Woman in Her Fifties: "Swine flu shot? Well, I dunno, I've been thinking about it." (cut to her also lying in bed looking sick.)
Young, Athletic Man: "Swine flu? Man, I'm too fast to let it catch me." (cut to him also lying in bed looking sick)
Businessman: "I'm the healthiest 55-year-old you've ever seen. Hey, I play golf every weekend." (three guesses what happens next)
Amanda Waller: Lane...
Lane: I got six blockbuster level guys guarding that one door alone. The damn Bat isn't going to touch us.
Amanda Waller: Lane... the "damn Bat" is behind you.
[the guardian robot leaves the facility and chases after them]
Supergirl: You were saying?!
Jimmy Olsen: Of course! She knew the pressure points where she could inflict the most damage!"
Steve Lombard: "Come off it, guys— If you expect me to believe one measly little pressure point could— Hey! Owwwwww!"
Lois Lane: "I picked up this measly little trick from a policewoman pal of mine! If I used Klurkor or Karate— It would hurt even more!"
Steve Lombard: "Okay, okay, I give! Just let go!"
Power Girl: Sure we will! But I still can't help observing— that it sounds like your adopted world, not mine, that needs its fat pulled out of the fire. What makes your Wonder Woman think the alien will strike here instead of—?
Newscaster: We interrupt this program to announce that a strange, serum-resistant epidemic has broken out suddenly in Atlanta!
Huntress: (dryly) You were saying, P.G.?
Hearing a growling, he turns around
Krypto the Superdog (thinking) Man— This one hurt man— Krypto loves man— Krypto hurt this one. Man loves place. I protect place for man. Krypto good boy.
Anyone who'd had the education Weiss Schnee had received should really have known better than to invoke a literary convention like that.
Link: [sits up, gives Armin a Death Glare] Armin?
Link: You do know youve just doomed us all, right?
Shinjiro: NOT THIS BADASS!
The oversized Asylum Demon slammed into the ground from above and hissed unnaturally as it locked its ugly gaze on the intruder.
Chapter 40 opening: In all the time I've spent on Remnant, one of the most important tips I had learnt: never, ever say that things can't get any worse. Because they always will.
(Chibi-Usa powers up into Princess Chibi-Serenity)
Death Phantom: Oh, Hell's bells and balls. TWO Silver Crystals? Now that's just overkill.
Jaune: You realise you've damned me with that comment, right?
I took that back.
She cried over some long phone calls at night to her mother and made arrangements to ask for time off at the end of the week. She was sure nothing could knock her lower than this had done, certain that, after this, God or whoever had something better in store for her.
In this, Carol was very, very wrong.
The plan had been set up months in advance. There's no way anything could go wrong. The man in the black mask was ready to fulfil his part. Kunikazu Okumura would be there, most likely a sobbing mess after his treasure had been stolen. Perfectly vulnerable to a gunshot to the back of the head.
Goro Akechi strolls into the open area, a smirk under his mask, and his gun at the ready. After this, the CEO will be granted a live audience to his tragic and unfortunate death, courtesy of his father's media connections. The calling card sent by the Phantom Thieves of Hearts will be found in his building, clearly implicating them as the culprits. And all the trust and glory that the public granted them would be left in shambles.
...and then, he realizes something.
...wait...why isn't he here?
A weight begins to form in his stomach. He frenetically scans the area again.
...w-why the hell isn't he here!?
Gin: Any chance it could get worse?
(sounds of crowd panic come from outside as Fairy Tale approaches the school)
Dark: You just had to open your mouth.
Alfred Pennyworth: "Hm? Oh, no, no, nothing's wrong yet. I don't believe anything's wrong at all. Not yet."
Julia Remarque: (suspiciously) "What do you mean, 'not yet', Granddad?"
Alfred Pennyworth: "With the Master, in all things, it just seems best to say...not yet."
Hal Jordan: (grinning) That's what you always think, Hammond.
Hector Hammond: WHAT?
"Unless something messes up again," said Thad, "and it'll be the end of the Sivana family."
No one outside the confines of the rocket could hear the sound of the slap that followed.
Severa: What's the point of trying so hard? You study for hours every day and you can barely cast a spell. It's not like you'll ever need it in real life.
