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Quotes / The Big Rotten Apple

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"You don't understand, there is a maniac trying to kill us!"
"Welcome to New York."

Broken glass everywhere
People pissing on the stairs, you know they just don't care
I can't take the smell, I can't take the noise
Got no money to move out, I guess I got no choice
Rats in the front room, roaches in the back
Junkies in the alley with the baseball bat
I tried to get away, but I couldn't get far
Cause a man with a tow-truck repossessed my car

"But Marge, New York is a hellhole! And you know how I feel about hellholes!"
Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, "The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson"

Don't you know the crime rate is going up, up, up, up, up
To live in this town you must be tough, tough, tough, tough, tough!
You got rats on the west side
Bed bugs uptown
What a mess this town's in tatters I've been shattered.
The Rolling Stones, "Shattered"

Mario: This is crazy. Where are we?
Luigi: I dunno, maybe we got knocked unconscious for 100 years and woke up in Manhattan of the future.
Mario: Or maybe the Bronx of today!

And so I come to the bottom line. I don’t want to live in a city where a woman advertises for a lost dog and receives dozens of telephone calls from a variety of people saying they are torturing the animal and will continue to do so unless she pays large sums of money; or in a city where I am told I must always have $ 10 in my wallet for possible muggers because without that I will surely be stabbed; or in a city where my mailman leaves a slip in my box at Christmas suggesting the size of the tip he expects. I shall find some of these things wherever I go, and perhaps all of them, but I don’t think so. Above all I want to get away from the indifference of New York. I want to care and ─ it sounds implausibly poignant ─ be cared about. The city has seen thousands of us come and go. New York doesn’t give a damn.
Caskie Stinnett, "Farewell, My Unlovely", The Atlantic Monthly, August 1976.

Welcome to New York. NOW DUCK, MOTHERFUCKER!
— Popular T-Shirt design

"New York feeds on human misery. Gradually, it sucks the life out of us. It's a monster."
Perrine Valley, Mad Bull 34

"I remember the real New York of the 80s, when in a single night you could score some weed, catch a Times Square porno and get stabbed in the neck by a coked up Lou Reed."
Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report (December 3, 2012)

"In SBTB, denizens of the East Coast are portrayed like the evil twins to the sunny West Coast duders of Bayside. If Bell's California gets its atmosphere from 50' s beach blanket movies and radical cats from soft drink commercials, then its NY is born of 70' s and 80' s cinema, where knife-welding sleaze-gangs mug, rape, and cackle their way through the hellish network of grey, stinking alleyways and smoke-belching drains."
Stuart Millard, So Excited, So Scared

"New York is a self-imposed prison where people convince themselves to live in rat-infested shoeboxes that each cost more than a mansion in the Poconos. Then they spend every summer getting on overheated, nonfunctional trains to vacation where every other New Yorker is vacationing... There is no escaping that the walls are closing in on you at all times, and that your children will need a $70,000-a-year private school or they will DIE. The city has become an unlivable, hideously expensive mess. New York hates human existence. New York is a shitty Jay-Z song where he’s going on about how great he is and everyone pretends not to notice he’s a wheezing old butt rocker."

"You can try to change New York, but it's like Jay Z says: concrete bunghole where dreams are made up, there's nothing you can do."
Liz Lemon, 30 Rock

...every New Yorker's a veteran. They know to take cover when shooting starts.
Frank Castle, The Punisher War Zone

"What do you want me to do, go on television and tell 3 million people they have to be nice to each other? Being miserable and treating other people like dirt is every New Yorker's god-given right."
The Mayor of New York, Ghostbusters II

Paul: Then why choose fear?
Gordon: I'm a New Yorker. Fear's my life.

Broadway looks so medieval.

Well, New York isn't the best place to live. I lived here for awhile when I made my way around from place to place. From my experiences, it's not that safe. It's dirty, violent, noisy, and well, it's just not the best place.

"It is ridiculous to set a detective story in New York City. New York City is itself a detective story."


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