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Quotes / You Need to Get Laid

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Jack: Who makes all these [swords]?
Will: I do! And I practice with them three hours a day!
Jack: You need to find yourself a girl, mate.

Kochanski: Rimmer?
Rimmer: Yes Ma'am?
Kochanski: Have sex with someone, and that's an order.
Rimmer: Yes Ma'am, right away.
Lister: (Handing Rimmer a business card) Here, ring this number, say I sent you, tell them it's an emergency.

"That Kaiba kid needs to get laid."

"Ninety-nine percent of the trouble in the world is caused by unmarried men."
Schulz, Duel of Honor

The Eleventh Doctor: I'm 907 years old! Do you understand what that means?!
Amy: It's been a while?
The Eleventh Doctor: Ye-No, no, no!
Doctor Who, "Flesh and Stone"

"No, I don't think I will kiss you, although you need kissing, badly. That's what's wrong with you. You should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how."
Rhett Butler, Gone with the Wind

"You don't have any place to channel all that adolescent frustration boiling inside you. Isn't that what's really fueling all this impulsive behaviour? Snap out of it. Go find yourself a good-looking guy and let him walk you home from school. Heck, go see a movie with him on Sunday or something."
Kyon, Haruhi Suzumiya

"I really didn't come here looking to fight you... but if it's some one-on-one you want, I hear you have a great red light district."
Maeda Keiji, Sengoku Basara anime

"Still, a man like you and it's been four years. I have immense personal respect for you, wizard, but that's just....sad."
Lara Raith, White Night

Lady Macbeth: My plan will work! Macbeth just needs to screw his courage to his sticking place!
Lady Macbeth: (gasps)
Sassy Gay Friend: Yeah. I said it. Because, sister, you need a hobby or an orgasm, stat.

Jubilee: I mean, even if Scott and Jean have been having sex all this time, I don’t see how it hurts anybody. Hell, I can see some benefits to it!
Bobby: Yeah, maybe that was why they were so uptight to begin with! They just needed to get laid!

#228. I cannot use my time machine to hire Hitler a hooker in 1920, thus avoiding WW2.

"Life is short. If you have not made love recently, please, put down this book, and take care of that with all haste. Find a wanton lass or a frisky lad, or several, in whatever combination your wise loins direct, and do not under any circumstances play hard to get. Our struggle against the colossal forces of oppression can wait."
"Good. Welcome back."

"Honey, you need to get laid."
"Why don't you speak a little louder, Lanie?" she whispered. "I don't think the guys in Canada were able to hear you."
"Oh, I don't know," the gorgeous brown-haired waiter said as he stopped by their table. "They're probably headed south even as we speak."

Iroh: There are a lot of pretty girls here, Zuko. You could settle down here, and you could have a blessed life. You don't have to continue this, Zuko.
Zuko: We'll catch him [the Avatar] soon, Uncle. Then we could think about the pretty girls.

"On the other hand, maybe all of this could have been avoided if you had just managed to get laid once in a while. You can't even tell me you'd be this tightly wound if you were receiving Treasure Type O regularly."
Roy Greenhilt, The Order of the Stick, to Miko Miyazaki following her fall.

"This is the episode that seals the deal as far as Harry being a useless chump is concerned…he had the chance to get down and dirty with Seven of Nine but instead chose to run away little a frightened little boy. Surely this guy cannot be any more wet? Every time Harry gets angry or upset like he does in sickbay when Tom cracks some Borg jokes I always want to slap him around the face with a wet halibut. I can’t decide whether it is Garrett Wang’s performance or the character but he is so earnest about everything you just want to make him do something really bad to make sure he is definitely a human being. Only Harry Kim would have midnight inspiration about reconfiguring astrometric projectors! Most normal guys just have a wank."
Doc Oho on Star Trek: Voyager, "Revulsion"

And so Fire Lord Sozin was left with a harem containing nothing but oversized pillows.
A week later he had drawn up a first draft of plans to conquer the world.

"Ah, my favourite; the old 'You need to get laid'. Because, apparently, I've never had sex, and only people who had sex like poorly, lazily produced pop music. If I had known that, I would've never ever had sex in my life, but luckily, 'stupid' is not a sexually-transmitted disease, and I'm fine. I find this argument usually comes from people who are virgins themselves; people who believe 'sex solves everything', because if they ever had sex, they know that it doesn't change the way you perceive music, movies, TV shows, sports, or anything else people like to use this argument for."

"Connor, you should get out more. Go to a bar, meet a nice girl, life will seem a whole lot less confusing to you then."
Nick Cutter, Primeval

When I was a little lad,
So my mother told me,
That if I didn't kiss a girl
Me lips would all grow mouldy.
— "Haul away Joe", a sea shanty

"Ha, the Shinji Effect. She [Asuka] is even being nice to Rei... She starts being nice to her in RE-TAKE as well. Maybe banging Shinji makes her docile..."

"Go ahead and try to hit me if you’re able.
Can’t you see that my relationship is stable?
I can see you hate the way we intermingle.
But I think you’re just mad ‘cause you’re single."
Garnet, Steven Universe

“Well, His Majesty knows because it happened on Avalon, and therefore he knows about it. And what he said and your reactions made it easy for me to figure it out. Congratulations, by the way. You both look so damn happy I’m envious all over again. You two both needed last night, I think. You’re practically glowing, and giving off a cloud of very specific pheromones so powerful I’m practically getting a contact high from standing downwind of you. Every Imperial here is going to be able to tell because of things like that. There’s also the hundred subtle cues of posture, facial expression, and body language that tell say, trained psychiatrists, for example, that things between you two are different from yesterday.”
Ching, A Crown of Stars, chapter 43

Woman Journalist: Tell me, Mr. Bowman, in your opinion do these men climb to prove their manhood, or is it more a matter of compensating for inferiority feelings?
Ben Bowman: Lady, why don't you go get yourself screwed? It would do you a lot of good.
The Eiger Sanction (1975)

This led directly into a new Uncanny X-Men, with Cyclops the mutant revolutionary rock star at its center. In a little over a decade, Scott Summers went from boring boy scout to jaw-dropping, unapologetic cover boy. All it took was a little kinky sex.
Rowan Kaiser summing up Cyclops' post-2000s characterization

Doctor Fate: Order shall prevail!
Green Arrow: You really need to get laid.

There was spring, a man's love, his heat and his strength, his smell, the joy of taking and being taken, everything you don't know, that you're dying to know and never will. You must not be attractive in bed if your husband prefers boys.
Marguerite de Bourgogne to Isabelle de France (her sister-in-law, married to the homosexual Edward II of England), The Accursed Kings

''It's hard not to look all all these war games about Russia invading America and not be reminded of fan-fiction. America is a fat teenage virgin lying on her front on her bed staring up at her Edward and Bella poster while crossing and uncrossing her ankles and dreamily writing creepy stories about having filthy monkey sex with the quiet, Eastern European boy down the road. And the child psychologist hired by her concerned parents gives the following advice: "What this girl needs is a good hard dicking!"
Ben 'Yahtzee' Croshaw, Zero Punctuation, "Review of Call of Duty: Black Ops"

Having sex could make a nice man out of the meanest!
The Lonely Island, "I Just Had Sex"


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