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Comic Books
"She was born lucky. You were lucky to be born."
— Fire Lord Ozai about his children Azula and Zuko, Avatar: The Last Airbender - The Search
Odin: My children. My son and my daughter and my child who is both. So strong and so brave. So quick and so cunning. I know you. I know everything you are... and... and I love you. Very, very much.
Thor: Father?
Loki: Father... I...
[...]
King Loki: (watching via magic) Damn you, old man! Damn your one eye! YOU NEVER SAID THAT TO ME!
Thor: Father?
Loki: Father... I...
[...]
King Loki: (watching via magic) Damn you, old man! Damn your one eye! YOU NEVER SAID THAT TO ME!
Fan Works
“He raised her. He’s ‘all she has’? He… he… [...] How could he?! [...] Once a year! Once a year I’d see him at mother’s grave. He’d barely say three sentences to me! I ran away once, and he just had the police take me back to my sensei. He didn’t even call. I spent half my childhood wondering what I’d done that made him just dump me at the train station and walk away, just seeing his back retreating over and over again in every fucking nightmare! Why wasn’t I good enough? [...] And then he turns around and raises Ayanami?! Why?! Why did he abandon me and take her?!”
— Shinji Ikari to Asuka Langley Sohryu, Advice and Trust, chapter 4
Misato: Whaaaat? Can't I buy lunch for my favorite girl?
Asuka: (growling) You're buying me swordfish, and we both know I'm not your favorite. Spill it already.
Asuka: (growling) You're buying me swordfish, and we both know I'm not your favorite. Spill it already.
B—-: ...My dad was an abusive alcoholic, or whatever. He'd go to the bar, come home drunk, find out I'd fucked up at school, and he'd choke me out. (beat) He never hit mom or my sisters. He tried to be a good dad. We had some great times, man. He only got physical with me... I guess I was always thinking that one day he'd hurt mom or L—- or M——-. If I pissed him off, he'd only hurt me and that was okay.
C——: My family was a lot like B—-'s... but different... My dad... (beat) My parents beat the shit out of my sister. Dad would make a joke about how worthless she was, and push her down the stairs, and just... laugh. And I did it, too. I didn't even know it was bad. It's just what my family did. When I did realize it was wrong, I got scared. If I didn't hurt M— too, maybe they'd start hurting me. M— left home at 18 and I've never heard from her. I wish I could say I'm sorry.
Film — Animated
"STOP CRITICIZING ME! That's all my mother ever did was criticize me! It was always "Ursula this" or "Ursula that!" Or "Morgana, why can't you be more like your sister URSULA?!" (tosses a starfish at a photo of Ursula)
— Morgana, The Little Mermaid II: Return to the Sea
Film — Live-Action
Kate: There are 15 people in this house, and you're the only one who causes trouble!
Kevin: I'm the only one getting dumped on!
Kevin: I'm the only one getting dumped on!
They only say that stuff because of you, because you go out and have to pretend to be the best, and they look at me like I'm some sort of idiot! Everyone in the kingdom wants to suck your dick! No one wants to suck mine!
— Thadeus, Your Highness
Gordie: I'm no good. My dad said it. I'm no good.
Chris: He doesn't know you.
Gordie: He hates me.
Chris: He doesn't know you.
Gordie: He hates me.
What kind of father has a favourite daughter? And if you do, you should label them: favourite and un-favourite!
—Nelson Hibbert, The Wrong Guy
Faramir: You wish now that our places had been exchanged; that I had died and Boromir had lived.
Denethor: Yes. I wish that.
Denethor: Yes. I wish that.
"Wrong kid died!"
— Dewey's father, Walk Hard
Literature
"What is the difference," [Malcolm's sister] would ask, "between Marmalade [the family cat] and Malcolm?" When no satisfactory answer could be provided by the admiring adults assembled to hear the joke, Bridget would smile and say, "Daddy isn't allowed to shout at Marmalade."
Lady Kidderminster assented grudgingly. It was not at all her idea of a good match for her daughter. Still, Sandra was certainly the most difficult of the family. Susan had been a beauty and Esther had brains. Diana, clever child, had married the young Duke of Harwich—the parti of the season. Sandra had certainly less charm—there was her shyness—and if this young man had a future as everyone seemed to think...
Live-Action TV
Talia al Ghul: You ally yourself with our father's murderer? He'd be ashamed of you.
Nyssa al Ghul: Father was always ashamed of me.
