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Guy in His Fifties: "I don't need another flu shot; I had a flu shot last year!" (cut to him lying in bed looking sick)
Woman in Her Fifties: "Swine flu shot? Well, I dunno, I've been thinking about it." (cut to her also lying in bed looking sick.)
Young, Athletic Man: "Swine flu? Man, I'm too fast to let it catch me." (cut to him also lying in bed looking sick)
Businessman: "I'm the healthiest 55-year-old you've ever seen. Hey, I play golf every weekend." (three guesses what happens next)
PSA about flu shots

    Anime and Manga 
"They haven't breached The Wall in 100 years."
— Several characters from Attack on Titan, on the day just that happens

"What if it knew its master is dead? I wonder what the familiar would do then. It's not like it's unchained and going to return to its original form, right?"
A random guard, before said familiar becomes a wild demonic beast again, Blue Exorcist episode 10
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    Comic Books 
General Lane: Let's be honest, Amanda, we don't actually have to worry about him. He's not going to connect this... incident with us. And even if he did, this sight isn't on any books. He can't find us. And even if — through a miracle — he did, we're a mile below Gotham. A mile of concrete, steel vaults, and the best security the U.S. can buy or blackmail.
Amanda Waller: Lane...
Lane: I got six blockbuster level guys guarding that one door alone. The damn Bat isn't going to touch us.
Amanda Waller: Lane... the "damn Bat" is behind you.

Nightwing: Let's ride! There's no way that thing can leave the facility— We'll be free and clear!
[the guardian robot leaves the facility and chases after them]
Supergirl: You were saying?!

"Huh? The old "suddenly shutting door" trick, eh? I was hoping for something more imagina— Whoops! Machine guns in the floorboards — something tells me I should have kept my mouth shut!"

"What an action-jammed day! To think I was sad, earlier, because I didn't have enough action! The rest of the day will probably will be quiet..."
Supergirl did not learn her lesson, Action Comics #270

You see, this robot was built specifically to negate your vaunted Kryptonian strength. It would take a rocket forged in another dimension to...
Lex Luthor right before a rocket forged in another dimension smashes down his robot, Supergirl: Cosmic Adventures in the 8th Grade

    Fan Works 
"I am quite aware of the ramifications that surround our guests and their positions. Believe me that nothing will occur that is not exactly as I intend."
Anyone who'd had the education Weiss Schnee had received should really have known better than to invoke a literary convention like that.

Oh, now you've done it. Next time it will be Godzilla because you said that. I know how these movies work.
Shinji after Asuka complains about their debut battle being too easy, A Crown of Stars chapter 55

Armin: The wall may have not broken in one hundred years, but there’s no guarantee it won’t happen today, and still…
Link: [sits up, gives Armin a Death Glare] Armin?
Armin: Yes?
Link: You do know you’ve just doomed us all, right?
The Infinite Loops, during a The Legend of Zelda & Attack on Titan Fused Loop, just before the Titans destroy the wall.

Shinjiro: THAT'S IT! I DEMAND A BADASS ENDING!
Takaya: (aiming)
Shinjiro: NOT THIS BADASS!

"You hear me, world!?" [Yang] took a fighting stance. "You can't keep me here!" Her fist slammed into the large double door and caused it to fly open. "You can't keep me anywhere!" she proclaimed as she strode into the courtyard that really should have been familiar to her. "Nothing will stand in my way today!"
The oversized Asylum Demon slammed into the ground from above and hissed unnaturally as it locked its ugly gaze on the intruder.
"Except that!"

Chapter 39 closing: This had not been a peaceful night. But at least it couldn't get worse.
Chapter 40 opening: In all the time I've spent on Remnant, one of the most important tips I had learnt: never, ever say that things can't get any worse. Because they always will.

Death Phantom: Oh, for goodness sake, now they're all ganging up on me? What else could go wrong? ...I said that ironically, so I think I'm safe.
(Chibi-Usa powers up into Princess Chibi-Serenity)
Death Phantom: Oh, Hell's bells and balls. TWO Silver Crystals? Now that's just overkill.

"I don't need to mix my drink like some kind of pussy," Kukaku announced before taking a big gulp from her cup. Her eyes quickly became three times their normal size as she let out a chest-rattling cough. "SHIT!" she croaked between hacks.

Remy: Just make a good impression. How hard can it be?
Jaune: You realise you've damned me with that comment, right?
Remy: Oops?

