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Quotes / Space Whale Aesop

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"If there's one important lesson to take away from this story, it's the need to develop clean, renewable energy. (Beat) You know, to prevent oil monsters that eat people. I guess.
Brandon regarding Creep Show 2

"The lesson being taught to children here really was that you should never shrink anyone. And more importantly, you should never get a job writing cartoons when your main hobbies are recreational drugs and head injuries."

"Batman decides to smack Silver around a bit…but it’s okay, because she understands that he did it because he loves her and thinks she might be a robot. Oh well. At least he apologizes. This is all done, I swear to God, so that Batman can learn that not everyone is a robot."

"BUCKLE UP: It’s The Law And Also Two-Face Will Kill You."
Andy Khouri on The Dark Knight

"If You Give the Federal Government Too Much Power, Ghosts!"

"I guess that's a lesson all of us can relate to: If you live in a giant mansion and want a picture of your baby in the paper, you better care about your baby too, or else he'll get kidnapped, crawl across a busy street, and a truck'll drive over him."

"The underlying message of 'the stuff in cigarettes will turn you into an unfeeling monster and you’ll end up fighting yourself in a junkyard' is basically a thousand times better than anything those 'Truth' ads ever came up with."
Chris Sims, David Uzumeri, and Matt Wilson on Superman III

"With this, Uwe Boll touches on the issue of racial identity, and how it makes us all feel at times that we're half-vampire and half-human, hungry for blood but also worrying about water maybe burning us a bit. The water of emotions, is what I mean there. And the blood of, um— [beat] ...dreams[?]."

"Y'know, it's true: Reading really does open up a rainbow of imagination—and also blood, horror and MURDER!"
Noah Antwiler, Let's Riff Ripper

"It's like a collision between a Gloria Steinem treatise and a Mad-Libs."
SF Debris on Star Trek: The Next Generation, "The Perfect Mate"

"Cool kids don’t desecrate burial sites for starship fuel. Knowing is half the battle. I’m Chakotay, thanks for watching."
Darren Mooney on Star Trek: Voyager, "Emanations"

"And now, they actually have the gall to frame this stupidity as a Tom Paris self-discovery character moment. We actually return to that theme of Paris wanting to prove himself, like anybody could possibly be taking this seriously after seeing giant human salamanders."
The Agony Booth on Star Trek: Voyager, "Threshold"

David: It was prime time network television, and it featured Deathstroke the Terminator waterboarding Green Arrow. I just want to point this out to our readers: This happened.
Chris: It’s like dunking pilgrim ladies to see if they’re witches.
ComicsAlliance on Smallville ("Patriot")

"I turned vegetarian almost a year ago and this episode re-enforces my decision. Not because I think that for the first 33 years of my life that I was eating chunks of bloody alien hide..."

"The moral of this story is 'Never think, or else the secret police might catch you and kill you no matter what.' If it's good for the kids, it's good for the adults!"
JonTron on the Goosebumps episode "Don't Go to Sleep!"

"Let this be a cautious lesson for bullies everywhere: Don't pick on kids who deserve it because you might get murdered by a sorceress's enchanted gelatin."
Blogger Beware on the Goosebumps novel "Monster Blood"

"I've learned you shouldn't steal pokemon, because then the police will coerce you into cockfighting and you'll be carpet bombed by the Yakuza."
Suede, Suede's Pokemon Journey, Episode 49: So Near, yet so Farfetch'd.

Remember, kids, grand acts of wondrous science and space flight like Voyager will only ever attract evil, murderous aliens! Be cool and don't study at school!

"Well, Mario, did we learn some kind of horribly unlikely to occur lesson today?"

Bob: Hmmm, there's a lesson in all this.
Eglamore: Okay, let's hear it.
Bob: Never let sixty angry kids use a herd of Laser Cows to take over your house.

Princess Bubblegum: I hope you grasp the full consequences of breaking promises.
Finn: HECK YEAH! If I break a royal promise, I get to fight zombies, throw slumber parties, awake gumball guardians, and—and—
Princess Bubblegum: Alright, alright!

"Remember, kids, if you work hard and never let go of your dream, one day your rich idiot friend will just shove lots of money into your hands."

"Having to go first all the time only leads to trouble! Like getting burned up by the sun! Now, the consequences are not always so extreme, but good things come to those who wait."
Jason, 3-2-1 Penguins! "Trouble on Planet Wait-Your-Turn"

"I think I learned a valuable lesson. Always take down your Christmas decorations after New Year's or you get filleted by a hooker from God."

"Hmmm. You know, there might be an environmental message to this: don't sell your land to mining companies. Or else the Slender Man will get you."

Michael: I need the guy with the fake arm. J. Walter Weatherman.
George, Sr.: Oh, he's dead. You killed him when you left the door open with the air conditioner on.

April: Their burgers will kill you! They're full of wasps!
Parks and Recreation: Two Parties.

"A wise dragon once told me 'Aim high in life, but watch out for flying boxes.'"
Revilo, Spyro the Dragon

"Don't eat too many gummy bears, or else you might turn into a gummy bear!"''
"Let this be a lesson: Don't eat too much candy or else you might get sick, or even worse, you might turn into a gummy bear!"


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