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Quotes / Villains Out Shopping

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"Some days, you just don't feel all that evil."

Naomi: I'm leaving, I'll be back later. Take care of yourselves and try not to destroy any furniture in your petty battles for world domination.
Light: My goal is not world domination.
Naomi: Light, you said you'd be god of the new world. What do you call that?
Light: A new era of enlightenment.
Duck: To save face and not sound like a jackass I'll be frank, my goal is world domination.
Naomi: Whatever. Try not to get any blood on the carpet.

"Now is a chance to see what happens to the Master between the Doctor's adventures, what he gets up after his last defeat and before his next (I hate to sound pessimistic but it's his lot in life)."
Joe Ford on Big Finish Doctor Who, Dark Eyes III: Death of Hope''

"Zod at a coffeehouse. That's the name of my new beat play. But anyway, we see Zod not making people kneel...but instead getting coffee. Menacing indeed."
Neal Bailey on Smallville ("Crossfire")

That's cute, Thanos has a retirement plan.
—-James "Rhodey" Rhodes/War Machine, Avengers: Endgame

Sgt Bidet: He's out there somewhere, Peep. A ruthless, bloodthirsty killer.
(Cut to the Nomad under a palm tree with a bag of sweets)
Nomad: Oh goody, nothing but red ones left!
Beau Peep

Light since nobody's home right now let's play Mario Golf. We haven't played in a while.

Look, Perry the Platypus, just because I'm evil doesn't mean everything I do is evil.
Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, Phineas and Ferb; "The Ballad of Badbeard"

At four PM, I shall return home for a nap and an early dinner... ...At seven, I shall go the gala at Buckingham Palace and blow the place to kingdom come!
Professor James Moriarty, Sherlock Holmes radio drama

"Once Clark’s done working on his fitness, it’s back to Lex Luthor, who is inexplicably practicing ballroom dancing with a woman dressed as Marie Antoinette in what is unquestionably the single best shot of the movie. I just love that Luthor has weird habits to goof off with whenever he has downtime from his Kill Superman plans. It’s also worth noting that he’s wearing a golden dollar sign medallion for the duration of this scene."

The secret wars, assassinations, and the wholesale planet destruction can wait.
I'm treating myself...
to a little Caribbean Vacay
Archcount Obdrath Von Lucifuge, Starslip Crisis

Newsreader: Voldemort blogs about [his return to power] on his new FlooTube channel.
Voldemort: I'M GONNA FIND HARRY POTTER AND I'M GONNA [bleep] IN HIS [bleep]!
Newsreader: Also does a review of 17 Again.
Voldemort: Well, it was a little slow at the beginning, but come on: Zac Efron! Zefron! 'Nuff said.

"The [Decepticon Justice Division] were never going to be utterly murderous, terrifying, super-evil monsters 24/7, because who is like that, really? But given that, as readers, you weren't afforded a privileged 'off-stage' glimpse into their lives until #39, but instead saw them as the 'in universe' characters did, of course based on the info given you're gonna assume they're 100% awful - everyone 'in universe' does."
James Roberts on issue #39 of Transformers: More than Meets the Eye

"...We should pick up some milk while we're here."
Dr. Drakken, Kim Possible

Don't bother me, Knuckles! I just want to play some slots!
Danny Sexbang, pretending to be Dr. Eggman

The vampire moped for a week. Not in the way that one might expect him to — with fire and death, blood running red in the streets, and a dark miasma blotting out the sun. No, the vampire moped pretty much the same way everyone else does — he watched television.
An Unattractive Vampire by Jim McDoniel

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