I was just glad it was Mrs. O’Leary that had caught the scent. She liked humans; she wouldn’t follow anything I wouldn’t want to hunt.
REEEEET!
Carol had lost two jobs, her brother, and her lover. It was hard to put the mask and bathing suit costume on, now. It was hard to play soldier.
She cried over some long phone calls at night to her mother and made arrangements to ask for time off at the end of the week. She was sure nothing could knock her lower than this had done, certain that, after this, God or whoever had something better in store for her.
In this, Carol was very, very wrong.

“Heh. Everything should be in place.”
The plan had been set up months in advance. There’s no way anything could go wrong. The man in the black mask was ready to fulfil his part. Kunikazu Okumura would be there, most likely a sobbing mess after his treasure had been stolen. Perfectly vulnerable to a gunshot to the back of the head.
Goro Akechi strolls into the open area, a smirk under his mask, and his gun at the ready. After this, the CEO will be granted a live audience to his tragic and unfortunate death, courtesy of his father’s media connections. The calling card sent by the Phantom Thieves of Hearts will be found in his building, clearly implicating them as the culprits. And all the trust and glory that the public granted them would be left in shambles.
...and then, he realizes something.
...wait...why isn’t he here?
A weight begins to form in his stomach. He frenetically scans the area again.
...w-why the hell isn’t he here!?

Kurumu: Great, this day just keeps getting better and better.
Gin: Any chance it could get worse?
(sounds of crowd panic come from outside as Fairy Tale approaches the school)
Dark: You just had to open your mouth.

Daphne Pennyworth: "Something wrong?"
Alfred Pennyworth: "Hm? Oh, no, no, nothing's wrong yet. I don't believe anything's wrong at all. Not yet."
Julia Remarque: (suspiciously) "What do you mean, 'not yet', Granddad?"
Alfred Pennyworth: "With the Master, in all things, it just seems best to say...not yet."

    Film — Animated 
Aladdin: You're only in trouble if you get caught!
Captain Razoul: Gotcha!
Aladdin: I'm in trouble!

"For the first time in my life, things are starting to go right."
Aladdin, again, right before he is kidnapped by Jafar's flunkies, bound and gagged, and tossed in a lake

"Stop that! Every time you say "we survived," we don't!"
Torben, Äpplet Och Masken (The Apple And The Worm)

"You're going to Timbuktu if it's the LAST thing I do!"
Edgar before being mailed to Timbuktu instead, The Aristocats

"And He shall smite the wicked and plunge them into the fiery pit!"

Tai Lung: What are you gonna do? SIT ON ME?!
Po: Don't tempt me.

"I'll not risk damnation on these good people!"

Peter: This could literally not get any weirder.
Spider-Ham: It can get weirder! [Peter tilts his head back in dumbfounded shock]

"Better out than in, I always say."

"Yeah, I saw [Marlin], Bluey, but I'm not telling you where he went! And there's no way you're gonna make me!"

"Hah! To hear that beetle walk, you'd think something was gonna happen to us."
Lampwick (as he starts turning into a donkey), Pinocchio

Tulio: Did any of the supplies make it?
Miguel: Well, um, yes and no.
[Altivo is shown eating the few supplies that made it into the boat.]
Miguel: Tulio, look on the positive side. At least things can't get—
Tulio: Excuse me, were-were you about to say "worse"?
Miguel: No.
Tulio: No?
Miguel: No.
Tulio: You sure?
Miguel: Absolutely not. I've revised that whole thing.

"Oh, it's just a bit of hot water and steam, how bad could it be?!"
Sid before a bird gets killed by the geyser, Ice Age 2: The Meltdown

"Like I'm going to be afraid of a pretty flower."
Manny before a carnivorous flower snatches him and Diego up, Ice Age 3: Dawn of the Dinosaurs

    Film — Live-Action 
Jay: Guys like us don't fall out of the fucking sky, y'know?!
(Rufus falls out of the sky)
Jay: (looking up) Beautiful, big-tittied women don't fall out of the sky!
(nothing happens)

Yes! I am INVINCIBLE!
Last words of Boris Grishenko, GoldenEye

Megan McCallister: You're not at all worried that something might happen to Kevin?
Buzz McCallister: No, for three reasons: A, I'm not that lucky. Two, we use smoke detectors and D, we live on the most boring street in the whole United States of America, where nothing even remotely dangerous will ever happen. Period.

