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Quotes / Training from Hell

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Pain is an excellent teacher.
Zenyatta, Overwatch

"Congratulations, you survived training."
Commander Fleming to 30 Assault Unit, Fleming: The Man Who Would Be Bond

He held his arm too stiffly, and so was thrown back repeatedly, until at last I seized his forearm and snapped it back against itself. His training suffered while the arm healed, of course, but I felt this was a lesson he must learn early, and well.
Spartan Kel - "Honing the Ki", Sid Meier’s Alpha Centauri

Mab has interesting ideas about physical therapy.

My special training...also known as "If he falls, he dies"!
Kenji Kurokawa, Shamo

He cut corners, pushed hard. I mean, you either came out a superman or a wreck. A lot of kids snapped. A few died.
Kaidan Alenko, Mass Effect

No, bring your blade to parry. Then across. Try again. No, that's totally wrong! Ten lashes for getting blood on my uniform. Medic!
Sgt. Linus Razreil, Drill Instructor, Catachan Muster Point C, Warhammer 40,000

If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.
Patches O'Houlihan, DodgeBall: A True Underdog Story

I'm really beginning to question your teaching methods!
Fishlegs, being chased by a grouchy Deadly Nadder in How to Train Your Dragon

Pain is weakness leaving the body.

Ares: The Osborn mortal recently came to me. He said...
Norman Osborn: [in flashback] (...) Choose some men. Form a squad. Train them however you think they should be. Let's see what comes out the other end.
Ares: [recently] And Ares found himself confused. Would the mortal be fine if the bags of broken bones and blood came out the other end?
Norman Osborn: [in flashback] As long as they were the best-trained bags of broken bones and blood on the planet, sure.

I have attained ultra speed by training, and training, and training, all while wearing 100-ton boxers!

I would create men of quality enough to stand shoulder to shoulder with the heroes at Troy. Not all of you, of course, but the best. Or maybe the ones I just want to see in pain.

First rule of Popo's training, do not talk about Popo's training!

Maguro: Okay then, let's being training. Producer Kurokami Maguro's Beast Management Course. First you need to select your course. Course A will bring unspeakable pain throughout your entire body. Even a demon would scream from it. By the way, I can't guarantee it will succeed or your life. In Course B you'll sleep then wake up the best. So which will it be?
Medaka & Zenkichi: Course A.

Kjelle: For today, just do a thousand reps. We'll raise that by a hundred a day.
Brady: I... I don't even know what to cry about anymore...

Her trials were agonising. Through the Door, she relived the worst moments of the primordial war. Her dearest friends died again, each failing she had ever made was presented anew. And her shock, her numbness, was stripped away, baring the full realisation of her death, the state of the living world she had left behind, and the reality of the darker reflection she now inhabited. But something was different, something in the process reacted strangely to her dead soul; and as she gripped her soul in hand, her Zanpakuto given full weight and reality, she felt the touch of death lift a little; felt a little touch of living essence pulse in her heart once more.
Though still dead, Creation beckoned once more. She was reborn, and the essence of rebirth itself flooded the weapons that were her soul.
This untitled Bleach/Exalted crossover fic

Each of the Legions has now nominated aspirants seeking to throw themselves upon our mercy in the vain hope that we may deem them worthy to join our ranks. Those loyal to the shrunken corpse on Terra still cling to their own processes by which perhaps one in a hundred neophytes may survive to become a battle brother. The methods I have developed over the last millennia are more stringent, for we must be pure in our hatred and hard of heart, body and soul. Fewer than one in every thousand survive, and I strive each day to lengthen these odds still further.
Fabius Bile, Warhammer 40,000

My father reckoned that the best way to teach children how to swim was to throw us into the sea from the pier. We sank like stones. Me and my siblings thus spent half of our childhoods roaming the seafloor, trying to find our way back to the shore. That's how I ended up in Sweden.
Mark Levengood

If you haven’t died from hard work, just work harder.
Sign on Hengshui High School, China, best known as the Exam Sweatshop.

The complete Daredevil origin began in Daredevil: The Man Without Fear #1. Watch as wise old mentor Stick hits young Matt Murdock with a (guess what?) stick as part of his training. And Matt is grateful for this. Now, let's speculate: If editor Ralph Macchio hit writer Frank Miller with a stick every time he wanted a rewrite, would Frank react gratefully?
I don't know, but it'd be fun to watch.
Marvel Year In Review 1993

Just seeing those steps again makes me ache. You're gonna have tons of fun carrying buckets of water up and down that fucker.
Bill, about Pai Mei's temple, Kill Bill

Zeetha: As of now, we are "Kolee-dok-Zumil."
Agatha: What does that mean?
Zeetha: Ah—kind of hard to translate. Sort of like "teacher and student." Sort of like "cause and effect."
[Zeetha knocks Agatha to the ground]
Zeetha: Mostly, like "grindstone and knife."
Agatha: Not good.
Zeetha: So try to stop me.
[an hour later]
Zeetha: Pathetic. No stamina. You can't dodge. You can't block. You let anger drive your attacks—and you can't even run away properly.
Agatha: [lying on the ground bonelessly] So this death thing this is supposed to prevent...why is it bad?
Zeetha: And a poor attitude.

