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"That really was long, wasn't it? Travelling 300 kilometres in 4 days.
"Normally, those people would never wake up from their fantasy worlds. They live meaningless lives. They waste their precious days over nothing. No matter how old they get, they'll continue to say, "My real life hasn't started yet. The real me is still asleep, so that's why my life is such garbage." They continue to tell themselves that. They continue. And they age. Then die. And on their deathbeds, they will finally realize: the life they lived was the real thing. People don't live provisional lives, nor do they die provisional deaths. That's a simple fact! The problem... is whether they realize that simple fact." "I have always fought for the nation. And for the De Sand family. And for... I have fought for you as well! However, just this one time, I wish to fight only for myself!" "Fuck you! What does the fate of humanity have to do with the fate of my Balls?!" "Love...ah, love, that magical spark between two people that you hope won't start a fire and burn them both to death." "This hand of mine glows with an aweomse power! Its burning grip tells me to defeat you! Take this! My love! My anger! And all of my sorrow! SHINIIIIING FINGEEERRRRR!!!" "Where is my enemy?
This is your enemy.
That is your enemy.
Do you not yet see?
Words from those who look without seeing.
You'll never meet your enemy.
You'll never really live.
My enemy is not to be sought, lest we find ourselves surrounded...
Is not to be awaited, lest it violate us.
No, but one day we will come upon each other.
And for that day, my claws, teeth, ears, hands, and feet are ready.
When i can call him enemy.
When i can call him my enemy.
I believe that chance will come."
"May our Justice have the divine protection of the stars"
"Thrust, if you dare to have dreams of power...you will be consumed by them."
"When youre born, youre pure, unspoiled, and trusting. Some say its the only time were perfect. Youre also born covered in blood and placenta. Nobody gets nostalgic about that." "If you say a modern celebrity is an adulterer, a pervert and a drug addict, all it means is that you've read his autobiography."
— P. J. O'Rourke
"Men have a certain body part that women do not have, and men always think jokes about it are a stone riot, but if you tell such a joke to a woman, she will look at you as though you are a Baggie filled with mouse remains. I don't know why this is, but it never fails." "It is easier to find a traveling companion than it is to get rid of one."
— Art Buchwald
"Money can't buy friends, but it can get you a better class of enemy." "We are accepting things that should not be accepted. The anti-depressent Paxil causes suicide in a lot of people. Yeah, let me say that again. The
anti-depressant Paxil causes
suicide in a lot of people. You think they could have spent
another week on the formula. Yeah, you're going to kill yourself, but the suicide note is going to be inspirational!"
— Christopher Titus
"Anyway, Henry Ford stole my idea and invented the car, did the movie
Stagecoach and pardoned president Nixon... But I am getting ahead of my story."
"Yes, sir, I do, for the cover of a horror comic. A cover in bad taste, for example, might be defined as holding the head a little bit higher so that the neck could be seen dripping blood from it and moving the body over a little further so that the neck of the body could be seen to be bloody."
— William M. Gaines, Editor-in-Chief of EC Comics, to Sen. Estes Kefauver, on his definition of "good taste".
"It has always been the prerogative of children and half-wits to point out that the emperor has no clothes. But the half-wit remains a half-wit, and the emperor remains an emperor."
, The Sandman #60
, "The Kindly Ones: 4," by Neil Gaiman
"Look out with that grenade, Rebel!! Izzy's expendable, but those tanks cost money!" Leia
(recording): Han. If you've received this message, I need your help. Adame and Selentia will give you the details. It's vital you hear them out. Han
: Help? Who does she think I— Leia
(recording): There's also a reward. Han
: I'm all ears. Rebel agent
: We want to use your ship. Han
: It was nice meeting you all.
"Nothing is real, nothing, unless it's right there. Death in movies is all stuntmen and corn syrup blood. The bloodiest fistfights become Special Features on DVDs, where actors giggle about how much fun it is to choreograph those kinds of scenes. Rape is a Jodie Foster movie. Rape is Deliverance, and squealing like a pig, and jokes about dropping the soap in the shower. And even when it's serious, it isn't real. It's not close enough to be real." "I have read penguin AUs, and I have read goldfish AUs. I've read fic for Minecraft and Minesweeper. I have read fics with Mary Sues, fics where characters fight Mary Sues to the death, fics where everyone
is a Mary Sue, and fics where everyone is
named Mary Sue. I have read more cat transformation fics than I will ever admit in public. I've read fic for shows I've never watched and written fics for shows I wished existed. I've shipped characters who aren't on the same mortal planes as each other, then read the fic where the mortal planes were shipped. I've read fics where everyone is a ship.
absolutely I was going to read your bagel AU."
