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Quotes / Team Fortress 2

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"Spanning 119 updates of ongoing development, the Team Fortress 2 team has maintained its unswerving commitment to our user base: to put more hats per square inch in our game than any other piece of media in human history. We've probably improved gameplay and added a new game mode or map here and there too - most likely by accident, while trying to upload something hat-based."
— The TF2 website, summing up the history of the game.


"Sniping's a good job, mate. It's challenging work, out of doors... I guarantee you'll not go hungry. 'Cause at the end of the day, long as there's two people left on the planet, someone is gonna want someone dead."

"It doesn't matter how much people respect you when they're on fire."
Respectless Rubber Glove description

"I just kicked your ass so hard it went BACK IN TIME and got me this VIKING HAT."
Tyrant's Helm description

"Scientists in the future have studied your ass for centuries... And sent me back in time to kick it!"
The Tin Soldier

"Is that a miniature Spy in your pocket, or are you just happy to OH GOD STOP HITTING ME!"
Itsy Bitsy Spyer description

"I never really was on your side"

BLU Scout: [...] I've killed plenty of Spies! They're dime-a-dozen back-stabbin' scumbags, like you! No offense...
BLU Spy: If you managed to kill them, I assure you they were not like me, and nothing -nothing- like the man loose inside this building.
BLU Scout: What are ya, president of his fan club?
BLU Spy: would be Your Mother! [reveals several photos of the Scout's mother with a RED Spy]
BLU Scout: WAIT..EH...AH...GH...
BLU Spy: Indeed, and now he's here to f*** US!

"This is my world. You are not welcome in my world!"


"I have uploaded a boot up your metal asses!"
Jane Doe (aka The Soldier) after a fine day of killing robots.


"There will be a certian day...fortunately it's not today, or anytime soon. But there will be a day where Team Fortress 2 becomes as outdated as Super Mario Bros.. and Contra. And in the days when that game is sitting in the dust like a forgotten memory, A few of us that took the game as a passion will sit down at our Desktops, start it up, and play a nice game of Capture the Flag at 2fort, while this song plays in the background, reminding us of what this masterpiece was and always will be."
From a random YouTube comment


"We send itsy-bitsy cart back home!"

"Some people think they can outsmart me. Maybe... maybe. I have yet to meet one that can outsmart bullet."

Classic Heavy: How... the hell... did you beat us? We spent six months huntin' down her best. Echelon. Citadel. Team Vanguard, for God's sake. We got 'em all. We beat her. All she had left was you rejects. How... the hell...
Ms. Pauling: You wanna know how we beat you? I honestly have no #£%@# clue. Maybe it was just luck. Maybe it was something else.
The Medic: It's because we don't have souls.
Ms. Pauling: What?
The Medic: Well, they don't, but- nothing. Carry on.
Ms. Pauling: I don't know what to tell you. But either way... we're Team Fortress. And you're dead.
Team Fortress Comics, part 6: The Naked and the Dead

"HELLO MISS PAULING, we killed everybody and took a briefcase!"
Soldier summing up his job in Expiration Date


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