Follow TV Tropes


Quotes / The Rock Critic

Go To

Mask off.
The album I'm about to discuss is...bad on an entirely different level. I apologize if it sounds like I'm coming off a bit overly dramatic for this, but I need you people to fully comprehend me when I say that: this record that I'm about to talk the worst thing I've ever listened to for this channel. I'm not exaggerating, I'm not doing this as a skit or a bit or anything; I'm trying to come at you people as real as I can come. Because this album deserves the harshest truth I can deliver.
I didn't review this album on the channel proper this year, but I'm doing it now, if only because I have to purge my conscience of this awful, heartless thing. This album is receiving my first, and to date only...ZERO. I don't give a rating like that lightly. A record basically has to be so bankrupt of creative passion, so negligent in its message, and so hate-fuckingly devoid of empathy that it's practically...the antithesis of music. Like, that's what it takes to get a zero out of me, but people...please...make no mistake when I say that the record in question wholeheartedly deserves it. Because...
God...dammit... fucked up big time.
It's one thing to make a bad album. It's another thing to make a bad comedy album, but this? This isn't just an album that completely misses the point of what Pink Floyd's original record was supposed to be; it's an album that knows it's missing the point and is celebrating its own joyous ignorance. For as horrid as AJR is about wallowing in their own gleeful stupidity, you put out a record that topped even THAT shameful display.
And The Wall genuinely does have its issues, believe me. It's not a perfect record by any means, and there is a right way to critique its flaws, and I know you know how to critique those flaws. But that's not what you did, it?
Instead, you hired someonenote  to steal the music of Pink Floyd—badly, I might addnote —and used it as a platform to spew hate. Not just your own shallow hatred of this album for being up its own ass—which, yeah, Doug, you really are living in glass houses when it comes to that little anecdote—but your own personal hatred as well. Most of this record is devoted only to your own petty squabbles: your squabbles with the record itself for not being specifically about you and not relating directly to you, and how that's somehow supposed to be the album's fault. Your squabble with the Internet and how it dared to suggest you might not be a great person...after getting caught doing some really...shady shit over the last few years! And regardless of any of that: seriously, Doug, you spend half your album bitching about this! WHAT THE FUCK DID ANY OF THAT HAVE TO DO WITH THE WA
You didn't criticize this album. All you did was show us your hatred. The Wall does have problems, but none of those problems were more important than your problems, were they, Doug? You wrote a pathetic, miserable little screed on why the world is so very mean to you and you alone...and dared to call that criticism. What you did to this record isn't criticism and you know that! I know damn well that you know what you were doing with this video! You're not dumb, Walker. I don't think you hate this album out of ignorance. Based on what I heard on this record and saw in that miserable review...I just can't help but think you hate this album so much because it hits so close to home, doesn't it?
You've been building your own wall for years now. With every friend or colleague you alienate, with every dwindling view count, with every negative thing said about you in public, in private—all of that feedback; you're taking it...and you're building your own little wall with it. A strong, tall and beautiful wall that will protect you from all those bad people who are against you. All of that slander, all of that criticism that's fired back at you—they're all just bricks in your wall. Everyone who downvoted that abysmal video, all those critics who rightly laughed at your naked affrontery...even me, and every word falling out of my mouth right now—all in all, all of it, are just bricks in your wall. And I think you hate this film because it serves as a grim reflection of the things you're doing to yourself every day, but refuse to accept.
Well, Walker, I can tell you something...even though I know you're not gonna listen. You are walking down a very dark path. This wall you're building: it will swallow you whole. You'll have to keep putting more and more people behind it as you refuse to bend, to compromise, to listen. As you build your wall higher and higher, it will swallow you further and further until, one by one, everyone in your life—the Internet, YouTube, your sponsors, your business partners, your remaining friends, even your family—eventually, everyone becomes a brick in that wall. And if you keep building at this rate, you will find yourself all alone, with no one left in your life to save you from your own foolishness...except you...and that wall. And when you build walls so thick and so strong with so many layers of hatred and resentment...not even the worms will be able to tear that down.
My God, Walker, this...thing that you've become—I would've called you an inspiration back in the day. Maybe even someone worth looking up to, dare I say it in my ignorance. But after seeing this slow, humiliating degeneration over the last few You aren't any of those things anymore. What you are, for me and for everyone else out there, is a lesson. A lesson in what you can become when you let your ego overtake you. When you take your personal vision of what the world is so hard and inflexibly, to interpret art, criticism and even the people who take part in them as villains in your story attempting to cut you down...
When I started doing this seven years ago, I would've loved to have been associated with you. Now I'm thankful every day that I never was. And God willing, I never will be. I don't wanna become what you've become, Doug. I don't wanna wake up five, ten, twenty years from now and see a trail of ruin in my wake. I don't wanna wake up one morning and realize I've become the very thing I used to rally against. I do not want to be stuck in your shadow...or anyone else's. Not anymore, I don't.
So it's time for a change.
Crash's epic "The Reason You Suck" Speech towards Doug Walker and his version of The Wall

How well does it match the trope?

Example of:


Media sources: