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Quotes / Video-Game Movies Suck

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Quick! Change the channel!
Zangief, Street Fighter

"Video games don't have the greatest track record when it comes to being transformed into film. There have been occasional hits, like Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001) and the Resident Evil franchise (2002-present)- but, even when financially successful, these films tend to be vilified by the very fans they're seeking to attract. Halo, for a while, looked like being different."
Owen Williams, invoking/discussing this trope in the article about a possible film version of Halo, in Simon Braund's The Greatest Movies You'll Never See


The movie is an utterly meaningless waste of time. There was no reason to produce it, except to make money, and there is no reason to see it, except to spend money...Parents: If you encounter teenagers who say they liked this movie, do not let them date your children.


In a world where video games to film adaptations suck ass, this movie will totally fall beyond your expectations. And then some more.

    Web Original 

After watching this, in mounting aghastment, I've now realized why it's so bad. It's because it's good. Unfortunately, what it's good at is being a movie of a computer game. If you've played your way through the TR games you'll realize that. The atmosphere of the locations, the way Lara runs and fires, the traps ... someone sat through all the games, taking notes. It's truer to the feel of the games than most novel-based movies are to the original novel. Time and care was spent on that. Then, since the games have no characterization, or any plot much above the level of "get all the bits", they pasted together an inconsistent load of old garbage in twenty minutes and hoped the SFX would carry it. They don't.

Hollywood doesn't make good video game movies for the same reason General Motors doesn't make motorized unicycles: they're stupid ideas, there's very little money in it and they aren't very good at making their regular product to begin with. They're not adapting the license to tell the epic story on the cinematic field of wonder—they're doing it because they are literally out of ideas.

Rule number one in making a movie about Street Fighter is to take the characters and have them fight. Rule number two shouldn't have to exist, but if it did, it would be filling the time between fights with musical training montages or musical montages of shorter fights. Ignoring these simple rules I just invented ten years after they made it, Street Fighter was so desperate to keep a fight from breaking out they went so far as to turn Dhalsim into a lab technician and Chun Li, E. Honda, and Balrog into telejournalists.

This movie just sucked on every single level... It makes an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger (a bad episode) look like L.A. Confidential. I’m not even going to go into how the movie is nothing like the game because that would be shooting fish in a barrel. I’m talking about cliches that were old 40 years ago and plot holes you could drive a Mack truck through. The “mystery”, if you could call it that, doesn’t exactly need Sherlock Holmes to solve. Larry Holmes could solve it.
Miles Antwiler on Max Payne (2008)

    Web Video 

CHRIST, is that the Silent Hill movie on VHS?! Don't watch dat. No no no no no. Don't watch dat. Don't wa—

[cut to TV room, James hangs his head in a suicidal depression]

He watched it.

If Super Mario Bros. was the first nail in the coffin of movies based on video games, then Wing Commander was the last because—believe me—nobody ever took video game movies seriously after this complete and utter ruination of gaming's best original sci-fi saga. They shoulda just saved themselves a heap of trouble and put some kid's LP of Wing Commander IV in theaters. (Woulda made a lot more money.)

The answer really is simple: What is the best video game movie? It hasn't been made yet.
Joshua Ovenshire, Best & Worst Video Game Movies

Wasn't the original plot of Double Dragon 'Someone punches a chick in the stomach and two guys have to go rescue her'? What, was that story just too complex for the writers to figure out?

There's a saying when it comes to video game movies and it goes something like this: Video game movies suck.
The Nostalgia Critic, setting up the review of Lara Croft: Tomb Raider

The créme of the crap in Uwe Boll's abysmal resumé, a film so bad the worst part comes before the camera even starts running. For a film that is called Alone In The Dark, barely ever is anyone alone at any given time. What constitutes "horror" in this film is turning the light switches on and off again, as well as casting Tara Reid as a scientist. This film is the very reason we list Uwe Boll as the #1 Worst Director in Hollywood.

How did anyone think this was the way to do a Mario movie? Yeah, you can't exactly have a guy hopping on mushrooms and running on platforms and call it a movie; well, I guess that's the plot of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, but still, I think if you start from there and then brainstorm, the first thing I would tackle is how Mario knows how to hit all those secret power-up blocks. It would be EPIC, I tell you!


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