- Date First Aired: 26/12/1989
The festive season is upon us, and as the girls discuss the gifts they will give to everyone, Tracey opens a letter from Darryl. The letter in question contains two tickets for a Christmas cruise on the SS Dana Anglia, apparently the last thing Darryl did before he committed Bank Robbery.
At the prison, Darryl insists that the other ticket that can't be used is to be used for Garth, although Tracey is worried about Sharon. However, this plan is derailed when Garth reveals by telephone that he's going on a choir trip to Germany. With this in mind, Tracey sadly laments that Christmas is ruined and decides not to go.
However, Dorien and Sharon won't have any of it and try to get her to go. When this doesn't work, Dorien then offers to buy the tickets off of Tracey, much to Sharon's annoyance. However, she also gives them passes to the ship to see her and Marcus off.
At the cruise, Dorien shows them around the boat and is able to guilt Tracey until admitting that she wishes that she could have gone on the cruise. Afterwards, as the ship begins to depart, it's revealed that Dorien manipulated events to get them on the cruise in the end. With this in mind, they decide to have a wonderful cruise.
Tropes In This Episode:
- Ass Shove:
- Tracey offers a prison guard a metal tube and tells him to stick it up his ass.
- When putting an angel on top of Tracey and Sharon's Christmas tree, Dorien spreads the angel's legs and jams it on top.
- Brick Joke: The first scene has Sharon being burnt by a faulty lighter. Later in the episode it gets Dorien as well.
- Brief Accent Imitation: Tracey briefly adopts an upper-class accent to sound posher.
- Cheating with the Milkman: Dorien mentions inviting a postman inside to "warm him up".
- Christmas Episode: The first of the series, it focuses on Tracey getting tickets for a Christmas cruise from Darryl and having to decide whether she wants to use them or not.
- Continuity Nod: The prison guard Tracey kneed in the balls in the last episode still has it out for her.
- Cruise Episode: Tracey receives tickets to a romantic cruise on the Dana Anglia. Although she initially refuses to go, Dorien devises a plan to get her and Sharon on board the ship. The last minutes of the episode are also set on the ship as they prepare to enjoy the cruise.
- Deadpan Snarker: Tracey is this in full force in the first scene.Sharon: Is that you Trace?Tracey: No, it's the Virgin Mary and I'm lookin' for me donkey.
- Early Instalment Weirdness:
- Sharon mentions Auntie Sylvie is agoraphobic, something which is never mentioned when she finally appears later in the series.
- Until the ITV run, this episode was the only Christmas Episode to not be an Extra-Long Episode. It's also the first Christmas Episode to have been produced.
- Fee Fi Faux Pas: Tracey makes a comment about "splashing out". Sharon, who is upset that Tracey gave away tickets to a cruise, gets annoyed with her for this.
- Fire Alarm Distraction: Inverted when Dorien sets a fire alarm off using the faulty lighter to get Tracey's attention.
- Funny Background Event: Sharon mocks Tracey behind her back when she uses a high-class voice to talk to Garth's headmaster on the phone.
- Gold Digger: According to Dorien, one of the perks of a cruise is being able to pick between all the rich old widowed men. Sharon agrees with her.
- Meaningful Gift: Tracey gives Darryl a video Walkman for Christmas, so that he can listen to the football. He is genuinely pleased with this gift, although the moment is ruined when one of the officers try to nick it.
- Non-Indicative Title: Despite the title of the episode, at no point does any sailing occur or is discussed. Perhaps "Cruising" would've been a more appropriate title?
- One-Word Title: The title of the episode is "Sailing".
- Pet the Dog: Dorien manipulates events so that Tracey and Sharon have a nice cruise together with their best interests genuinely in mind.
- Pizza Boy Special Delivery: Dorien mentions having sex with a visiting milkman.
- Pun: Sharon buys a knock-off lighter which is apparently indistinguishable from the real thing. When it burns her, Tracey mentions they should say it's inextinguishable.
- Season Finale: Of Series 1.
- Shout-Out:
- Sharon makes a joke about The Great Train Robbery.
- Tracey lies to Garth's headmaster that he loves Def Leppard.
- Tracey wears a jumper with Mickey Mouse on it.
- Sharon tries to guilt trip Tracey by listing works set on boats (The Poseidon Adventure, Mutiny on the Bounty, The Love Boat and Carry On Cruising).
- The Shut-In: It's briefly mentioned that Auntie Sylvie is so agoraphobic that the sisters had to send in the Christmas turkey limb by limb through the mailbox for her. Notably, this is a trait which never appears again for her.
- Special Edition Title: Instead of the usual (for the time) credits of the sisters going down a dark hallway, the credits are instead set to footage of the ship leaving for a cruise, with "Merry Christmas, Everyone" playing over it instead of the usual theme tune of "What'll I Do".
- Womanchild: Sharon tells Dorien she's like a little kid when decorating for Christmas.
