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Quotes / Smite Me, O Mighty Smiter!

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L: "If there is a God, he totally hates me."
Light: "Damn straight I do."

"Just remember what old Jack Burton does when the earth quakes and the poison arrows fall from the sky and the pillars of heaven shake. Yeah, Jack Burton just looks that big ol' storm right square in the eye and he says, 'Give me your best shot, pal. I can take it.'"

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(flashback) I kept faith in you through this all! My family saw false blessings turn into curses. They gave their lives on this mountain! For WHAT?! No one is here! I won't accept this! Deliver him! Deliver salvation! Show me the Messiah, damn you! SHOW ME!
(narration) I yelled at God. God yelled back.
Saint Walker, reminiscing his Darkest Hour, Tales of the Corps

"Fine! The gloves are off pal! C'mon, lemme see a little wrath! Smite me, O mighty smiter! You're the one who should be fired! The only one around here not doing his job is you! ANSWER ME!!!"
Bruce Nolan, Bruce Almighty

"I'm not one for blasphemy, but that last one made me laugh."

"In fact, I'm gonna put it this way. If there is a God, may he strike this audience dead! See? Nothing happened. Nothing happened? Everybody's okay? All right, tell you what, I'll raise the stakes a little bit. If there is a God, may he strike me dead. See? Nothing happened, oh, wait, I've got a little cramp in my leg. And my balls hurt. Plus, I'm blind. I'm blind, oh, now I'm okay again, must have been Joe Pesci, huh? God Bless Joe Pesci. Thank you all very much. Joe Bless You!"

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"Oh ho! You want to play rough, do you?! Fine! It's man against the elements! Conscious being versus insentient nature! My wits against your force! WE'LL see who triumphs! Do your worst! C'MON LET'S SEE WHAT YOU'VE GOT! You can't crush the human spirit! On behalf of all earthly life, I defy you!!"
Calvin reacts to sudden rain, Calvin and Hobbes

Freeza: If I'm really as evil as you say I am, then let God strike me down where I stand.
[lightning strikes Freeza, to no effect]
Freeza: HA! Nice try, jackass! Next time, give it your A-game!

"You're supposed to be a benevolent God?! Let's look at the record! You're vague! You're unknowable! You're unreliable! You let good people suffer, and lousy people prosper! You call yourself a father?! You're more like a DEADBEAT DAD!!'"

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"Y'know, boy, guilt is like a bag of fucking bricks. All you gotta do is set it down. Who are you carrying all those bricks for anyway? God? Is that it? God? Well, I'll tell ya—lemme give you a little inside information about God. God likes to watch. He's a prankster. Think about it. He gives man instincts! He gives this extraordinary gift and then, what does he do? I swear—for his own amusement, his own private cosmic gag reel—he sets the rules in opposition. It's the goof of all time! Look. But don't touch! Touch. But don't taste! Taste. Don't swallow! Ha ha! And while you're jumping from one foot to the next, he's laughing his sick, fucking ass off!! He's a tight-ass, he's a sadist, he's an absentee landlord! Worship THAT? Never!"
John Milton, The Devil's Advocate

"Blow, winds, and crack your cheeks! rage! blow!
You cataracts and hurricanoes, spout
Till you have drench'd our steeples, drown'd the cocks!
You sulphurous and thought-executing fires,
Vaunt-couriers to oak-cleaving thunderbolts,
Singe my white head! And thou, all-shaking thunder,
Smite flat the thick rotundity o' the world!"
King Lear, King Lear, Act III, Scene 1

"I have no interest in a God who does not smite."
Reverend Billy Sunday

"Why did you do this to me, God? Next time you're gonna get my hopes up, could you please take me to a grease monkey? 'Cause I like to get lubed before I get FUCKED! Huh?! Some lube would be nice! Or at least a courtesy lick, God! How about a little courtesy lick next time you decide to FUCK ME!"
Eric Cartman, South Park

When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, "Why, God? Why me?" and the thundering voice of God answered, "There's just something about you that pisses me off!"

"You're a son-of-a-bitch, you know that? She bought her first new car and you hit her with a drunk driver. What, was that supposed to be funny? 'You can't conceive, nor can I, the appalling strangeness of the mercy of God', says Graham Greene. I don't know whose ass he was kissing there 'cause I think you're just vindictive. What was Josh Lyman—a warning shot? That was my son. What did I ever do to yours except praise his glory and praise his name? There's a tropical storm that's gaining speed and power. They say we haven't had a storm this bad since you took out that tender ship of mine in the north Atlantic last year, 68 crew. Do you know what a tender ship does? Fixes the other ships. Doesn’t even carry guns, just goes around, fixes the other ships and delivers the mail, that’s all it can do. Gratias tibi ago, Domine.note 

"Yes, I lied. It was a sin. I’ve committed many sins. Have I displeased you, you feckless thug? Three point eight million new jobs, that wasn’t good? Bailed out Mexico, increased foreign trade, 30 million new acres of land for conservation, put Mendoza on the bench, we’re not fighting a war, I’ve raised three children...that’s not enough to buy me out of the doghouse? Haec credam a deo pio? A deo iusto? A deo scito? Cruciatus in crucem! Tuus in terra servus nuntius fui officium perfeci. Cruciatus in crucem. Eas in crucem!note "
[grinds out his cigarette on the Cathedral floor] "You get Hoynes."
President Jed Bartlet, having a bad day, The West Wing

"Then shall they begin to say to the mountains, Fall on us; and to the hills, Cover us."
The Bible, Luke 23:30 (and Hosea 10:8, with slightly different wording)

Forrest Gump: (voice over) "Now, me, I was scared! But Lieutenant Dan? He was mad!
Lt. Dan Taylor: (shouting to sky) "Come on! You call this a storm? Blow, you son of a bitch! Blow! It's time for a showdown! You and me! I'm right here! Come and get me! You'll! Never! Sink! This! Boat!

"You've always thrown everything you could at me! Well, I can take it, and now I can give it back! Come on, strike me! You've never held back before!"
Zuko, on a mountain in a storm, daring lightning to strike him, Avatar: The Last Airbender

Perchik: Money is the world's curse!
Tevye: (looking up to the heavens) May the Lord smite me with it! And may I never recover!


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