught Sam stealing his mail and they both realize that Sue was, as she did every season with Rachel and Mercedes, pitting them against each other. Will tells her to appreciate Sue, too, saying the best nemesis make for the best heroes. Back to the elevator, where Sue decides to pump gas through the vents. The kind that activate pheromones. You know, not appreciating Sue right now. Neither are Klaine as we go to break.
We return to the stage where the invitational concludes with the home team. However, Sue is obviously unprepared for the emotional onslaught as ND hit her with Roxette, George Michael (RIP), and Air Supply. As New Directions sings their first song, Klaine decide to just kiss for Sue (music still playing, of course) and she lets them go, clearly the intent was for a kiss to unlock the feelings they and everyone know are still there. She'll be proven right of course, but for now Klaine hurriedly arrive to the auditorium where Sue smiles at them. Rachel and Sam try to catch them up, but send them away to finish getting dressed, as ND continues. Noah Guthrie kills as always as we see exactly what Sue's triggers are. Namely, the concession speeches of Bob Dole, John McCain, and Mitt Romney. During the last song, Sue sits down and begins to cry. We weep as well, because not only did we get decent performances, but did you notice the main cast didn't sing at all this episode? We're about to have a coronary, thank god for this break.
We're recovered enough for the home stretch, with the Warblers third, Vocal Adrenaline second, and of course, who else wins? I mean, "I don't know how they did it because they were sitting on stools, singing in unison!". Clint isn't happy with Will again, and as he leaves Sue arrives, claiming the ND performance purged her anger. That and she will cut Will if he leaves a fork again. Yes. Cut to her office, where she's summoned Klaine. She says that they should thank her, and Blaine does ("don't thank her!"), but they say that they're just friends. Sue of course then denies any knowledge of there even being an elevator. Cut to her shutting down her hurt locker (this'll bite her later), Becky thinking it's because she's cutting her losses, but Sue says she has more plans and more time, pointing at a calendar that reveals that in-universe, despite what we originally thought, the school year is only to October 2014. However, it serves as a sight gag, as she states she has six weeks of scheming left. There is literally No Fourth Wall anymore. Cut to the choir room, where ND put up their trophy. Spencer bitches about how it's not a real trophy, but Bitch Kitty can kittybitch with the best of them, as she makes it clear she will insult all of them because that what she does, but there is to be no badmouthing what they do as a team. Roderick gives props, Mason whispers about how Rachel makes everything about herself (force of habit on her part), and we end with a show circle at Kurt's request, the first of the season, cementing these kids into the glee club and as True Companions.
Next Time: The parentage of our most favorite Rainbow Bicorn. And it will explain a lot about her.
- My Sharona by The Knack, performed by Skylar and the Warblers.
- You Spin Me Round (Like A Record) by Dead or Alive, performed by Skylar and the Warblers
- It Must Have Been Love by Roxette, performed by Kitty and Spencer with New Directions.
- Father Figure by George Michael, performed by Roderick with New Directions.
- All Out Of Love by Air Supply, performed by Jane, Madison and Mason with New Directions.
- Ambiguously Gay: Though Super Gay Warbler and Other Really Gay Warbler claim to both have girlfriends, they come across as super gay.
- Bizarro Episode: By Glee's new standards. It's the first episode in three seasons where neither Blaine or Rachel have sung. It's the first time since he appeared that Blaine has gone more than one episode without a song, and it's the only episode where none of the main cast sing.
- Breaking the Fourth Wall: Sue plays footage of Klaine, including some Imagine Spot and Dream Sequence parts, which Becky mentions.
- Creator Cameo: Michael Hitchcock returns in his final appearance as Dalton Rumba.
- 11th-Hour Ranger: Kitty and Spencer.
- Fandom Nod:Kitty: (to Rachel) The world's rooting for you and Quinn Fabray.
- Foreshadowing: Sue says that the show will go on and New Directions will perform even if one of their coaches get kidnapped, looking right at Kurt who looks worried. Guess.
- Fourth-Wall Observer: Sue. She literally says they have six or seven (it was six) weeks left depending on the Network.
- Getting Crap Past the Radar: There was some last episode, but not quite as much as Sue suggesting two boys will be sleeping inside each other. Just imagine how they would do that.
- Homage: To Saw.
- Implausible Deniability: Sue apparently not knowing about the elevator trap.
- Les Yay: Rachel to Kitty, and Kitty's comment about Quinn.
- MayDecember Romance: Kurt, aged 20, and Walter (old boyfriend), aged 50-*mumble*. Played by the 63-year-old Harry Hamlin.
- Nightmare Fuel: Page image, made worse with context.
- No Fourth Wall
- The Quarterback: Discussed. Spencer wants to be starting QB, but Sam wants him to show he can make a stand before he'll give him the position, so gives him a Rousing Speech:Spencer: Well, now that Beiste is gone and you're coach, I assumed I'm gonna be starting QB, so I got to be ready, right?Sam: Yeah, um, actually, I kind of changed my mind about that. [...] You got the arm for it, but, uh, quarterbacks are leaders, not cowards. [...] Look, man. Every movement needs a leader, someone to step out in the light and say, "Hey, this is me. This is who I am, and this is what I stand for." Look, I get it, high school is tough, but you can do this, and they will lose their judgment as soon as you lose yours. I got your back here, dude And that guy right there, Finn, was one of my best friends, and he was the quarterback here, and when he joined the glee club, it changed everything here forever. Pick up where he left off, and it'll be the best thing that's ever happened to you.
- Reality Subtext: As we've established, Becca Tobin and Lea Michele bonded over the deaths of their respective boyfriends. Their closeness is also shown throughout this season, starting in this episode.
- Take That, Audience!/Straw Fan: Like the last episode, using Sue as a model of Klaine shippers.
- Transparent Closet: By this episode, everyone but the writers (maybe) thinks that Quinn likes girls. Kitty's also rather convinced that Rachel may have a thing for blonde cheerleaders and that this isn't news, either.
- Twincest Subtext: Kitty calls the McCarthys "creepy Jaime and Cersei Lannister".