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Quotes / Small Name, Big Ego

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    Comic Books 
Kite Man. Hell yeah.
...Kite Man, Batman (Rebirth)

    Fan Fiction 
Cinder: I fail to see where you find your sense superiority over me.
Watts: And I fail to see where you find your sense of superiority over everyone!
Cinder: Because I am going to become the next Fall Maiden! And I'll have more power than you'll ever possess!
Watts: [scoffs] You know better than anyone that Salem plans to use you as a pawn. You're only getting these powers to access the Relic.
Cinder: And yet, I'm still getting these powers. And that's enough for me because when I stand over the ashes of Beacon Academy, I will be the one they fear. And that is because they will recognize the power I possess.
Watts: Please. You are not some sort of goddess of death. You are nothing more than an egotistical brat with delusions of grandeur because you're still angry that your mommy hurt you in the past. And I'm sure that she'd be genuinely proud to see the callous, self-absorbed, egomaniac that you've become.
CRME, Chapter 17 "Important Preparations"

Dwight: Let Me Get This Straight..., you're marrying a girl just because you wanted a queen for your currently non-existent criminal empire?
Roman: It's not the only reason I'm marrying her… she's good-looking, too. Just like me. It only makes sense that we're together.
Dwight: I can't believe you're already letting this get to your head.
Roman: It doesn't hurt to have a little positive imagery.
Roman's Empire, Chapter 3 "Building the Foundations"

    Film — Live-Action 
I invented the piano key necktie! I invented it!!!! YOU HAVE NOTHING!!!! NOTHING!!!!!
Mugatu, Zoolander

Willa: You know what you are? You're pronoid.
Vince: "Pronoid"?
Willa: Mm-hmm. It means that contrary to all the available evidence, you actually think that people like you. Your perception of life is that it's one long benefit dinner in your honor with everybody cheering you on and wanting you to win everything. You think you're the prince, Vince.

Maxxx Orbison: What's your name, again?
Sancho: I am Sancho.
Maxxx Orbison: Look, I get a lot of people auditioning all the time. What makes you think that you'd be good enough for porno?
Sancho: I am Sancho.
Maxxx Orbison: Great... but what do you do?
Sancho: What do I do? I am Sancho.
Maxxx Orbison: And...?
Sancho: And there are many Jeffs in the world, and many Toms as well. But I... am Sancho.
Maxxx Orbison: And...?
Sancho: Are you Sancho? No you are not. Neither is Scott Baio Sancho. Frank Gifford is not Sancho. But I...
Maxxx Orbison: You... are Sancho!

A bully, thought Susan. A very small, very weak, very dull bully, who doesn't manage any real bullying, because there's hardly anyone smaller or weaker than him, so he just settles for making everyone's life that little bit more difficult...

If I was kept waiting beyond a carefully scrutinized five minutes, there was no interview! Rising from my chair and ambling over to the man's secretary, I would bow ever so slightly, the image of genteel breeding; then suddenly, bringing myself up to a dictatorially rigid posture, I would proclaim, my tone controlled but testy: "I'm sorry, young lady, but will you tell your employer that Mr. Exley had other commitments and couldn't wait. If he wishes to set up another appointment and begin it at the — ah — designated time" — I would be looking at my empty wrist as though it contained a hundred-jewel job — "then he knows where to reach me."
Frederick Exley looks for work, A Fans Notes

    Live-Action TV 
Bill: I don't think you realize whom you are talking to.
Airline Rep: Why sure. I'm talking to Bill McNeal of WNYX.
Bill: Wow! I see my reputation precedes me.
Dave: No, it doesn't. He's just reading your name tag from the convention.
NewsRadio, "Airport"

Delmy: I'm Delmy Polanco. I'm the most important UFO blogger in the world.
Booth: "Important blogger." Talk about an oxymoron.

Niles: Oh please, in your sixth grade production of Oklahoma! you took so many curtain calls Mrs. Van Raphorst had to lasso you and pull you from the stage.
Frasier: That woman never understood me or the role of Farmer Number Three!

