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Quotes / The Ditz

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Quotes related to The Ditz.


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    Anime and Manga 

L: Oh, it's nothing. Matsuda is being stupid again.
Light: Well, that is his specialty.



[a truck full of explosives is rolling down a hill towards the campe, while also being broadcast on the tv]
Zangief: Quick! Change the channel!


You remember Emmily—she was very sweet and we all loved her, but she was not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Emmily wasn't even the sharpest spoon in the drawer. Most of the time, Emmily wasn't even in the drawer at all. She was lost somewhere in the bottom of the dishwasher.
Jamie Kelly, Dear Dumb Diary

    Live-Action TV 
"Do you even understand what is going on here, or is the whole world just colours and shapes and the occasional noise in your head?"
Patrick, Dead Set

"She was expelled from the National Union of Bimbos for being too dim."
Alex, regarding Sally Smedley, Drop the Dead Donkey

Rose: Can I ask a dumb question?
Dorothy: Better than anyone I know.


"Shut up Eccles! Shut up Eccles! Shut up Eccles! Oh, that's me!"
Eccles, The Goon Show

(The Serpentine has been drained and filled with concrete)
Seagoon: How did you get that lump on your head?
Eccles: I just dived in the Serpentine!
Seagoon: Didn't you know it was filled with solid concrete?
Eccles: No, but I know now. In any case, I wouldn't dare dive in a pool with water in it.
Seagoon: Why not?
Eccles: Can't swim!

Eccles: Land ahead!
[Drawn-out sound of seagoing prison crashing up onto the shore]
Eccles: I shoulda said that sooner.


"I think nothing, my lord."
Ophelia, Hamlet

"That King, although noone denies
His heart was of abnormal size,
Yet he'd have acted otherwise
If he'd have been acuter."


    Video Games 

"Aren't you happy, Flonne? We finally found somebody dumber than you!"

He's not just a regular moron. He's the product of the greatest minds of a generation, working together with the express purpose of building the DUMBEST moron who EVER lived.
GLaDOS, about Wheatley, Portal 2


Marten: Aw, well Raven's nice, but... I think she's like, a savant who hasn't found out what her one preternatural talent is, y'know?
Tai: Is the amount of talent proportional to the amount of idiocy the savant otherwise displays? 'Cuz if so, she's gonna turn on the Weather Channel one day and spontaneously fix global warming.

"I like swords."
Fighter, 8-Bit Theater

    Web Original 

"Vain and stupid. Girl power!"
The Nostalgia Chick, on Posh Spice in Spice World.

"Don't mind him. He was dropped on his head at birth and infected with a happy virus during childhood."

Caboose: Last time I was shot, I got a Purple Heart. Yeah, uh, I hope this time, I get a Purple Lung. You see eventually I, I hope to build an entire Purple Person. And we will be best friends.
Tucker: Maybe you should ask for a Purple Brain.
Caboose: You're just jealous, 'cause you have no friends!

One/Zero: Suzaku, listen! It's me!
Suzaku: No, it is not! Because I'm me! And that makes you not me!
One/Zero: What the f***?

    Western Animation 

"You can't always expect my usual brand of stupidity. I like to mix it up, keep you on your toes."
Patrick Star, Spongebob Squarepants

"Me fail English? That's unpossible!"
Ralph Wiggum, The Simpsons

"Duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck..."
Ralph Wiggum (while playing "Duck, Duck, Goose" with the furniture), The Simpsons

"When he grows up, I want to be like me!"
Ralph Wiggum, The Simpsons

"I can taste it with my sniff sniff!"
Ralph Wiggum, The Simpsons

"My cat's breath smells like cat food."
Ralph Wiggum, The Simpsons

"With these stool wings, I'll fly to the banana!"

Lucky Bob: I spy, something that begins with the letter "B".
Cho-Cho: Blinking lights?
Lucky Bob: Nope.
Cho-Cho: Big moon outside window?
Lucky Bob: No.
Cho-Cho: Black darkness of deep outer space?
Lucky Bob: No.
Cho-Cho: A bagel?
Lucky Bob: No.
Cho-Cho: A blitz?
Lucky Bob: No.
Caption: 55 HOURS LATER
Cho-Cho: A bupka?
Lucky Bob: No.
Cho-Cho: Big Fat Flying Baby?
Lucky Bob: No.
Cho-Cho: A Bob who is lucky?
Lucky Bob: Uh... no.
Cho-Cho: Bursting blood vessels in the astronauts' necks?
Astronauts: TELL HER ALREADY!!
Lucky Bob: Chocolate!

"If I had one dollar for every brain you don't have, I'd have one dollar."
Squidward Tentacles, Spongebob Squarepants

"And now it's time for Ask Dr. Stupid!"

Frat Alien: My dad paid for this hole and this hole is named after my dad!
Master Shake: Maybe that's why it's called Ass!
Meatwad: Is it really called Ass?
Shake: I don't know, I'm shooting my mouth off!

Zim: Um, is it supposed to be stupid?
Purple: It's not stupid, it's advaaaaaaaaanced.
Invader Zim, concerning GIR

Brain: Pinky, your complete inability to grasp the sublime is deeply sublime in and of itself.
Pinky: Oh, Brain, I love it when you say things about me that I don't understand. Poit.

    Real Life 

"You couldn't get a clue during the clue mating season in a field full of horny clues if you smeared your body with clue musk and did the clue mating dance."
Edward Flaherty

"So everyone is talking about "old" Hollywood, which I think is basically like regular Hollywood, except it's wrinkly and smells like mothballs and metamucil. The best way to get this look is to have your grandma sit on your clothes for awhile and then you can wear them!"
Tiffany Thongbiscuit on the "Old Hollywood" look.



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