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Quotes / Stealth Insult

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Fanfiction
Rose Lalonde: It appears that your gift for weaving transparent falsehoods is only matched by your obsession with irrelevancy.
T-Rex: Thanks (I think)!

"You're good at languages because you have the mind of a child, Emmett," Alice said, so brightly that it took me a split second to notice that this was not quite a compliment.
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Film - Animated

Aladdin: [striking an arrogant pose] How do I look?
Genie: Like... a prince.

Literature

McGonagall: He [Harry Potter] has achieved high marks in all his Defense Against the Dark Arts tests—
Umbridge: I'm terribly sorry to have to contradict you, Minerva, but as you will see from my note, Harry has been achieving very poor results in his classes with me—
McGonagall: I should have made my meaning plainer. He has achieved high marks in all Defense Against the Dark Arts tests set by a competent teacher.

Dudley: They flush people's heads down the toilet first day at Stonewall. Want to practice?
Harry: No thanks. The poor toilet's never had anything as horrible as your head in it; it might be sick. (runs away before Dudley can figure out what he said)
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Live-Action TV

Vila: Was that an insult or did I miss something?
Cally: You missed something.
Blake's 7, "Duel"

Prince George: Last night I was having a bit of a snack at the Naughty Hellfire Club, and some fellow said I had the wit and sophistication of a donkey!
Blackadder: Oh, an absurd suggestion, sir.
Prince George: You're right. It is absurd.
Blackadder: Unless of course, it was a particularly stupid donkey.
Prince George: If only I'd thought of saying that.
Blackadder the Third

Doctor Cox: Who can tell me what this patient's symptoms mean? Mister Murphy?
Doug Murphy: Actually, sir, it's Doctor Murphy.
Doctor Cox: ...uh-huh.
Scrubs

Darryl: Mike...you're a very brave man. I mean, it takes courage just to be you. To get out of bed every single day knowing full well you gotta be you.
Michael: ...you really mean that?
Darryl: I couldn't do it! I ain't that strong. And I ain't that brave.
The Office (US), "Safety Training"

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Joey: I just love the way it feels when everyone thinks I own a Porsche.
Monica: And people would think you own a Porsche because you're wearing the clothes?
Joey: Of course! Only an idiot would wear this stuff if he didn't have the car!
Chandler: That is true.

Joey: Stop, stop, I'm worried about damaging my head!
Chandler: It's a little late for that.
Friends, "The One with the Late Thanksgiving"

Kirk: I'm not sure, but I think we've just been insulted.
McCoy: I'm sure!
Star Trek: The Original Series, "Mirror Mirror"

"It's nice to see you, Tahani. Apparently wherever you've been they've been keeping you well fed."
Manisha Al-Jamil, The Good Place, "The Burrito"

Music

"'Cause if you like the way you look that much
Oh, baby, you should go and love yourself
And if you think that I'm still holdin' on to somethin'
You should go and love yourself"
Justin Bieber, "Love Yourself" note 

Newspaper Comics

Calvin: Dad, are you vicariously living through me in the hope that my accomplishments will validate your mediocre life and in some way compensate for all the opportunities you botched?
Calvin's dad: If I were, you can bet I'd be re-evaluating my strategy.

Theatre

George: Good night, Prometheus.
Walter: Who's Prometheus?
Ruth: I don't know, honey. Don't worry about it.
Walter: They get to a point they can't even insult you man-to-man. They got to talk about something nobody ever heard of.

Polonius: Do you know me, my lord?
Hamlet: Excellent well; you are a fishmonger.
Hamlet

Video Games

"Congratulations. Not on the test. Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds."

"Look at you, soaring through the air majestically. Like an eagle. Piloting a blimp."
GLaDOS, Portal 2

Dr. Nefarious: That moron could never hope to match wits with the likes of me!
Lawrence: If anyone could beat a moron at his own game, it's you, sir.
Nefarious: [looking flattered] Yes, I suppose that's true...

"Go home, Hades. Just...go home."

Garrosh: Does this look like the green skin of Thrall?
Hamuul: No, Warchief. No one would ever mistake you for Thrall.

Playfulness is a sign of intelligence in animals. The otter. The Dolphin. The crow. Playfulness is a sign of intelligence in humans. Foolishness is often not the substance of stupidity, but the shadow of massive intellect. Do you take my compliment/criticism?
Bong Cha, The Secret World

Marina: Just saying. The richest people I know are some of the loneliest people I know.
Pearl: But I'm the richest person you kn—HEY!

Web Original

"...all I'm saying is that if I was a Korean animator, drawing this nonsense is exactly how I would tell an American cartoon writer to fuck himself."

Enoriel: Actually, I think the smell might come from you; have you been eating dead rats, recently?
Zarakai: I don't eat elves.

Western Animation

Megatron: ... yeeesss.
Blacharachnia: Why do you always talk to yourself?
Megatron: I merely have a penchant for intelligent conversation.

Shadow: You have the reflexes of a panther.
Sonic: ...is that an insult? I thought panthers were fast.
Shadow: Maybe compared to you.

Real Life

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
William Faulkner, on Ernest Hemingway note 

"Odd, I don't remember making this."


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