Gordon: Rich men don't go to jail.
Horatio Caine: You're not rich, Gordon. (arrests him)
CSI: Miami, "Cross Jurisdictions"

You're right! With my looks and my talent, and you fulfilling the requirement of 3 or more people, we'd be unbeatable!
Lexi, A.N.T. Farm

If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you're the asshole.
Raylan Givens, Justified

Fame, fame, fatal fame
It can play hideous tricks on the brain
The Smiths, "Franky, Mr Shankly"

I follow trends, don't say what I mean
Put the 'LOL' in PoLOLitics as long as I'm seen
Please notice me and my humorous views
'Coz maybe someday I'll get a job on the news
Trapped in Technology, "Internet Micro Celebrity"

Our subject isn't cool, but he thinks it anyway
He may not have a clue and he may not have style
But for everything he lacks, well he makes up in denial!
The Offspring, "Pretty Fly for a White Guy"

I walk, everyone watches.
I speak, everyone listens.
If you think I am just showing off you are dead wrong
All of you just don't know
You just don't know how great I am
There's no one who can destroy me. I can never be defeated
Black☆Star's Image Song, Soul Eater

He can't change his past, no one ever can
Tomorrow no one knows his name
He thinks he is the man
Silent Force, The King of Fools

    Video Games 
Marco:: What did you say? Are you trying to start a fight with me?! The name is Marco! Everybody who is anybody knows who I am!
Vyse: Hah... for such a short kid, you sure know how to talk big! Sorry, boy, but we don't have time to play with little kids right now.
Marco: What did you say?! I'll remember this! Fools!

Jeremy Robard (motivational speaker): Every time I step outside the door, I can choose which car to drive—if I choose to drive! I have five chauffeurs!
Maurice Chavez (host): Look, I hate to burst your bubble here, but I know you live in a very small apartment overlooking the gas works. You ain't a big shot. You ain't even a medium shot. You're an asshole.
Pressing Issues, GTA Radio

Fireteam...(sigh) Fireteam "The Bad Guys Don't Care What We Call Ourselves, Do They?" Report in. Zavala out.
Titan Vanguard commander Zavala, Destiny

"You know what Orzammar is? It's cramped tunnels, filled with nug-shit and body-odor. And every person there thinks he's better than you because his great-great-great grandfather made a water-clock or something."

    Web Animation 
At this point, the universe takes two paths, one in which Romero spearheads a bold, artistic movement in game design as a misunderstood genius, burdened with the egotism that often strikes the auteur, or Romero is forever lambasted as a boob so massive that even the most determined baby would struggle to get its gob around it.

    Web Original 
Neckbeard: Talkative, self-important nerdy men (usually age 30 and up) who, through an inability to properly decode social cues, mistake others' strained tolerance of their blather for evidence of their own charm.

I have a bit of an issue with Carole Ann Ford and I make no secret of it. I dislike actors who forget what makes them famous in the first place and then go on to slag said programme off...I wonder if she ever stopped to think that perhaps it wasn’t the success of the show and the paucity of the character that sabotaged her career but simply that she isn’t a particularly good actress, because that sounds like a far more convincing argument from where I’m standing. Saying that, she does everything that is required of her here, but considering that is to act out a completely non entity who blends in with the crowd Ford is more than up to the task. Meow.

Will plastic surgeon please warn patients that sometimes the plastic jelly they inject into their ass can travel up to their brain and eat their sense of reason?.
Michael K., "Iggy Azalea Thinks Iggy Azalea Made Hip Hop More Accepting"

A Google search revealed that someone was going around the Internet and informing everyone that Neil Fifer was going to be the next Captain America and he was also sleeping with Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston. It was so obvious to everyone who this was and what he was doing that no other commenter ever bothered to ask, 'Who the hell is Neil Fifer and why are you doing this, Neil Fifer?' The closest he ever came to getting a response was when he made another fake name to agree with the first that Angelina Jolie was very lucky to have such a handsome yet mysterious dick inside her.

Tiger Woods's ex-caddie, a man who makes a living by carrying another man's golf bag, took a moment after a tournament won by his new boss to steal the limelight, blast his former boss, and act as if anyone anywhere gives a shit about caddies: "Obviously it's well documented I've won 145 golf tournaments." YOU WON NOTHING, YOU BAG APE.
Drew Magary, "The 25 Least Influential People of 2011"

Then of course there's the sub-theme of every [Armond] White review, which is that every other critic is a moral degenerate and an aesthetic cretin.

In an interview, Schneider himself is asked who he thinks the greatest living “visionary poets” are. The phrase “Excluding myself” appears in the answer. I kid you not. As for why you you’ve never heard of him, the greatest living visionary poet? That’s all a conspiracy by the publishing industry and stupid idiotic “deliterates” who spend all their time watching American Idol rather than reading his ingenious works of poetry, as he explains repeatedly and at length in interviews with anyone who’ll listen.
Tom Morris on Dan Schneider, "Sanger meets Schneider; I hit the bottle"

Attley: So Steven, are there others like you?
Steven: Others like me? Aha no, they can only dream.
Attley: (Narrows eyes) I meant other instrument-people.