Morgan: Aw, come on, Severa. There'll always be war. Father's strategy books say so. I overheard him talking with Chrom. There's something going on with Valm, so maybe that'll be the next one!
Severa: That's not funny. Father is the head tactician of the Ylissean army, and Mother is a member of the pegasus knights. If war happens, they'll both have to leave. So don't say things like that like you don't care!
Morgan: I care! But it's okay! Nothing's going to happen to them!
A yellow boot kicked her in the chest and she went spinning backwards, and didn't stop until she bashed into Molotov.
Then she heard her aunt Hilda cry out. In fear.
The rest of RWBY gives Yang incredulous stares.
Yang: "I'm sure this mission will go off without a hitch. It can't possibly get any worse than the last few missions. I'm not expecting any trouble. After all, we're invincible!"
A few hours after their briefing with Headmaster Ozpin, Team RWBY stood knee deep in the dead. Dozens of Grimm were swiftly evaporating to nothing around them, scattered around the interior of an ancient stone building, reminiscent of some kind of shrine. The only light to see by came from a few holes in the ceiling, the orange light of sunset casting deep shadows and promising pitch blackness before long. The glowing portal that had brought them here had closed behind them, with no sign left that it had existed in the first place.
Ruby, Weiss, and Blake stood unified by a coating of grime and a common cause, as they silently glared Yang into submission. The blonde grinned back weakly, trying unsuccessfully to dust off some of the filth and grit that covered her.
As night fell over the unfamiliar forested mountainside outside the ruin, a voice echoed from within. "I said I was sorry!"
Ellen: "...Well, she's dead."
Callista: (furious) "That, or she'll wish she was. Time me."
If there was a Fate, and if one happened to believe in such things, then she was a very cruel and unforgiving mistress indeed, for it was at that exact moment that the heavens decided to split into a torrential cloudburst. The leading edge of the storm raced across the field and was upon them in moments, shocking them both with the sudden icy torrent that the front brought.
With an ear-ringing slam, a set of doors on the balcony above them were thrown open. Sumire gaped as a pair of figures charged inside, wearing uniforms straight out of a history book on the Napoleonic Wars. She might have described their movements and proportions as comical, except there was nothing the least bit funny about the bayonetted rifles they both bore.
Mona, when we get out of this, remind me to tell you about Murphys Law.
"Stupid Warlords, making me waste my energy," he groused. "Every time I fight one, there's something new to worry about! Can't things get a little bit easier for once? Just once?! Come on, that can't be too much to ask for!"
It was at that moment a bone-rattling KA-CLUNK! echoed out from the docks Luffy was charging towards, and sheets of metal started to rise from the stonework. A lot of metal, actually, all around the bay. Why did that sound so familiar to Luffy oh crap right.
"EASIER! I SAID EASIER!" Luffy roared at the universe.
Captain Razoul: Gotcha!
Aladdin: I'm in trouble!
Po: Don't tempt me.
Spider-Ham: It can get weirder! [Peter tilts his head back in dumbfounded shock]
(the vine Pacha and Kuzco are swinging on gets tied to a tree branch)
Kuzco: Maybe I'm just new to this whole "rescuing" thing, but this, to me, might be considered kind of a step backwards, wouldn't you say?
Pacha: No no no, it's—it's okay! This—this is alright! We can figure this out!
(the branch they're on snaps in two)
Kuzco: I hate you.
(Rufus falls out of the sky)
Jay: (looking up) Beautiful, big-tittied women don't fall out of the sky!
Buzz McCallister: No, for three reasons: A, I'm not that lucky. Two, we use smoke detectors and D, we live on the most boring street in the whole United States of America, where nothing even remotely dangerous will ever happen. Period.
Rick: Yeah, right, and no harm ever came from reading a book. You remember how that one went?
Stu: I'm gettin' another beer, you want one?
Randy: Yeah, sure.
Stu: I'll be right back!
Randy: You see, you push the laws, and you end up dead, okay? I'll see you in the kitchen with a knife.
Sam: [directly to Scott] I can see you.
Scott: [still whispering] He can see me.
(a stooping kestrel hits the den like a missile, give a Death Glare at everyone inside, and abruptly vanishes)
Silver: Like to try standing up to that one? Let me know. I'll come and watch.
Matt: Foggy, I'm begging you, don't say it.
