Quotes / The Last Days of FOXHOUND

Liquid (after having Mantis read his mind): Do Ocelot now!
Mantis: Hmm... I see you spent last night watching amateur Russian porn. You are a very lonely man.
Ocelot: Up yours with an egg beater. Let's go.
Mantis: Wait, wait... (beat) Amateur Russian child porn.
Ocelot (pointing his gun at Mantis and being held back by Liquid): Just once. Let me shoot him just once. Look, he'll dodge it anyway!
——

Berthold: I can eat you any time I want, bitch. Just you remember that.
——

Octopus (disguised as Ocelot, to Ocelot): Christ, your blood tastes awful today, you know that?
——

Octopus: I hate you.
Mantis: Aren't you special.
——

Ocelot: Get some coffee and head to the briefing room. We're being deployed.
Liquid: Where're we off to?
Ocelot: Tknsydska.
Liquid: Say what?
Ocelot: Tknsydska.
Liquid: Ah, of course. Home of the great vowel famine of '89.
——

(Wolf tries to pull Mantis off the edge of a cliff)

Mantis: Oh, don't you even think about it, slutbucket.
——

Ocelot: Say, you've got a pretty nice arm yourself. That'd be a good arm to have.
Liquid: Yeah, over my dead body.
Raven: Damn, talk about irony.
——

Narrator: FOXHOUND will go back to not sucking next week.
Mantis: By which you imply that it didn't suck before.
Narrator: Oh, bravo. How long've you been holding on to that gem, pal?
——

Gray Fox: I I love love double double Chex Chex...
——

Gray Fox: So then where is Gas Snake? Plasma Snake? Bose-Einsteinium Condensate Snake?
——

(Mantis and Raven visit Liquid's subconscious, which is a large tower with two hills at the base.)

Mantis: Freud would shit his pants.
——

Big Boss: I used to egg him on by telling him that the Patriots gave all my dominant genes to Solid and left him only the flawed, recessive genes.
Mantis: Stop. Just stop. That is some pure, unadulterated bullshit right there. First of all, genes aren't dominant or recessive. It's whichever allele of a gene you have that's dominant or recessive. Second, just because an allele is dominant doesn't make it better than a recessive allele. It has nothing to do with the quality of the trait it assigns. Third, dominant and recessive are just abstract ideas they teach middle schoolers. In reality, the interactions of alleles are so complex we don't even understand them yet. Not to mention that the whole premise is impossible if they're both genetically identical.
——

Gray Fox: I THIRST FOR THE BLOOD OF THE ANCIENTS!
——

Ocelot: I hate you so very goddamn much.
(Mantis tosses a coin into a half-full jar labeled "I hate you jar")

Mantis: Whee! One more quarter for the jar.
——

Scratch: Look, where the hell are you from? Your accent is all over the place.
Wolf: Umm... Europe.
Scratch: Oh, really? I would have said Texas.
——

Liquid: Geez, what is it with you and threatening people's balls?
Berthold: It works, doesn't it?
——

Ocelot: If you don't mind me asking, why the interest in Liquid?
Solidus: Call it... brotherly concern.
——

Liquid (to himself): I guess... I must have been hallucinating. Yeah, that's it. Heh heh...
Big Boss: Nah, you weren't hallucinating back there. Now you're hallucinating.
——

Liquid: Well, I wish you weren't leaving, Mantis. You rock!
Mantis: That would really mean a lot to me if I thought of you as a sentient life-form, Liquid.
——

Solidus: Really, Octopus, you shouldn't be so nervous. The rest of the team will be right there, backing you up. They wouldn't let you down, now would they?
Octopus (thinking): I'm a dead man.
——

Liquid (to Big Boss, about Solid Snake): Oh yes I can. I'll shove that candle down his throat and light his lungs on fire. And I'm not just going to outdo him. I'm going to outdo you! I'm going to get into this Metal Gear, and I'm going to track down Solid Snake... and I'm going to crush his body into dust!
(Gray Fox impales Liquid from behind)

Gray Fox: I've got a couple of problems with that. One: I am going to kill Solid Snake, and it'll be in a fair, unarmed fight to the death. Two: no one is going to use Metal Gear for anything. Not ever. Keep hell warm for me, Liquid Snake. Farewell.
——

Big Boss (to Liquid): You should've seen that coming, you know. You always were inferior. Not your fault, really. You were made that way. The leftovers from the process of creating my true successor. Deny it all you like, you're just not the right stuff - literally. Everyone sees it except you.
Ocelot: Liquid, you're an idiot, and your mom is an ugly whore.
Mantis: You suck so hard a black hole couldn't escape you.
Wolf: I always thought that level of incompetence would be hard to achieve, but you make it look so easy!
Gray Fox: you wouldn't last five seconds against me in a fight.
Big Boss: Would you hurry up and die already? Watching your life flash before your eyes is just depressing the hell out of me. Just give up. You're too weak.
——

Raven: I don't think we've been introduced. My name's Vulcan Raven. And this here's m'gun.
Gray Fox: So... small dick, huh?
Raven: Congratulations! Your death will be an extra 25% more painful.
——

Liquid: Now, if you'll excuse me, I must go speak with the dolphins.
Ocelot: He's lost way too much blood.
——

Waiter: Can I take-a you order?
Mantis: Finally.
Wolf: Hmm... let me think for a second...
Mantis: Oh for the love of- She wants steak. She acts like she's looking at the menu but she always wants steak. Blondie still hasn't realized this place is too fancy for hamburgers. Get him a steak too.
Liquid (thinking): Mmm... extra bacon swiss...
Mantis: Raven will have a green salad and salmon. He needs to lose weight.
Raven: Damnit, Mantis! I'm not fat!
Mantis: Shrimp scampi for this guy. And he wants mayonnaise with it because he's a freak.
Octopus: It really does go with everything.
Mantis: I'd like veal parmagiana, and Ocelot wants bull testicles.
Ocelot: Hey- I thought you couldn't read my mind anymore! (beat) I mean- I- that's not what I wanted!
Mantis: Oh, I believe you.
——

Ocelot: It's very simple. Say someone insults you or offers an opinion you don't like. You first reply "Your face is blank," which forces the other party to respond "Your mother is blank." Finally it escalates to "Your mother's a whore." There's nowhere to go after that.
——

Evil Cro-Magnon Carrot!Octopus: You, on the other hand, are now a novelty children's balloon. Several, in fact.
—

Solidus (about Mantis): So kill him.
Ocelot: You're pulling my leg, right? Kill Mantis? He's friggin invincible, man. Even I'm not that hard to kill.
Solidus: And tell me, why is he so tough to kill, eh?
Ocelot: Well, he can always see what's about to come at him because he reads your mi- (beat) HOOOOOWEEEEEE!
——

Scratch (about Mantis' coffee): Mantis, I will trade you my eternal soul for a cup from that Holy Grail.
——

Berthold (after finding out that Ocelot is trying to kill Mantis): What I meant was deciding whether I'd rather piss off Ocelot or see Mantis dead. Tough call.
——

Ocelot: You know, back when I was in the KGB, my area of expertise wasn't assassination. It was torture. I took such great satisfaction in the pain and suffering of others. Career-wise, those were probably the best years of my life. Sure, I was pissed off yesterday, but then it hit me... Even if I can't kill you, I can still make your life miserable. Take that cup of coffee, for instance. Maybe this morning, when you weren't looking, I poured in a jar of my own urine while it was brewing. Or maybe I didn't. Anyone else, you could read their mind and find out. But with me, you'll never really know. So I think I'll have a very nice day, in fact. Enjoy your coffee.
Mantis: Goddamnit.
——

Wolf: Mantis, have you been talking to Liquid?
Mantis: Do I look like a masochist? Don't answer that.
——

Ocelot: None of us can fly a chopper. None of us even have helicopter training. Not me, not Raven, not Mantis, not Wolf, not Octopus, not- please do not tell me-
Campbell: Liquid.
Ocelot: -And God is officially dead.
——

Wolf: The source of Liquid's power is insecurity?
Mantis: Indeed. By boosting his self-confidence you've cut off his balls. It won't be easy... but if anyone can verbally assault Liquid cruelly enough to save him, I can.
——

Mantis: You are a walking, talking mouth-breathing pile of garbage, and everyone knows it. And not only was your mother a whore, but she was probably executed a few minutes after you were born!
Mantis (thinking): Heh. Still the best.
——

