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Quotes / The Troubles

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'Cause all our kind are good for is shovelling shit and making bombs, isn't that right? D'you know something, big lad? I'm sick of shovelling shit.
Patrick O'Brien, Life on Mars

There's a book called Patriot Games by Tom Clancy and in it America is pitted against the IRA. Not the real IRA, of course, that'd be too complicated. Not the Pretend IRA, not the Breakway IRA, not the Continuity IRA, no, it's the Totally Mad Bonkers Only-Two-Of-Them-Left-And-Neither-Of-Them-Knows-Who-The-Other-One-Is IRA.

Northern Ireland is made up of a majority of Protestants who like to kill Catholics, a large minority of Catholics who like to kill Protestants, and a significant number of individuals who like to kill people regardless of their religious affiliation.
The Onion, "Atlas of the World"

The choice was clearly open: crush them with vain and unstinted force, or try to give them what they want. These were the only alternatives, and though each had ardent advocates, most people were unprepared for either. Here indeed was the Irish spectre – horrid and inexorcisable.

This period of was known as 'The Troubles,' while the rest of Northern Ireland's history is known as '1954.'
The Onion, "Our Dumb World"

Let me tell you something. I've had enough of Irish Americans who haven't been back to their country in twenty or thirty years come up to me and talk about the resistance, the revolution back home; and the glory of the revolution, and the glory of dying for the revolution. Fuck the revolution! They don't talk about the glory of killing for the revolution. What's the glory of taking a man from his bed and gunning him down in front of his wife and his children? Where's the glory in that? Where's the glory in bombing a Remembrance Day parade of old-age pensioners, their medals taken out and polished up for the day? Where's the glory in that? To leave them dying, or crippled for life, or dead, under the rubble of the revolution that the majority of the people in my country don't want. No more!
Bono, Rattle and Hum

You're just another coffin on its way down the Emerald Aisle
When your children's stony glances mourn your death in a terrorist's smile
The bomber's arm placing fiery gifts on the supermarket shelves
Alley sings with shrapnel detonates a temporary hell
Forgotten sons...
From the dole queue to the regiment, a profession in a flash
But remember Monday signings when from door to door you dash
On the news a nation mourns you, Unknown Soldier, count the cost
For a second you'll be famous, but labelled posthumous...
Marillion, "Forgotten Sons"

Two kinds of Irish people? What are they fighting over — who gets to sleep in the bathtub?

432: Saint Patrick introduces Christianity to Ireland, thereby giving the natives something interesting to fight about for the rest of their recorded history.
History Gone MAD

Yorkie Mitchell: Let's see... you've got the Republicans, who want to be Irish, and the Loyalists, who want to stay British. There's various kinds of each brand of tosser, so you'd better pin your ears back.
Yorkie Mitchell: Most obviously, there's the Irish Republican Army- the Provisionals, who say they're for peace, and the Continuity and Real splinter groups, who don't. On the other side there's the Ulster Volunteer Force, and smaller offshoots like the Ulster Freedom Fighters. They're real charmers, supposed to be linked to British racist outfits lie the National Front.
Yorkie Mitchell: The I.R.A. tend to think a little bit bigger. They're mates with Colonel Gadaffi and so on, possibly even Al Qaeda.
Yorkie Mitchell: Now, the longer the shooting went on- at us, at each other, among themselves- the more they realized they needed financing to keep things going. That doesn't just mean running coke with the Columbians, it means drugs, whores, porn and loan-sharking in Belfast itself. And that's where we are at the minute.
Yorkie Mitchell: Since the ceasefire, what was supposed to be a political conflict has degenerated into a war over turf. Sames sides, same infighting, same little Hitlers carving out territory...
Yorkie Mitchell: Except that in some parts of the city, things are so vicious that even these animals are starting to lose their grip. There's a purer breed on the way up. Kids who don't give a toss for politics. Who've never known the place any other way. Who see the hole their forefathers dug for them- and like it.
Frank Castle: So it's a warzone?
Yorkie Mitchell: No, no, most of it's perfectly pleasant. But you'll hardly be visiting those parts, will you?


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