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     Anime and Manga 

H-hey young miss! I'm not a suspicious person! I'm not going to kidnap and eat you!

Akane: I'm not planning anything and I'm not hiding anything.
Akari: WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING AND WHAT ARE YOU HIDING!?

     Comic Books 

Worker: Tight-looking piece, eh?
(Workers are looking up the girl's skirt for two panels while she talks to an old lady. The girl finally notices)
Miriam: Hey! What's going on?
Worker: Just taking a break, ma'am! These boxes are heavy. I wasn't admiring the view or nothin'! Hahaha!
Fansadox #191, "Mad Justice"

I'm sorry, Mr. Kretch. I just had a long night... a very long night doing normal teenage Earth girl things. Yes!

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     Fan Works 

I don't want to have to factor that into the healing process or the brain scans. I'll leave that until they're done. But I definitely need to up her dose. Can't have Rei waking up one day and deciding she wants to start doing her own thinking. Little dolls don't need to think.
She carefully didn't think about little dolls taking a certain Commander's attention away from her. That had nothing to do with it at all. She was no petty, insecure woman scrabbling for any advantage to get ahead, no.
Advice and Trust, chapter 8

Sawaki: (after being sucked by a girl and a transvestite) You got it wrong! Mutou-san, you got it all wrong! It's a misunderstanding! I'm completely normal!
Mutou: I didn't see anything! Me, Aoi Mutou, naturally didn't see anything with these eyes!
Sawaki: Don't just lie to me!
— Hentai doujin based on Moyashimon

Shinji: Did you see anything?
Misato: No, I didn't see anyone.

Asuka: What did you see?!
Shinji: Nothing! [...] I didn't see you playing with your dolls!

     Film - Animation 

Edith: (referring to a cat in a book Gru wrote who wears the same hat as her) Hey, that one looks like me!
Gru: What are you talking about? These are kittens! Any resemblance to persons living or dead is completely coincidental.

Some guy was talking to me— Not an elephant in the sky, a guy on the ground.

I swear that everything I tell you is not made up!

     Film - Live-Action 

AUTHOR'S NOTE: The following is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental.
Especially you, Jenny Beckman.
Bitch.
— Opening subtitle, (500) Days of Summer

M.U.T.O. ASSURES ALL PERSONNEL, THERE IS NO CONSPIRACY IN OUR ORGANIZATION.
Godzilla (2014) M.U.T.O. Research website

Kro-Bar: Aliens? Us? Is this one of your Earth jokes?
Fleming: See? See?
Lattis: You should not have said "Earth jokes." Don't you see how that gave us away?

Mr. Bignose: One more time, mate, and I'll take you to fucking cleaners!
Mrs. Bignose: Language! And don't pick your nose!
Mr. Bignose: ... I wasn't gonna pick my nose, I'm gonna thump him!

If I were a girl... AND I AM... I'd watch my step.
Jerry aka "Daphne", Some Like It Hot

Colonel Sandurz: (opens door) Lord Helmet!
Dark Helmet: (quickly hides dolls) WHAT!?
Colonel Sandurz: You're needed on the bridge, sir!
Dark Helmet: KNOCK ON MY DOOR! KNOCK NEXT TIME!
Colonel Sandurz: Yes, sir!
(beat)
Dark Helmet: ...Did you see anything!?
Colonel Sandurz: No, sir! I didn't see you playing with your dolls again!
Dark Helmet: GOOD!

     Literature 

Rincewind: But there's something you must do. You know this rumor about the army of invisible vampire ghosts that's headed this way?
Disembowel-Meself-Honorably Dibhala: Yes?
Rincewind: The one about there being millions of them? And very hungry on account of not having eaten by the way? And made specially fierce by the Great Wizard?
DMH Dibhala: Um... yes?
Rincewind: Well, it's not true. [...] So make sure you tell people there's no truth to this rumor, will you? Set their minds at rest.
DMH Dibhala: Good idea. Er. These invisible vampire ghosts... Do they carry money of any sort?
Rincewind: No. Because they don't exist.
DMH Dibhala: Ah, yes. I forgot.
Rincewind: And there are not 2,300,009 of them.
DMH Dibhala: Not 2,300,009 of them...
Rincewind: Absolutely not. There are not 2,300,009 of them, no matter what anyone says. Nor has the Great Wizard made them twice as big as normal. Good man. Now I'd better be off-

Moist Von Lipwig: Igor? You have an Igor?
Hubert Turvy: Oh, yes. That's how I get this wonderful light. They know the secret of storing lightning in jars! But don't let that worry you, Mr Lipspick. Just because I'm employing an Igor and working in a cellar doesn't mean I'm some sort of madman, ha ha ha!
Moist: Ha ha.
Hubert: Ha hah hah! Hahahahahaha!! Ahahahahahahhhhh!!!!!