Nyssa al Ghul: Father was always ashamed of me.
— Arrow
Robert, Lord Grantham: Edith, my most darling girl...
Edith: (crying) But I'm NOT your most darling girl!
Edith: (crying) But I'm NOT your most darling girl!
"They say that you can't choose your parents, but boy, if you could, I'd want yours."
— Monica Geller to her brother Ross, Friends
Waqas: I don't know where we went wrong with Tahani.
Marisha: I know, she's such a disappointment compared to her sister.
Tahani: Hello, Father. Hello, Mother.
Marisha: Oh, hello Tahani, we were just talking about how you're a huge disappointment compared to your sister.
Waqas: Have a seat, we'd love to get your take.
Marisha: I know, she's such a disappointment compared to her sister.
Tahani: Hello, Father. Hello, Mother.
Marisha: Oh, hello Tahani, we were just talking about how you're a huge disappointment compared to your sister.
Waqas: Have a seat, we'd love to get your take.
— The Good Place, "The Burrito"
Video Games
Web Animation
"Charizard! Nooooooo!... Oh, and froggy plant-whatever-a-saur."
— Boomstick, DEATH BATTLE! - "Pokémon Starter Battle Royale"
The Emperor of Mankind: Magnus, Fulgrim, Perturabo, Mortarion, Lorgar, Konrad, Angron, Alpharius Omegon, and Fucking Horus... My sons, created in the laboratories of Luna made out of my very own genes. To think that they would ever fucking betray me.
"Kitten": Well, My Lord, at least Leman Russ, Ferrus Manus, Vulkan, Rogal Dorn, Roboute Guilliman, Sanguinius, Lion El'Johnson, Jaghatai Khan, and Corvus Corax remained loyal to you!
The Emperor of Mankind: That's still not fucking good enough. I mean, I was a great fucking father to all of them even if they all had their obvious flaws. Magnus being a nerdy fucking bookworm and a Psyker not ever being able to stand up to the brothers who bullied him over it. Fulgrim being a sissy fucking brown noser who would rather indulge himself in his secret quest to attain more fabulous hair than me. To this day, he has not succeeded. Perturabo was always so volatile and childish, constantly bitching and moaning when he didn't get as he wanted. Mortarion constantly smelt like shit from day one. Lorgar was a brainwashed choir boy with a massive victim complex. Konrad couldn't stand a little fucking sunlight, and kept feeling persecuted by his fantasies about a dark and depressing future. Angron was constantly mad. Like, extremely earth-shatteringly unreasonably fuck-ass mad. Probably because he had those fucking nails in his brain. Alpharius Omegon had huge anonymity issues. And Fucking Horus started off nice and friendly, but then he decided to stop trusting me when I left for Terra and became an edgy rebel instead, leading all traitor legions to Terra. And then put me on this fucking throne.
"Kitten": Right right, my Lord! It is no wonder the most flawed sons of yours betrayed you. The pure, noble and flawless ones were to remain naturally!
The Emperor of Mankind: I'd agree with you but nope. Even the loyal ones were flawed as fuck. Leman Russ was bigoted, self-righteous, unnecessarily rash, and had a fetish for wolves. Ferrus Manus was a brutish asscrack with a Survival-of-the-Fittest mindset, thinking all quote-unquote "weakness" within the human species needed to be destroyed. Vulkan died all the fucking time and was always too damn nice. Rogal Dorn was just way too uptight and brutally honest, never being capable of even telling a white lie to make someone feel better about themselves. Roboute Guilliman always acted infallible in his steadfast clinging to everything being held traditional, plain, and uncon-fucking-ventional. Yet wasn't as infallible as he wanted to believe. Lion El'Johnson was just a mess: being both a self-absorbed, spiteful and envious prick and an honourable, courageous and dutiful warrior at the same time. Fucking confusing. Jaghatai Khan was always so fucking reckless and constantly hyped on speed. And lastly Corvus Corax was always so infernally fucking angsty.
"Kitten": Oh, I see, my Lord... Wait, what about Sanguinius?
The Emperor of Mankind: Don't you talk shit about my fabulous fucking Hawk-Boy. He died for me, so be grateful.
"Kitten": Well, My Lord, at least Leman Russ, Ferrus Manus, Vulkan, Rogal Dorn, Roboute Guilliman, Sanguinius, Lion El'Johnson, Jaghatai Khan, and Corvus Corax remained loyal to you!
