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Fan Works
Asuna: Kirito? Hi! Come on in! How are you?
Kirito: Okay, stop that.
Asuna: I'm sorry?
Kirito: This thing you're doing where you seem genuinely happy to see me. I was half-expecting to find a suspiciously sound-proof warehouse on the outskirts of town with a shallow grave out back, but somehow this is more unsettling.
Kirito: Okay, stop that.
Asuna: I'm sorry?
Kirito: This thing you're doing where you seem genuinely happy to see me. I was half-expecting to find a suspiciously sound-proof warehouse on the outskirts of town with a shallow grave out back, but somehow this is more unsettling.
Yami: Okay, cut that out.
Kaiba: Cut what out?
Yami: That whole "happy" thing. I’m not buying it.
Kaiba: I really don’t know what you mean.
Yami: Everyone knows that Seto Kaiba is an obsessive, egomaniacal scumbag. The only reason you’re playing this game, is to prove you're the best.
Kaiba: Actually, I'm just playing for fun.
Yami: Seriously?
Kaiba: I love playing games with my friends.
Yami: O-okay, stop that.
Kaiba: Especially my closest friends.
Yami: You’re freaking me out here!
Kaiba: Like you, Yugi.
Yami: ...Who the hell are you?
Kaiba: I'm Seto Kaiba. The nicest guy on the face of the planet.
(Yami starts laughing, then Kaiba joins in)
Kaiba: (still laughing) Oh, it feels so good to laugh!
Yami: (still laughing) I’m going to kill you in your sleep.
Kaiba: Cut what out?
Yami: That whole "happy" thing. I’m not buying it.
Kaiba: I really don’t know what you mean.
Yami: Everyone knows that Seto Kaiba is an obsessive, egomaniacal scumbag. The only reason you’re playing this game, is to prove you're the best.
Kaiba: Actually, I'm just playing for fun.
Yami: Seriously?
Kaiba: I love playing games with my friends.
Yami: O-okay, stop that.
Kaiba: Especially my closest friends.
Yami: You’re freaking me out here!
Kaiba: Like you, Yugi.
Yami: ...Who the hell are you?
Kaiba: I'm Seto Kaiba. The nicest guy on the face of the planet.
(Yami starts laughing, then Kaiba joins in)
Kaiba: (still laughing) Oh, it feels so good to laugh!
Yami: (still laughing) I’m going to kill you in your sleep.
—Yu-Gi-Oh: Season Zero Abridged, Episode 2
Newspaper Comics
People don't want nice. People want consistency.
Live-Action TV
(the family finds out that Danny went from being a Neat Freak to a slob after overhearing their criticisms of him)
Jesse: Listen, Danny. We're, uh...We're sorry, w-we're embarrassed by that. We didn't mean those things we said. We're just letting off a little steam, that's all.
Danny: No, no, what you said was true. And...I mean, you hurt my feelings, but I'm glad I know how you really feel about me now. A-And I've changed, let me show you. Look at this, no more baking soda in my sock drawer! (takes it out and sprinkles it all over the floor) There you go, you girls have a brand new dad!
Stephanie: I don't want a new dad. I'll do each spot 24 times, just like you said. I just want my old dad back. (hugs Danny)
D.J.: So do I. (joins the hug) Who cares if you're a neat freak? If it wasn't for you, I'd never make my bed.
Joey: Me neither.
Danny: You guys really mean all this?
Becky: Of course we mean it. You keep this family running.
Jesse: Yeah, you keep us organized. There's nine people living here; without you, it'd be total chaos.
Jesse: Listen, Danny. We're, uh...We're sorry, w-we're embarrassed by that. We didn't mean those things we said. We're just letting off a little steam, that's all.
Danny: No, no, what you said was true. And...I mean, you hurt my feelings, but I'm glad I know how you really feel about me now. A-And I've changed, let me show you. Look at this, no more baking soda in my sock drawer! (takes it out and sprinkles it all over the floor) There you go, you girls have a brand new dad!
