Original air date: May 3, 2009
Brian dates Lauren Conrad, who turns out to be a closeted genius while Brian's old girlfriend, Jillian, is engaged to the perfect man.
This episode contains examples of:
- Did Not Get the Girl: Brian spends the episode trying to win Jillian back, but she ends up marrying Derek. He also loses Lauren Conrad since he gave her worms.
- Epic Fail: At dinner, Derek catches the glassware that the waiter drops. Brian tries to replicate that feat so he trips the waiter, but is only able to grab part of a glass while the rest shatters.
- Insufferable Genius: Lauren constantly corrects everyone, much to their annoyance.
- Male Restroom Etiquette: When Derek says he needs the restroom, Brian says he is going in as well. Stewie tells him he shouldn't do that and when Brian says he is doing that to see if Derek has any shortcomings, he points out that is even worse.
- Obfuscating Stupidity: Lauren Conrad is a genius who only pretends to be dumb because America doesn't like intelligent people.
- Operation: Jealousy: Brian wants Jillian to notice him and Lauren suggests that he remind his ex how much she misses him. Stewie says the best way is by going on a date with a beautiful woman.Brian: What is this gonna do?
Stewie: It's gonna make her jealous. You, out on the town with a hot date.
Brian: How are you a hot date?
Stewie: Whoa! You're angry at her, not me. No wonder you're alone.
- Purely Aesthetic Glasses: Brian tries to show Lauren how smart he is by taking out glasses to read. When she asks when he got reading glasses, he says he always wore them. She points out she knows they aren't real as she can see the Austin Powers logo.
- Something Something Leonard Bernstein: Peter promises as a wedding singer you'll be able to understand all the words, not like Sting where you can only understand the last three.
- What Could Have Been: Originally, this episode was going to be called "An American Dog in Paris" and be centered on Brian dating Paris Hilton to get back at Jillian. It was changed to Lauren Conrad because the real Paris Hilton turned down the chance to voice herself on the show.