Things couldn't possibly get any worse! (runs straight into Butch and Woim) Then the clouds opened up and God said, "I hate you, Alfalfa!"
Alfalfa, The Little Rascals

Gentlemen, there is no way that we can lose!
Art just before the Martians blow up his hotel, Mars Attacks!

Evelyn: It's just a box. No harm ever came from opening a box.
Rick: Yeah, right, and no harm ever came from reading a book. You remember how that one went?

Randy: Never, ever, ever, under any circumstances, say "I'll be right back." 'Cause you won't be back.
Stu: I'm gettin' another beer, you want one?
Randy: Yeah, sure.
Stu: I'll be right back!
Randy: You see, you push the laws, and you end up dead, okay? I'll see you in the kitchen with a knife.

Scott: [whispering to Hope and Hank] It's okay, he can't see me.
Sam: [directly to Scott] I can see you.
Scott: [still whispering] He can see me.

"I wouldn't worry, brother. I feel like everything is gonna work out fine."
Thor, to Loki, right before being intercepted by Thanos, leading into the opening of Avengers: Infinity War, Thor: Ragnarok

Fredrick: What a filthy job!
Igor: Could be worse.
Fredrick: How?
Igor: Could be raining! (it starts doing exactly that)

    Literature 
"I think we'll be okay," I said, and of course as soon as the words left my mouth we took our first hit on the bottom of the starboard wing.

Never assume you're safe, and never, ever tempt the Fates by announcing that you think you're safe.
Piper McLean, The Heroes of Olympus

It simply would have been rude for reality not to respond to a challenge like that.

Bigwig: I'd like to try standing up to some of the elil. We're afraid of too many.
(a stooping kestrel hits the den like a missile, give a Death Glare at everyone inside, and abruptly vanishes)
Silver: Like to try standing up to that one? Let me know. I'll come and watch.

Right after the Reification and the Go Away War, there was a period of what you might call undue optimism. One particular town was built with two fingers up to the recent past, part of a new breed of bright, safe places where we could all get on with real life again, pay tax and worry about our hairlines and our middle-aged spread, and is the guy next door flouting the hosepipe in the summer heat? They called it Heyerdahl Point, and they sold it as an adventure in neo-suburban frontiersmanship. About 5000 people lived there. It had its own little capillary of the Jorgmund Pipe making it secure, and it perched on a hilltop so the people there could look down on the valleys below and out into the dangerous mists of the unreal, and know they were pushing back the boundary just by being there.
"One day," they would say to one another over decaf, "all this will be fields."
Now it was called Drowned Cross.

I'm not impressed by the caliber so far. Enemies this weak shouldn't have broken our lines. *raises her shield expectantly*

"Just hope he doesn't do that finger bone thing I did the other day," I muttered to Jake. "That'd rock his world."
Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut. Because at that exact moment, both of David's arms went shooting out, lengthening suddenly. The bones of his arm and fingers shot out, bare and white and thin as uncooked spaghetti.
Animorphs #20: The Discovery

Many an ancient lord's last words had been, 'You can't kill me because I've got magic aaargh.'
Interesting Times on the perils of depending on magic armor

Little fish: I stole [this hat] from a big fish. He was asleep when I did it.
(Illustration of a giant fish sleeping)
Little fish: And he probably won't wake up for a long time.
(The giant fish's eyes pop open)
Little fish: And even if he does wake up, he probably won't notice that it's gone.
(The giant fish looks up at his bare head)
Little fish: And even if he does notice that it's gone, he probably won't know it was me who took it.
(The giant fish's eyes narrow into slits)
Little fish: And even if he does guess it was me, he won't know where I am going.
(The giant fish begins swimming in the same direction as the little fish)
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    Live-Action TV 
I'm pretty sure I killed most of the birds at the tower. (a shitload of Shrike zombies begin to encroach on their position) And I'm pretty sure I just jinxed us by saying that.
Daisy Johnson, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., "The Sign"

It's a good thing [the fight] ended when it did; we wouldn't have been able to take much more. (monitor beeps, indicating more Clark-loyalist ships have just arrived) Oh, no.
David Corwin, Babylon 5, "Severed Dreams"

Foggy: Wow, is it just me, or did our plan—?
Matt: Foggy, I'm begging you, don't say it.
Foggy: But it feels good, right? The three of us working together, and saving the...Okay.