No! You couldn't have recognized me. I used a disguise that time.
Old Man, Dragon Queen

I don't care if Ewald Jackson is from Adelaide, wherever that is. It doesn't impress me at all, and Bridgette's not impressed either, and she only spoke to him to be polite. Anyway, he was only congratulating her on winning first prize with her bark picture. Bark pictures aren't really art so it doesn't matter about Bridgette winning and not me because we weren't in the same category.
Kirsty Dean, I Hate Fridays omnibus

Bear: Have you seen my hat?
Rabbit: (while wearing that very hat) No. Why are you asking me. I haven't seen it. I haven't seen any hats anywhere. I would not steal a hat. Don't ask me any more questions.

A silly rumor, really. It has to do with viral contamination of lubricants at Bearing Works Twenty-three. Ah, excuse me — I mean with the noncontamination of lubricants at... Never mind. It is totally without foundation, the Health Center informs us. And there is no cause for alarm. It is absolutely not true that it causes impotency among males— Correction. There is no contamination — but if there were, it would not affect the potency of males.
Ida, Sten

     Live-Action TV 

So there's absolutely no reason to be suspicious!
Barney Fife, The Andy Griffith Show

Cute woman: Hello!
Stuart: (silent and uncomfortable, unable to talk, but he likes her a lot)
Cute woman: It's a great party!
Stuart: Thank you.
Cute woman: The monsters' food, they're really fun.
Stuart: Yes, thank you. I like to think of fun things like that. Because I'm fun. I'm not clinically depressed at all.
The Big Bang Theory, "The Holographic Excitation"

We didn't receive any messages, and Captain Blackadder definitely did not shoot this delicious plump-breasted pigeon!
Baldrick, Blackadder Goes Forth

Jake: So I smashed through the window, feet first, there's glass everywhere, and I say "Hey there. Sorry for droppin' in."
(Gina and Rosa chuckle in appreciation)
Jake: And the best part is there was nothing on my cheek.
Amy: That's a weird detail to throw in there.
Jake: You're a weird detail to throw in there.

MAYHEM CAUSED, MONSTERS CERTAINLY NOT INVOLVED
— A newspaper headline from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

This is an emergency! Control must be believed and obeyed! No-one in the colony believes in Macra! There is no such thing as Macra! Macra do not exist! There are no Macra!
Macra speaking as The Controller, Doctor Who, "The Macra Terror"

Eleventh Doctor: It's a timey-wimey thing.
War Doctor: Timey what? Timey-wimey?!
Tenth Doctor: I've - I've no idea where he picks that stuff up.
Doctor Who, "The Day of the Doctor"

Eleanor: Look, I might not have been a saint, but it's not like I killed anybody. I wasn't an arsonist. I never found a wallet outside of an IHOP and thought about returning it but saw the owner lived out of state so just took the cash and dropped the wallet back on the ground.
Chidi: Okay, that's really specific, and that makes me think that you definitely did do that.

"If this were some random person you hooked up with at a Diamond Backs game in the parking lot behind the porta potties—not based on a real example—I would say keep mulling."
Eleanor, The Good Place, "What's My Motivation"

Frank: This is bad. We gotta definitely write a song about how we do not diddle kids. "Do not diddle kids, it's no good diddlin' kids!"
Mac: ...there is no quicker way for people to think you are diddling kids than WRITING A SONG ABOUT IT!
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, "Frank Reynolds' Little Beauties"

Doctor: This is not a Kangaroo Court.
Patrick: Did I say it was? Interesting that you'd deny an unmade accusation.

Stuart: Freddie's scared he's never going to work again. There, how does that feel?
Freddie: I never said such a thing, and you swore you'd never mention it!

