The Eighth Doctor takes Charley and C'rizz to the Great Exhibition in Hyde Park. Charley already visited the Crystal Palace once, but was born long after the Exhibition ended, so she's always wanted to see the show for herself. C'rizz (reluctantly) stays behind in the TARDIS to avoid getting carted off as a freak. Almost immediately, Charley and Eight get separated in the crowd. While Charley accidentally befriends an 82-year-old Duke of Wellington, the Doctor goes off to search for her outside, and realizes he needs money to get back in. Charley and C'rizz leave the exhibition to go search for him, taking the risk of locking themselves out of the TARDIS in the process. Unfortunately, by the time Eight has spent enough time busking to earn a shilling and get back in, he gets caught up in an assassination attempt on Monsieur and Madame de Roche, envoys of Louis Napoleon. He rushes them both into his TARDIS for protection, steps out with de Roche's gun in order to hunt down the assassin, and is immediately arrested when he's mistaken for the assassin. Also, the TARDIS vworps off.
Charley — separated from C'rizz — tries to find the Duke of Wellington, but instead gets mistaken for a whore by a nasty character named Rufus Dimplesqueeze, and is forced to spend the night on the street (after telling him to sod off). C'rizz is, predictably, carted off as a freak and taken prisoner by a vaudeville exploiter named Jacob Crackles. After being forced to tear off his clothes and put on a flimsy thong, he's put into a cage with Crackles' other "actor", a dwarf named Maxi. The Doctor, meanwhile, stages a daring escape from the prison, but gets framed by the real assassin and has to be rescued by... his wife, Georgina.
Georgina's pretty mad for all intents and purposes, but Eight rolls with it. He learns that Georgina's husband Edward went missing a year before, and that she's been looking for him ever since. She assumes that her love simply has amnesia. (Also, he looks odd without his beard.) Eight is very honest with her, but can't get through to her, and finds himself forced to rely on Georgina to get anywhere at all.
The next morning, Charley manages to make her way to the Duke of Wellington's house, who's very concerned about the mysterious disappearance of Monsieur and Madame de Roche. He also quickly figures out that Charley's from the future. Charley decides to impersonate the lady, in order to avoid massive riots and international tension. While riding horseback in massive amounts of padded skirts, she sees a poster for the "HALF MAN HALF BEAST KER-IZZO" and gets the Duke to break C'rizz free. Maxi, however, has no other option in life than Happiness in Slavery, and chooses to stay with Crackles.
With C'rizz on their team, Charley and the Duke are able to fake appearances of both Monsieur and Madame de Roche — as long as C'rizz focuses on a pinkish skin colour and manages not to tear off his terrible hairpiece. The Duke convinces them to make an appearance at the Exhibition.
Meanwhile, the Doctor learns the reason Georgina wants him to be Edward: she only has the house because Edward's uncle, Rufus Dimplesqueeze, allows her to live there as long as she and Edward are married. Since she can't bear the thought of her and her children being reduced to poverty, she clung to the idea of her husband returning just in time. She eventually accepts that Eight is not her husband, but the two of them put on a convincing show and convince Dimplesqueeze to let Georgina have the house even when "Edward" is away on his travels.
In the middle of all that, C'rizz pays Crackles a visit, and grimly explains that he can save him — Crackles could become one of his eternal companions. But C'rizz decides on a Fate Worse than Death for Crackles, who soon enough wakes up to discover he can't feel his legs that his eyes are missing. Maxi's by his side, explaining that, as Crackles always said, they need each other.
Having heard that Monsieur and Madame de Roche will be at the Exhibition, the Doctor assumes his TARDIS has returned and brings the whole plot back together just in time to see the TARDIS to actually come back, Monsieur and Madame de Roche safely inside. He bids goodbye to Georgina, who almost immediately runs into the real Edward.
Tropes:
- And I'm the Queen of Sheba: Said word for word.
- Artifact Title: The "Crystal Palace" being made of steel and glass, in C'rizz's eyes.
- Bigger on the Inside: The TARDIS. Monsieur and Madame de Roche find this not unusual.
- Black Comedy: The entire episode is much Lighter and Softer than usual for Big Finish. Until C'rizz gets his revenge.
- Call-Back: The Doctor has Isomorphic controls for the TARDIS, which most people know of from "A Christmas Carol".
- Five once tried to take Nyssa and Tegan to the Great Exhibition in "Time-Flight", but the TARDIS landed at Heathrow.
- Sleep is for tortoises, eh, Doctor?
- Cool Old Guy: The Duke of Wellington.
- Dirty Old Man: Mr. Dimplesqueeze, who immediately assumes that Charley is a prostitute.
- The Dog Bites Back: C'rizz inflicts a horrible punishment on Jacob Crackles for carting him around like a carnival freak.
- Everything Sounds Sexier in French: Madelaine.
- First-Name Basis: Charley ends up forming this with the Duke of Wellington.
- The French Revolution: The time period.
- Have a Gay Old Time: At one point, C'rizz ends up in a thong, by his own words. It more than likely isn't a skimpy piece of underwear though.
- Insistent Terminology: Charley is petite, thank you very much.
- Let's Split Up, Gang!: The Doctor and Charley initially split up to explore the Great Exhibition while C'Rizz stays inside the TARDIS as he'd stand out too much, but circumstances force C'Rizz to leave before the TARDIS is activated by chance; as of mid-way through this crisis, the Doctor is in prison, Charley is on the streets, and C'Rizz is in a freak show.
- Look Behind You:
- The Doctor tells a French couple to look behind them because the guy with the gun is very real.
- Then later pulls the same trick on Griswold, The policeman is very real as well.
- Mistaken For Prostitute: Charley.
- Perfectly Cromulent Word: Jacob Crackles speaks in these.
- Pimped-Out Dress: Charley starts out the adventure in one.
- Point-and-Laugh Show: A circus of freaks variety.
- Prince and Pauper: The Doctor looks, apparently, identical to Mrs. Marlow's husband.
- Replacement Goldfish: The Doctor, for Georgina.
- Running Gag: The Show's Doctor Who? Gag is played with Doctor "What?"
- The Doctor is claimed to have Easy Amnesia (though doesn't suffer from it in story)
- Skeleton Key: The Doctor owns one.
- Spot the Impostor:
- Crackles tries to convince C'Rizz that he knows the Doctor, but exposes himself as a liar when he claims that the Doctor referred to Charley as "he" rather than "she".
- Georgina finally accepts that the Doctor isn't her husband when he starts reading the newspaper, as the real Edward was near-sighted and would have needed glasses to read the paper.
- Title Drop: C'Rizz explicitly asks if he and Charley can end these "other lives" and get back to their own.
- Unusually Uninteresting Sight: The inside of the TARDIS to the De Roches.
- Whip of Dominance: Jacob Crackles is the cruel owner of the freak show, and wields a whip to intimidate and punish some of his "freaks", including using it for his abuse of C'rizz.