The Doctor: They said I was gonna die. They said "He will knock four times," and I think I know what that means — and it doesn't mean right here, right now, 'cause I don't hear anyone knocking, do you?
Zombie: (knock-knock-knock-)
The Doctor: Three knocks is all you're getting! (electrocutes him)
Doctor Who, "The Waters of Mars"

Ida: We've come this far, there's no turning back.
The Doctor: Oh, did you have to? "No turning back?" That's almost as bad as "Nothing could possibly go wrong" or "This is gonna be the best Christmas Walford's ever had!"
Doctor Who, "The Impossible Planet/The Satan Pit"

The Doctor: This is one of the safest planets I know, there is never anything dangerous here!
(ground rumbles)
The Doctor: There are some sentences I should just keep away from.
Doctor Who, "The Doctor, the Widow and the Wardrobe"

I will not forget one line of this. Not one day. I swear. I will always remember when the Doctor was me.
The Eleventh Doctor, moments before regenerating into the Twelfth, who then completely forgets how to fly the TARDIS.

I hope the ears are a bit less conspicuous this time...
The War Doctor, before regenerating into the Ninth, Doctor Who, "The Day of the Doctor"

YEEEESS! HOORAY FOR THE NAZIS! YEEEEEAHHH! Please don't take this out of context and put it on YouTube.

Today is not the day I die.
Oberyn Martell, 10 minutes before The Mountain destroyed his skull , Game of Thrones

Future Ted: (narrating) Kids, this is the story of the night Barney's life completely fell apart.
Barney: (six hours earlier) My life is finally perfect and that is never going to change!

Grizzaka: It's your turn to learn the same lesson all of my enemies have. There is no one as powerful as Grizzaka... and NEVER will be.
(the rangers form the Jungle Master Stampede formation and use it to destroy Grizzaka)
Grizzaka: (as his body prepares to explode) IMPOSSIBLE! I AM INVINCIBLE! NO ONE IS STRONGER THAN GRIZZZAKKKAAAA!!! (he blows up)

Jeremy Clarkson: How hard can it be?
Richard Hammond: Oh, how I've missed the pang of dread I feel whenever you mention the words "How hard can it be"...

*singing* Who would ever hurt a Whammy? Who would ever want— *is hit by hammer* OW!
Boy George Whammy, Press Your Luck

Georgiou: By my count, we have over 200 vessels, and you might have 30.
Control: Count again. (immediately launches hundreds, if not thousands, of drone fighters from the approx. 30 main ships)
Star Trek: Discovery, "Such Sweet Sorrow, Part 2"

Sergeant Olden: (thinking) I really hope some fat bald guy doesn't walk in with a plate of bad food.
Fat bald guy: (walks in with a plate of presumably bad food) Morning, Sarge!
Olden: (thinking) Oh, how predictable was that?

     Radio 
Tog: Another second and the Firebreed would have stripped the flesh from my bones. All things considered, we got off lightly.
Peri: We have an expression on Earth - out of the frying pan... uh-oh.
Peri: OH, I HATE MY LIFE!

    Tabletop Games 
A minute later, the Shaper drops the ancient carrion and laughs. "I've done it!" she says. "I've won the Jyhad - and found a way out! I don't have to be what my sire made me! I can be a god - and this city, my temple!" The Shaper waves a hand again, and the rubble of the city rises into the air and glitters as it transforms into spires, walls and domes of crystal. "I can change you too, my loyal servants!" she calls to the characters as her own body begins to glitter. "I can change you all! No more vampires! No more Curse!"
And then the ground beneath the Shaper molds into an enormous fanged mouth and eats her whole. The Reign of Ennoia, the First Gangrel, has begun.

Just as Sergeant Pravnaski swore that things couldn't get any worse, the wailing skies split apart and the four Daemon-engines descended on us. Commissar Bone executed the next man to make a flippant remark.
— Guardsman Chjeski on the arrival of the Host of the Daemon Forge, Apocalypse Reloaded

    Theatre 
We'll have a family
Three kids or four
Lights in the window
Christmas wreath on the door
Roses are red, love
Weddings are white
We'll have tomorrow
If we
Make it through tonight!
Cut Song from Little Shop of Horrors, immediately preceding Seymour and Audrey both dying tragically

    Video Games 
GLaDOS: Okay, I thought of some good news. He's going to run out of test chambers eventually. I never stockpiled them.
Wheatley: [...] You're not gonna believe this! I found a sealed-off wing, hundreds, hundreds of perfectly good test chambers! Just sitting there! Filled with skeletons, shook them out, good as new!
GLaDOS: Skeletons... Right, I guess I did stockpile some tests...

