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Quotes / Stupid Evil

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"I prefer rogues to imbeciles, because rogues sometimes rest."
Alexandre Dumas (attributed)

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    Comic Books 

Dr. Sivana: This is why you're always losing money, getting thrown in jail and killing each other!
Shimmer: Why, because we're evil?
Dr. Sivana: No, because you're schmucks.


    Film — Live-action 

Seth: Do you know what the words "low profile" mean? Let me tell you what low profile is NOT! Low profile is NOT taking girls hostage! It is NOT blowing up a gas station! It is NOT shooting a cop in the fucking head!
Richie: (Bitch, bitch, bitch...)

“I can’t beat your band of heroes, true, but what if there were another eight bands also out for my blood? Ha! What are you going to do, form a line?”

“Ah, but being defeated was always part of my plan! Yet another glorious victory for the Empire.”

“Ah, but every palace you destroy has to be rebuilt! You’ve single-handedly pulled the Empire out of a slump, hahaha. Once again sweet victory is mine.”
Dread Emperor Irritant I, the Oddly Successful, A Practical Guide To Evil

Careful prior planning wasn't Visser One's usual MO. He usually jumped in with both feet and a lot of noise. And if the details didn't work themselves out, he just ripped a sub-visser's head off and plowed ahead with his next maniacal plan.
Animorphs #51: The Absolute

    Live-action TV 

We've had vicious kings and we've had idiot kings, but I don't think we've ever been cursed with a vicious idiot for a king!
Tyrion Lannister on King Joffrey, Game of Thrones

If you ask me, I find myself preferring the old Buffy-whipped Angelus. This "new & improved" one is not playing with a full sack.
Spike, Buffy the Vampire Slayer ("Passion")

Intendant: Execute them! I think you'll find that random and unprovoked executions will keep your entire workforce alert and motivated.
Garak: I bow to your brilliance. Though I do hope your mood improves before we run out of workers.
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, "Through the Looking Glass"

    Video Games 

Arcade Gannon: What are you thinking?! Do you want to see Vegas turned into the new slave capital of the west?!
Courier: Actually, yes. I would like to see New Vegas turned into a slavery hub.
Arcade Gannon: Great. You're either unimaginably cruel or profoundly insane!
Fallout: New Vegas (if the player gets the Enclave Remnants to fight for Caesar's Legion)

"Are psychotic urges all that drive you?"
Kreia, Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords if the player decides to go Stupid Evil

    Web Animation 

...And then there's a bloke with a goatee, shifty eyes, and an army of robots who starts off ostensibly an ally, but is so ass-wipingly obviously the villain that the game absent-mindedly forgets to establish that he is. After they complete their mission together, he just goes, 'BORED NOW,' and kidnaps someone for literally no reason and to nobody's surprise. Well, the reason he gives is that he wanted to the heroes to come to his house and look at some stuff he's been working on. Fucking ring them up! Or just ask them, they're right there! Offer them a lift on your getaway vehicle! It's like he only knows how to get things done in an evil way. All he wants is to work with the scientist to open an ancient ruin, something the scientist seems quite willing to do. But not after he's been helicoptered to a Dracula castle in a fucking cage! This guy needs an intervention!

"Weyland-Yutani now of the opinion that an uncontrollable biological weapon that reliably wipes out their science teams en masse is totally worth openly declaring war on their own country's military for. Christ knows how Weyland-Yutani spent their time before the Aliens were discovered; probably threw children on piles of burning money."



Black Mage: Die, ants, die!
Thief: Is he...
Red Mage: He likes to have victims.
Thief: It must take a tremendous amount of energy to be that unnecessarily creepy.

I theorize that the halfling does not possess a true sentient brain, like you or I, but rather a simple, primitive 'proto-brain' that can only process two emotional reactions to people: Hate or Lust.

Bongo: This Doyt Gyo is going to be a tough one to bring back alive. I've pulled in my top four bounty-hunters to extract him. Obviously, we'll have to resort to taking a few hostages for bargaining chips. An' there's definitely gonna be some collateral damage during the operation. Still, you said 'spare no expense.' I'm ready to send the team out on your word.
Agent: Right. And do you know what my word is?
Bongo: Um... 'Lock and load?'
Agent: Nope, it's 'idiot.' I took it from the following statement: 'The obvious way to get Mr. Gyo back in our employ is to offer him his job back, complete with back pay and a signing bonus. Of course, it's only obvious if you are not an IDIOT.'

