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Quotes / Transparent Closet

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Light: I'm not gay.
L: Oh, my apologies, I forgot that you're the sexual scourge of womankind. You obviously only have sex with me because you roll over in your sleep and misjudge the distance. Maybe you're sleepwalking... or maybe the term "sleepfucking" would be more appropriate. Maybe you're completely unaware of what you're doing.
Light: It happens.

Jesse: Was it really that obvious?
Chazz: Well, let's see...you have better hair and hygiene than anyone I've ever met, you wear poofy sleeves, you play Crystal Beasts, and I've never once seen you show interest in a girl. Hell, I didn't even realize you were trying to hide it.

    Film 
Gray: I'm gay!
Sam: [hugs her] It's great. It's great you are coming out.
Gray: Don't tell me you already knew.
Sam: Gray! Of course I knew.
Gray: How can you know when I didn't know?
Sam: Gray, I am like seven times smarter than you. I have known since second grade when you had a crush on Mrs. Worthtimer and tried to look up her skirt.
Gray: She was cute, wasn't she...

Bobby: That's right, Cindy, I'm gay and if you haven't noticed, so is Ray.
Ray: Huh? Wait, whoa! I'm not gay.
Bobby: What do you mean? You took me to the club.
Ray: They play good music.
Bobby: What about our trip to San Francisco?
Ray: I wanted to do some shopping!
Bobby: But you made love to me!
Ray: Hey, you sucked my di-
Bobby: Whatever!

    Live-Action TV 
Kurt: Dad... I have something I want to say. I'm glad that you are proud of me... but I don't want to lie any more. Being part of the Glee club and football has really shown me that I can be anything. And... what I am... is... [taking the leap] I'm gay.
Burt: [without pause or shock] I know.
Kurt: Really?!
Burt: I've known since you were three. All you wanted for your birthday was a pair of sensible heels.
Glee

Finn: [reading] "What Prom Queen candidate is spending a whole lot of time in her closet?" That's garbage, Quinn's claustrophobic.
Rachel: No, that's Santana. Read the next one...
Glee

Duncan: Jen, why would you think I was gay?
Jen: Well, you know, I didn't just pull it out of the air. You've just taken me to see a gay musical called Gay!. You're laughing like mad at every gay reference. Your friends—all of whom are gay—say hello by tickling you...
The IT Crowd, "The Work Outing"

Wally: Doctor, why do those - you know - those "types" keep thinking that I'm one of them?
Psychiatrist: Because you are one of them. You are gay. You are gay. You are a homosexual. The opposite of straight. You're gay. I know it, your family knows it. Dogs know it! Everyone seems to know it except you!
The Kids in the Hall: Brain Candy

"You can't call it "coming out of the closet" when the door was wide open, the closet was made of glass, and everyone could see you in there having gay sex. Clay Aiken says he came out because he didn't want to lie to his infant son. Dude, even the baby knew you were gay."

Louise: Well, we both love shopping, and large women on Coronation Street, and you'll never guess, he likes collecting Sylvanian Families for the kitsch value as well.
Janet: Carry on...
Louise: He loves his mum, he loves Steps, oh and he loves...
Janet: Shagging men?
Louise: I beg your pardon?
Donna: Well, everything you've told us, Louise, absolutely everything, means that he's camper than a row of tents. Pink tents.
Janet: Pink tents with gay men in them.

Charlie: I know we've never said it as a group, but Mac's gay, right?
[The rest of the gang agrees]
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, three seasons before Mac comes out

Thirteen: We oversimplify people. It's how the human mind works. Everything's on or off. Everything's got a... category.
Foreman: You don't like it. You don't wanna be... oversimplified.
Thirteen: No one can describe themselves in ten words. Why would we wanna hear anyone else do it?
Foreman: So you keep it a mystery. No categories if no one knows anything.
Thirteen: Do you think maybe you're oversimplifying me now?
Foreman: No. I'm sure you have many reasons to keep yourself a mystery, besides the fact that you're bisexual. (she stares at him in Stunned Silence for several seconds) Uh, denial would have worked before the long, vacant stare.

    Music 

See, look, I know I'm homophobic, but not about gay guys. They don't bother me at all. It's straight guys who don't know they're gay... they fuck my shit right up. Like a guy calls me up and says, "A bunch of us guys are gonna sit around in our underwear and watch the football game and drink beer and eat chips and, you know, maybe wrestle with each other, just us guys. You wanna come over?" And I'm like, "No."
King Missile, "Gay/Not Gay"

I'm not gay guys
That ain't me
I'm just comfortable with my sexuality
So I can admit when I see a guy
Who has a handsome face, and pretty eyes
And a rock hard chest, and rippling abs
And the tightest ass, and those sculpted calves
And those bulging quads, and the perfect bod
And ohh my god, take your pants off
J Pee, "I'm Not Gay"

    Webcomics 
Riku: Marluxia finally came out of the closet.
Namine: And like everything else on this show, it was anticlimatic.
[2 months ago]
Marluxia: I've been really confused about who I am. I think I always knew the truth, I just couldn't admit it. But I'm sure now, I'm gay.
Zexion: And this is more important than my watching Seinfeld reruns... because?

Tom: Oh for fuck's sake - everyone knows you like cock - accept it already!
Jamie: NEVAHH!!!

Dillon's Agent: Ho-ho-ho! Don't be silly! I'm not gay! That's why I have you wear the wig!
Dillon: I think it might be a little bit gay.
Dillon's Agent: Dilly... straight married men have secret gay sex all the time!
Dillon: That sounds made up.

Liam: You knew he and I — that we were —
Archie: Heh, good joke— ...oh God, you're not joking. Liam, it wasn't exactly subtle.

    Web Video 

Marik: Oh what, just because a guy likes to dress effeminately, and hang around with another extremely attractive man, and read yaoi, and flaunt his gorgeous abs, and stroke a phallic symbol suggestively in every other scene, that automatically makes him gay?!
Bakura: Kinda.
Zorc: Yeah, kinda.
Teddy Bear: Yep!

Shun's Master: I was referring to your secret about your incredibly powerful cosmos.
Shun: Oh, sorry! I thought you mean my secret about me being gay!
Shun's Master: Is that supposed to be a secret?

Tamura: Here, you can take this to your boyfriend.
Makoto: [laughs embarrassedly] He's not my boyfriend.
Tamura: You're not fooling anyone, dear.

    Western Animation 

Xander: Mom, Dad...I'm gay.
[Beat]
Mr Wifflebottom: Well Son, I guess the only thing we can say is-
Mr & Mrs Wifflebottom: Uh-DUH!

Patty: I'm marrying a woman! I'm... I'm gay.
(Marge has a look of shocked disapproval)
Patty: You're not disappointed, are you?
Marge: No, no! I'm just... surprised!
Homer: Yeah, big "surprise"! Hey, Marge. Here's another "surprise", I like beer! Ahahahahah!
The Simpsons, "There's Something About Marrying"

Mr. Mackey: After being dismissed from teaching, [Mr. Garrison] went off to write romance novels. His first novel sold well and everything was fine until he found out that his novel won the gay Pulitzer prize, and was considered the best homoerotic novel since Huckleberry Finn.
Principal Victoria: He finally snapped and had a nervous breakdown and went up into the mountains to live in solitude.
Chef: Some say that on cold nights you can still hear him moanin', "I'm not gaaay! I'm not gaaay!"
Distant Voice: I'mmm nnnooottt gggaaayyy!!!
South Park, "Fourth Grade"


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