Foggy: But it feels good, right? The three of us working together, and saving the...Okay.
The Doctor: Three knocks is all you're getting! (electrocutes him)
The Doctor: Oh, did you have to? "No turning back?" That's almost as bad as "Nothing could possibly go wrong" or "This is gonna be the best Christmas Walford's ever had!"
The Doctor: There are some sentences I should just keep away from.
Barney: (six hours earlier) My life is finally perfect and that is never going to change!
(the rangers form the Jungle Master Stampede formation and use it to destroy Grizzaka)
Grizzaka: (as his body prepares to explode) IMPOSSIBLE! I AM INVINCIBLE! NO ONE IS STRONGER THAN GRIZZZAKKKAAAA!!! (''[[CriticalExistenceFailure he blows up'')
Richard Hammond: Oh, how I've missed the pang of dread I feel whenever you mention the words "How hard can it be"...
Control: Count again. (immediately launches hundreds, if not thousands, of drone fighters from the approx. 30 main ships)
Fat bald guy: (walks in with a plate of presumably bad food) Morning, Sarge!
Olden: (thinking) Oh, how predictable was that?
Mace Knight: If we lose the reactor, this is all over for sure!
Captain Vul: Never fear. I don't think Kirby can do anything to the reactor.
Waddle Dee: So long as a reflected laser doesn't hit the reactor, it will be invincible.
Captain Vul: Eeeyah! Don't even say things like that!
Joker: Aaand we're out.
Shepard: ...you have a ship named Qwib-Qwib?
Tali: Oh, here we go...
Shepard: Please don't give the mercs ideas!
Liara: Watch out! This next wave looks like a big one!
Shepard: You just had to give them tactical advice!
Liara: But we will face less of them inside.
Shepard: Yeah, keep dreaming, T'soni.
Liara: More of them! How many does the Shadow Broker need?
Shepard: I told you.
Wheatley: [...] You're not gonna believe this! I found a sealed-off wing, hundreds, hundreds of perfectly good test chambers! Just sitting there! Filled with skeletons, shook them out, good as new!
GLaDOS: Skeletons... Right, I guess I did stockpile some tests...
Arthur: Aw, you just got a bash on the head. You'll be fine.
(after opening it)
It is, in fact, a sack full of skulls. Who the hell puts skulls in a sack?
* is presumably told something that indirectly reveals that this is exactly what's happening*
...... Don't tell me... Are you serious?!? Is father actually doing that?!? Yet another hasty decision, father!
True Lab Entry Number 16: no No NO NO NO NO NO
Aerith: You worry too much! I'm not some princess who needs to be coddled.
[ladder instantly breaks with Aerith still on it]
Engineer: What's your question, Soldier?
Soldier: I teleported bread. You told me to.
Engineer: How. Much.
Soldier: I have done nothing but teleport bread for three days.
(...your ship crashed into The Pit Of Unforgettable Mistakes.)
Black Mage: Oh... please don't say that out loud.
Thief: No, think about what he said. We're Light Warriors, dammit. I bet he can't hurt us any worse than we hurt each other every day.
Red Mage: Thief kinda has a point. We're our own worst enemies! What can he do?!
Black Mage: ...
Red Mage: ...What if I said it was a rhetorical question?
Ocelot: Shot in the face, you say. [...] (does so)
Soldier: OW Why would you even do that
Unity: Nice knowin' you, Phillips.
Applejack: ...Did you just invoke Murphy's Law on purpose? Intentionally?
Pinkie Pie: Yep! Now both the positive AND negative outcomes would be ironic! It's anybody's game! I HAVE DEFEATED MURPHY!
Applejack: That's not how tropes work, Pinkie. That's not even what Murphy's Law is.
Abner: "How could— Otto, listen to what you are saying!"
Nagisa: Bed?! But what about possible axe-murderers?!
Makoto: We'll be fine. Nothing bad will happen at all...
(dramatic pause, and cut to the next morning)
Rei: I cannot believe nothing bad actually happened.
Nagisa: And we resolved Makoto's goblin-based dad issues pretty well.
Haru: And we solved the curse of the island, and realized that the real axe-murderer was love all along.