Brock: As for the rest of you, [talking to Bayleef, Squirtle, Cyndaquil, and Pikachu] we'll be working on the strength of your attacks, as well as your aim and ability to to maintain attacks consecutively except Pikachu, we're working on his speed and reflexes.
Short of her refusal to deal permanent injury or kill him, she barred no holds, showed no mercy, offered little kindness, if any. There wasn’t a thought to his morale, to the fact that she was systematically, methodically destroying the confidence he was building up.
No. Not heartless, not wholly inconsiderate. She tore him down because she trusted him to pull himself back together, to rebuild that lost confidence and redouble his efforts.
Nevertheless, this was one of those moments where he found himself hating her a little. His fondness for her shrunk a fraction. He felt, even though he’d asked for this, the slightest sense of betrayal.
Golem on Weaver, Worm

I may have given the impression that boot camp was made harder than necessary. That is not correct. It was made as hard as possible, and on purpose… the prime purpose [was] making as sure as was humanly possible that no cap trooper ever climbed into a capsule for a combat drop unless he was prepared for it — fit, resolute, disciplined, and skilled.

According to the Traditions, every Iterator drudges through four years of boot camp hell, has some sort of overwatching ever-present computer chip stuck in and earns a big case of brain-fry from a nice little conditioning session.
It's close to true, sort of. Iterators do go through a kind of boot camp. It's called tech support. Ever actually heard some of the questions those people ask? "I put the mouse on the floor and started pressing it with my foot like on the sewing machine, but it's not doing anything." "All right, I have the mouse over the screen where I want it, now I click?" "Why is it so hard to get the disks out of those hard plastic wrappers and how come they never seem to work right?" It's enough to drive the most Enlightened man or woman to distraction. Anyone who can survive that deserves a shot at Enlightenment.
Mage: The Ascension - Convention Book: Iteration X (revised)

Because I am hard, you will not like me, but the more you hate me, the more you will learn.
Gunnery Sargent Hartman, Full Metal Jacket

The difference between [the French Foreign Legion]'s training and murder is that with a murder, you don't expect the guy to survive.
Bear Grylls, Escape to the Legion

Tell me what you regard as your greatest strength, so I will know how best to undermine you; tell me of your greatest fear, so I will know which I must force you to face; tell me what you cherish most, so I will know what to take from you; and tell me what you crave, so that I might deny you ...

Training starts even as the Assassinorum ships return to Terra, with the Officio instructors testing their prospective pupils mercilessly. The recruits must survive on limited food or air for days at a time. They must constantly fight each other in armed and unarmed combat, in conditions of total darkness or blinding light, zero-G or crushing weight, stifling heat or freezing cold. By the time of their arrival, there may be only a tenth of the prospective Assassins left, or sometimes – if the instructors deem every recruit to be unworthy – none at all.
Warhammer 40,000: Dataslate - Officio Assassinorum

He turned to Hauptfeldwebel Hoffman. "Two hours special drill in the river. Anyone who kills a comrade gets three weeks leave. Every tenth cartridge and every twentieth grenade will be live. I want to see at least one broken arm. Otherwise, four hours extra drill."
Then began one of Mike's usual exercises. We hated him because of them, but they made us hard and inhuman. If you are to be a good soldier, you have to be able to hate. You have to kill a man as if he were a louse.
Monte Cassino by Sven Hassel

Every morning, an hour before dawn, he fourteen-year-old Theodolphus had gone for a ten-mile run with a ceramic urn full of his teacher's urine on his head, and if a single drop spilled or he failed to complete the ten miles within an hour and a half, he would be forced to stand on his head until he saw a river of sunfire. His only meals had been the not-quite lethal mushrooms and berries he'd been taught to pick in the thickets near the cliff-sheltered school fortress. And yet, the Nameless Assassin School was a country club compared to Canterbury Academy. For one thing, he had been learning things, skills that he still used in his vocation, and he had taken pride in them. For another, nobody had forced him to answer multiple choice questions on battered notebook computers. If they had given standardized tests in assassin school, he would not have lasted a day.

You have been studying magic the way a parrot studies Shakespeare. You recite it like you are saying the Pledge of Allegiance. But you do not understand it. To become a magician you must do something very different. You cannot study magic. You cannot learn it. You must ingest it. Digest it. You must merge with it. And it with you. When a magician casts a spell, he does not first mentally review the Major, Minor, Tertiary and Quaternary Circumstances. He does not search his soul to determine the phase of the moon, and the nearest body of water, and the last time he wiped his ass. When he wishes to fly, he simply flies. When he wishes the dishes done, they simply are. You need to do more than memorize, Quentin. You must learn the principles of magic with more than your head. You must learn them with your bones, with your blood, your liver, your heart, your dick. We are going to submerge the language of spellcasting deep into who you are, so that you have it always, wherever you are, whenever you need it. Not just when you have studied for a test. You are not going on a mystical adventure here, Quentin. This process will be long and painful and humiliating and very, very, boring. It is a task best performed in silence and isolation. That is the reason for your presence here. You will not enjoy the time you spend at Brakebills South. I do not encourage you to try.
Professor Mayakovsky, The Magicians

Fray: So, what's first?
Urkonn: (hefting a girder) Dexterity. I throw things at you. You avoid them.
Fray: You're not a real complicated person, are you? Let's do it.
20 seconds later...
Fray: (lying on the floor) You hib me wib a girder!
Urkonn: (kneeling over her) How many claws am I holding up?
Fray: You hib me ib the face wib a whole girder!
Urkonn: You were meant to duck.
Fray: Can we skib degsteriby?


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