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"Yup, Phyllis called me Michael. And I will always and forever be haunted by that fact."
Jim Halpert, The Office (US), "Survivor Man"

Jesper: For Saints’ sake, Kaz, how long are you going to make me pay for a little forgiveness?
Kaz: What do you think my forgiveness looks like, Jordie?
Jesper: Who the hell is Jordie?

Kirito: NYAAAGH!! SUCK IT ROSALIA!!
Asuna: I love you too, Kiri-Wait, WHAT? WHO THE FUCK IS ROSALIA?!
Kirito: Um, nobody. It just slipped out. (Asuna builds up an attack) Wait nonono Asuna I can explai-!note 

Emily: You are becoming more like your mother with every passing day.
Rory: And you are becoming more like my mother's mother with every passing day. [...]
Emily: And no more sleepovers are Paris's house.
Rory: Grandma, I'll go wherever I want whenever I want, and I haven't been sleeping at Paris's house three nights a week, I've been at Logan's!
Emily: When your father gets home, we are going to talk about the house rules and make sure we're on the same page once and for all!
Rory: ...you mean my grandfather?

Marge: Bart, no!
Bart: What?
Marge: Sorry, force of habit. Lisa, no!

BALLBUSTER TORRES: Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh God, Tom!
TOM PENIS: Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh God, Sexy of Nine!
BALLBUSTER TORRES: WHAT?! You're calling HER name when you come? You petaQ!
In fury, Ballbuster sinks her teeth into Tom's ballocks.
TOM PENIS: AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH! No, I meant that Borg bitch is watching us!

“Can’t tell me wha’ t’do, Vissher S’venteen.”
I whipped back around, moving before I had time to think. My left hand was already clenched around a handful of his shirt and my right was raised in a fist before my higher brain functions caught up with what my emotions were doing. Uncle Dan was staring at me with his mouth half-open in surprise, actually focusing on me for the first time.
With effort, I lowered my hand a few inches. “I have had a really
fucking long day already,” I said through my teeth. “And I don’t feel like dealing with your bullshit. I’m going to go downstairs and get my dad, who just to be clear also should not have to deal with your bullshit, and who has also had a very long day. If you even think about calling him ‘Alahar three-eighteen’ then I am going to show you a thing or two Visser Seventeen taught me about how to break a human skull into pieces with my bare hands. Are we clear?”
Animorphs fanfic Back to the Future

Rouge: Just try my idea for once, Sonic! Uh, Shadow. Fuck. Just listen to me, like, for once! I'm sorry that I'm bad with names.
Shadow: This is the last fucking time you confuse me with that blue asshole...
Rouge: You just—
Shadow: You did it once before, you did it again—
Rouge: Listen
Shadow: You did it at our wedding, Rouge!
Rouge: You just look so much alike!

"Come, let us celebrate your win with a feast! Fire up the grill, Khush... I mean, Marco!"

Oscar: Uh, Angela? Whoa!! (Turns off her HeadBox)
Angela: Hey?! What gives?!
Oscar: Um, can you stop playing that for like two minutes and dance with me, please?
Angela: But this is what we agreed to.
Oscar: But I want you to be here with me!
Angela: I am with you.
Oscar: No! No, you're not! You're just playing your dumb game!
Angela: (gasps) Oscar, you don't mean that!
Oscar: Yes, I do! Y'know, there's more to life than video games. I thought tonight was gonna be the most special night of my life! And all I wanted was that one dance with you, Bea! (Gasp!) I-I didn't mean to say that!
Angela: ...Whoa. Bea?! Whoa! Whoa...WHOA!
Oscar: Angela, wait!
Angela: Whoa! Whoa! WHOA-HO-HO! WOWWEE! WOW, WOW!
Oscar: ...Whoa.
Fish Hooks, "Fish Prom"

Minister: Now Ross, repeat after me: I, Ross...
Ross: I, Ross...
Minister: Take thee, Emily...
Ross: Take thee, Rachel. (the congregation gasp and look around awkwardly) Emily! (chuckle) Emily.
Minister: (to Emily) Shall I go on?
Emily: Yes, yes, do go on.
Minister: I think we'd better start again. Ross, repeat after me: I, Ross...
Ross: I, Ross...
Minister: Take thee, EM-I-LY...
Ross: (glares at the minister) Take thee, Emily.

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