The first trash day came and went without incident; shortly thereafter, my wife's family arrived for a visit. They are a rule-following group. Increasing the number of residents from 2 to 11, including a diaper-bound toddler, caused a radical increase in toilet paper usage and food consumption. Luckily, we had the 1993 bungee cord protecting us.
Raph: Aw, now we will never get to Shredder.
Mike: Aw, quit your bitchin'! I'm sure we will be fine without [a full health] pizza for five more min- (Donatello, Leo, Raphael die to a ball and chain dropped on them)
Mike: Well, now you guys definitely don't need it.
Raph: F*** you.
(something thumps on the roof)
Wash: What the hell was that?
Sarge: Come on, d'ya even need to ask?
Diabeetus: (in faux-Bill Clinton accent) I'll show you something that's Weltall.
Chuggaa: Don't say that, Jon.
Jon: You might win this!
Chuggaa: Don't say that, Jon!
Jon: But you're not flipp... (Chuggaa flips over and loses)
Estormo: So, you made it out alive. Ancano was right, you are dangerous. I'm afraid I'll have to take that Staff from you now.
Sips: Oh fuck, I called it.
Barley: What, is it gonna be like, another fucking zombie?
"Really? The guys trying to stab you — or rather, cut you with axes — while saying crazy Spanish shit isn't evil?"
"I don't see anything evil at all in this place." (sees a corpse impaled by a pitchfork) "Oh. Oh, ok."
(Shadow promptly gets out of the buggy and stands horizontally on the side)
Jon: (laughs incredulously) Oh-ho-ho NO! This soon?! Already?!
Bob: What's that Mike?
Mike: Giant snakes that pop out of nowhere and kill ya.
Bob: You know, I hate those too.
[Cue giant snake summon crashing through the city walls]
Mike: Wow, good thing that was the guard tower next to us.
Now: Three times. This is now the third time that this has happened.
(Ryder immediately gets run over by another car running at full-speed for no reason, failing the mission)
Yeah, this proves my point, okay? The reason I don't run adverts is like, "oh okay, I'm just gonna run an ad here cause you all know what happens, I buy a pizza, then I eat it and run back into the car, boring", right? No! Because GTA, anything can happen! You can't run an ad, because if that happens when an ad runs, people are gonna lose their shit. Like, you can't run an ad on this game. Thank you game for demonstrating my point.
Quackity: (proceeds to shoot Schlatt with the bow, killing him in one blow) Fuck you. Fuck you. I'm out, I'm outta here. I'm fucking outta here, man. (walks off)
Hawkeye: Did you just say this was easy? You never say it was easy, EVER!
The Vision: Why?
(A brainwashed Thor appears)
Thor: Your end has come, betrayers!
Hawkeye: That's why.
Dozer: Yeah, is that the best ya got?! Bring it on, storm!
Ton-Ton: You hear that, storm?!
Both: Bring it on!
(the storm gets even worse)
Dozer: We take it back, storm!
Ton-Ton: Yeah! Just kidding, storm dude!
Elmer Fudd: (behind the wheel) I got up at a quarter of five!
Volectro: When will we ever need to know that?!
(The single light bulb lighting up the room breaks.)
Teslo: (Dryly.) ...Right now.
Discord: As the Lord of Chaos, I'd advise against saying things like that.
(one hour later, as Darth Vader is killing the Emperor)
The Emperor: What are you doing? P-PUT ME DOWN! AHHHHHHHH!!!
Reporter: Come oooon, what's he gonna do? Run amok in downtown Springfield?
Layla: Coming right up.
Rook: Amperi electrical insulation.
Kevin: We did it, buddy. There's no way Ben or anyone in the galaxy can ever touch [his car] now.
(A deflected magic blast hits the car, causing it to disappear.)
Kevin: (with Twitchy Eye) I blame myself.
Audience: I got shot!
(three dudes get on stage and shoot him)
Gangstalicious: (not rapping) Ooh, I GOT SHOT!
Audience: I got shot!
Gangstalicious: No, I got shot for real!
Audience: I got shot for real!
Gangstalicious: No goddammit! I got shot! Some niggas shot me! I'm bleedin'! I'ma die'! Somebody please help me! HELP ME! (collapses)
Audience (confused): No goddammit! I got shot! Some niggas shot me! I'm bleedin'...
Huey: (voiceover) It was 45 minutes before anyone called an ambulance.