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Quotes / Shoplift and Die

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"My Lords, if we suffer this bill to pass we shall not know where to stand - we shall not know whether we are upon our heads or our feet! [...] Repeal this law and see the contrast – no man can trust himself for an hour out of doors without the most alarming apprehensions that on his return, every vestige of his property will be swept off by the hardened robber"
Lord Ellenborough explaining here to the House of Lords why shoplifting should remain a capital offense.

Same with those mindless teenyboppers who go to the Hickory Farms store, and then take double samples of fruitcake and cheeselog, you warn them that they will be charged with a felony(grand theft), and that if they attempt to fight and run, they will be, unfortunately, first tazered, and if they continue to resist violently with intent to maim, then wounded. Fortunately, wounding fire to suppress teenage kleptomaniacs is relatively easy, they all run in straight lines, and a hit in the knee will be relatively simple from the second floor.
— All in a days work for a mall security guard according to the infamous Mall Ninja

Ryan: "I gotta ask Geoff, are they...familiar with how I like to shop?"
Geoff: "No, but I have two diamond swords."
Ryan: "Is that a threat?"
Geoff: "Yes."
— Ryan and Geoff in Episode 130: Top Chef Part 1 of Let's Play Minecraft

The clerk does not take kindly to your shoplifting. His shotgun makes a permanent impression on you. (And, IN you!)

"My precious merchandise! Catch that thief!"
Kecleon after you steal an item. The quote he says is different depending on the game. Also, once you steal from him prepare to have several high-leveled Kecleon attack you

"According to the latest report.. You attempted unsuccessfully to shoplift from Charon himself? And were consequently slain? An utterly ignoble end, even for you."
Lord Hades to Zagreus, Hades


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