    Web Video 
He looks like a goof. Because he is a goof. Because he walks out there like he's fucking King Kong to the Road Warrior music, and he thinks he's over. His triumphant return, like he's Lou Gehrig in the fucking stadium! And everyone goes, 'Who's this fucking buggy whip-armed motherfucker?'

Another great thing about this movie is how Bruce Payne, who plays a character we can only call The Blue Guy With Blue Lips Which Isn't Even Applied Evenly, has a Wikipedia page that is longer—and more detailed—than any of the more famous and established actors in the film. Despite the fact that Dungeons & Dragons: The Film II: Wrath of the Dragon God is listed as one of his "more notable" films, his career is broken into huge essays listed by decade, up to eleven paragraphs each (and full of name-dropping obviously). There is an entire fucking paragraph dedicated to the role of "Disgruntled Man".
Jim Sterlingnote 

Vegeta: You! Namekian! Too strong! Explain now!
Trunks: He fused with Kami so he could become stronger.
Vegeta: The f#^$ a "Kami"?
Krillin: Basically God.
Vegeta: But, I'm still here!
Trunks: Do you really believe your own hype that much?!
Vegeta: I AM THE HYPE!

Dunkey: That's it, man. I'm unsubscribing.
Nitroguy: I don't give a fuck, I don't want a shitty on my fucking Twitch!
Other player: Your mom's your only subscriber.
Nitroguy: Actually I have like six hundred and I've only been streaming a month so fuckin' RIP, ya idiot! FUCKIN' RIP!
Dunkey: But it says here you only have one.
Nitroguy: Not really, I have like six hundred followers and I've only been streaming a month so RIP again!
Other player 2: You must feel very proud.
Nitroguy: Well, I'm better than all y'all, so, I mean, not really proud, just, y'know, there's that.
Dunkey: But you're number three on the leaderboard. You aren't even...
Nitroguy: I'm not even really trying, though, so RIP!

    Western Animation 
I am the cheese! I am the best character on the show! I am better than both the salami and bologna combined!

Somewhere down there is this Darkwing Duck. I've watched him. I know his weakness. His posing, his flamboyance, the mask and cape! Ha, ha! That hat! It all indicates an ego the size of a small planet!
Taurus Bulba, Darkwing Duck

I know I'm special. This isn't news to me.
Cartman, South Park

And now I can catch up on my beauty sleep, not that I need any.

Elise: Dan, land the helicopter and let the minor celebrity go!
Helicopter Hal: Minor celebrity?!
Dan: You really didn't know, did you?

Peridot, Steven Universe

    Real Life 
I can't let myself get a big ego while I'm writing this script. I have to remember that this isn't about me.
I am merely a scribe for God as He channels His divine message through me.
Anonymous Script Writer, for an unreleased film.

I hear [fellow movie] "stars" talking about "their pictures," "their publics," "their this" and "their that." Okay — but it's fatal to forget that the author, the dialogue-writer, the director and the cutter are just as important to the finished picture as the star. Whenever a star forgets that and begins to believe his own fan mail, he's on his way out! Why anyone goes "high-hat" in this business is and always has been a mystery to me.

If I go down the street, all I get is kids coming up to me, half of them don’t even know who he is. That’s why he has to do songs with Rihanna and Kanye West, so people remember. But you know, most of the time I have people coming down the street and saying, "Oh my god! You’re a ski-racer" or "You help the animals."
Heather Mills on Paul McCartney, The Late Late Show 3.3.15

The central belief of every moron is that he is the victim of a mysterious conspiracy against his common rights and true deserts.

One of the most powerful of all our passions is the desire to be admired and respected.
Bertrand Russell, Sceptical Essays

Oh, all those ridiculous people with zero talent who spend their lives making sure everyone knows their name. Those stupid, stupid people.

You know, that's not so good, a young punk song writer from the Brill Building, with a few pop numbers to his credit, saying things like that about Rodgers and Hammerstein. That's like making jokes about the King and Queen when you are playing Toronto.
Say, Darling by Richard Bissell

The verb to disrespect is one of the most obnoxious and insidious innovations in our language in years, because it really means 'to fail to pay me the impossibly high requirement of respect I demand.'
The Federalist, "The Death of Expertise"

I expect I will be talked about at the end of a thousand years.
Amanda McKittrick Ros, whose best argument against a critic of her work was that he was jealous of her abilities and in love with her

Tell me what you boast about and I'll tell you what you lack.
Spanish Proverb

Stor i orden, men liten på Jorden. Rough translation 
Swedish Proverb


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