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— Everyone Ever
"Yeah, I dare ya, rage quit. C'mon, make us both happy."
"Depth perception, pal, look into it."
— Scout having dominated a Demoman
"This is my world. You are not welcome in my world!"
"You are a spineless worm! You are a mistake of nature! You are walking vomit!"
"Scientists in the future have studied your ass for centuries... and sent me back in time to kick it!"
— The Tin Soldier
— One of Pyro's two battle cries
"I hear someone building diaper changing station!"
— Heavy after destroying an enemy Dispenser
"Drunk on the battlefield ain't no way to be, son." "These fellas are gonna be ohm-less if they don't put up more of a resistance! Ha ha ha haaa! Ah, that's an engineerin' joke."
"Eins, zwei, dre... I do not think we brought enough body bags."
"That helmet's gonna make a nice bowl for ya brains!"
after scoring a headshot
on a Soldier
"So, your deadly skill is jogging? Mine is murdering people."
— Spy having dominated a Scout
"I was never on your side either! Wanker!"
Meet the Team
Some people think they can outsmart me. Maybe... (sniff)
maybe. I have yet to meet one that can outsmart bullet
— Meet the Heavy
You call that breaking my spine? You RED team ladies wouldn't know how to break a spine i— (crack) BLU Soldier: AUGH, MY SPIIINE!
— Meet the Sandvich
Sniping's a good job, mate. It's challenging work, out of doors... I guarantee you'll not go hungry. 'Cause at the end of the day, long as there's two people left on the planet, someone
is gonna want someone
— Meet the Sniper
How am I gonna stop some big mean motherhubbard
from tearin' me a structurally superfluous new behind
? [...] The answer? Use a gun. And if that don't work? [...] Use more
gun. BLU Scout: My aaarm!note RED Engineer:
Like this heavy-caliber tripod-mounted little old number designed by me. Built
by me. And you best hope... not pointed at you.
— Meet the Engineer
Ya listening? Okay. Grass grows, birds fly, sun shines, and brudder? I hurt (audibly pokes the camera lens)
people. I'm a force o' nature. If you
were from, where I
was from, you'd be f**kin'
— Meet the Scout
I got a manky eye. I'm a black Scottish cyclops. They got more f(long bleep)
suncensored than they got the likes of me
T'all you fine dandies so proud, so cocksure, prancin' aboot with your heads full of eyeballs! Come and get me,
I say! I'll be waitin' on ya with a whiff o' the old brimstone! I'm a grim bloody fable... with an unhappy bloody end!
— Meet the Demoman
I've killed plenty of Spies! They're dime-a-dozen back-stabbin' scumbags, like you! No offense... BLU Spy:
If you managed to kill them, I assure
you they were not like me, and nothing—nothing
—like the man loose inside this building. BLU Scout:
What are ya, president of his fan club? BLU Spy:
No... that would be your mother
! (reveals several photos of the Scout's mother with the RED Spy) BLU Scout:
Wait—eh—ah—gh— BLU Spy:
Indeed, and now he's here to f*** us!
— Meet the Spy
Comics and Other Supplemental Material
: How... the hell
... did you beat us? We spent six months huntin' down her best. Echelon. Citadel. Team Vanguard
, for God's sake. We got 'em all. We beat
her. All she had left was you rejects
. How... the hell
... Ms. Pauling
: You wanna know how we beat you? I honestly have no #£%@#
clue. Maybe it was just luck. Maybe it was something else. Medic
: It's because we don't have souls. Ms. Pauling
: What? Medic
: Well, they
don't, but- nothing. Carry on. Ms. Pauling
: I don't know what to tell you. But either way... we're Team Fortress
. And you're dead
— Team Fortress Comics, part 6: The Naked and the Dead
"It doesn't matter how much people respect you when they're on fire."
— Respectless Rubber Glove description
"I just kicked your ass so hard it went BACK IN TIME and got me this VIKING HAT."
— Tyrant's Helm description
"Is that a miniature Spy in your pocket, or are you just happy to OH GOD STOP HITTING ME!"
— Itsy Bitsy Spyer description
"There will be a certain day...fortunately it's not today, or anytime soon. But there will be a day where Team Fortress 2 becomes as outdated as Super Mario Bros.
. and Contra. And in the days when that game is sitting in the dust like a forgotten memory, A few of us that took the game as a passion will sit down at our Desktops, start it up, and play a nice game of Capture the Flag at 2fort, while this song plays in the background, reminding us of what this masterpiece was and always will be."