Title: They Call Me Mayday
Directed by: James Burrows
Written by: Earl Pomerantz
Air Date: December 8, 1983
Previous: They Called Me Mayday
Next: Just Three Friends
Guest Starring: Harry Anderson
"How Do I Love Thee, Let Me Call You Back" is the 10th episode of the second season of Cheers.
Diane gets Sam two tickets to the Marvin Hagler middleweight championship fight. Sam, ecstatic, embraces his girlfriend and says "Diane, I love you!"
This, naturally, hits Diane like a ton of bricks. She regards it as a serious moment and has to talk about What It All Means when Sam for his part doesn't even realize what he said. This gets Sam into trouble with Diane and he gets into more trouble when he blurts out that saying "I love you" is just a line that he uses to score with women.
Diane decides that if they can't figure out why they're together and what they're doing, they should break up. Eventually, Sam and Diane decide to take a week off from each other and think about what their relationship means and why they're together. It was Sam's idea, but when the seven days are up he flies into a panic, because he can't think of anything.
- Cannot Spit It Out: Poor Sam turns out to be (literally!) unable to fully say "I love you" to Diane: "I lo... I lo..."
- Diane understands. In fact, she's actually delighted with the fact:
- Then Diane announces to the rest of the bar:Diane: Sam can't say he loves me!
Carla: Who can?
- Comforting Comforter: Maybe if Diane could have seen how Sam gently rearranged her on the couch and covered her with a blanket after she passed out drunk, she wouldn't have worried so much.
- Drowning My Sorrows: After their conversation in the office about their relationship ends in failure, a distraught Diane gets good and drunk in her apartment. When Sam shows up after the boxing fight she's drinking white wine straight from the bottle and singing Bob Dylan's "Just Like a Woman".
- Hypocritical Humor: Sam tells Diane that he won't stand for an ultimatum.Sam: You give me an ultimatum, and we're through.
- Percussive Pickpocket: The gang plays a prank on Harry the Hat (Harry Anderson) in which they give him a trick wallet that bursts into flame. Naturally Harry, feigning delight over his gift, slaps Sam on the back—and switches out Sam's full-of-money wallet for the trick one.
- Shout-Out: The title is a shout-out to Elizabeth Barrett Browning's poem "How Do I Love Thee, Let Me Count the Ways".