Business begins with Finn informing the viewers that he made a sandwich. Truly, riveting information. However, this is not a Lady Gaga-style sandwich, you understand, just an ordinary grilled cheese sandwich. Except, this sandwich turns out to be a Very Important Sandwich, because Finn sees Jesus in his sandwich. No, he didn't take anything before he made it... I think, you can never be too sure when it comes to young Finnegan. Anyway, Finn, not usually one for the spiritual, bows before the holy consumable, declaring it a "Grilled Cheesus" and asking it to let the football team win in return for Finn making sure the Glee club will honor Jesus, amen. Cut to the field where, surprise surprise, the literal "Hail Cheesus" play works. Score one for the sacred sandwich as we hit the Title Card.
Burt's Tire Shop. Kurt arrives, apparently Burt forgot to eat, so he is handed egg whites on a wheat tortilla, yum yum. Burt is not happy, seems he prefer Coke and Slim Jims, truly a part of a balanced breakfast. Kurt insists he takes care of himself and when you factor in this week's theme and certain revelations later on, you know this will lead to a hoisted petard. Burt tells Kurt that Carole and Finn are coming over, seems they've cooled on the moving in idea for obvious reasons, at least for now. Kurt says no can do, a local theater is doing a sing-along The Sound of Music. Burt says that he and Kurt always have dinners together, but Kurt is dismissive, saying he's a teenager; when Burt tries to say that it's sacred, he's blown off. Yep, this isn't gonna end well.
In the sacred choir room, Finn says he has a revelation and no Puck, he's not coming out. At least not like that, as Finn reveals he found Jesus Christ. This lights up Quinn's face at least, as Finn offers a week-long tribute. Kurt objects, saying that if he wanted to sing songs about Jesus, he'd go to church, and he doesn't go to church because churches are bitchy to gays and women and science. Mercedes, as you'd expect, disagrees, wanting some church up in here. Quinn speaks up, saying God's helped her and she wants to repay. Santana retorts about Beth being a lizard baby, while evidently Brittany falls asleep when she prays. Sweet Brit-Brit. Will offers a compromise: not specifically gospel songs, but spirituals nonetheless. Puck rolls eyes; when Finn catches him, Puck makes a point that maybe spirituality is enjoying the life you've been given, while Rachel retorts about that being a stupid line of thinking. Puck responds with some Billy Joel, at one point singing right in Quinn's face as she smirks and the rest dance. Okay, show? You've already made it clear they're not getting together, stop with the Ship Tease, at least for now. Afterwards, we cut to Kurt ignoring and looking at his phone.
And here's where we get the hoisted petard. Burt is doing business when he grimaces, dismissing it as mere indigestion... only to then promptly hit the ground. Cut to dutch angles as Emma slo-mos down the hallways to tell Will, who finds Kurt seemingly not caring about his own health by speaking French to Azimio. We see Wemma enter the frame, as the dialog is rendered faint to convey the seriousness of the situation. Cut to Kurt and Wemma in the hospital waiting room, pacing, before a nurse arrives with the results: an arrhythmia cut off blood flow to the brain rendering him comatose. Cut to Burt in the bed and Kurt wants alone time. Wemma departs as Kurt tearfully asks Burt to squeeze his hand. Colfer is just doing werk here.
And now, Mood Whiplash as we return to Finnegan and his newly saran-wrapped Grilled Cheesus. He again bows before the sacred sandwich, asking it for a sign that Rachel will let him grope her. Okay, Finn? Your possible stepfather is in a coma, your possible stepbrother is falling apart, and all you can think about is second base. Finn, you're an idiot; yes, it's not entirely surprising that Finn would ask that, but for fuck's sake Hudson. And you wonder why people thought you were an asshole before the lord takes you home in three years time.
However, as we'll see, turns out Finn was in fact the last to know, as we cut to a lone Kurt in the choir room, before the rest of ND (minus Finn) enter and offer sympathies, Brittany even saying heart attacks are from loving too much. Finn arrives snorting fire, seems he was affronted and thought they were sort of a family, Burt being the closest thing he's got to a father. Kurt lets him sit next to him as an apology. When Will enters, Mercedes tries to convey her feelings in proper style, but Kurt just feels worse because he's an atheist in a school of religious kids. A gay atheist, at that. Poor bastard.
Seriously, was Ryan Murphy sitting down every week trying to think up new ways to make Chris Colfer regret signing the contract or something? 'Cause it sure as shit seemed like it. And yes folks, it will get worse as the series progresses.
Now, in all this religious talk, we can't have God without Satan, therefore Here's Susie. Sue is in Figgins' office and she does provide a valid point; that schools can't endorse one religion over another, or religions over atheism. Therefore, no religious songs should be played. Figgins won't do anything unless there's a proper complaint. Cut toFinchel, Rachel hiding her feelings behind her ego as a defense mechanism. She wants to make sure that when she loses her virginity at 25 (or 18), and wins a bunch of Tony's, that she wants her kids raised Jewish. Finn, of course, only hears the words "no" "sex" and "25" and his brain explodes. They make out, Finn's hands slowly sliding to below Rachel's neck, where she takes them and places them accordingly. Score two for the sandwich. Maybe it does have some Gaga in it.
Cut to the Tracksuit Tower, where Sue interrogates Brittana, them saying Kurt's an atheist. Cut to Kurt in the office, Sue saying she can't go to the board without a complaint, and that she actually has non-dubious motives. Cut to Emma railing on Sue for cutting the religious music. Sue responds with a Freudian Excuse: as a child, she worshipped her sister Jean, but she realized that Jean wasn't the same as everyone else, so people were mocking her. Sue prayed and prayed to God to make Jean normal, but to no avail. And then Sue realized that it wasn't that God wasn't answering her prayers, it was that God didn't exist. Sue tells Emma that asking people to believe in a fantasy is cruel, just as cruel as saying that someone's going to Hell for not believing in your religion. Back in the choir room, Tina complains about how last week they were too sexy, now they're too religious. Will says that they can sing religious songs as much as they like, just not at school. Kurt is thrilled, not having to listen about how God exists when he obviously doesn't.
Locker Room. Finn's brought Grilled Cheesus along and prays that he makes quarterback again. Puck walks in and promptly asks what even the fuck is he doing, and Finn lies and says he's praying for Burt. Cut to a lake where Finchel sit, Rachel offering Streisand to the heavens as tribute for Burt. As this goes on, we intercut the song over later on, where Finchel joins Carole, Mercedes, and Quinn in a prayer circle. Okay, solely on the basis of not respecting Kurt's wishes, Finchel/Faberry, Mercedes, and Carole, you're all idiots. He seems to agree, waiting until Rachel's done singing to boot them all out after bringing in an acupuncturist who he thought might be able to help.
After the break, we are on the field, quarterback Sam announcing the play before breaking the huddle, only for Finn to stop and suggest a new strategy. Let's see, you prayed for a win and you got it. You prayed for second base and you got it. Praying to be QB again? We find deities works in mysterious ways, as Finn indeed becomes quarterback again, and that all it took was Sam popping his shoulder out of the socket. Score three for the really bitchy sandwich.
Back in the choir room, Will congratulates Finn on becoming QB again and leading the team to victory, Puck pointing out how tragic it is that Sam had to get screwed over before Finn could be QB. Kurt then thanks everyone for their kind thoughts and says that Burt's condition hasn't changed. He then tells them a story, about how when Kurt was at his mother's funeral, he wanted his father to say something to him, and his father reached down and took his hand, and then Kurt knew everything would be OK because his father would be there for him. And then he performs the relevant Beatles and makes everyone weep. In the hallway, Mercedes approaches Kurt and tells him that while she knows he's in a bad state, it's like she doesn't know how to be around him. Kurt says that he knows he shouldn't push his friends away. She invites him to her church, because she's got the minister to dedicate the service to Burt. Kurt initially says no until Mercedes tells him he can wear a fabulous hat. He's in.
Emma's office. Finn explains how he's upset that Sam got hurt because of him. He tells her about the sandwich, and she points out several very relevant things: they won the game because they actually have a competent coach, Rachel let him feel her up because he actually listened to her and gave her something she wanted, and Sam got put out of action because he got tackled, not because of a sandwich. Finnegan now feels upset because his faith's been punctured, saying he was happy because he thought God spoke to him, but now he feels like he's floating in space. Emma reassures him otherwise. Emma: 1. Sandwich: 0. Finn then starts performing the relevant R.E.M.; we all know it's got nothing to do with religion, but Finn's a literal guy. He ends up performing it in the choir room, where ND's upset because they weren't supposed to sing songs about religion. Will asks Finn what the song meant to him. Finn says that he used to think that God was watching over him, but now he's not so sure.
In church, Mercedes leads Kurt in, and he is indeed wearing a Very Fabulous Hat. Mercedes addresses the church, asking them to focus their prayers on Burt. She tells Kurt that while she accepts that he doesn't believe in God, everyone has to believe in something. Then she and the choir perform the Simon and the Garfunkel while Kurt gets a nod from a woman wearing the same Very Fabulous Hat. Cut to Sue playing checkers with Jean. She asks if Jean believes in God. Jean asks Sue the same question and then asks why when Sue says no. Sue says that it's because she saw how cruel the world was to Jean. Jean says that God doesn't make mistakes and offers to pray for Sue. Sue says it would be nice.
We start the home stretch in Burt's hospital room, Kurt telling him about how he went to Mercedes' church, and how he remembered an incident that occurred after the funeral; namely, how after his wife died, Burt tried to cook for Kurt, wanting to retain a sense of normalcy. Kurt finally ends up telling Burt that he believes in Burt, and he believes in Kurt and Burt, and he's sorry he never got to tell Burt that. And then, because a Downer Ending would just be a little too much in this case, he feels Burt's hand move. Kurt calls for a nurse. And as we intercut with Finn finally eating the sandwich, we go into the relevant Osbourne, only for Sue to walk into the auditorium. Will asks her if she's going to turn them in, and she says no. Whatever you believe in, life moves on.
Next Time: A new member, and old behavioral patterns.
Songs performed in this episode:
- "Only The Good Die Young" by Billy Joel, performed by Puck
- "I Look To You" by Whitney Houston, performed by Mercedes
- "Papa, Can You Hear Me?" from Yentl, performed by... if it's Streisand, guess.
- "I Want To Hold Your Hand" by The Beatles, performed by Kurt
- "Losing My Religion" by R.E.M., performed by Finn
- "Bridge Over Troubled Water" by Simon & Garfunkel, performed by Mercedes and the church choir
- "One Of Us" by Joan Osbourne, performed by New Directions
This Episode contains examples of
- Incest Subtext: I get what they were trying to go for with "I Want to Hold your Hand", but perhaps they should've considered changing some of the words. Given that Kurt is singing it about his father, lines like "please say to me, you'll let me be your man" and "and when I touch you I feel happy inside" sound a little, weird.