Stephanie: I don't want a new dad. I'll do each spot 24 times, just like you said. I just want my old dad back. (hugs Danny)
D.J.: So do I. (joins the hug) Who cares if you're a neat freak? If it wasn't for you, I'd never make my bed.
Joey: Me neither.
Danny: You guys really mean all this?
Becky: Of course we mean it. You keep this family running.
Jesse: Yeah, you keep us organized. There's nine people living here; without you, it'd be total chaos.
—Full House, "The Trouble with Danny"
Anne: Sorry to seem ungrateful, it's just that you've been thoughtful and considerate for... how long is it?
Mike: A day.
Anne: God, is that all? But... it's like living with a new person, that's all. It's not you.
Mike: God, you know, that is actually incredibly smart of you, because, see, all this is about scraping away the layers of crap and finding the real me.
Anne: But the crap is the real you!
Mike: A day.
Anne: God, is that all? But... it's like living with a new person, that's all. It's not you.
Mike: God, you know, that is actually incredibly smart of you, because, see, all this is about scraping away the layers of crap and finding the real me.
Anne: But the crap is the real you!
—Hardware (2003), "Nice"
Joy! I need the old you back! I'm Yin, you're Yang. Yin is nice. Yang's a bitch! This house doesn't work without Yang!
—Darnell to Joy, My Name Is Earl
Do something, Joel! This aggressive niceness is making me feel really uncomfortable!
—Crow T. Robot, Mystery Science Theater 3000
That damn Prozac is turning me into a caring human being. They said there'd be no harmful side-effects.
—C.C. Babcock, The Nanny
Video Games
Exile: There. How do you feel?
HK-47: Answer: I... do not know, Master. I feel strange. Like a circuit has been flipped...
Exile: Are you ready? There are people that need killing.
HK-47: Answer: Oh, master, I could not allow myself to harm another. What if they have families? Or children? We must always think of the children. The littlest ones always suffer in war. Musing: I think perhaps I would enjoy learning a new language. Or watching an informative holovid.
Exile: I think I flipped the wrong switch. Or the right one.
HK-47: Statement: I am fulfilling my primary function, which is to facilitate communication between species and put an end to hostilities. I respect all life. All life is connected and should be nurtured.
Exile: That does it. That package is coming out of there.
HK-47: Exclamation: No! Master, no! What are you doing?!
[...]
HK-47: Master, please, I beg you. Never install anything again without checking it in the diagnostics bay first. That was a close one – I almost surrendered completely to peace and pacifism... how repugnant.
HK-47: Answer: I... do not know, Master. I feel strange. Like a circuit has been flipped...
Exile: Are you ready? There are people that need killing.
HK-47: Answer: Oh, master, I could not allow myself to harm another. What if they have families? Or children? We must always think of the children. The littlest ones always suffer in war. Musing: I think perhaps I would enjoy learning a new language. Or watching an informative holovid.
Exile: I think I flipped the wrong switch. Or the right one.
HK-47: Statement: I am fulfilling my primary function, which is to facilitate communication between species and put an end to hostilities. I respect all life. All life is connected and should be nurtured.
Exile: That does it. That package is coming out of there.
HK-47: Exclamation: No! Master, no! What are you doing?!
[...]
HK-47: Master, please, I beg you. Never install anything again without checking it in the diagnostics bay first. That was a close one – I almost surrendered completely to peace and pacifism... how repugnant.
Web Original
Cyclops, stop acting all kind and sentimental! You're supposed to be an asshole!
—Linkara, imitating Professor Xavier in X-Men #1
Yahtzee: Ah, I'm calm again now. Thank you little birdies. Aren't you calm, Gabe?
Gabriel: I'm—.... I dunno, man, your calm voice gives me the willies.
Yahtzee: Ahh, leave those burdens behind and join me in my Calm little Dungeon.
Gabriel: "Drink this special Calm Drink!"
Yahtzee: Attach these Calm little Manacles to your wrists and ankles.
Gabriel: Maybe it's because I'm so used to you being, sort of, a grumbling, bitter individual that any sense of actual, gentle calmness from you triggers my "He's up to something!" reflex.
