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Quotes / When All You Have Is a Hammer...

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"I suppose it is tempting, if the only tool you have is a hammer, to treat everything as if it were a nail."
Abraham Maslow, Trope Namer

"When you have absolute dominion over the insect kingdom, you tend to think every problem is just a matter of finding the right volume of bees to throw at it."

"Lovie returns to Tampa after spending five years there as an assistant in the late 90s, helping to perfect the Tampa 2 defense, which is the most annoying defense in the history of football. It is a boring defense that invites offenses to go up and down the field seven yards at a time, and it will crush your will to live no matter which side you are cheering for. Regardless of what the offense is doing, you can be sure that Lovie will make absolutely NO adjustment to his defense whatsoever. Hey Coach, they're lining up trips right! TAMPA 2. Hey Coach, they're gonna pound the ball up the middle! TAMPA 2. Hey Coach, they've imported space cyborgs to literally fly the ball up the field! TAMPA 2. The Tampa 2 sucks."
Drew Magary, "Why Your Team Sucks 2014: Tampa Bay Buccaneers"

Jay: So, they're shooting him with positively-charged slime, and they're shooting the painting with the proton packs. What is this—? What is this doing?
Rick: It defeats evil, Jay.
Jay: They're just lassos, basically! They're like lassos for ghosts!
Rich: They could've come up with something clever, y'know. They could've thrown, like, turpentine on the painting, and that would've defeated Vigo. And that would've been mildly clever.
Mike: But that wouldn't have involved them shooting their proton packs.
Jay: Yeah, you have to have them shooting their proton packs even if it doesn't make any sense, just because they're Ghostbusters, and that's what they do.

"I require a reminder as to why raining arcane destruction is not an appropriate response to all of life's indignities. Quickly, please, before they are out of range."
Vaarsuvius, The Order of the Stick

"As the size of an explosion increases, the number of social situations it is incapable of solving approaches zero."
Vaarsuvius, The Order of the Stick

"Hey, you know what really gets under my skin? Proverbially, of course? A century of wizards looking down their damn noses at me. Energy Drain! I know people think I'm stupid. Because I'm not a wizard. Because I get bored easily. Because I have no interest in strategy or tactics or contingency planning. Energy Drain! But see, I've learned a lot over the years since I died. A lot more than I learned during my life. And now I see that planning doesn't matter. Strategy doesn't matter. Only two things matter: Force in as great a concentration as you can manage, and style. And in a pinch, style can slide. Energy Drain! In any battle, there's always a level of force against which no tactics can succeed. For example, all I need to do is keep smacking you with Energy Drains, and soon you won't be able to cast any of your fancy spells at all. Energy Drain! Because yes, I am a sorcerer - and this magic is in my bones, not cribbed off of "Magic for Dummies." And I can keep casting the same friggin' spell at you until you roll over and die. You can have your finely-crafted watch - give me the sledgehammer to the face any day. ENERGY DRAIN!"

"It's like I know all the combos in the game but he just keeps hitting the A button!"
Gibbs, Titan Maximum

Usagi /draws her Scepter. "Well, I might as well try this sucker. Though goodness knows how I'm supposed to 'cleanse' a pile of rocks."
<< Usagi : Cast > Halation : Rubble >>
< Rubble destroyed! Plesiosaurs freed! >
Usagi: " kidding."

[Black Adam, the Knight Templar madman with the same powers as Captain Marvel, is rampaging around and slaughtering the planet. The whole thing.]
Natasha Irons: What are we supposed to do now?
John Henry Irons (Steel): Grab your hammer.
52, Week 50, Day 7: World War III

"Okay, this should be simple enough. I can steal anything that isn't nailed down or on fire. I'm dealing with neither of these things now. This is just an incorporeal force locked inside an arcane orb of solid crystal by magical forces beyond my comprehension while the embodiment of death itself looms over my soon to be corpse."
Thief, 8-Bit Theater.

Ajak: Wait. Are you trying to say... the backup strategy of the great warrior god handpicked by the wise Athena herself to save all the pantheons and the world of men... is to find the enemy... and to hit him?
Hercules: What do you want from me? I punch stuff, it falls down. That's the only "strategy" I've ever needed.

"Like most of life's problems, this one can be solved by bending!"
Bender, Futurama "The Deep South"

"I will cut you with my hammer. And Hammers don't usually cut, so try to imagine how much of a long and painful process this will be. ...And it's made of wood, so you'll probably get splinters."
King Dedede, Smash Kingdom: Melee

"Once you build the galaxy's biggest hammer, someone will always start looking for nails."
Admiral Koris, Mass Effect 2

"[Thor] wished [working out emotional issues] was something he could fix by smashing it with Mjolnir, but he supposed that that kind of thinking was what made this so difficult to begin with."
Narration, Unto Death, Chapter 5

"When the only tool you have is a chainsaw, every problem looks like hours of fun."

Buffy: Why don't I just put a stake through her heart?
Giles: She's not a vampire.
Buffy: You'd be surprised how many things that'll kill.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "The Wish"

"I couldn't think of one clever way to stop this guy, so I just trusted in mindless violence."
Cliff Steele, Doom Patrol

Brick: Explain it to me again, Mordy.
Mordecai: [sigh] Like I said, instead of punching, I prefer to keep my distance from my target, pick my moment, then kill them with a single, well-placed shot.
Brick: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You lost me at "instead of punching."

"You only have one skill; you must learn to use it to its fullest extent."
Archer to Shirou (on tracing magic), Fate/stay night

Lycaon: Do you know how to kill him?
Lysander: Cut him into pieces and burn them.
Lycaon: Is that what the people of Malodrax say?
Lysander: No, but that works on everything.
Imperial Fists on the subject of Daemon Princes, Space Marine Battles

Finch: This plan feels rather reckless.
Shaw: There's a time for a scalpel and a time for a hammer. It's hammer time.
Person of Interest, "Aletheia"

Steven: So, what is the plan, anyway?
Peridot: We have a drill. We're going to drill.

"The answer? Use a gun. And if that don't work... use more gun."
The Engineer, Team Fortress 2

"When all you have is a hammer, everyone else is a nail!"
Reinhardt Wilhelm, Overwatch

"A good idea is something that does not solve just one single problem, but rather can solve multiple problems at once."

DIRK: Let's not downplay our sword gambit, though.
DIRK: I have yet to encounter a problem where a sword didn't factor into the solution at least in some way.
Dirk Strider, Homestuck

This is why I hate working when exhausted. I have a hammer. I have a problem that can be solved with a hammer. At some point I'm going to be too tired to think of a solution that doesn't involve a hammer.
Bill Raibert, Freefall

Juliet: There must be something we can do. What do you suggest?
Friar Lawrence: Well, I mean, you COULD fake your own death for forty-two hours. I got a vial that makes that happen in people. It’s not even a big deal.
Juliet: That’s crazy.
Friar Lawrence: Yeah, no, I could see why you’d say that. Alright, here’s another option, and it’s crazy, Juliet, but it JUST MIGHT WORK.
Juliet: Yes?
Friar Lawrence: You could fake PARIS’S death for forty-two hours instead.
Juliet: That’s even crazier! That’s fake attempted murder and won’t solve anything and will, in fact, only create extra problems for me! Listen, Friar, do you have any solutions that don’t involve anyone faking their death for forty-two hours?
Friar Lawrence: I don’t understand.


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