Harry Potter gave a little shrug. His spoon dropped back into his cereal, and went on stirring without a pause. "Why does any kind of cynicism appeal to people? Because it seems like a mark of maturity, of sophistication, like you've seen everything and know better. Or because putting something down feels like pushing yourself up. Or they don't have a phoenix themselves, so their political instinct tells them there's no advantage to be gained from saying nice things about phoenixes. Or because being cynical feels like knowing a secret truth that common people don't know..." Harry Potter looked in the direction of the Head Table, and his voice dropped until it was almost a whisper. "I think maybe that's what
he's getting wrong - that he's cynical about everything else, but not about cynicism itself."
"My story will have to be 'Harry heroically let the basilisk get within 200 feet of him and then sicked a rooster on it, killing it instantly,'" Ginny huffed, clearly very put out that nothing good was coming out of her kidnapping.
Harry and Lockhart exchanged glances.
do know that that's not what we're going to tell people, right?" Harry asked hesitantly.
Ginny blinked at him. "But
that's what happened," she said, as if that had anything to do with it.
Your reputation precedes you. Elvira:
Oh, damn. I hate when that happens
— Elvira's Haunted Hills
"The people in this movie inhabit a universe of clean little 1940s bungalows with rose trellises, and there's a mean neighbor next door and some teenagers down the street who are always souping up their hot rod... This is the universe of those sweet, simple folks who live in TV soap ads. They mean well, poor souls, and they dress neatly and keep a cheery smile, but they must have been shortchanged in the smarts department because all they care about in this life is how white their whites get." "Fetishes are neither funny nor shocking simply because they exist. You have to do more with them than have characters gleefully celebrate them on the screen." "The number one metaphor I have in my mind for writing a screenplay is that...you're trying to climb a mountain blindfolded. And the funny thing about that is, you think, 'Okay, that's hard because you're climbing up a rock face, and you don't know where you're going, and you don't know where the top is, you can't see what's below you...' But actually the hardest part about climbing a mountain blindfolded is just finding the mountain."
— Michael Arndt
"You have kept me at your beck and call for fifteen years. I shall never again do what you demand of me. By every rule of single combat, from this moment your life belongs to me. Is that not correct? Then I shall simply declare you dead. In all of your dealings with me, you'll do me the courtesy to conduct yourself as a dead man. I have submitted to your notions of honor long enough. You will now submit to mine." "Im not sure I can buy destiny, free will
and time travel all in the same story. Any two of the three, maybe."
"The ultimate barometer for a film's success is whether it's more interesting than watching the same actors having dinner."
— Gene Siskel
"Liu, I hate this place. I'm telling you, I hate it. I'm in a hostile environment, I'm completely unprepared, and I'm surrounded by people who probably want to kick my ass. It's like being back in high school!" "This we do for pleasure, so that we may shortly be at the mercy of venomous snakes and poisonous ants. How foolish can human creatures be." "In Hollywood it's dog eat dog; it's worse than that, it's 'dog doesn't return other dog's phone calls.'"
— Woody Allen, Crimes and Misdemeanors
"Scared? You're talking to a man who laughs in the face of death, sneers at doom, and chuckles at catastrophe. I was petrified." "Here: if you have a milkshake... and I have a milkshake... and I have a straw; there it is, thats the straw, see? Watch it. My straw reaches
across the room... and starts to drink your milkshake: I... drink... your...
I DRINK IT UP!"
Milo Thatch: Oh, my decision? I think we've seen how effective my decisions have been. Let's recap. I lead a band of plundering vandals to the greatest archaeological find in recorded history, thus enabling the kidnap and/or murder of the royal family, not to mention personally delivering the most powerful force known to man into the hands of a mercenary nutcase who's probably gonna sell it to the Kaiser! Have I left anything out?!
Dr. Sweet: Well, you did set the camp on fire and drop us down that big hole.
: Thank you! Thank you very much!
Dingo: Oh, wicked, bad, naughty, evil Zoot! She is a bad person and must pay the penalty! ...do you think this scene should have been cut? We were so worried when the boys were writing it, but now, we're glad. It's better than some of the previous scenes, I think.
Left Head: At least ours was better visually.