Great! I snuck into the villain's stronghold and gave him the item of power. What else could go wrong?
The Hero, moments before the Lake Hydra appears, AdventureQuest Worlds

What a nice day. Just walkin' out in the sun, talkin' into my ECHO recorder, hoping skags won't ambush me and break my gun into four separate pieces before eating them. OH GOD! THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT IS HAPPENING! AHHHHH!

Fate is like a caged gorilla. It will pelt you with dung if you mock it.
Warriv, Diablo II

Tonight's maintenance will be longer than usual while we do some server administration type stuff. I expect it to take less than an hour, total.
Kingdom of Loathing announcement of October 25, 2005, immediately before Jick accidentally dropped the entire database

Axe Knight: Kirby is headed for the reactor!
Mace Knight: If we lose the reactor, this is all over for sure!
Captain Vul: Never fear. I don't think Kirby can do anything to the reactor.
Waddle Dee: So long as a reflected laser doesn't hit the reactor, it will be invincible.
Captain Vul: Eeeyah! Don't even say things like that!
Kirby Super Star, "Revenge of Meta Knight" (Ultra version)

Tevos: Commander, do not cut me off like last time. I fail to find it amusing.
Shepard: Whoops!
Joker: Aaand we're out.

Tali: Shepard, this is Admiral Zaal'Koris vas Qwib-Qwib. Do not ask about the name.
Shepard: ...you have a ship named Qwib-Qwib?
Tali: Oh, here we go...

Liara: Their attacks are disorganized. They would be more effective if they all attacked at once.
Shepard: Please don't give the mercs ideas!
[...]
Liara: Watch out! This next wave looks like a big one!
Shepard: You just had to give them tactical advice!
Liara: But we will face less of them inside.
Shepard: Yeah, keep dreaming, T'soni.
[...]
Liara: More of them! How many does the Shadow Broker need?
Shepard: I told you.

So long as the Turks manage to combine their new system of centralized government with their innate abilities as mounted warriors, then their position in this corner of the world looks most secure. After all, how likely is it that an even more fierce and formidable race of nomadic warriors sweep down from the steppes?
— Turkish campaign brief, Medieval II: Total War

Empty platitudes. If you are so certain of yourself, then show me the true extent of your power! (gets beaten by Spiritia) Gah... I had not expected such an outcome...!
Graf Sepperin, Rosenkreuzstilette

An intriguingly lumpy sack. It's probably not a sack full of skulls.
(after opening it)
It is, in fact, a sack full of skulls. Who the hell puts skulls in a sack?
Sunless Sea, possible result while opening a Cache of Curiosities

I was worried that when I didn't come home, my father would think that monkey had kidnapped me! I was worried that my father would even go so far as to punish the poor monkey! Hoo-hoo-hoo.
* is presumably told something that indirectly reveals that this is exactly what's happening*
...... Don't tell me... Are you serious?!? Is father actually doing that?!? Yet another hasty decision, father!
The Deku Princess, The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask

"It's bait again aint it? I could always back out since i have 2 more crests... Nah... All we gotta do is not get a Rein/Dancer on the cancer double wall map." [gets Reinhardt and Azura on the double wall map, cue Flipping the Table] "I hate this game so god damn much"

"That's not important. Or at least, I hope it isnt."
Oghren, Dragon Age: Origins

True Lab Entry Number 15: Seems like this research was a dead end... But at least we got a happy ending out of it...? I sent the souls and the vessels back to Asgore. And I called all the families and told them everyone's alive. I'll send everyone back tomorrow. :)
True Lab Entry Number 16: no No NO NO NO NO NO

3 cold nights in the sand but - success! Can't shake the feeling that it saw me... maybe even followed me. Prob. just nerves
Mark Meltzer, right before receiving a very unpleasant home invasion, Bioshock 2: There's Something In The Sea

Cloud: [Seeing Aerith climb an unstable ladder] Easy now.
Aerith: You worry too much! I'm not some princess who needs to be coddled.
[ladder instantly breaks with Aerith still on it]
Aerith: Shit.
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    Webcomics 
Thief: Pff, what could he possibly do?
Black Mage: Oh... please don't say that out loud.
Thief: No, think about what he said. We're Light Warriors, dammit. I bet he can't hurt us any worse than we hurt each other every day.
Red Mage: Thief kinda has a point. We're our own worst enemies! What can he do?!
(POIT!)
Black Mage: ...
Red Mage: ...What if I said it was a rhetorical question?