It is all dark. Some people are afraid of the dark. Isn't that silly? Oh, it's silly. Some people think that just because it is dark, there are scary... (less sure of himself) things around! Spooky things... sneaking around in the dark. But there... there... there are not, y'know, there are not.... There are not... There *are not!*... Maybe I'd better turn on the light and show you!
Grover, Sesame Street

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     Radio 

"Good afternoon. This is your captain speaking. Just to say there is absolutely nothing to worry about."
"Hello. Captain Crieff here again. Still no need to panic. I repeat, there is no need to panic."
"Or to look out of the windows."
Captain Martin Crieff, Cabin Pressure, "Douz"

     Stand-Up Comedy 

"Good evening, everybody. We are the Umbilical Brothers, and not superintelligent alien dinosaurs. We do not intend to replace the Umbilical Brothers using their own DNA. We do not intend to replace the front row of the audience using the Umbilical Brothers' DNA."
"Yes, we do."
"No, we don't. Shh!"
The Umbilical Brothers, Speedmouse

     Video Games 

I made the zombies! I was never as good as my totally-not-made-up brother Zed, and we're totally different people!
Dr. Ned approximately every other sentence, Borderlands

Hey, you're doing great! Most people don't last this long! I mean... y'know. They usually move on to other things by now. I'm not implying that they died. That's not what I meant.

Jedi Exile: Are you responsible for this?
HK-50: Defensive Answer: Master, I am a protocol droid, not a well-crafted assassination droid of unrivaled sophistication. To have carried out the actions that took place here would have required an unusual set of skills. It is highly unlikely I possess the knowledge of how to reprogram the memory cores of base-worker class droids into killing machines, let alone to terminate the organics at this facility, utilizing only Aratech 500 series laser mining drills and explosives fashioned from proton missile cores!

I'm not doing anything suspicious... really.

This man is no different from any other. He has many witnesses who swear to this fact through torture and pain of death. Look elsewhere for a man of any note.
— Description of an agent with the Guildmaster of Assassins title, Medieval II: Total War Stainless Steel

Lucas: N-n-n-no! He didn't take Dad's homemade knife and go into the mountains to kill the Drago!
Alec: It's a good thing you raised him to be honest, Flint!

Don't look, now! I'm not going to stick my butt out or anything like that, though.
Wess, MOTHER 3

The Enrichment Center would like to remind you that the Weighted Companion Cube will never threaten to stab you and, in fact, cannot speak. In the event that the Companion Cube does speak, the Enrichment Center urges you to disregard its advice.
GLaDOS, Portal

Contact with the colony on Mars will be shortly re-established, and this has nothing to do with the impending arrival of the mysterious aliens.
Quake II intro

N-O-M-A-F-I-A, oh baby!
Welcome, welcome, generous friends!
Days and weeks and tokens to spend!
We're just regular businessmen!
Just you and me and Ted. E. Bear!
Ted. E. Bear's is oodles of fun!
Slots and sandwiches and poker and guns!
And look, no mobsters, nary a one!
Just you and me and Ted. E. Bear!

I'm going to trust you to keep a secret. If you do not keep this secret, you will, in short order, be exiled from The Illuminati, lose everything you hold dear, find yourself convicted of murder and locked up for life... And then I'll really come after you. This, by the way, should in no way be construed as a threat.
The Pyramidion, The Secret World

This game is purely fictitious. It cannot harm you in any way, shape, or form.
Silent Hills disclaimer

Dr. Eggman: This amusement park was constructed entirely out of a sense of remorse for my past transgressions, and is in no way associated with any sort of evil plot or premeditated misdeeds.
Sonic: Well, that's a relief.

So you really want to know, eh? All right, fine, Jeane is... a very nice young lady, with absolutely no mind-boggling secrets to hide. None whatsoever. Moving on...
Oboro's final investigation on Jeane in Suikoden V

Anise: Huh? It's a rappig doll...
Tear: Ah, n-no! You got it wrong! I just found it in a shop at Belkend. It's not like I thought it was cute or anything. Yeah, I just... ehm... that is... Anise, don't tell anyone, okay?
— A skit in Tales of the Abyss

"Look, I brought some oats for you. They aren't poison or anything."
"..."
"In retrospect, I guess that wasn't a very comforting thing to say."

"Elridge is never seen with a spot of blood upon his person. Not a spot."
Cultist Simulator, description for "Elridge, an Assassin".

     Visual Novels 

They say that the more specific a denial is, the more likely it is that the accusations are true.
Hisao Nakai, Katawa Shoujo

     Webcomics 

Ki: It's not caffeine, not sugar... not time for Star Wars Episode II yet... doesn't look like "Mr. Colon" is acting up again... could be job anxiety...
Nick: Nope! No job anxiety here! Didn't get an impossible-to-turn-down dream job, nosiree! Not me!
Ki: Bingo.