Mantis: Every human is retarded in his or her own way.
Ocelot: Even you?
Mantis: I don't consider myself human.
Ocelot: And people say we never agree about anything.
——

Mantis: Anyway, there's this facility on Shadow Moses which is a front for-
Ocelot: Building a Metal Gear?
Mantis: How did you...
Ocelot: Are you kidding me? What kind of cheesebrain moron couldn't guess that?
——

Cardboard Box: Liquid... over here. Use the box, Liquid. You must use the box. The box is life. The box will make your dreams come true. The box will protect you. Never leave the box.
Liquid: Oh, please. Who sneaks around disguised as a box? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
Cardboard Box: This one is strong.
——

Otacon: Uh, who are you talking to?
Liquid: Oh, my dead father lives on as a chronic hallucination based on my memories of his personality.
Otacon: My dad drowned himself in a swimming pool while I was in bed with my stepmother.
——

Baker: Go fuck yourself, you no-name son of a bitch.
"conspiracydawg": No need to get personal.
——

Liquid: That one-eyed son of a bitch in my head is driving me insane!
——

Mantis: Ghosts! Do not! Exist!
Raven: I'll have you know some of my closest friends are spirits.
——

Wolf: How do you feel?
Liquid/Big Boss: Like a new man.
——

Liquid/Big Boss: You know, Adam, I've had a lot of time to think since I crossed over. About what you and the Patriots did to me, to the Boss, to my country. About all those opportunities to kill you that I passed up. And do you know what I've decided?
Ocelot: Er... no?
Liquid/Big Boss: I should have blown your sick little brain out when I had the chance.
——

Wolf: I can never get the dose right with these superhumans.
——

Ocelot: ...I know this guy who works with dead people.
——

The Boss: He's gone...
The Sorrow (1962): I just told you five seconds ago I'd always be with you. That wasn't metaphorical. (beat) Thirty-five years of talking to the dead and now I have to learn how to talk to the living. Perfect.
——

Mantis: I suppose the man whose power was being covered in bees takes that honor.
——

The Sorrow: Sorry. In my line of work, there's always the temptation to rely on drama to make a point.
——

The Sorrow: I am the Sorrow, member of the Cobra Unit, son of the Boss, and spirit medium.
Liquid: You look exactly like my high school English teacher.
——

Guard: AAAAAAAAAIIIIII- *rrrrrrrrrrrip* *splortch*
Liquid: Oh my god, I didn't even know you could do that!
The Sorrow: I'm not sure that I can watch ten years of this...
——

Raven: "The Chinaman?" That's what you call your comrade? How would you like to be called "White Cracker Asshole?"
Campbell: Raven, his codename is "the Chinaman".
Jackson: Have you people not read our files yet?
Raven: What kind of fucked up codename system do you guys use?
Jackson: Look, he picked it, alright? I told him it was a bad idea. You don't know how many times I've had this exact conversation.
Raven: Why would anyone call himself his ethnicity?
Chinaman: I don't. I'm Vietnamese, thanks very much for asking.
(beat)

Raven: It... makes even less sense that way.
——

Jackson: Well how exactly are you planning to get in undetected?
Liquid/Big Boss: Have you got a cardboard box lying around anywhere?
——

Sergei: I apologize, my friends. But tell me, why have you come?
Ocelot: Honestly? We've been looking for the spirit of a dead necromancer.
Mantis: We want him to help us exorcise the vengeful ghost of our coworker's father.
——

Chinaman: Don't you think it's going a bit overboard using that thing on people?
Raven: Subtlety is a thing for philosophy, not combat. If you're going to kill someone, you might as well kill them a whole lot.
——

Raven: Are we done now?
Fatman: Yeah. Just wanted to leave my calling card.
Chinaman: What's that?
Fatman: A pile of smoking rubble.
——

Octopus: I find your abuse of our coworker entertaining, as I am easily amused.
——

Mantis: (to Ocelot) I will find your mother's grave and fuck her corpse!^note It's funny because Ocelot's mother is The Boss.
——

Octopus: Of course, just associating with Ocelot and Mantis makes me implicitly guilty of genocide.
——

Ocelot: I need twenty CC's of get me into a fucking wheelchair. Stat.
——

Liquid/Big Boss: You know, I couldn't be happier for you and your emotional breakthrough. But blowing your own head off won't get you anywhere.
Octopus/Liquid: Yeah, you're right.
(Liquid shoots Big Boss in the stomach)
——

