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Quotes / The Joker

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If the police expect to play against the Joker, they'd better be prepared to be dealt from the bottom of the deck!
The Joker, in his first appearance ever.

The Joker must have the Batman! Nay, the Joker deserves the Batman! What fun would there be in humbling mere policemen? I am the greatest criminal ever known! Hahahaha! And for anyone else to destroy the Batman would be unworthy of me!
The Joker, Detective Comics v1 #475, AKA: The Laughing Fish Part 1

Why so serious?
The Joker, The Dark Knight

We aren't contractually tied down to rationality! There is no Sanity Clause!
The Joker, to Commissioner Gordon in The Killing Joke

Some men aren't looking for anything logical, like money. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn.
Alfred Pennyworth, The Dark Knight.

How about a magic trick? I'm going to make this pencil disappear.
The Joker, The Dark Knight.

There's two things he forgot to tell you about me... I don't give a damn what happens to the world... and I DON'T play well with others...

All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. That's how far the world is from where I am. Just one bad day.
The Joker, The Killing Joke.

"It's true, Batsy. I know everything. And kinda like the kid who peeks at his Christmas presents, I must admit it's sadly anti-climactic. Behind all the sturm and Batarangs, you're just a little boy in a playsuit crying for mommy and daddy! It'd be funny if it weren't so pathetic. [Beat] Oh, what the heck, I'll laugh anyway! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Yet we're linked, you and I. Like comedy and tragedy. Two sides, same coin."
The Joker to Batman, The Batman, "The Bat in the Belfry".

"Jingle Bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg. The Batmobile lost a wheel and the JOOOKEERRR GOT A-WAY!!!"

"Crashing through the roof, in a one-horse open tree, busting out I go, laughing all the wheeeeeee! Ha ha ha ha!"
The Joker, Batman: The Animated Series, "Christmas with the Joker".

"Batman, you wouldn't let me fry, would you?" (Batman thinks for a moment and wants to consider it) "BATMAN!!!!"

"The guy is so demented and evil, but so funny at the same time, it actually makes you laugh along with him and feel guilty about it afterward. How can you not laugh at a guy with a permanent smile?"

"You know what's great about you, puddin'? You really put the "fun" in "funeral!"

"That's the downside of comedy. You're always taking shots from people who just don't get the joke!"

Bat-Fake: What can you tell me about clowns, Commissioner?
Dear Old Barb: In this town, they're never funny.

"You know, kids, a lot has changed while your old Uncle Joker's been away. New Gotham, new rules, even a new Batman. But now I'm tanned, I'm rested and I'm ready to give this old town a wedgie again!"

The Joker: Interesting. I always thought your misguided sense of self-righteousness came from some personal tragedy. I'm sorry for whatever it was that happened to you which made you the way you are.
Batman: But?
The Joker: But I do want to kill you. I imagine that's hard to hear after you just opened yourself up to me like you just did. I imagine, in your head, you saw this visit as a change to work on the nature of our relationship while I'm temporarily not a frothing-at-the-mouth, raving lunatic. You probably saw this visit as a chance for a new beginning. But here's the cold, hard truth, Bats... I don't hate you 'cause I'm crazy... I'm crazy 'cause I hate you. And your death - preferably, but not necessarily, by my hand - will mean an end to my reign of terror in Gotham. When you're gone, I'll stop hurting people I don't know. I'll stop with the mayhem and murder. I'll lock myself up in a hospital and run out my clock staring at the walls, hopped up on premium grade pharmaceuticals that leave me so virtually lobotomized, they'll have to catheterize and colostomize my holes to keep me from becoming a nonstop self-pissing and pooping mess. I can tell by your face that I've disappointed you. But you're a big, strong guy who's obviously familiar with disappointment and disillusionment, so I'm thinking you can handle this information... Yes, I want to kill you. And then? Then we'll both finally be free.
The Joker: Since we're being super truthful, I should also tell you I saw a bit of your junk when you were getting changed before.
'The Joker, doped up on anti-psychotics, in Batman Cacophony''.

Batman: You're going to Arkham.
The Joker: In a coffin or not at all? [Evil Laugh] Oh well. Kill and the world dies with you; die and you laugh alone.

"If you weren't hiding in the shadows like a little girl, this would be over so much faster."
The Joker in Batman: Arkham Asylum

"Where, oh where has my little Bat gone? Oh where, oh where can he be? His cowl, his scowl, his temper so foul. I do hope he's coming for me." [Evil Laugh]
The Joker, doing a spoof of "Oh Where, Oh Where Has My Little Dog Gone?", Batman: Arkham Origins

The Joker: If you actually let me finish a sentence, you might learn something! You might learn we're Not So Different. You might even learn something about yourself.
Batman: You need to learn to shut up!

