Lizzie-as-Mrs.Bennet: Lizzie! Who is that dancing with Bing Lee, the rich new neighbor who's studying to be a doctor?
Lizzie: For the tenth time, it's your eldest, most perfect daughter Jane.
Lizzie-as-Mrs.Bennet: *in tears* This is the happiest day of my life!
Lizzie: What about the day you married Dad? Or the days your three daughters were born?
Lizzie-as-Mrs. Bennet: Nope! It's today!
Lizzie: Bing is on his way to the airport to return with an entire harem of women. According to my mother.
Lizzie-as-Mrs.Bennet: Five hundred women! There are prostitutes and teenagers and probably not-so-distant cousins!
Lizzie: And you want me to marry this guy?
Lizzie-as-Mrs.Bennet: Have you not been listening to me? He's rich! Handsome! And single!
Lizzie-as-Darcy: This party is preposterous. I hate dancing. It's a waste of time, like saying nice things to people. Many of these people seem to be enjoying popular music un-ironically.
Lydia: Jane and Lizzie are too worried about "propriety" and "letting things take their own time" and "not over-using air quotes" to get anything done at all.
Lizzie-as-Darcy: You found the only pretty girl at this wedding. Even if she smiles too much. I dislike smiling. It contorts the face.
Lizzie: I'm all for rich, single guys but who is my mom to tell one of us who to marry? What if he's gay? What if he's a serial killer? What if he's a gay serial killer?
Lydia: There was someone else. Another man.
Lizzie:: Wait, like... frollicking-in-the-meadows-holding-hands another man?
Lydia: No, dumbass! He brought a friend back with him. An incredibly hot, incredibly rich piece of man cake friend. I heard they went to school together.
Lizzie: Doesn't mean they weren't frolicking in meadows.
Lydia: Oh my God, stop it! They're too hot and single to be gay!
Lydia: What? That's totally how guys talk!
Charlotte: [about her lines when she's been roped into costume theatre] Who wrote this?
Charlotte: [Darcy] really needs to work on his game.
Charlotte-as-Caroline: Oh look. Your little crush is coming this way.
Jane-as-Darcy: [turns her back and begins fiddling with her phone]
Charlotte-as-Caroline: Are you fake texting?
Jane-as-Darcy: It's super important.