Dennis: Well, at least ours was committed, it wasn't just a string of pussy jokes.
Old Man: Get on with it!
Tim the Enchanter: Yes, get on with it!
Army of Knights: YES! GET ON WITH IT!
Dingo: I am enjoying this scene!
"People dont understand the word
ruthless. They think it means mean. Its not about being mean. Its about seeing the bright, clear line that leads from A to B. The line that goes from motive to means. Beginning to end. Its about seeing that bright, clear line and not caring about anything but the beautiful fact that you can see the solution. Not caring about anything else but the perfection of it."
"There is no doubt being human is incredibly difficult and cannot be mastered in one lifetime." Time is different here. Ugh, really? The time moves differently in Hell trope? Yawn. What is a trope? I took another sip and watched the employee working the ice cream stand, where the only flavor they had left was spumoni. Its like a TV or movie cliché, I guess. Or a stereotype. Its something that, when you see it, you know exactly what that character or situation is going to be. Like the sexy librarian trope. But librarians
are sexy. I waved that nonsense away. Despite (because of?) that particular trope, every librarian Id ever seen had crows-feet like canyons and wore thick support hose to control the varicose veins. Youre a priest, what do you know? Father Markus laughed so suddenly it was startling. I suppose thats my cue to say something like Im a priest, not dead except You
are dead! I replied, giggling. Luckily the dead guy was also giggling, so it wasnt as insensitive as it could have been. Okay, fine, you think librarians are sexy. Hows this for another example . . . youre a trope. But Im not on television or in the movies. Yes, but youre a symbol of organized religion in an unlikely place where I would not expect to find aid, and youre friendly and helpful. Thats a trope? Yeah, and its a boatload better than the evil unhelpful priest trope. Theres an evil priest trope? he repeated, horrified. I think were losing focus. Thats terrible!
: I was attacked by a shark once [...] Well, not so much a shark as a rather large fish. And not so much attacked as looked at menacingly. But it had murder in its eyes, that fish... Valkyrie
: You went fishing, Skulduggery. That's not the same as being eaten by a shark.
"Many man have tried the drug... so many, but none has succeeded."
"They tried and failed, all of them?"
"Oh, no." She shook her head. "They tried and died."
"We are the chorus, and we agree. We agree, we agree, we agree." Bill:
So you think youve got us, hey? Think youre pretty clever, hey? Youll never press us into your damned navy. Lemuel:
Snappy riposte. Captain:
Devastating put-down. Bill:
What! Im not good enough for the Royal Navy? Ill have you know I was sailoring before you could walk, young fellow. Why, I can pull twice the weight of these young jackanapes here
Well, if youre anxious to join up, perhaps we could accommodate you. We can always use a few more powder monkeys.
"A package of banknotes, to the value of fifty-five thousand pounds, had been taken from the principal cashier's table, that functionary being at the moment engaged in registering the receipt of three shillings and sixpence. Of course he could not have his eyes everywhere." "It's a new disease, unknown to medical history, which I call 'the jumping-up-from-the-chair-and-screaming syndrome.'"
— Tina, The Mysterious Disappearance of Leon (I Mean Noel)
"Should one believe this? Of course. Did it actually happen? Of course not." Pretty Butterfly
: But there are causes worth dying for! Rincewind
: No there aren't! Because you only have one life, but you can pick up another five causes on any street corner! Pretty Butterfly
: Good grief, how can you live with a philosophy like that? Rincewind
"Of course, ten is a heroic age for most kids. They remind me in many ways of the Homeric Greeks. They are quarrelsome and combative; they have a strong and touchy sense of honor; they believe that every affront must be repaid, and with interest; they are fiercely loyal to their friends, even though they may change friends often; they have little sense of fair play, and greatly admire cunning and trickery; they are both highly possessive and very generous— no smallest trifle may be taken from them, but they are likely to give anything away if they feel so disposed."
— John Holt, How Children Fail
Odd that we don't do the same with lesser tragedies. You never hear, "My golf game has gone to
prison." Or, "This is an AIDS of a traffic jam."
— Max Lucado, on casual use of the word hell, 3:16—The Numbers of Hope
"Wickedness is a myth invented by good people to account for the curious attractiveness of others." "Human life is mainly a process of filling in time until the arrival of death or Santa Claus."
