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Quotes / Rule 34

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"I deserve all the praise
For the foot fetish craze"

"When correctly viewed
Everything is lewd
I could tell you things about Peter Pan
And the Wizard of Oz;
there's a dirty old man!"

"She was pure like snowflakes no one could ever stain,
The memory of my angel could never cause me pain.
Years go by, I'm lookin' through a girly magazine,
and there's my homeroom angel on the pages in between!
My blood runs cold; my memory has just been sold,
My angel is the centerfold. (Angel is the centerfold.)"
The J. Geils Band, "Centerfold"

Rachel: Why don’t you take off your sweater?
Joey: I would, but this is a nice place and my T-shirt has a picture of Calvin doing Hobbes.
Rachel: Oh my God! Really?! Can I see it?
Joey: Yeah. Sure. (Rachel looks inside the neck of his sweater)
Rachel: Huh. Wow, I wouldn’t think Hobbes would like that so much.
Friends, "The One Where Joey Tells Rachel"

Carl: I thought you were a woman.
Paul: Why would you think that?
Carl: Mostly the hat— are you sure?
Paul: Of course I'm sure!
Carl: Well... If you'll excuse me I have some pictures to delete from my computer...

You would've known that Flash had just vibrated out of his costume and is vibrating SO FAST that he can't be seen; Grodd, being a simple gorilla, has no concept of a naked Flash vibrating invisibly next to him. Only a human could conceive of a naked, vibrating, invisible Flash. Because we are Nature's Greatest Mistake.

'I like to watch robots pee.' I bet you there's a website for that. [beat] There is now!

If you need more information about sex, just Google... anything, really.

i am so proud to draw porn of this man’s comic.

Sexual arousal may occur from anything under the sun, including the sun.
The DSM (Diagnostic & Statistical Manual of Mental Disordersnote )

The pornos happen fast, I will give them that. Thank GOD I aged them up to the ripe year of 15. Conscience totally fucking ameliorated.
Andrew Hussie, a day after introducing some new characters to Homestuck

Many of you have probably been blissfully unaware of this, but there is a shocking amount of erotic Futurama fan-fiction on the Internet. You don't even want to know the things people have imagined doing with The Hypnotoad.
Matt Tobey, Countdown to Futurama

Andrew Bridgmen, "15 Greatest Generation III Pokemon"

...Somehow people have a way of putting up their obsessions onto the internet and sharing them with other obsessives. And those people, those hardcore people like the thing so much that they spend time drawing images that well... that reflect their own fantasies about the characters on the show. I love this and happily endorse it. Even if it was a kids show. Lets face it, if you're going to fall in love with a cartoon character, it's your god given right to ponder what she or indeed he looks like with less clothes on.
David Freedman, creator of Bounty Hamster on discovering fanart of his obscure show.

For the record: I KNOW that Rule 34 applies to my own show, and NO, I haven't read any of the fan fiction. I HAVE seen things I wish to unsee.

If the fact that a story about a Luke/Leia/Chewie scatfest that devolves into Han shooting himself in the head, Dash Rendar appearing to get double-teamed by Luke and Leia and subsequently execute them, only to get interrupted by Admiral Akbar (labeled 'Cat Fish Guy' by the author) and then run off to have sex with his robot servant doesn't seriously raise your apprehension about this list... turn back now. Seriously. This story sickened us all. The only thing that allowed us to crawl through it was the knowledge that the author couldn't possibly have been: A. Sober, B. Sane, or C. An actual Star Wars fan (who gets Admiral Akbar wrong, seriously?).

Chris: Mystique also cycles through a bunch of sexy forms before giving it one last shot by turning into Brian Cox, which, brother, if that wasn’t the jumping-off point for a thousand fanfics, I don’t know what is.
Matt: She also tries out Rogue, which continues that creepy thread from the previous movie. But that wouldn’t hold a candle to Jackman/Cox.
Chris: Hehe, “Jackman/Cox.”
— Chris Sims and Matt Wilson on X2: X-Men United

Simon Harding: Did you know that Adric’s DNA is scattered amongst the primordial ooze and that was the origin of the humanoid form?
Joe Ford: So you’re saying that all of us have a little bit of Adric inside of us?
Simon: It's pretty grim, isn’t it?
Joe: I bet you someone out there has got a raging boner reading that.
Simon: How could you say that?
Joe Some people really fancy him!
Simon: That’s wrong to the very core of everybody who thinks that.
Joe: We better get back to talking about the episode rather than talking about having sex with Adric.
Simon: I’m feeling a bit queasy.