"Uh-uh-uh, don't touch that remote! I know it's heartbreaking to have your favorite shows pre-empted. But look what you're getting instead: me! And a whole truckload of mindless violence and wanton property damage! Everything that makes TV great! So stay tuned, you won't believe your eyes..."
The Joker, Justice League

"'Winged... Freak... Terrorizes?' Wait 'til they get a load of me."
The Joker, Batman (1989)

"Batman? Batman?! Can somebody tell me what kind of a world we live in, where a man dressed up as a bat gets all of my press?! This town needs an enema!"
The Joker, Batman (1989)

"Your pals, uh... they're not bad people. Maybe we oughta give 'em a couple of days to think it over? (beat) No? (beat) Grease 'em now? Well... okay. You are a vicious bastard, Rotelli... I'M GLAD YOU'RE DEAD!"
The Joker, Batman (1989)

"New and improved Joker products with the new secret ingredient... Smilex! Now, let's go over to our blind taste test! Uh-oh... he don't look happy... he's been usin' Brand X! But with new and improved Joker Brand, I get a grin... Again and again! That luscious tan... those ruby lips... and hair color so natural, only your undertaker knows for sure. I know what you're saying, where can I get these fine new items? Well, that's the gag. Chances are, you bought 'em already! So remember, put on a happy face!"
The Joker Batman (1989)

"And now comes the part where I relieve you, the little people, of the burden of your failed and useless lives. But as my plastic surgeon always said: If you gotta go, GO WITH A SMILE!"
The Joker, capping a certain parade. Batman (1989)

The Joker: Tell me something, my friend. You ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?
Bruce: ...what?
The Joker: I always ask that of all my prey. I just like the sound of it.

The Joker: ...and that's the idea. Be sure you follow my instructions to the split-second!
Mook: But, boss, you ain't gonna really reform, are you?
The Joker: [smoking up a skull from my cigarette] Of course not! My business will go on as usual...the important thing is that I'll be free! The Joker shall die so that he may live again!
Detective Comics Issue #64: "The Joker Walks the Last Mile"

The Joker: Look, Charlie, you've had a busy day...all this running around...all this excitement with-BAAAAAAAAAATMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!­!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stop! You’re crazy!
Batman: Long enough.

I'm just trying to show you
Just how well I know you…
I understand just how you feel.
Threw your reason away
'Cause you had one bad day,
And your mind let go of the wheel!

Still, we're fated to battle,
You pout and I prattle,
Don't you ever tire of this game?
But you'll not make it end,
'Cause I'm your only friend!
We are two of a kind
Violent, unsound of mind
You're the yin to my yang, can't you see?
And if I were to leave
You would grumble and grieve
Face it, Bats, you'd be lost without me!

Who will be your pretty, little enemy?
When I'm gone your world will prove empty.
I promise you will always remember me.
The joke's on you, poison me.
While you clean the streets of misfortune,
I pick the innocent from my dirty teeth.
We're one and the same...deranged.
Coheed and Cambria, in a little ditty about Batman and The Joker, straight from the Batman: Arkham City soundtrack

Carnage: I thought you had the stomach for death, Joker. I guess I was wrong.
The Joker: It's not a question of stomach, my friend, it's a question of style! Any idiot...nothing personal, of course... can go out and slaughter a few thousand people, but were's the laughter and tears? The handstands and histrionics? In short, my dense and sanguine pal, where's the theater? I always thought of myself as the Orson Welles of crime and chaos, while you, apparantly, aspire to be nothing more than...David Hasselhoff! Alas, dear Carnage, I thought we had the makings of a classic team—but—hard as it is to believe, I was wrong!
Batman/Spider-Man crossover.

Terry: It's funny. I know about all your other major enemies, but you never mentioned him. He was the biggest, wasn't he?
Bruce: It wasn't a popularity contest. He was a psychopath. A monster.

Emperor Joker: You know, Batsy, I been thinkin'. There's only one thing wrong with our relationship: You always win! Tonight that changes.
Batman: You haven't beaten me yet, Joker.
Emperor Joker: I know! (chuckles) Isn't the anticipation just killing you?
Harley Quinn: Ain't you gonna take his mask off and find out who he is?
Emperor Joker: And reduce my primal enemy to a mere man? Harley, my dear, I'm so disappointed in you. Where's the fun in that?

You can be a goody two-shoes 'till the end of your days
You can listen to them say crime never pays
You can follow every law and be the big black bat
But why would you want to? Huh!

Where's the fun in that?
Where's the fun in that?

So, smile, darn you, smile (Ah...)
Everybody loves to grin
Follow my lead, recite my creed
And smile, darn you, smile
The Joker, in a crazy musical number called "Where's the Fun in That? (Smile, Darn You, Smile)", Batman: The Brave and the Bold, "Emperor Joker!"

"I can't believe it. He's... he's actually gone. Let's take a moment to reflect on the passing of a man who was more than just another do-gooder in tights. He was the best arch-nemesis a sociopath could ask for. (beat) Okay, let's do it again!"
The Joker, right before bringing the dead Batman to life and then forcing him to go through a Death Montage, Batman: The Brave and the Bold, "Emperor Joker!"

