Narrator: Our best minds have determined that the whole universe is the dream of one ant.
Narrator: Police rounded up every pervert in the area, torturing them for information, which, naturally, the perverts loved. They undulated orgasmically for more. The cops were all too happy to oblige. Nipple twisting, purple nurples, blue nurples, every nurple in the rainbow turned up a steaming pile of zilch.
Narrator: We have long known that chickens can live for years with their heads cut off. Recently, embedded Mideast war reporters have been dosing with huge infusions of chicken blood to frustrate their terrorist beheaders.