David: Clark is trying to convince people he’s stuck in someone else’s body, while Lionel is trying to convince people that he ISN’T, and the latter is a more sane-sounding option.
Chris: And as you mentioned, he starts with Martha soon as Ma Kent gives him a hug, he immediately starts smelling her hair and shoots fireballs out of his eyes, which is what Kryptonians in Smallville do when they get aroused. Not even kidding. Either way, it’s at this point that the show finally catches up to the more unsavory portions of LiveJournal, which I assume were slashing “Clartha” halfway through the debut episode.
David: At the end of this episode, I expected everyone involved to jump onscreen, take a bow, strike a pose and yell “THE ARISTOCRATS!
Smallvillains, on Smallville ("Transference")

A few years ago, a popular, cleverly written cartoon launched a beloved 1980s franchise back to the heights of its success. However, a group of people soon started investing way, way too much into the show. A strange fandom started sprouting, and before long, the Internet was teeming with the fruits of its creativity (including insanely long pieces of fan fiction and, of course, porn). Soon, these strange folks were seemingly everywhere, screeching defensive arguments re: their right to feel unhealthy affection for cartoon animals at the slightest provocation.

Yep, I'm talking about bronies — the strange mole folk who have managed to up and get creepy about the least sexy, most child-friendly animated things in the entirety of recorded history. Now, keep their existence in mind and imagine what would happen to a show about scantily clad, fully anthropomorphic animals.

Druggies can be surprisingly judgmental. It's pretty much the only social circle where the same people you just witnessed shooting horse tranquilizers up one another's butts will actually look down at you for not being as cool as them. Unless maybe there's some sort of horse-enema-fetish social circle, which I'm not sure exists. Hold on, let me check the Internet... Ohholyshit. Do not look that up, y'all.
— Jenny Lawson, Let's Pretend This Never Happened

A: But... why? My god, why would you do a thing like that?
B: Just fap. Fap your childhood to pieces.

Oh my god! They got a new Sonic character! I must. Draw. Porn of it!

Pintsize: Rule 34 is the ultimate expression of human creativity! Creating porn of ANYTHING THE HUMAN MIND CAN CONCEIVE is an endeavor on par with colonizing the stars or tapping into the secrets of the universe!
Winslow: I think you just like looking at pooping catgirls.

Well, I think I've seen enough horrifying material here to replace my nightmares of extra-terrestrial poon, with nightmares of being violated by a human Beavis with a plaster nose. [gives thumbs up and smiles] Thanks, Rule 34-sploitation!

It's the internet, Ma-Ti. There's porn for everything!
The Nostalgia Critic tells it like it is

I have the Internet, I've seen everything. I've seen porn of me, for God's sake!


The Web brings people together because no matter what kind of a twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you've got millions of pals out there. Type in "Find people that have sex with goats that are on fire" and the computer will ask, "Specify type of goat."
— Comedian Richard Jeni

Pick any random artistic property, and we'll point you to a porn version of it. And if we can't, someone will invariably create one, and then we'll point you to a porn version of it.

"For every thing you can think of, there's at least one boner in the world to match it."
Jason Murphy, Rage Select

Toggle: That doesn't exist, does it? Case fifty-three porn?
Kid Win: Everything exists.

Jo: A new Overwatch character! That means it's time for new Rule 34!
Orisa: Sorry to disappoint but I'm not your usual female character.
Jo: This changes nothing.
[Orisa is bombarded with Rule 34 of her.]

The battle-cry of the porn-hunter

"Oh, come on. Like anyone's gonna sexualize a Digimon—OH, OH MY GOD! MOVING ON!"
Boomstick on Renamon, Death Battle

"Don't just sit around complaining that Rule 34 has been broken; get off your ass and DO something about it. Quick! While you've still got both hands free!"