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Quotes / Schizo Tech

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Naruto: Wait… we have computers?
Sasuke: Apparently, we have headsets, and refrigerators, too.
Naruto: So, are we in the current time, or… when in the hell are we?

The first land battle in the century's first war began with a showdown from a distant age: fearless men on horseback against modern artillery. America's money was on the ponies. They won.
—"The Afghan Way of War", TIME magazine

Sokka: Let me get this straight: you can invent tanks [caption: Invented 1915], jet skis [caption: Invented 1973], and a gi-gantic friggin' drill [caption: Invented 20xx]… but the concept of a hot air balloon [caption: Invented 1783] eluuuuuuuuuuuuuudes you.
Mechanist: Yes.
Sokka: I hate this world and everyone in it.

[W]e moved out and terraformed a whole new galaxy of Earths—some, rich and flush with the new technologies—some… not so much.
Mal, Firefly

The 18th century was a time of rapid innovation; in the space of a single year, the two-storey building, the stage play, America, and the rocket launcher were all invented by the same man: Shakespearicles, the strongest writer who ever lived. Despite his powerful grasp of language and the ability to bench press 700 British pounds, several inventions eluded his iron grip—most tragically among them, stairs. For the next three hundred years, people who needed to get to the second floor used the only method available to them: shooting a rocket launcher at their feet.

"I have often been asked: if we have traveled between the stars, why can we not launch the simplest of orbital probes? These fools fail to understand the difficulty of finding the appropriate materials on this Planet, of developing adequate power supplies, and creating the infrastructure necessary to support such an effort. In short, we have struggled under the limitations of a colonial society on a virgin planet. Until now."

"So off you go into outer space after Rinoa. Nope, they don't have working radios in this world, but the space programme is decades ahead of ours!"
Spoony on Final Fantasy VIII note 

"Whoa, whoa, what's this? Are you kidding me? Are we using tape-reel computers? Noooo… Wait, are those slots for punch cards? […] Jesus Christ, I think that is a punch card slot."

Stuck in an era of vague specificity—torches, swords, arrows, also electricity!

Who knew elves had guns?
Bugs Bunny, The Looney Tunes Show, "Gribbler's Quest"

"You're telling me that there were spaceships in the 1800s?" Lars snapped. "Bullshit."
"It's true," Grey Wolf assured him. "The Earth was not ready for their kind yet, but their inventors crossed over the Threshold long before most people could comprehend space travel."
Mage: The Ascension - Convention Book: Void Engineers

So we're talking "just invented plumbing", versus, uhh, "everybody has a portal inside their bodies that can transport poop to another world".

Vaarsuvius: No, I understand, I'm simply saying that the architectural motifs found here in the city of Cliffport are inconsistent with the presumed medieval time period.
Durkon: It be magic.
Vaarsuvius: Yes, fine, I grasp the premise that any sufficiently advanced — and in particular, reliable — magic would be indistinguishable from technology, I merely find the implementation here haphazard at best.
Durkon: Meh. It could be worse, ye know.
Vaarsuvius: Oh?
Durkon: They could have magic trains.

Captain Calamari loosed a plasma bolt from his crossbow, but the charging cyborg knight hefted his magna-shield and deflected the sizzling violet flare into the dust, forcing the square-jawed hero to coolly reload his cumbersome, anachronistic weapon and wonder as he did why he couldn't have a blaster pistol like Han Solo instead of being stuck in this weird hybrid cyber-medieval universe.
Steve Lauducci, Bethlehem, PA, The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest

Outside, on the snow-strewn plain, amongst the fires and trenches, there were huge wooden siege structures and missile launchers, heavy artillery and rock-throwing catapults; juried field projectors and gas-powered-searchlights; a heinous collection of blatant anachronisms, developmental paradoxes and technological juxtapositions. And they called it progress.


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