Ocelot: Did we just flirt?
Wolf: I suggest we insult each other as a precautionary measure.
——

Bird (thinking, after being shot by Ocelot): Ah! My wing! I've been shot!
Bird (thinking, after being shot again by Wolf): My other wing's been shot! Oh how it hurts!
Bird (thinking, after being shot a third time by Ocelot): My leg! Why is this-
Bird (thinking, after being shot a fourth time by Wolf): Both legs! Both wings! My life is pain!
Bird (thinking, after being shot a fifth time by Ocelot): WHYYYYYYYYYY!
——

Ocelot: Oh, I dunno. Why don't we... (beat) ...torture some homeless people?
Wolf: I'll pass, actually.
Ocelot: Sure? You can't find better hobos anywhere in the world.
——

Wolf: They're late. Do you trust this contact?
Ocelot: We don't use the "T word" in FOXHOUND.
——

Mantis: Open your fucking eyes! Everyone in FOXHOUND is a sad, despicable excuse for a human being! Ocelot most of all. All we have in common is pure contempt for the rest of the world. I loathe him with every fiber of my being. Nothing would make me happier than to see him die in pain.
——

Mantis (about Ocelot): Look, this is a man who believes that if God himself came down from the heavens, pointed a shotgun at his head and pulled the trigger, God would miss.
——

Ocelot (1964): I can't say it feels good to kill a comrade, even if it is for the GRU.
——

Liquid: Jesus Christ, do any of you people not have a crush on my dad?
——

Wolf: But... monologuing is a fundamental tactic in psychological warfare!
——

The Pain: I'm covered in bees!
——

The Sorrow (1964): Sad... so sad... a host of sorrows... and you are one of them. I am the Sorrow. Like you, I am filled with sadness. Ours is a world of sadness. Battle brings death. Death brings sorrow. The living... may not hear them... their voices... may fall upon deaf ears. But make no mistake. The dead... are not silent. Now you will know the sorrow of those whose lives you have ended.
——

Ocelot: Look, you had it right back at the ice cream place. Your powers don't work on me. Hell, they never did!
——

Mantis: But it's all about the little details! I mean, you must spend every day pretending to act like you're falsely letting on that you aren't not unbetraying someone you don't not purport to allegedly not work for but actually do! How do you keep all this shit straight without having an aneurysm!
Ocelot: Practice.
——

Liquid (to Big Boss): Why didn't you tell me all this from the beginning? If I'd known what kind of scum you were fighting against, of course I would have helped you! Instead you jerked me around my whole life, manipulating me just like they do! And you think you're better than them?
——

Liquid: What the fuck are you doing?
Mantis: What does it look like, ass? I'm torching everything that moves and almost everything that doesn't.
Liquid: Why?
Mantis: Why not?
Liquid: Alright, why are you doing it now?
——

Mantis: That conniving, backstabbing son of a bitch Santa Claus!
——

Liquid: Now, we all know I'm hard to kill.
Ocelot: Damn hard to kill. Not that I've been trying or anything.
——

Liquid: Ah. A pile of corpses. Mantis?
Mantis: Yeah?
Liquid: Why is there a pile of corpses on this plane?
Mantis: Oh, this pile of corpses?
——

Liquid: (about Ocelot and Mantis) I am sick of hearing you two bitch about each other! Hell, not just you two- everyone in FOXHOUND is constantly at each other's throats. I of all people can appreciate the enabling power of seething hatred, but we can't be bickering with each other over the radio while the enemy points and laughs. And I've had it with you all complaining to me about each other, so you can pass this along to the rest- if you've got beef, be a man and suck it up. Don't come running to me. I'm your CO, not your mother.
Wolf: Liquiiiiiiid! Mantis is trying to make zombiieees!
——

Mantis (after making zombies): I don't see what you're so upset about.
The Sorrow: This is an abomination!
Mantis: Besides that.
——

Liquid: They just won't stop this bickering! Now we have a purpose beyond earning a paycheck, but they still spend more time bitching at each other than working. I know Dead Cell is just as bad. So I'm just wondering if it's inevitable, if a team of special ops agents with quirky abilities will always act like a bunch of sixth-grade girls.
——