Ask not for whom it gets worse. It gets worse for thee.

Soldier: Oh boy, I hope I don't get shot in the face.
Ocelot: Shot in the face, you say. [...] (does so)
Soldier: OW Why would you even do that

Well, now, really, what did you expect after a line like that?

Phillips: What, you think hubris invites ironic downfall? It is to laugh!
Unity: Nice knowin' you, Phillips.

Pinkie Pie: "It's the perfect plan! Nothing could go wrong!"
Applejack: ...Did you just invoke Murphy's Law on purpose? Intentionally?
Pinkie Pie: Yep! Now both the positive AND negative outcomes would be ironic! It's anybody's game! I HAVE DEFEATED MURPHY!
Applejack: That's not how tropes work, Pinkie. That's not even what Murphy's Law is.

    Web Original 
Makoto: We should get to bed, anyway.
Nagisa: Bed?! But what about possible axe-murderers?!
Makoto: We'll be fine. Nothing bad will happen at all...
(dramatic pause, and cut to the next morning)
Rei: I cannot believe nothing bad actually happened.
Nagisa: And we resolved Makoto's goblin-based dad issues pretty well.
Haru: And we solved the curse of the island, and realized that the real axe-murderer was love all along.

WHAT ARE YOU THINKING BRINGING THE HOLY RELICS OF THE PATRON SAINT OF COMEDIANS TO GOTHAM CITY?! OH MY GOD. THERE ARE LIKE TWO HUNDRED REASONS THAT IS A TERRIBLE IDEA.
Chris Sims on Batman: The Brave and the Bold #191

There's a line between tempting fate and dressing up in a low-cut gown, lying on a bed covered in thousand dollar bills and purring "Oh Fate, you big handsome stud."

This past summer, my wife and I rented a house in Costa Rica for a month long vacation. Upon arrival, the property manager warned us that raccoons could get into the trash. To prevent this, he supplied a well-frayed bungee cord intended to secure the lid...The house itself was great, with one minor inconvenience. After use, toilet paper was to be placed in the trash, rather than flushed. Evidently, the sewer system in this part of the country was not up to handling non-human waste.
The first trash day came and went without incident; shortly thereafter, my wife's family arrived for a visit. They are a rule-following group. Increasing the number of residents from 2 to 11, including a diaper-bound toddler, caused a radical increase in toilet paper usage and food consumption. Luckily, we had the 1993 bungee cord protecting us.

Leo: You are on full health, dude!
Raph: Aw, now we will never get to Shredder.
Mike: Aw, quit your bitchin'! I'm sure we will be fine without [a full health] pizza for five more min- (Donatello, Leo, Raphael die to a ball and chain dropped on them)
(respawn)
Mike: Well, now you guys definitely don't need it.
Raph: F*** you.
Dorkly Originals, "TMNT Argue Over Pizza"

I swear, the only thing I hate more than weaklings is the color pink!
(long beat)
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!

The first night is never usually that bad in any game, so I'll play through- (gets jumped)

You know, I need to learn to keep my fucking mouth shut.

Wash: It's OK, we don't need him to believe. Until the next time we encounter the Meta.
(something thumps on the roof)
Wash: What the hell was that?
Sarge: Come on, d'ya even need to ask?
Red vs. Blue: Reconstruction, chapter 18

Slowbeef: Okay, this is Xenogears. So there's no fucking way you have a Bill Clinton joke.
Diabeetus: (in faux-Bill Clinton accent) I'll show you something that's Weltall.
Slowbeef: Shit.
Diabeetus: Sorry.

With the amount of dignity lost, I don't see how this could possibly get any... (Record Needle Scratch) ...worse?

Wait... so they're lingering on a shot of a frieze before introducing Mr. Freeze? Huh... that's actually pretty clever, maybe this won't be so bad...

Is there fall damage? (splat) Yep.

