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Quotes / Soap Opera Disease

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Chris: He’s contracted a severe case of MacGuffin’s Disease! The only cure is an infusion of Deus ex Machina, but where will we be able to find that on Smallville?!
—' Chris Sims and David Uzumeri', on Smallville'' ("Transference")

Poor Kris Jenner; she must be so conflicted right now. On her right shoulder is a tiny angel consoling her after finding out that her only son is sick in a bad way with diabetes. On the left is a skanky devil screaming with glee and congratulating her on her great new story line for the next season of KUWTK. What am I saying? She totally flicked the angel off her shoulder and started doing celebratory vodka shots with the skanky devil.
Dlisted, "Rob Has Diabetes"

As a subplot, Spleen's brother, Burnt, has a horrible disease with absolutely no physical symptoms except that it causes him to become somewhat moody.
W. Bruce Cameron, Eight Simple Rules For Dating My Teenage Daughter (the book, not the Sitcom)

Matthew: Yeah, I need come up with some new wheelchair jokes. After all, I'm here for life.
Destiny: Maybe not...

Salesman: (wearing a full body cast and oxygen mask) What's the matter with you guys?
SpongeBob: Um, we've got some head trauma and internal bleeding.
Salesman: Well, some guys have all the luck. (violin plays) I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning I break my legs. And every afternoon I break my arms. At night, I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep.

Zorc: I have a terminal disease!
Yami Bakura: But you can't die! What about our adopted daughter? Who's going to take care of her when you're gone?
Zorc: She also has a terminal disease!

Ian: It's my professional diagnosis that, uh, he's sick. He's very sick, so very very sick. He's gonna die soon, because he's just so sick. Sick with what? The sickness, of course; he's just so very sick.


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