Quotes / Torches and Pitchforks

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Film—Animation

Light your torch
Mount your horse
Screw your courage to the sticking place
We're counting on Gaston to lead the way!

— "The Mob Song", Beauty and the Beast

"So light your torches! Sharpen your pitchforks! And GET! YOUR! MOB ON!"

— Rumpelstiltskin, Shrek Forever After

Homer: Marge, those people came after us with pitchforks and torches! Torches! At 4 in the afternoon!
Marge: It was 7 at night!
Homer: It was during Access Hollywood!
Marge: Which is on at 4 and 7.
Homer: D'OH!

— The Simpsons Movie

Film—Live-Action

"A riot is an ugly thing. But I think it is just about time that we HAD ONE!"

— Inspector Kemp, Young Frankenstein

"Pitchforks. Humans are hilarious."

— Maleficent, Maleficent: Mistress of Evil

Sgt. Sisk: Ladies and gentlemen, our suspect is not human. He is at home in the bush. Shoot to kill. Any questions?
Mob Member: Oh, yeah, yeah, I got a question there. When do we get to light our torches?
Sgt. Sisk: When it gets dark.
Mob Member: Ah, I see. Oh, hey, I got another question there. Suppose, hypothetically, you know, a guy had already lit his torch. [He produces a torch which is, indeed, already lit] I mean, it'd be cool if he could just keep it lit, huh?
Sgt. Sisk: Yes.
Mob Member: Oh, excellent. Excellent.
Sgt. Sisk: Now, if there are no more questions...
Mob Member: Oh, hey, hey, hey, I got another question. Hey, uh, if one part of the mob gets separated from another part of the mob, shouldn't there be a place that we can get together? Maybe a secret place the two mobs could reunite, and we'd be a big mob again.
Sgt. Sisk: Stay with the mob.
Mob Member: Stay with the mob. All right.
Sgt. Sisk: Right.
Mob Member: Hey, hey, hey, I got another question. Hey, uh, doesn't this guy deserve a fair trial?!
Sgt. Sisk: [Annoyed] You - back of the mob!
Mob Member: "Back of the mob"? What?! This is my spot! I came early!
Sgt. Sisk: [The last straw has snapped] Okay, out of the mob!
Mob Member: Ah, this mob blows.

— The Animal

Let's Play

"You may need something to keep them friendly." Wow. If they're not friendly, what does that mean, are they gonna chase me off the place with torches?

— Laila Dyer, Let's play Sunless Skies (Ep. 4 - Port Avon)

Literature

The mob of Shepherd's Crook, 1680 edition, stormed the home of the demon, sorcerer, and suspected vampyr Yulric Bile. As mobs went, it was a pretty good one. No elder went without a torch. No man went pitchfork-less. Women wept and gnashed their teeth. John Farthing brought his new gun. John Cross forged some chains. Benjamin Moss broke down the door to his one hundredth citadel of sin, with some assistance from his son, John. Cider was drunk, hymns were sung, and a fine time was had by all. The only blemish on the otherwise superb revelries of condemnation was the man who had arranged it all: the witchfinder, Erasmus Martin.

— An Unattractive Vampire

Cabal enjoyed the anonymity of the city, but was always mindful to keep his visits short. With enough provocation, even the most urbane sophisticate seemed able to lay hands upon a pitchfork and burning torch at very short notice.

— Johannes Cabal, "The Death of Me"

Live-Action TV

Tommy: But that mob, they were on a rampage!
Merton: Shocking behaviour from a bunch of pitchfork-toting hooligans.

— Big Wolf on Campus

"Oh, angry mob, is there any problem your wisdom and torches can't solve?"

— Jon Stewart, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart

Music

Stakes and torches,
Scimitars and bayonets,
Scythes, pitchforks,
A sickle with a sharpened edge.
Swords and spades,
And mallets that are made of lead.
Anything at hand,
Anything that can,
Help us to remove the head
Of that filthy rich,
Fat son of a bitch,
While he's sleeping in his bed.

— Voltaire, "Stakes and Torches (The Uprising of the Peasants)"

Video Games

These torches signify displeasure.

— Game Over message, Via Sol 2

"And the idea of being chased across Rivellon by every idiot with a torch does not appeal! 'Get away!' 'Monster!' 'Hide the children!' Ugh. You are simple beasts."

— Fane on hiding his skeletal face, Divinity: Original Sin II

"Our "Lord" has deceived us, get your pitchforks! It's angry mob time!"

— NPC, Magicka

Webcomics

Heywood: Holy...! I'd better organize an angry mob, quick!
Ms. Hatbrim: Oh Heywood, you're so good at organization!
Heywood: [moments later] ...And I'd like to thank Herb's Garden Supply for the pitchforks & tiki torches! Now... everybody ready?
Bob: Wow, he's fast! He is good at organizing stuff!

— The Inexplicable Adventures of Bob!

Web Video

"But one thing hey had was pitch
And the mind to pitch a fit
Throw some torches in the mix
And things are looking down a bit"

— Twilight Sparkle (or possibly her book), Nepotism Adventure Series

"I would go and I would find the little shacks in the woods that were abandoned, and then I would fix them up, and then, inevitably, the town would be like, "Oh, there's a witch in the woods! Augh, kill her! Lorelei, blahhh!" Then, some cleric would come, or holy person would come, and be like, "Gah, death to the undead witch! Blahh!" And then I would run, and I would do that again and again and again!"

— Laudna, cheerfully, Critical Role

Western Animation

"It's an irate torch bearing mob of ignorant townsfolk bent on destroying all things different, unusual and misunderstood."

— Sam, The Adventures of Sam & Max: Freelance Police

Mayor Toadstool: [to a pitchfork-wielding mob] Now, when I say "KILL", you say "IT"! KILL!
Mob: IT!
Toadstool: KILL!
Mob: IT!
Hop Pop: Heh. Another day, another mob!

— Amphibia, "Anne Or Beast?"

Torch Vendor: Torches, get your torches!
Pitchfork Vendor: Pitchforks! Can't be an angry mob without pitchforks!
Cotton Candy Vendor: Cotton candy! Get your cotton candy! Can't throw a riot without cotton candy!

— SpongeBobSquarePants, Sing a Song of Patrick

Bridgette Oshinomi: Danville meadows, where yesterday, thousands of layers of grass were scentusly cut down in their prime. Officials believe that the responsibility for the spescer massacre lies with the werecow. And locals are advised to stay off their lawns.
Man: Forget that! [pulls out flaming torch] I say we get him!
Lady: Yeah! [pulls out a pitchfork] Wait, you brought a torch on our date?
Man: Helloo! Pitchfork!

— Phineas and Ferb, "That's the Spirit"

Real Life

"So what do I see in our future today, you ask? I see pitchforks, as in angry mobs with pitchforks, because while people like us plutocrats are living beyond the dreams of avarice, the other 99% of our fellow citizens are falling farther and farther behind."

— Nick Hanauer, Beware, Fellow Plutocrats, The Pitchforks Are Coming.

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