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Fiction
My name is Ninten. Yeah, I know, laugh all you'd like, it'll get old soon enough. My parents have sworn up and down they had no idea what sort of humiliating atrocity they'd committed when they gave me that name, insisting it means "Lucky" or something. I know better, though. My parents are just geeks.
Lillian: Wonder what I should name mine? Maybe something fire related? Fire? Flamer? Blaze?
Garcie: That's a stupid idea. Besides, who the hell names a cat Blaze?
Lillian: I guess you're right. Hmmmm...
(Meanwhile, elsewhere)
Blaze: My ears are burning. Wait, that's probably because I'm on fire.
Garcie: That's a stupid idea. Besides, who the hell names a cat Blaze?
Lillian: I guess you're right. Hmmmm...
(Meanwhile, elsewhere)
Blaze: My ears are burning. Wait, that's probably because I'm on fire.
"Weather Report is our friend." Emporio answered. "And Pucci is our, well... enemy, basically. Weather died while fighting Pucci..." At that, Emporio looked down and bit his lip harshly. "So did Foo Fighters, another friend of ours."
Jonathan, ignoring the fact that someone was named after the weather forecast he would casually read in the morning newspaper, blanched completely.
Charlotte: I'm Charlotte Blackwood.
Maverick: I'm Maverick.
Charlotte: Did your mother not like you?
Maverick: I'm Maverick.
Charlotte: Did your mother not like you?
Cherry: Ponyboy's an original name.
Ponyboy: My parents were original people.
Ponyboy: My parents were original people.
"I always wished I had one of them names like Dirk or Steele or Rock. Pinkus Ghort. My momma ought to be spanked. What the hell kind of name is Pinkus Ghort?"
"You tell me," Hecht had responded. "You made it up."
"You want to know the sick, sad truth, my friend? I didn't. It really is the one my momma hung on me. Though nobody never believes me when I tell them."
Hecht remained firmly established in that class. He was sure that Pinkus Ghort would be wanted in more than one principality farther north, under other names.
"You tell me," Hecht had responded. "You made it up."
"You want to know the sick, sad truth, my friend? I didn't. It really is the one my momma hung on me. Though nobody never believes me when I tell them."
Hecht remained firmly established in that class. He was sure that Pinkus Ghort would be wanted in more than one principality farther north, under other names.
—Glen Cook, The Instrumentalities Of The Night
"My name is Case. Philodendron Case. Thanks to my Ma. I've never even told Raven about that. That's why I joined the army. To get away from the kind of potato diggers that would stick a name like that on a kid."
—Philodendron Case, The Black Company
J.D: Who's called Lady?
Janitor: She is! She has a brother named "Him".
Janitor: She is! She has a brother named "Him".
Hawkeye: What kind of parents would name their kid B.J.?
B.J.: My mother...Bea Hunnicutt, and my father...Jay Hunnicutt.
B.J.: My mother...Bea Hunnicutt, and my father...Jay Hunnicutt.
Of course you think that, Britta. It's obvious from your name that your parents smoked pot.
—Annie Edison, Community
SCAB? Oh, GOD! Your parents must have HATED you!
—Caddicarus, in his episode entitled "The Awful World of Skateboarding Games".
Scott: Oh, hey! It's my friend; I Don't Know How I Didn't Realize I Had To Twist The Joystick In Pole Position I Was Just A Kid Leave Me Alone.
I Don't Know How I Didn't Realize I Had To Twist The Joystick In Pole Position I Was Just A Kid Leave Me Alone: I hate my parents.
I Don't Know How I Didn't Realize I Had To Twist The Joystick In Pole Position I Was Just A Kid Leave Me Alone: I hate my parents.
Gil: "Chump"?
Zeetha, daughter of Chump: A great warrior. And yes, I know what it means in your language.
Zeetha, daughter of Chump: A great warrior. And yes, I know what it means in your language.
Hogarth? What an embarrassing name. Might as well call him Zeppo or something. What kind of sick person would name a kid Hoga-
—Kent Mansley, The Iron Giant
Battler Ushiromiya. Incredible. Also incredible are the parents who stuck that name on me, and the public official who accepted it. They're all on the top of my must-kill list.
—Battler, Umineko: When They Cry
Brownbeard: I'm Brownbeard! A pirate with a bounty of over 80 million! Brownbeard-sama! Make sure you remember my name! This is my territory! What you did to my men is horrible! I'll make you pay for it in blood!
Basil Hawkins: I see. I thought I misheard it because it's such a stupid name. I don't like jokes.
Brownbeard: Jokes!?
Basil Hawkins: I see. I thought I misheard it because it's such a stupid name. I don't like jokes.
Brownbeard: Jokes!?
I'm supposed to believe that's a real name?
—Clyde Bruckman, To Fox Mulder, The X-Files
Scut Farkas... what a rotten name! What kind of parents would name their kid 'Scut'? Still, I had to admit, the name did suit him...
—Ralph, A Christmas Story
Lucas: Your name is "Farkle Minkus?"
Farkle: Don't wear it out.
Lucas: I don't know how I could!
Farkle: Don't wear it out.
Lucas: I don't know how I could!
Daisy: Tim, this is Twist. Twist, this is Tim.
Tim: Twist?
Twist: Yes, my parents were hippies.
Tim: Twist?
Twist: Yes, my parents were hippies.
Boar: What kind of a name is Dream?
Matt: What kind of a name is I?note
Boarnote : I hate you.
Matt: What kind of a name is I?note
Boarnote : I hate you.
—A scene from the "For tuna the can tolls" roleplay
of White Dark Life
of White Dark LifeLight: You are on the same wave length as cult fanatics and celebrities as far as naming children are concerned. You named my son… Duck…
Naomi: You named your son Curtain.