The Pain (Ghost): I'm covered in-
The Sorrow: The Pain, how did you come to be covered in bees?
The Pain (Ghost): Due to my mother's constant craving for sweets during pregnancy, I was born with fragments of honey DNA.
——

The Boss (1944, to the Pain): You're covered in bees.
——

Mantis: You do get that it can't possibly make any kind of difference, don't you? No matter what I do to his memory, Big Boss' spirit can come along and fix it. Ghost Dad is the one thing neither of us can control. And he hates your rotten, festering guts almost as much as I do. I'm surprised he hasn't already outed you to Liquid.
Ocelot: Hey, we never- I mean, he sort of taught me Judo, there was a lot of grabbing and stuff, but that doesn't mean... (beat) When you say outed...
Mantis: As a double agent.
——

Ocelot: Wait, were you going to try and kill me?
Gurlukovich: Shalashaska! Don't be ridiculous, we would never-
Ocelot: Oh my god, you WERE gonna kill me!
Gurlukovich: My friend, I-
Ocelot: That's ADORABLE!
——

Solidus (to Ocelot, about Liquid knowing that they're brothers): Just to be safe, have Mantis erase the memory.
Ocelot: Mantis?
Solidus: Is that going to be an issue?
Ocelot: You do remember that one time we ruined his life, right? There is no way he would agree to do anything for us ever again.
Solidus: I'm sure you'll find some way to convince him.
(cut to Mantis and Ocelot in FOXHOUND HQ)

Mantis: I'll do it for fifty bucks.
Ocelot: That's it?
Mantis: I could make it a hundred if you want me to.
Ocelot: Why are you even considering it? You should be refusing out of spite! Have I not done a good enough job of shitting all over your existence?
Mantis: Whatever, I'm over it.
Ocelot: Oh no you fucking don't! I've earned that seething hatred, goddamnit!
——

Mantis (after applying for a mall Santa job): It's Christmas. Santa Claus. (beat) You tell me a better opportunity to damage so many young psyches at once.
——

Ocelot: Welcome to Ocelot Shack. You've got questions, I've got bullets.
——

Ocelot: You're going to be negotiating a nuclear disarmament treaty.
Solidus: Yes.
Ocelot: At the exact same time that we're testing an impossibly powerful nuclear weapon. In secret.
Solidus: And?
Ocelot: Can I hug you?
——

The Sorrow: Heh. I'm no psychic.
Big Boss: Yes! Yes you fucking are! Forty years ago you told me "You'll all be killed by your own sons." Remind me- How'd I die again?
The Sorrow: Well, yeah, but that wasn't foresight so much as... you know... general pessimism.
——

Anderson: It's these FOXHOUND characters that worry me. I've heard horror stories from all over about how they operate.
Baker: "Operate" might be a generous term. They're a dysfunctional bunch of retards if you ask me.
Anderson: And this doesn't concern you at all?
Baker: Donald, you've met the guy who built the damn thing.
Anderson: A convincing, albeit terrifying argument.
——

Ocelot: Torture is such an inelegant word. I'm an artist. Their testicles are my canvas.
——

Miller: Can I help y- Hey, aren't you...
Ocelot: Candygram.
(Ocelot shoots Miller three times)
——

Ocelot: Liquid doesn't know what the hell he's talking about. You think the Boss would have wanted a world of neverending war? You know better than that. She wanted to unite the world under one power. To make the idea of war obsolete. She died knowing that her death would further that goal. Not only is Liquid trying to fuck that up, he's doing it in her name! Pissant. The Patriots are the Boss's legacy! I'm the Boss's legacy!
——

Mantis: My goal? My goal is death. As much of it as possible. And I don't care if it comes at your hands, or mine, or Liquid's. In fact, the only thing I do care about... is that Revolver Ocelot suffers horribly.
——

Liquid: I'm going to go swat down a couple of bothersome flies.
——

Liquid: That sucked.
Big Boss: You suck.
——

Ocelot: Uh... crap. Spasms can't be a good- what the fuck?
(Ocelot's right arm begins to choke him)
Liquid Ocelot: How did the Sorrow put it? The only body a spirit can inhabit... is his own.
Liquid Ocelot/Big Boss: What a delightfully ambiguous rule.
——