You don't need the brakes! I'm a professional minecart driver!
ProtonJon, shortly before everyone dies in lava, The Runaway Guys

Jon: You might actually win this.
Chuggaa: Don't say that, Jon.
Jon: You might win this!
Chuggaa: Don't say that, Jon!
Jon: But you're not flipp... (Chuggaa flips over and loses)

Sips: Let's try to be careful, though. We've got the Staff of Magnus now, we don't want any funny business. We don't want anyone to just like, all of sudden turn up and be like, "Hohoho, travelers! Thanks for getting the Staff of Magnus for me! I'll be taking that!" And then we have to like chase them to the end of the earth and, and get the staff back. We just wanna - oh shit! See! Who's this?! Anaconda, is that you?! What, what's the meaning of this?!
Estormo: So, you made it out alive. Ancano was right, you are dangerous. I'm afraid I'll have to take that Staff from you now.
Sips: Oh fuck, I called it.
Sips Plays Skyrim Part 37 - "Intense Wizardry"

90% of you didn't know you could download DVDs off the internet until we fucking told you not to do it in ads before movies.

Spike: Be careful when you open that door...
Barley: What, is it gonna be like, another fucking zombie?

I feel like when I say things like that, I'm just asking for some wonderful fucking involvement of the heavens to just prove me wrong. It's like some glorious divine intervention... to fuck me over.

"So where's all the evil? I haven't seen it yet..."
"Really? The guys trying to stab you — or rather, cut you with axes — while saying crazy Spanish shit isn't evil?"
"I don't see anything evil at all in this place." (sees a corpse impaled by a pitchfork) "Oh. Oh, ok."

Jon: I'm excited! We get to see what the Shadow Campaign has to hold. So far it seems different.
(Shadow promptly gets out of the buggy and stands horizontally on the side)
Jon: (laughs incredulously) Oh-ho-ho NO! This soon?! Already?!

Martha: Koden, this party is already a disaster, it can't get an—
Frog: Don't say it! Whenever you say 'It cant get any worse', IT ALWAYS GETS WOR— Oh no! WHAT HAVE I DONE?!

Tele-Soul: Hell, End is Nigh sounds great at any speed. Except maybe super fast, because then the pitch of the intro would be unbearable.
High Quality Hintlord: Yeah
Linedar: brb, ruining the end is neigh
— Conversion that led to the creation of this remix

Sylvester: You are going from that sarcophagus into my esophagus! (he gets wrapped up by the mummy Tweety Bird)

Mike: Hey Bob, ya know what I hate?
Bob: What's that Mike?
Mike: Giant snakes that pop out of nowhere and kill ya.
Bob: You know, I hate those too.
[Cue giant snake summon crashing through the city walls]
Mike: Wow, good thing that was the guard tower next to us.

Turret Gunman: Y'know, people say the life of a turret gunman sucks. But I'll tell you, it's days like today, where nothing goes wrong, that life is worth living.
[Turret is blown up by Cornelia's knightmare]
Cornelia: Boom, bitch!
Code Ment Episode 6

Previously: Oh wow, that sure was a mess! At least Valve learned from their mistakes and won't make a super-overpowered gun like that again! [flashbacks to overpowered R8]
Now: Three times. This is now the third time that this has happened.

...and, two, this game is terrible for running adverts in. There is one cutscene that's long enough for an advert, the "Doberman" cutscene, um...
(Ryder immediately gets run over by another car running at full-speed for no reason, failing the mission)
Yeah, this proves my point, okay? The reason I don't run adverts is like, "oh okay, I'm just gonna run an ad here cause you all know what happens, I buy a pizza, then I eat it and run back into the car, boring", right? No! Because GTA, anything can happen! You can't run an ad, because if that happens when an ad runs, people are gonna lose their shit. Like, you can't run an ad on this game. Thank you game for demonstrating my point.

    Western Animation 
The Vision: That was of minimal difficulty.
Hawkeye: Did you just say this was easy? You never say it was easy, EVER!
The Vision: Why?
(A brainwashed Thor appears)
Thor: Your end has come, betrayers!
Hawkeye: That's why.

Wazzpinator having good day! Not yet shot once!
Waspinator, immediately before Rattrap shoots him out of the sky, Beast Wars

"Never" is Karma's doorbell. Ding-dong, it's for you.
Sam after Danny pranks Dash, Danny Phantom

Ton-Ton: Is that the best you can do, storm?!
Dozer: Yeah, is that the best ya got?! Bring it on, storm!
Ton-Ton: You hear that, storm?!
Both: Bring it on!
(the storm gets even worse)
Dozer: We take it back, storm!
Ton-Ton: Yeah! Just kidding, storm dude!
Dinotrux, "Wind"

The lab defenses should keep [the Moloids] out as long as the electricity holds. (power goes out) Well, that changes things.