Elan: I promise to be the bestest bard ever and never be bad and never accidentally lead you into an ambush and—
Roy: That's an oddly specific promise...
The Order of the Stick: On the Origin of PCs

After making these statements, he assured us that he was (in fact) "stable." It's funny how asserting one's stability tends to create the opposite impression.

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     Web Original 

Makoto: Isn't this great? It's just like when we were younger! Remember that time...
Mental!Haru: Painting sure is fun.
Mental!Haru: You know what else is fun? Killing your best friend.
Mental!Haru: That doesn't sound fun at all, Haru.
Mental!Haru: Well how would you know?! All you do is swim, Haru!
Mental!Haru: I think Haru is right. We should branch out in our hobbies, Haru.
Mental!Haru: Oh (dolphin noise), Haru, Makoto stopped talking! He wants you to respond! Say something, stupid!
Haru: ...I wasn't thinking about killing you.
Makoto: (smiling) Aww, thank you.
Mental!Haru: Nailed it.

RYAN REYNOLDS: Well allow me to shake your hand.
JEFF BRIDGES: No loser, you must earn my handshake. (to camera) This setup won’t be forgotten and is totally going to pay off in the end. Honest. Pinky swear. Wink.
Note: He's LYING.

Knuckles: Don't make me regret this.
Sonic: I wont, I promise. And I definitely wont smoke crack in the bathroom
Knuckles OK, good, First I- Wait, what!? Why did you bring up smoking crack?

Disclaimer: TFWiki is well aware that this picture contains no visual references to rape, phallic symbols, giant robots, frightened cartoon females who may or may not be of pre-voting age, or manga-convention background lines. In fact, this picture is completely blank.
— An old caption from TFWiki.net's page on Atari Hitotonari

These are the words of a guy who knows what the wrong answer is, just not necessarily the right one. "I want you back girl, cause I miss your... not your body." Hey Bieber, where were you the night of the murder? "Why, I remember I was definitely at 'not at the victim's house between 12:45 and 1:30 then driving to the river to dispose of the murder weapon."
Todd in the Shadows reviews Sorry

hey come check out our cool bunker, guys. I promise there's no crazy wormhole thing under our base continuously killing us

...Assuming it doesn't make you clip into an inexplicably hovering ore deposit that's totally meant to do that and not a bug, no REALLY!

It's no secret by now that Overwatch has produced a veritable metric cum-lake of pornographic material, none of which I have ever wanked over and I am definitely telling the truth when I say that.

Ansem: I can make you stronger if I enter your body, and I will surely not possess you.
Riku: Okay I believe you.

Rita Loud: "No cavities! I am proud of you, Lola!"
Lola Loud: "Really?! Uh, I mean, of course there are no cavities. It's not like I've been eating cake after bedtime. (awkward chuckle)"
Rita Loud: "Hah! The way you said that makes you think you have been."
Listen Out Loud, official podcast based on The Loud House

My "Not involved in human trafficking" T-shirt has people asking a lot of questions already answered by my shirt.
Mike Ginn [1]

     Western Animation 

Krieger: I'm not a... serial killer!
Archer: Wait, why did you emphasize "serial?"
Kriegar: Wait, I did — whaaaat? Are we doing? Did I mention I have a surprise for you?
Archer

Tribe Leader: <The blue-haired woman will make a good sacrifice.>
Marge: What's he saying?
Mr. Burns: Aaaaaaaaah... he's saying... ummmmm... "we wouldn't dream of sacrificing the blue-haired woman!"
Marge: Awwwwww, well isn't that

Officer Barbrady: You're probably wondering why we're standing here with a pile of money and no pants on.
Chef: Actually, uh...
Mayor McDaniels: Well, I can assure you that it has absolutely nothing to do with the Japanese mafia.
Officer Barbrady: Not a thingy-dingy!
South Park, "Pinkeye"

Goldie: Who are you?
Gyro: Nobody. Just your... common crackpot outlaw. Definitely NOT a brilliant scientist from the future accidentally stuck in the Old West- I mean current west.
DuckTales (2017), "The Outlaw Scrooge McDuck!"

This awful cold. It's so horrible... so painful... and so very, very real.
Dennis, Dennis The Menace And Gnasher, "Couldn't Catch a Cold"

Robotnik: Snooping as usual, I see?
Scratch: Not me! I didn't hear nothing about Von Schlemmer's dream-a-majig!
Grounder: Uh, me neither! Especially I didn't hear the part about the clown...


What happens if you click HERE? I don't know, but you definitely don't go back to the main page.
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