Quotes / Read the Fine Print

Comic Books

Lana Lang: Excuse me, Lex, but where is that in my contract?
Lex Luthor Hologram: Ah, Lana. I'm disappointed. You're just like all the others after all. You didn't read the fine print. Very, VERY fine print.

— The Coming of Atlas

Literature

176. Read carefully anything that requires your signature. Remember that the big print giveth and the small print taketh away.

— Life's Little Instruction Book, Volume I

"Small print leads to large risk."

— Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #8, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine Relaunch

Live-Action TV

"Don't you quote the small print at me. For every sentence of small print you produce, I can produce smaller!"

— Cowley, The Professionals, "The Female Factor"

Music

You should have read the fine print, my friend
Should have read the fine print
You should have read the fine print, my friend
Should have read the fine print

— The Stupendium, "The Fine Print"

Tabletop Games

6/22/2015: Yes, if the fourth mode is the only one remaining, you must choose it. You read the whole contract, right?

— Gatherer ruling on "Demonic Pact", Magic: The Gathering

Theatre

Mayor: My worthy colleague will bring the receipt. All you have to do is sign, on the designated line.
Piper: Without reading you'd have me sign?
Mayor: Your signature's a mere formality, required by any municipality.
Piper: I think I'd better read it.
Mayor: You'll find nothing improper, sir. Just, here and there a clause, to conform with custom and the laws.
Piper: I'll read it!
Mayor: Well, we're busy men, but if you must: unroll the scroll. (scroll reaches halfway across the room)
Piper: Just here and there a clause, to conform with the laws? (reading) Could be held in escrow, for a hundred years?!!
Mayor: A mere formality regarding your fee. A hedge against litigation, inflation, any currency.
Piper: Ha-ha, I see. And this?
Mayor: Guaranteed warranty. A stipulation that your fee be forfeit should there be any pollution of the river. No danger of course, but required by the courts under the law of torts.
Piper: And this, about rebuilding roads?
Mayor: Required by our building codes!
Piper: I see as we go up the line, the print gets rather fine.... Reparations?!
Mayor: A safeguard for future generations.
Piper: Ahhhh this is best. Far cleverer than the rest.
Mayor: A mere legal art, protecting the party of the first part.
Piper: I'm now to deposit with you the sum of 1000 guilders, guaranteeing the plague [of rats] will never return. And if by chance they do, then I owe you...
Mayor: 50,000 guilders!

— The 1957 musical of The Pied Piper of Hamelin

Video Games

"...Should've read the contract more carefully..."

— Martina, Library of Ruina

Otto: Some day, my brain will live here. And yours too!
Raz: What?
Otto: Should have read that NDA more carefully.

— Psychonauts 2

Webcomics

"Our EULA is six petabytes^note 6,144 terabytes, or one million gigabytes in size. We encourage click through by ensuring it is too large for a human to read in a single lifetime."

— Clippy, Freefall

Web Original

"Blockbuster understood the appeal [of Netflix] and decided to abolish their long-hated "late fees" for good. Unfortunately for anyone who decided to take Blockbuster up on this offer, they didn't so much "abolish" late fees as "rename them while significantly increasing" them. Anyone who kept their movie longer than a week after the due date noticed that costly unauthorized charges were being made to their credit card, because Blockbuster had charged them a 'restocking fee,' which just happened to be the full cost of the movie... It almost sounds like some kind of charge, and all for being less than timely in returning the film. If only we had a term for that."

— Cracked, "The 5 Biggest Disasters in the History of Marketing (Part 4)"

"At first, Pinkie was cool, she had this card the doctor gave her 'cause the medicine salesman said it would help pay for things. But it turns out that the free medicine advertisement on the card had a little star next to it... So, um, it didn't cover anything really. Then Pinkie got really mad and she said some things, and the stallion at the store cried and then the store manager came out, and he gave Pinkie a card that offers up to 90% off her prescriptions, so she calmed down again, until the corporate system reminded everyone that "up to 90%" is a range of values including -- but not limited to -- 0%, and that's pretty important."

—Rainbow Dash Presents, "Bittersweet"

Western Animation

Duncan: Oh, forget this. I didn't agree to Season Two.
Chris: Actually, you did. It's called the fine print. Read it, live it, love it.
Gwen: I hate the fine print!

— Total Drama Island, "Total Drama, Drama, Drama, Drama Island"

Grand Nagus Rom: Ha! Do you realize what happened? You know how many planets are in debt to us? Bringing one in will be nothing! (cue Evil Laugh)
Adm. Vassery: We'll be in debt to them forever!
Capt. Freeman: It's alright, Admiral. They get nothing. We're done here. (turns to walk off)
Rom: (stops laughing) What? Whaddya mean? You owe us a fortune!
Freeman: Yes. Contingent on bringing in a planet. But, I didn't say which planet. You might wanna read the fine print.
Leeta: (as she and Rom read said fine print) Qo'nos, the Klingon homeworld?! That's impossible!
Freeman: Oh, I know! You forgot the Eighth Rule of Acquisition...
Rom: "Small Print Leads To Huge Risk" (gasps happily) You swindled like a true Ferengi!

— Star Trek: Lower Decks, "Parth Ferengi's Heart Place".

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