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Quotes / Shame If Something Happened

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Darth Vader: Perhaps you feel you're being treated unfairly?
Lando Calirssian: (beat) No...
Darth Vader: Good. It would be unfortunate if I had to leave a garrison here.

Rod Blagojevich: These old buildings with the old wiring—they’re always catching fire. If you’re interested, I, uh, I have some friends who can keep an eye on the place when no one’s around. They can also watch your cars, too—-$2500 a month.
Evan Bayh: You want the government to pay you extortion money in return for not burning down the U.S. Capitol Building?
Rod Blagojevich: That is what I’m proposing. Yes.

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Michael: We break up Jason and Tahani, Janet stops being sad, Derek goes away!
Chidi: Fine, but [...] in order to remain ethical, you can't go into this with the intention of killing Derek. Your only goal has to be to spare Jason and Tahani from future pain by filling them in on Jason's past!
Michael: I got you. It's like, ethically we should tell Jason he used to be married to Janet, and it sure would be terrible if that ultimately lead to Derek's death. Wink!
The Good Place, "Derek"

Vala: Yes, you're a true liberator, aren't you? You won't torture me, you'll just threaten my son.
Varys: (taken aback) Children are blameless. I have never hurt them. Your boy is in no immediate danger, this I swear to you. (beat) But between us, dear, you did conspire to kill the queen's soldiers; we both know the penalty for that crime. How will poor Dom get on without his mother? And with his breathing problem...

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We never threaten anyone. We just explain the situation.
—Russian diplomat to UN regarding Ukraine crisis

In the back of my kitchen cupboard is an unopened jar of Orville Redenbacher kernels that I’ve been saving for the day that HBO’s documentary about Scientology comes out, because that shit is supposed to be the sole reason for why popcorn was invented. It also covers some of Scientology’s most famous disciples including Tom Cruise and John Travolta. The Daily Beast says that the documentary claims that John Travolta is pretty much wrapped around Scientology’s alien finger, because they have so much shit on him and if he so much as thinks of twirling out the door, they will expose his secrets.... If Tommy finally pulled his head out of the butt of L. Ron Hubbard’s ghost and left Scientology, and they leaked a story to the press about how he’s a scat queen who likes to roll around in caca as a goat pisses on his head and a dude in a clown suit double fists him, we’d read that and say, “Eh, still not weirder than being a Scientologist.”
Michael K. on Going Clear

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Kepler: You know, Eiffel. You don't know what working at Goddard Futuristics is really like.
Eiffel: You have a cool dental plan. Hooray.
Kepler: Nah, it's not about that. It's about going to new places. Meeting interesting people. You know. World leaders. Big scientists. Little kids.
Eiffel: Wait, what?
Kepler: Hell, just before I came up here, Mister Cutter introduced me to the cutest little girl. Now what was her name? Allison... Angela...
(Beat)
Kepler: Anne! That's what it was, I remember now, Anne! See, this is what I'm talking about. It'd be a real shame if something made that little girl sad, no? Or if something happened to that little-
(Eiffel punches Kepler)
Eiffel: SHUT UP! SHUT! UP!
Wolf 359note 

That's a nice Maginot Line you have there...be a shame if someone went around it.
—A joke from Hearts of Iron regarding Nazi Germany's preferred strategy for dealing with France.

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