The Emperor of Mankind: That's still not fucking good enough. I mean, I was a great fucking father to all of them even if they all had their obvious flaws. Magnus being a nerdy fucking bookworm and a Psyker not ever being able to stand up to the brothers who bullied him over it. Fulgrim being a sissy fucking brown noser who would rather indulge himself in his secret quest to attain more fabulous hair than me. To this day, he has not succeeded. Perturabo was always so volatile and childish, constantly bitching and moaning when he didn't get as he wanted. Mortarion constantly smelt like shit from day one. Lorgar was a brainwashed choir boy with a massive victim complex. Konrad couldn't stand a little fucking sunlight, and kept feeling persecuted by his fantasies about a dark and depressing future. Angron was constantly mad. Like, extremely earth-shatteringly unreasonably fuck-ass mad. Probably because he had those fucking nails in his brain. Alpharius Omegon had huge anonymity issues. And Fucking Horus started off nice and friendly, but then he decided to stop trusting me when I left for Terra and became an edgy rebel instead, leading all traitor legions to Terra. And then put me on this fucking throne.
"Kitten": Right right, my Lord! It is no wonder the most flawed sons of yours betrayed you. The pure, noble and flawless ones were to remain naturally!
The Emperor of Mankind: I'd agree with you but nope. Even the loyal ones were flawed as fuck. Leman Russ was bigoted, self-righteous, unnecessarily rash, and had a fetish for wolves. Ferrus Manus was a brutish asscrack with a Survival-of-the-Fittest mindset, thinking all quote-unquote "weakness" within the human species needed to be destroyed. Vulkan died all the fucking time and was always too damn nice. Rogal Dorn was just way too uptight and brutally honest, never being capable of even telling a white lie to make someone feel better about themselves. Roboute Guilliman always acted infallible in his steadfast clinging to everything being held traditional, plain, and uncon-fucking-ventional. Yet wasn't as infallible as he wanted to believe. Lion El'Johnson was just a mess: being both a self-absorbed, spiteful and envious prick and an honourable, courageous and dutiful warrior at the same time. Fucking confusing. Jaghatai Khan was always so fucking reckless and constantly hyped on speed. And lastly Corvus Corax was always so infernally fucking angsty.
"Kitten": Oh, I see, my Lord... Wait, what about Sanguinius?
The Emperor of Mankind: Don't you talk shit about my fabulous fucking Hawk-Boy. He died for me, so be grateful.
Webcomics
Sal: Ah dressed up like a friggin' princess because ah hafta try harder to please Mom an' Dad like you do. And by "harder", ah mean you don't even have to try. You never did. You were always, always their favourite.
Walky: (nervous smile) Well, I didn't rob any convenience stores...?
Sal: You FUCKIN' - you really think this started that day? You really think that was the beginning? It fuckin' STARTED the day we were born and you came out WHITER.
Walky: (nervous smile) Well, I didn't rob any convenience stores...?
Sal: You FUCKIN' - you really think this started that day? You really think that was the beginning? It fuckin' STARTED the day we were born and you came out WHITER.
King Leland: Frederick, I take back all those words of pride and acknowledgement I had for you recently. Every year, I request from my sons a proposal for the future growth of our kingdom's prosperity, and you hand me THIS ATROCITY?! More trees and libraries? That's your plan?! Lance has been handing in manlier proposals since before he learned to tie his own shoes!!
Prince Frederick: —To be fair, I think he only learned to do that like last year...
King Leland: You know what?! There's still a lot you could stand to learn from your brothers. So today, you'll be shadowing both of them during their daily duties. And I can only pray that a sliver of their excellence will seep into that malnourished little body of yours.
Prince Frederick: —To be fair, I think he only learned to do that like last year...
King Leland: You know what?! There's still a lot you could stand to learn from your brothers. So today, you'll be shadowing both of them during their daily duties. And I can only pray that a sliver of their excellence will seep into that malnourished little body of yours.
Western Animation
"It's not that I don't love you anymore. It's just that I love Billy more. Also, you're dead to me."
— Gepetto to Pinocchio, The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy
My mother's love was always inexplicably linked to kickball,
and my brother was an expert from the start.
But I lacked finesse, so when put to the test,
I couldn't kick my way right into her heart.
and my brother was an expert from the start.
But I lacked finesse, so when put to the test,
I couldn't kick my way right into her heart.
— Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, Phineas and Ferb
Pretend I'm your child! *Lois loosens her grip* Not Meg! Not Meg!
—Joe Swanson: Family Guy
"I can't believe he's blood."
— Darkseid on Kalibak, Superman: The Animated Series
"I love my son Thor and not my son Loki, and Santa agrees! My parenting is most inequitable!"
— Odin, Robot Chicken
Real Life
"...And who was president next? Gore?"
No. Bush.
"He was already president!"
No, this was his son.
"Oh, the one from Florida. He's kinda cool."
No, the one from Texas.
"JUNIOR? Fuck! My God, he... the one who traded Sammy Sosa?"
Fuck yeah.
"How was he as president?"
Kinda goofy.
"Really?"
He waved at Stevie Wonder."
No. Bush.
"He was already president!"
No, this was his son.
"Oh, the one from Florida. He's kinda cool."
No, the one from Texas.
"JUNIOR? Fuck! My God, he... the one who traded Sammy Sosa?"
Fuck yeah.
"How was he as president?"
Kinda goofy.
"Really?"
He waved at Stevie Wonder."
— Robin Williams, Weapons of Self-Destruction
Jeb Bush: Governor of Florida, whose older brother's stupidity blew any chance of him being president. Real name is John Ellis Bush, but he goes by "Jeb" in an effort to pretend he's not an Eastern prep school twit.
Kristin Scott Thomas, Ma Baker by way of a genetically engineered megabitch, injects an impotent, Oedipal bent to Gosling’s problems, as she mourns for the son who should have lived, the better-respected, better-hung brother to useless Gosling and his four-inch flopper.
—Stuart Millard on
Only God Forgives (2013)
Only God Forgives (2013)Years ago, amateur Indiana biochemists went through the Jackson's garbage in an attempt to create a second Michael out of food scraps and discarded maxi pads. LaToya Jackson was the shrieking and unkillable result of that experiment... LaToya spends most of her time in this video getting berated by Gay. Gay Gasper is a muscle-bound sack of slave driving intensity and her three assistants are all clearly professional aerobics instructors. LaToya's contribution is almost all panting while she struggles to not fall behind. It's kind of tragic. After all, the last thing LaToya Jackson needed was to be in one more damn room full of people where she was the least talented one.
Stephen Baldwin is the youngest of the Baldwin brothers, and most famous for his appearance in The Usual Suspects, evangelical Christianity and proselytizing, political activism (especially for his campaigns against adult bookstores) and for having a tattoo on his left shoulder of the initials “HM” for Hannah Montana.
He has also been (of course) in financial trouble, and since 2009, a website has been soliciting donations on Baldwin's behalf, stating that “because of this convictions[sic] it has caused him the loss of many jobs,” and that “he deserves hundreds of millions for his Job-like faithfulness in the face of relentless loss and persecution”... It is interesting to see what happens when you take even the trappings of a working mind away and get Stephen Baldwin.
He has also been (of course) in financial trouble, and since 2009, a website has been soliciting donations on Baldwin's behalf, stating that “because of this convictions[sic] it has caused him the loss of many jobs,” and that “he deserves hundreds of millions for his Job-like faithfulness in the face of relentless loss and persecution”... It is interesting to see what happens when you take even the trappings of a working mind away and get Stephen Baldwin.
Sadly, all the praying Kim was doing in the bathtub was cancelled out by all the praying Pimp Mama Kris was doing over her homemade shrine to Dark Lord Satan in her shoe closet. 'Dear Prince of Darkness, please make me…errr, I mean…my daughter Kim famous. She’s dumb as a box of rocks, but I bet with the right set of tits she could be a star. In exchange for Kim’s fame, I’ll sell you the souls of my other less-useful children, like Rob, Khloe, Kourtney, Rob. Did I mention Rob?'
—Michael K., "Kim Kardashian Klaims She Used To Pray For Smaller Boobs"
, "Kim Kardashian Klaims She Used To Pray For Smaller Boobs""I love [my kid] so much, you know? I really do. That's why I'm just gonna have one. 'Cause if you have more than one kid, then you gotta decide which one you like better, that's always mean. Oh, it's true. Parents are always like, 'Oh, we like 'em all the same!' [dismissive laugh] No you don't! Oh, you love 'em all, of course, but there's always that one kid, y'know... if he got lost... [shrug] No, you'll look for him... not right away..."
— Tom Papa