    Web Original 

In the final seconds of the game, Detroit's Ben Wallace went up for a shot. Ron Artest, with a 15 point lead, punched him in the back of the head. It was such a pointless gesture of violence that elsewhere, Hitler's corpse shot its arm up for a high five.

Shinzon: Even though I'm now literally hours from death, I think I'll delay kidnapping Picard so I can mind-rape Troi. This will show the audience just how villainous I am, in case they're totally retarded and don't get it yet.

Like any corporation involved in dangerous research, it all boils down to risk versus reward for the Umbrella Corporation. In this case, the risk is zombies, and the reward is zombies.

Turns out that the Silver Samurai was just dropping in to introduce himself and tell Wolverine to stay out of his business, and look. Despite my best efforts, I’m not a supervillain. I do, however, have to think that if someone is keeping to himself and helping to rebuild the local temple, maybe don’t teleport into the woods to try and intimidate him into doing what he is already doing. Maybe, just maybe, you just keep doing what you’re doing until that dude gets his head right and goes back to fighting racist robots in America.
Chris Sims on X-Men, "Lotus and the Steel"

Chris: Why erase his memory now? He is like 100% on Stryker’s side at this point and they just made him an indestructible killing machine. Why not at least get a few missions out of him, or at least wait until he’s out of the room to be like “Man, we totally f***ed that guy over, am I right? High fives!”
Matt: Stryker’s so fickle. He’s like a kid who gets bored with his toys the minute after he unwraps them.
ComicsAlliance on X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Is this really something you want to do to a guy recovering from eye surgery that’s the key to your whole evil scheme? ...Bond climbs out of bed to investigate, and somehow, he can look out of his window and see directly into Jack’s room, where Jack is hilariously getting the ever-loving snot beat out of him, with Fatima pounding his head against the wall.

Shaye has a gang of people that helped him escape and, like John McClane, (Howie) Long’s character has to take on each member. At least, that is how it is SUPPOSED to go. In Firestorm, Shaye picks off members of his own gang one by one. He does this so that he gets all the money and doesn’t have to split it. Now while that idea makes sense for the greedy villain, it is absolutely moronic that you would do that while Long is still hassling you. Couldn’t you, oh I don’t know, wait until he is dead and then kill your gang for the cash? I mean to use Die Hard as an example again, what kind of a movie would it be if John just chilled out in the air ducts until Hans killed off his whole gang and then had a showdown with him? It doesn’t really make John come off as a badass. Prudent? Yes. Badass? No.
Miles Antwiler on Firestorm (1998)

Just because my character is evil doesn't mean I want to slaughter my party. They're a means to an end — it's a lot of work recruiting a group of grunts, and why would Suleidan waste time doing that when he has perfectly good damage sponges already living in his manor?
I Have a Secret article on Wizards' site.

The Iron Warriors have been one of the more popular legions in fluff over the past few years. While some have put this down to them being 'grittier' or more realistic than the others, the truth is probably more functional then fanciful: The Iron Warriors are for the most part not gibbering madmen. This might seem a dumb reason but it's actually important. To write a good character they need to make sense to the reader, even when we don't agree with them we need to understand why they want to do it. The other legions kinda lack that. Why did you attack that planet? 'Because it turns me on' doesn't really make for an interesting character, nor does being told to by demons, wanting to kill everything all the time or just really digging dead stuff. So that leaves the Iron Warriors as being just about the only generally sane legion who do things for reasons normal people can understand.

"Oh, just like Captain Bladefoot... we couldn't ask to borrow the opera, nope, we had to kidnap them. Pirate way!"
Kiwi, The Unexpectables

Even though such a thing had happened in Hungary, Mussolini did not believe Hitler would do something so insane. Hungary was a small, easily conquerable country with half of its troops still in Russia. Hitler knew that if he attacked Italy, he would be declaring war on Spain, Bulgaria and Croatia, and those were just the nations he and his allies bordered. How was he going to hold France (as he was doing quite successfully, all things considered) if he was suddenly going to open a gigantic front on the Pyranees? What about the Ploesti oil that would be easily attained by Bulgarian assault? And for what? So he could kill Jews? No one believed Hitler could be that stupid. What they had forgotten was, as the famous Jew Albert Einstein had said, “Only two things are infinite: the Universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the Universe.” Perhaps ‘stupidity’ isn’t the right word – perhaps it’s ‘evil’.