Light: Naomi, don't interrupt.
Naomi: You named your son Curtain.
Light: Naomi, don't interrupt.
Yasmin: Kenny, you remember my sisters, don't you?
Ken: Of course! Jasmine, Tasmin... and I want to say... North Carolina?
Ohio: Ohio!
Ken: Ah, yes. I remembered it was pretty stupid.
(Later, Barbie asks Ohio how she got her name.)
Ohio: It's where I was conceived!
Barbie: Oh. If I was named after the state in which I was conceived, then I'd be called, "Self-Pity And Inebriation"!
Ohio: Okay. Is that in Canada or something?
Ken: Of course! Jasmine, Tasmin... and I want to say... North Carolina?
Ohio: Ohio!
Ken: Ah, yes. I remembered it was pretty stupid.
(Later, Barbie asks Ohio how she got her name.)
Ohio: It's where I was conceived!
Barbie: Oh. If I was named after the state in which I was conceived, then I'd be called, "Self-Pity And Inebriation"!
Ohio: Okay. Is that in Canada or something?
—Sam & Mickey, "Yasmin's Sisters"
"I also didn't forget that you're named after a kitchen utensil. I mean, what kind of deranged parents name their offspring Knives?"
—Ia, Ignite the Stars
Dr. Venture: Say, Bud! Or is it Budly? Budward? What’s Bud short for?
Bud Manstrong: Nothing. It's just Bud.
Dr. Venture: Yeah? Huh...
Bud Manstrong: Nothing. It's just Bud.
Dr. Venture: Yeah? Huh...
—The Venture Bros., "Guess Who's Coming To State Dinner"
Officer: Alright, let's get this over with. Name?
Karna: Karna Pandava.
Officer: Ok... odd name.
Karna: Karna Pandava.
Officer: Ok... odd name.
—Servants of Remnant, "A Sun for the Schnee (Karna 2)"
"This guy's named Foz, and you want to make fun of a guy named Frank?"
—Amaz-O, Goosebumps, Bad Hare Day
Squidward: Mr. "What Zit Tooya"? What kind of ridiculous name is that?
What Zit Tooya: It's MY ridiculous name! WHAT ZIT TOOYA!
What Zit Tooya: It's MY ridiculous name! WHAT ZIT TOOYA!
—SpongeBob SquarePants, "Good Ol' Whatshisname"
Kabal: So who the hell names their kid "Rain"?
Rain: Do not dare insult my mother!
Kabal: She didn't do you any favors, friend.
Rain: Do not dare insult my mother!
Kabal: She didn't do you any favors, friend.
"Edward Norton? What kind of parent gives that kid of stupid cunt name like that?"
—Sammy Bagel, Jr., Sausage Party
Velma: My name is Velma Dinkley—
Dyno-Mutt: Who names their kid "Velma"?!
"Nobody names their kid 'Pegasus.' Pegasus Eba sounds retarded!"
—Yuniko Sakuraba, Wild Act!
"Who names their kid "Hal"?"
—Blue Beetle, Injustice 2
Summersberry Applewinter Newtonsmith: Bye Mum! Bye Dad!
Mother: Bye, erm...
Summersberry: Summersberry.
Mother: Whatever. I clearly named you when I was drunk.
Hechoton: I believe the culprit is a man names Smorgus Dinkley. He—
Katherine: I'm sorry, "Smorgus Dinkley"? What kind of name is that?
Hechoton: Human, apparently.
Katherine: I'm going to speak for all humans and say that nobody is naming their kid "Smorgus Dinkley". You sure he's not a gnome or something?
Katherine: I'm sorry, "Smorgus Dinkley"? What kind of name is that?
Hechoton: Human, apparently.
Katherine: I'm going to speak for all humans and say that nobody is naming their kid "Smorgus Dinkley". You sure he's not a gnome or something?
Grant: You know, since I got back I've run into these twin girls about five times. They're always wearing little black or purple dresses—
Helen: Pinot and Noir. Speaking of evil names to give children.
Grant: Good god.
Helen: They're the daughters of Rick Dark, the winery guy. His wife is the kind of woman who thinks that that's cute.
No one says anything for a moment as you gloomily contemplate what sorts of people those must be.
Helen: Pinot and Noir. Speaking of evil names to give children.
Grant: Good god.
Helen: They're the daughters of Rick Dark, the winery guy. His wife is the kind of woman who thinks that that's cute.
No one says anything for a moment as you gloomily contemplate what sorts of people those must be.
Real Life
"Most times, you can’t trust famous people near a birth certificate. Rachel Griffiths gave birth to a Banjo. Jason Lee has one named Pilot Inspektor. Magician Penn Jillette named his daughter Moxie Crimefighter, apparently hoping she’ll someday grow into a Hanna-Barbera cartoon. Gwyneth Paltrow has a gentler level of name insanity as she chose to call her child Apple. This sounds cute until you realize that for the rest of her life, any point she ever makes can be refuted by saying, 'Nice name, Apple.' And then, 'Face!'"
— Seanbaby's The Final Last Word, The Wave Magazinenote
WAIT. Stop… did she [Kate] just call the one cub STINKY and the other on RUNT?! Humphrey and Kate called two of their OWN CHILDREN ‘STINKY’ and ‘RUNT’?! Film – are you seriously implying that Kate and Humphrey are just unlikeable characters that they would call their own children names like STINKY and RUNT?!
—Duckyworth, on Alpha and Omega 2.
"And I don't get some of these names! They're not even names! One of them's named "Lightning Rod". His parents were dicks!"
— Scott The Woz talking about the names of several Skylanders characters.
