A short story. The Eighth Doctor and Charley end up in Italy, just as it's won the 1982 World Cup. The Doctor is enjoying the party, but he also senses some aliens nearby, so he merrily dashes off into the dark woods to explore. Charley wearily follows him.
They come across the first two members of an alien invasion fleet, and decide to save the day using some clever Improv. "Lady Charleyostiantayshius" pretends to be a Gallifreyan observer (silly coat and everything) while the Doctor plays her bumbling, star-struck assistant who can't help squeeing over the fabled alien fleet captain. While he makes up a story about how Earth has contracted a nasty case of "World Cup Fever" (symptoms include dancing wildly and people mashing their faces together) and gets him drunk on "medicine", Charley tells the fleet's second-in-command that his only mention in the future chronicles is of a particularly stupid pet being named after him.
All this causes the two aliens two start punching each other in the face, and with the threat of the "virus" apparently imminent, they agree to let the Doctor teleport them home. He sends them to a very uninhabited moon instead.
- Agony of the Feet: Subverted in that Thon doesn't feel a thing when a wrench falls on his foot.
- Bavarian Fire Drill
- Bluffing the Advance Scout
- Breather Episode
- Bumbling Sidekick: The Doctor pretends to be this for Charley.
- Contemplate Our Navels: The Threllip aliens.
- Deadpan SnarkerCharley: "Actually I rather fancy a moonlit stroll through an unfamiliar forest to search for some undoubtedly hostile creature."The Doctor: "Good, so do I!"
- Damned by Faint Praise: Protip: the Doctor saying you're a good Time Lady isn't a compliment, Charley.
- Distress Call
- Don't Go Into the Woods
- Gratuitous Italian
- Improv: In-universe.
- Just Following Orders: Captain Vegnorr says Thon wasn't created to anything else but.
- Living Legend: The Doctor and Charley imply Vegnorr is this.
- Obfuscating Stupidity: The Doctor.
- Out Run The Fireball: The Doctor says despite experience, it's harder than it looks.
- Sarcasm Mode
- Shaped Like Itself: The things that look like guns actually are guns.
- Team Pet
- Unsuspectingly Soused: The Doctor convinces the captain to drink lots of wine under the pretense that it's a vaccine.
- The Virus: Also known as WORLD CUP FEVER.
- The Watcher: The Doctor and "Charleyostiantayshius" pretend to be observing Vengorr and Thon.
- We Named the Monkey "Jack": Thon doesn't take it as a compliment when told Vengorr names a pet after him.
- Wig, Dress, Accent: Charley is able to pass for a Time Lady using nothing but a fancy robe, a giant head ornament and a posh attitude. The Doctor's a bit scared by how well she does and tells her she's a better Gallifreyan than he'll ever be.