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Quotes / Wants a Prize for Basic Decency

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    Comic Books 
"They, "society," hate you because they don't want your help. You remind them of how weak-willed and sheep-like and unspecial they are. How gleeful they are, deep down, to be ordinary. They don't want heroes. They don't want special people around them. Because if there are special people and they aren't one of them — well, who wants that? Who wants a constant reminder that they aren't even trying to be special? See, the difference between you and I is that you really are just a child. You benefit from the wide-eyed optimism of youth. I do envy that, somewhat. But... like many of your decisions in life... it's just naive. And I don't envy that harsh cold slap of reality that will come your way soon enough. But I guess it's inevitable. People don't want to be special. I do think that. It is my philosophy. They — people want to be told what to do and how to live and they want men like me to tell them. They want to go to work and do as little as they can possibly get away with, and they want a big cookie at the end of the day for doing it. And they want men like me to give it to them."
The Kingpin to Spider-Man, Ultimate Spider-Man

"Oh, so you never smacked me and Sokka about, you listened to me sometimes, and you gave me an even break – That is how it should be dad!"
Katara on why Hakoda thinks he's a good parent, Not Stalking Firelord Zuko.

    Films - Live Action 
"Twenty years, you’ve been throwing that in my face, like it’s some great thing, not eating me! Normal people don’t even think about eating someone else! Much less that person having to be grateful for it!"
Peter Jason Quill, Guardians of the Galaxy

"Our vast great country has been turned into a beggar, while small islands the world over have become rich. Why is it this way? You think bribery doesn’t exist there? No! Bribery exists there too. But over there, bribes are accepted for being derelict in your duty! Over here, bribes are demanded for performing your duty."
Senapathy, Indian

Simon Foster: Tobes, I don't want to have to read you the riot act, okay, but I am going to have to read you some extracts from the riot act. Such as Section One, Paragraph One: don't leave your boss twisting in the wind and then burst in late, smelling like a pissed seaside donkey. [Mimicking Toby] "The British are coming!"
Toby Wright: Look, alright, I was late for the meeting, Simon, I am sorry, but it's not like I threw up in there, is it?!
Simon Foster: No. You're right. I'm being unfair. I should be thanking you for not throwing up. Well done. You're a star. And you didn't wet yourself, did you? You're in the right city. You didn't say anything overtly racist. You didn't pull your dick out and start plucking it shouting "Willy Banjo!" No, I'm being really unfair! You got so much right... without actually being there for the beginning of one of the most important moments of my career. Thanks. You're a legend.

It was disturbing that he was remembered for only the slightest of courtesies, and all the more so that those slight courtesies still exceeded the average.
The Dark Profit Saga: Son of a Liche

    Live-Action TV 
"You know the worst thing about niggas? Niggas always want credit for some shit they supposed to do. A nigga will brag about some shit a normal man just does. A nigga will say some shit like, 'I take care of my kids.' You're supposed to, you dumb motherfucker! What kind of ignorant shit is that? 'I ain't never been to jail!' Whatchu want, a cookie?! You're not supposed to go to jail, you low-expectations-having motherfucker!"
Chris Rock, Bigger and Blacker

D'Spayre: Ninety percent of the time, the people that come my way, I help. Give them counseling, choices, shelter. But the other ten percent...they can't be they help me.
Dagger: You're despicable.

Blon: I spared her life.
The Doctor: You let one of them go, but that's nothing new. Every now and then, a little victim's spared... because she smiled, cos he's got freckles, cos they begged. And that's how you live with yourself, that's how you slaughter millions, because once in a while, on a whim, if the wind's in the right direction, you happen to be kind.

Amunet: You should really be more grateful, Caty. I haven't stabbed you, punched you, or shot any sharp pieces of metal at you.
Caitlin: [gives her a look]

"You're supposed to do good things because you're good! Not because you're seeking moral desert."

"Of Course. I forgot for a second that you're incapable doing something nice without expecting something nicer in return."
Joan Harris (née Holloway), Mad Men

Agatha: ...and here I was worried that I wouldn't be any good at this.
Vanamonde: Heh. You have fifty generations of lowered expectations working for you.
Councilor 3: Two minutes, and she hasn't killed anyone!
Councilor 1: A new record!

Belkar: If you don't want me to murder people, you should put up a sign saying "Thank you for not killing more than five of us".
Prison Guard: We don't want you to kill ANY of us!
Belkar: Now you're just being unreasonable!
The Order of the Stick "On the Origins of PCs"

    Web Original 
Saying that you're a nice guy is like a restaurant whose only selling point is that the food doesn't make you sick. You're like a new movie whose title is This Movie Is in English, and its tagline is "The actors are clearly visible."

"If you resolve to stop being an asshole, then give up because nobody gave you a cookie, you never really stopped being an asshole. Expecting to get a cookie for refraining from treating others poorly is how an asshole thinks."
David J. Prokopetz, RPG.Net

"As my mom has said to me more than once, if you want applause for doing your job, learn to f*ing juggle."

    Western Animation 
Sokka: [sarcastically] Oh, hurray! After a lifetime of evil, at least [Zuko] didn't add animal cruelty to the list!
Toph: I'm just saying that considering his messed-up family and how he was raised, he could have turned out a lot worse.
Katara: You're right, Toph. Let's go find him and give him a medal. The "Not-As-Much-of-a-Jerk-As-You-Could-Have-Been Award"!

"Good men and bad men alike are all capable of weakness. The difference is simply that a bad man will be proud all his life of one good deed-while an honest man is hardly aware of his good acts, but remembers a single sin for years on end."
Vasily Grossman


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