Bugs Bunny: (in a taxicab) Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh! What a knucklehead. You gotta get up early in the morning to outsmart this rabbit!
Elmer Fudd: (behind the wheel) I got up at a quarter of five!
Looney Tunes, "Hare Do" (1949)

Teslo: Today, we learn how many Electroids it will take to change a light bulb!
Volectro: When will we ever need to know that?!
(The single light bulb lighting up the room breaks.)
Teslo: (Dryly.) ...Right now.
Mixels, "Changing a Light Bulb"

The fate of Equestria does not rest on me making friends.

Spike: I guess this can't get any worse.
Discord: As the Lord of Chaos, I'd advise against saying things like that.

The Emperor: (to Royal Guard) Hey, wanna see me tempt fate? Could this day get any worse?! I did it ironically, so I think I'm safe.
(one hour later, as Darth Vader is killing the Emperor)
The Emperor: What are you doing? P-PUT ME DOWN! AHHHHHHHH!!!
Robot Chicken, the second Star Wars special

Marge: I think you're making him angry...
Reporter: Come oooon, what's he gonna do? Run amok in downtown Springfield?

Me and my crew are gonna go on piratin' forever!
Cartman just before the Navy SEALS shoot all the Somalians, South Park, "Fatbeard"

Valtor: What're you gonna do, hit me with the Water Stars?
Layla: Coming right up.
Winx Club, "The Spell of the Elements"

"How hard could it be?!"
Lincoln Loud and Clyde McBride before realising it could be much harder, several times in fact, The Loud House, "Lincoln Loud: Girl Guru"

Peg: "I mean T-Rexes are scary and all, but it's not like it's even seen us or anything... OK, so it's seen us, with its eyes, but it's not like it's walking towards us or anything- OK, it totally is. Run! *everyone does* OK, so we're kinda lost, and we're kinda being chased by a T-Rex and it's kinda a really big problem... but things could be worse. Do you have any graham crackers?"
Cat: "Hmmm, nope!"
Peg: "It's worse!"
Peg + Cat, "The Dinosaur Problem"

    Real Life 
The dream to kill me will never be completed.

If you win, you need not have to explain. If you lose, you should not be there to explain!

We have only to kick in the door and the whole rotten structure will come crashing down.
Adolf Hitler, shortly before launching Operation Barbarossa, the ill-fated invasion of the Soviet Union.

The play went smoothly until the final commercial, which was also done live. In a dramatically - even reverently - lit corner of the studio there was a special chapel for the Westinghouse refrigerator, for which we toiled... "And it all works so easily. You just press the magic button..." She pressed the button. Nothing happened. Close shot of the actress' panicky face. Then, as she gabbled incoherently, the sound of a crowbar prying open the door. On cue now, she turned, pressed the button and, like a lover come home from who knows what crusade, the door fell into her waiting arms.
Gore Vidal, Palimpsest

What are you gonna do, stab me?

They couldn't hit an elephant at this distance!
Famous Last Words of John Sedgwick (technically second-to-last words, he gave someone an order before he was shot)

I cannot imagine any condition which would cause a ship to founder. I cannot conceive of any vital disaster happening to this vessel. Modern ship building has gone beyond that.
Captain Edward J. Smith, commanding officer of the RMS Titanic

Not even God, Himself, could sink this ship.
A nameless employee of White Star Line, regarding the RMS Titanic

Nintendo ain’t gon do SHIT
Soulja Boy, less than 3 weeks before Nintendo threatened him with a lawsuit.

What is [the] process for removing our EU citizenship? Voting yes.
— The Better Together Twitter account, less than two years before Britain voted to leave the European Union, meaning Scotland will lose EU citizenship anyway.

“Well, I must arrange my pillows for another night. When will this end?”
—Last words of Washington Irving

"Uhh, is this how you end a series? I mean, is this where we go from here? Okay, the movie better sure as Hell make up for this, I'm telling you right now, 'cause I'm stuck in Nowhereland!"
Spike Spencer, on the ending of Neon Genesis Evangelion, before realizing the context of The End of Evangelion


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