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Quotes / The Last of These Is Not Like the Others

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Thirteenth Warriors are characters that don't logically fit into the game that the GM has offered. These characters force the GM to sorta shoehorn them in, resulting in bizarre character collections like this:
All right players, last night the London Museum was robbed, leaving one guard dead and the Crown Jewels missing. Police are baffled and they've assembled you — the team of greatest investigators of all time to solve this mystery. You are: Columbo, Jessica Fletcher, Sherlock Holmes, Miss Marple and.... WWE Superstar Triple H.
Or this: Alright players, the Lich King has awoken from his ten thousand years slumber and has begun devouring all of the magic throughout the realm. The Council of Magi assembled you, the greatest sorcerers of all time to combat this evil before it plunges us into eternal darkness. You are: Merlin, Albus Dumbledore, Fin Raziel, Gandalf the Grey and....Captain Jack Sparrow.
Okay, I'm really just having fun with these, one more: Okay, players, a group of guerilla fighters has stolen enough enriched uranium in order to make a dirty bomb. The government is powerless to stop them in any official capacity so they've assembled you, a team of soldiers of fortune in order to stop them. You're the best of the best, you know no mercy and best of all, you're expendable. You are: John Rambo, Al Dillon, John Matrix, James Braddock and...Bill Nye the Science Guy.

Tonight: I wear a hat, James wears a hat, and Richard is behind a low wall.
Jeremy Clarkson, Top Gear (UK)

Things to do:
Get the diamond
Kill the Batman
Order sushi

What makes a King out of a slave? Courage.
What makes the flag on the mast to wave? Courage.
What makes the elephant charge his tusk in the misty mist or the dusky dusk?
What makes the muskrat guard his musk? Courage.
What makes the Sphinx the 7th Wonder? Courage.
What makes the dawn come up like THUNDER?! Courage.
What makes the Hottentot so hot?
What puts the "ape" in ape-ricot?
Whatta they got that I ain't got?
You can say that again... huh?
The Cowardly Lion, The Wizard of Oz

For most people, ghosts are simply a way to sell night vision cameras to the stupid. But for everyone that Robert Bruce has met, they're a source of every tragedy and ailment. They cause acne, mental illness, tennis elbow and cunnilingus. Since that was the one that caught my eye too, here's the shocking testimony from a woman assaulted by a cunnilingual astral beast.

Over there is our biosphere, through that door is our nuclear fission facility, and those are the restrooms.
Dr. J, The Loud House, "The Mad Scientist"


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