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Recap / Father Ted S 2 E 3 Tentacles Of Doom

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Unfortunately for Father Jack, only one of those new phrases will be any help when it comes to obtaining alcohol.
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A trio of Bishops are coming to Craggy Island to promote the Holy Stone of Clonrichert into a Class-Two holy relic. Ted does not look forward to the visit, given the eccentricities of the parochial house's residents. Of particular issue is Father Jack, whom Ted tries to train into controlling his bad habits and deflecting questions.

On the day of the visit, the Bishops spend some time with the priests. Dougal gets to talking with Bishop O'Neill about how there's no proof that God truly exists, causing O'Neill to put his faith into serious question. Ted's time with Bishop Jordan ends unexpectedly when he dies of shock from a sewer grate spraying water into his robes (caused from an earlier attempt to fix the parochial house's toilet). And despite Jack's willingness to behave after Ted's training, Bishop Facks' exuberance and incessant finger-poking sets him off, prompting a very painful retaliation. By the end of the day, Facks is in the ambulance to have the Holy Stone removed from his rear, O'Neill has renounced his faith and is now a hippie, and Jordan's dead body is being hauled off to the funeral home. In Ted's words, "That went pretty well, I thought."

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Tropes featured in this episode:

  • A Rare Sentence: 'Bishops love sci-fi!'
  • Artistic License – Religion: In the Catholic Church, a Second-Class relic would be something a saint often used or wore. It is hard to think of how such a large stone could be either.
  • Ass Shove: Jack, Bishop Facks, and the Holy Stone of Clonrichert. Mercifully offscreen.
  • Blind Without 'Em: After a dog stole her contacts, Mrs Doyle is almost blind even with her glasses.
  • Chekhov's Gun: Or rather Chekhov's Flushing Toilet Outlet.
  • Failed a Spot Check: Dougal is watching for the arrival of the bishops through a pair of binoculars. He turns to find them watching him from the sofa.
  • Mundane Made Awesome: Bishop Fack's final finger poke.
  • Nice Job Breaking It, Hero!: The bishops' visit to Craggy island ends with one dead, one a hippy and the other with a Class Two relic in his rectum.
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  • Pygmalion Plot: Ted tries his best to make Jack presentable and coherent for the bishops' visit with elocution lessons and a wash and brush-up.
  • Rage Breaking Point: When Bishop Facks' incessant finger-waving in Jack's face culminates in an epic poke on the shoulder, Jack snatches up the Holy Stone in rage and shoves it someplace unspeakable.
  • Rule of Three: Bishop Facks, Bishop O'Neill and Bishop Jordan.
  • Schmuck Bait: When Ted sticks his head in the broken toilet Dougal pulls the chain and the toilet flush miraculously works. Lampshaded by Ted:
    Ted: Maybe it only works when my head is in it!
  • Shout-Out: The Ferrero Roche pyramid and Bishop O'Neill's line about it was a reference to a famous ad for the product that was on British TV in the 1990s.
  • Tempting Fate: Just as Ted reassures himself that the bishops will see nothing out of the ordinary, Jack sticks his head into the fireplace to light his cigarette and comes out with the top of his head on fire.
  • Truth in Television: The Catholic Church does indeed classify relics but the Holy Stone would be Second-Class and not 'Class Two'.
  • Wild Card Excuse: To keep him from responding to the Bishops in his usual foul manner, Ted teaches Jack to reply to any question asked of him with "That would be an ecumenical matter." It works... up to a point, which Bishop Facks learns painfully.

That would be an ecumenical matter!
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