One by One, they'll hear my call. Then this wicked town, will follow my fall.
Message written on a cell wall in Arkham, from Batman: The Man Who Laughs.

"All you care about is money. This town deserves a better class of criminal, and I'm gonna give it to 'em."
The Joker, The Dark Knight

"WHAT?!! Compare me to Batman?! I got more style, more brains! I'm certainly a better dresser!"

"Adios, Brucie. I guess I should salute you as a worthy adversary and all that, but the truth is I really did hate your guts. (blows a raspberry)"

"I do terrible, crazy things, and then you act all grim and gritty and stop me. And I go back to Arkham and you go back to...well, whatever it is you do when I'm not around. Brooding all by yourself in the dark I suppose. That's just how we are. Or how we've grown to be. And it's never going to change."
The Joker, Batman: Gotham Adventures #60

Harvey Dent: (on television) Together, we can make this city safe for decent people!
Me: Decent people shouldn't live here. They'd be happier some place else.

"Too easy! Played you like a violin, and then cut your strings! Nighty-night, Bats."

"C'mon-c'mon, I want you to do it, I wanchatodoit, hit me, HIT ME!"
The Joker in The Dark Knight

"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? You know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! You know, I just... do things."
The Joker, The Dark Knight

Take me on home, to the Asylum!
Never alone in the asylum.
Anarchy ruled, it was wild,
But through it all, you never smiled.
Joke's on you! I'm in your head, so
Look who's laughing now!

Remember in Arkham City?
I killed your girl, so pretty.
That was the night you let me die,
But when I looked you in the eye,
That's when I knew we'd be together;
Look who's laughing now!

I'm stuck in your head and I'm laughing! (HA!)
I fill you with dread, and I can't stop laughing!
Your parents are dead, and I can't stop laughing!
What else can I do?
Now I'm part of you!

I am the clown prince of crime,
And we've had a hell of a time.
You're part of me, I'm part of you,
And now there's nothing left to do.
I just can't wait till I'm in control.
Who'll be laughing then?

I drove you round the bend, and I'm laughing!
I'm with you till the end, and I can't stop laughing!
I killed all your friends, and I can't stop laughing!
[Cue to Joker's laughter]

Oh yeah! Think I can taste your fear
Now that my time is near.
I'm in your blood; I'm so alive!
I only wish you'd let me drive!
It won't be long till I make you kill.
Who'll be laughing then?

Barbara's dead, and I'm laughing! (HA!)
Jason Todd's dead, and I can't stop laughing!
I'M EVEN DEAD, and I can't stop laughing!
What else can I do?
Now I'm part of you!

I drove you round the bend, and I'm laughing!
I'm with you till the end, and I can't stop laughing!
I killed all your friends, and I can't stop laughing!
I'm cock-a-doodle-doo!
All because of you!

I'm stuck in your head, and I'm laughing! (HA!)
I fill you with dread, and I can't stop laughing!
Your parents are dead, and I can't stop laughing!
[Cue to Joker's laughter]

I'm stuck in your head, and I'm laughing!
I fill you with dread, and I can't stop laughing!
Your parents are dead, and I can't stop laughing!
What I else can I do?
(serious tone) Now I'm part of you!

The Joker, singing "Look Who's Laughing Now" in Brucey's mind, Batman: Arkham Knight.

"Oh I'm not gonna kill you, I'm just gonna hurt you, really really bad."
The Joker, Suicide Squad (2016)

Frost: You might want to keep your mouth shut.
Griggs: Can I go, man? What the hell is going on? This is crazy.
The Joker: Blah blah blah blah blah blah. All of that chit chat's gonna get you hurt.

"In the film The Usual Suspects, the dominating criminals reach the conclusion that to win, you just had to have the will to do what the others won't- which was co-opt by Keyser Soze. I think that's what The Joker is: not necessarily insane, just a man who's willing to do what the others won't; the kind of person who'll haul a dead body in a batman costume on a carefully calculated length of rope into City Hall, just to mess with people. Maybe that's crazy... or maybe that's someone just really confident in himself. That's why he and Batman are evenly matched: they are just as smart, both know the city - the good guys, the bad guys - and how to prepare for the unexpected. But while Batman brings in greater combat skill, the Joker has one serious advantage: he's willing... to do... anything."

"What do you get... when you cross a mentally ill loner, with a SOCIETY, that ABANDONS HIM AND TREATS HIM LIKE TRASH?! I'LL TELL YOU WHAT YOU GET: YOU GET WHAT YOU FUCKIN' DESERVE!"

"For my whole life, I didn’t know if I even really existed. But I do. And people - are starting - to notice."
"I used to think my life was a tragedy. But now I realize... It's a fucking comedy."

"The Joker's that perfect combination of schoolyard bully and class clown. The kind of sicko who will make you laugh just before he sticks the knife in and twists it."

"We live in a society... where honor is a distant memory. Isn't that right... Batman?"

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