Yahtzee: Oh, I've left that person far behind. My new name is "Blissful Harmony."
Gabriel: I'm—.... I dunno, man, your calm voice gives me the willies.
Yahtzee: Ahh, leave those burdens behind and join me in my Calm little Dungeon.
Gabriel: "Drink this special Calm Drink!"
Yahtzee: Attach these Calm little Manacles to your wrists and ankles.
Gabriel: Maybe it's because I'm so used to you being, sort of, a grumbling, bitter individual that any sense of actual, gentle calmness from you triggers my "He's up to something!" reflex.
Yahtzee: Oh, I've left that person far behind. My new name is "Blissful Harmony."
Go back to being sexist!
—Frog, Doobus Goobus
Western Animation
Brian: I thought this was what you always wanted: for Peter not to be an idiot.
Lois: Oh, at least that Peter was fun and didn't make me feel so stupid.
Lois: Oh, at least that Peter was fun and didn't make me feel so stupid.
—Family Guy, "The Most Interesting Man in the World"
Bender: I AM BENDER. PLEASE INSERT GIRDER.
Fry: Poor Bender. Without his brain he's become all quiet and helpful. We've got to go to the Central Bureaucracy and get that disk back!
Amy: Why?
(Beat)
Leela: Well, those arguments aside, we're still going.
Fry: Poor Bender. Without his brain he's become all quiet and helpful. We've got to go to the Central Bureaucracy and get that disk back!
Amy: Why?
(Beat)
Leela: Well, those arguments aside, we're still going.
—Futurama, "How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back"
Rex: Forget the rabbit, Doc. The monkey is the one who needs the testing.
Holiday: Bobo? What do you mean?
Rex: Hmm, he was thoughtful instead of destructive. And, come on, donuts?
Holiday: Bobo loves donuts.
Rex: Yeah, but he doesn't share donuts ever. And he cleaned up his language. He even cleaned up his toenails! He hasn't blown anything up all day.
Holiday: So you are alarmed because Bobo is acting like a responsible member of this organization?
Rex: Say that sentence aloud again. Think of how weird it sounds.
Holiday: Bobo? What do you mean?
Rex: Hmm, he was thoughtful instead of destructive. And, come on, donuts?
Holiday: Bobo loves donuts.
Rex: Yeah, but he doesn't share donuts ever. And he cleaned up his language. He even cleaned up his toenails! He hasn't blown anything up all day.
Holiday: So you are alarmed because Bobo is acting like a responsible member of this organization?
Rex: Say that sentence aloud again. Think of how weird it sounds.
—Generator Rex, "Robobobo"
Homer: Well, if you wanted people to love you, you sure blew it with that insane rampage. (Mr. Burns sighs) But, you know what? To be loved, you have to be nice to people, every day. But to be hated, you don't have to do squat!
Burns: You know, perhaps you're right! I got so swept over the notion of being liked, I completely forgot who I am. I'm a selfish old crank, and that fits me like a Speedo.
Burns: You know, perhaps you're right! I got so swept over the notion of being liked, I completely forgot who I am. I'm a selfish old crank, and that fits me like a Speedo.
—The Simpsons, "Monty Can't Buy Me Love".
You test my nerves,
It makes my stronger,
So can't you bother me
A little bit longer?
It makes my stronger,
So can't you bother me
A little bit longer?
—"So Long," Ending Theme to Winnie the Pooh (2011)
Granddad: Look, boys, I went to the doctor and had a wake-up call and I decided I'm not gonna sweat the small stuff any more. I'm the same Granddaddy you know and love. I'm happy. I feel good. And from now on, I'm going to appreciate life.
Huey: Yeah, that person's nothin' like the Granddad we know and love.
Riley: Yeah, our Granddad don't appreciate nuthin'. You an imposter!
Huey: Yeah, that person's nothin' like the Granddad we know and love.
Riley: Yeah, our Granddad don't appreciate nuthin'. You an imposter!
—The Boondocks, "Mr. Medicinal"
Real Life
He left us, and we rejoiced. But then an even more obnoxious person arrived.
—Arabic proverb