    Web Video 

Yahtzee: See, that's what I don't get: I mean, certainly you kidnap someone so you have some leverage on them. If Haggar's closing in on them—beating up all their men and stabbing them with knives—why don't they just threaten to kill Jessica unless he stops?
Gabriel: They don't understand crime. This is that kind of 80's/early 90s thing, where criminals did it for the fun of it. They weren't doing it for money or gain or anything, it was just, "I like crime, arrr!"
Yahtzee: The punks who threaten Arnie at the start of Terminator, those sorts of guys.
Gabriel: Like that, but organized somehow, and more of them.
Yahtzee: Just for the love of crime!
Gabriel: It's performance art, basically.

Starling can not only project the Doctor into his office, but also has enough programming abilities to torture him for information. Wow. With that kinda hacking ability, you'd think he could reprogram the Doctor to be helpful. But that's a lot less evil than torturing him so, y'know, no-brainer there. Plus, I mean, a physician with medical knowledge centuries more advanced? I think you could probably make a few bucks, since you'd now have the cure for, well, everything. But it's that or the torture, come on.
SF Debris on Star Trek: Voyager, "Future's End Pt. 2"

The bursting of the comics bubble and Marvel's response, which combined the evil of Darth Vader with the coordination of Laurel and Hardy, led to a period that put the very existence of the industry in question — not to mention that of Marvel itself.
SF Debris, The Rise and Fall of the Comic Empire, Part 13: "Evolve or Die"

So the guy with no legs gets to learn the ways of these smurfy-cats, but the BIG, BAD MILITARY along with the BIG, BAD CORPORATION want to tear their village down!
And the scientists are like, "No, no, you can't do this!"
"Because the trees have some sort of energy! And they can communicate with the energy! And this energy will change the world!"
"Bah! Who do you think you are, some kind of scientist?"
"You think we pay you millions of dollars to tell the truth?"
"And you think that because you have a brilliant mind and years of loyal experience that we're going to listen to you?"
"Well we're not!"
"That makes no sense-"
"Crush 'em!" [explosion]

"Let me ask what may be a dumb question: WHY DOES HE WANT TO KILL HER? Dude, you're married to a highly attractive woman, and have access to billions of dollars! You have a comfortable life in a mansion, and you got away with massive amounts of crime! It's not like you have a psychological compulsion like The Riddler has, you're not The Joker-level crazy; clearly you were stealing things to get money, and with money comes comfortable living! You don't have a sick child you're trying to save with an expensive operation, you clearly have enough mental faculties to train in martial arts, develop technology, and hone yourself to physical perfection! Why are you trying to kill her? WHY ARE YOU SCREWING WITH A GOOD THING HERE?

You know, this is the DC Universe. An alternate version of it, yes, but still the DC Universe. This is a world that features talking apes that fight flying robots, little kids who yell, 'Shazam!' and get magical powers, and the universe reboots itself every few years. Even in a world that has all of that, you do not make sense! This is the worst kind of villain, folks: He has no motivation, no credible backstory, no emotional connection that makes us sympathize or understand why he does the things that he does — he's just some asshole who wants to kill the hero Because He's The Villain!"
Atop the Fourth Wall on the Elseworlds comic Catwoman: Guardian of Gotham's version of Batman

"I've got nowhere to go! I burned my house down once it had enough swans inside, and I used up the rest of my savings buying the swans."

A friend of their asks for help in raising funds for her father's expedition to search for the sunken ship, since a group of thugs have been smashing their equipment. In addition, they're clearly spying on them to try to steal the treasure once her father finds it.

Yeah, and I'm sure they'll find it in a big hurry after you've smashed all their equipment! [throws up hands]
Atop the Fourth Wall on All-Star Comics #3

    Western Animation 

The evil I can tolerate. But the stupidity!
Professor Farnsworth, Futurama

Zim: I blew up more than all the other invaders!
Tallest Red: You blew up all the other invaders.

Lord Boxman: This will surely destroy the Plaza!
Dr. Blight: And the world!
(both start laughing only for Boxman to stop)
Boxman: Uh... Wh-why would we want to destroy the world, exactly? We do live on the world...
Blight: WHO CARES?! (starts laughing again as Boxman and his robots look on awkwardly)


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