— Eric Berne, Games People Play
"Women, as some witty Frenchman once put it, inspire us with the desire to do masterpieces and always prevent us from carrying them out." "Some say the glass is half-full; some say the glass is half-empty; I say I will cut my lip on the glass and bleed to death." "I think I found an even stronger term for friendship than yours, 246, and I'll say it to you now: Supervisor 246, I was, am, and always will be,
primus inter pares, your friend, Tom."
"If you should be afflicted with a hump, for example, but firmly believe the Almighty somehow needs your hump to realize His Cosmic Design and that it was therefore ordained along with the rest of Creation, why, then you may be easily reconciled to your deformity. If, however, they tell you that it's merely the result of a misplaced molecule, an atom or two that happened to go the wrong way, then nothing remains for you but to bay at the moon." "A great many rulers, good and bad and quite often dead, know what happened; a rare few actually manage, by dint of much effort, to know what's happening. Lord Vetinari considered both types to lack ambition." "I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it."
— Evelyn Beatrice Hall, The Friends of Voltaire
"Remember that stories are more than just words, more than fairy tales. They are magic."
— Valya Dudycz Lupescu, "The Silence of Trees"
You got to be asleep, I said. You got to be asleep when he comes. You cant see him unless youre unconscious. "Oh, yet we trust that somehow good
Will be the final goal of ill,
To pangs of nature, sins of will,
Defects of doubt, and taints of blood;
"That nothing walks with aimless feet;
That not one life shall be destroy'd,
Or cast as rubbish to the void,
When God hath made the pile complete;
"That not a worm is cloven in vain;
That not a moth with vain desire
Is shrivell'd in a fruitless fire,
Or but subserves another's gain."
raped?" I gasped, horrified. "That same
day? Was it before or after I had sex with him?"
— The Professor, Gilligan's Wake (by Tom Carson)
"After careful research I have prepared an objective scholarly account of what happened. It all began with an angel..." "You are an interesting man. But it is not necessary to make yourself more interesting than you are. You have suffered the misfortune of losing your hands. You wear mechanical hands. Many men wounded in the war wear them. You wear contact lenses instead of spectacles. You use a walkie-talkie instead of a bell to summon your servant. No doubt you have other tricks. But, Doctor No, you are still a man who sleeps and eats and defecates like the rest of us. So no more conjuring tricks, please. I am not one of your guano diggers and I am not impressed by them." Something clutched in Charlie's stomach, the reality that both Jason and Carlton might truly be in danger seizing her. It was not that she had forgotten, but while they were outside, trying to solve the puzzles, it was possible to gain some distance from what was happening.
"Isn't it amazing how you can make your point with a bit of fruit and a nice, big hammer?"
— Adrian Edmondson, Britain Beware
The Queen is here, Your Majesty. Queen Mary:
Could you be more specific? Maid:
Ma'am? Queen Mary:
Which queen? Maid: Queen Elizabeth
, ma'am. Queen Mary:
Which one? There are two. Maid:
The young one. Queen Mary:
I thought you was all queens, they gave me a sheet. Queen Mary:
We are. I was the queen so long as my husband the king was alive, but since he died I am no longer the
Queen, I am simply Queen Mary. My late son's widow was also the
Queen, but upon the death of her husband, she became Queen Elizabeth, the Queen Mother. Her daughter, Queen Elizabeth, is now queen, so she is... Maid: The
Queen. Queen Mary:
: That man must have done some serious drugs in The '60s
: But we're alright now because he flies
Medieval Man: I am feudal - I believe in doing what His Lordship tells me.
Renaissance Man: I'm an optimist - I believe in progress.
: I'm New Labour, so I don't believe in anything.
— 2000 Today
Guest: I'd like to make a complaint.
: Well, we'd all like to make complaints, wouldn't we? I personally would - I've had a whoor
of a life - but where do we get with moaning? Nowhere!
— Happy Hollidays
"Tonight, The Great Train Robbery: London to Glasgow, £235 return."
— Hugh Dennis
, Unlikely Lines to Hear on Crimewatch
, Mock the Week
"And it rained for forty days and forty nights, which was a surprise, because the Met Office had predicted a barbecue summer."
— Andy Parsons
, Unlikely Lines to Read in the Bible
, Mock the Week
"Eggs, milk... pie. All the basic food groups."
— Alton Brown, Feasting on Asphalt
"Another way we can drive people away from the cinema is by showing you advertisements." "If only we knew who 'They' were... And why 'They' were doing it.... Who
"Now I know it may seem like a monkey could do this job but it can't. True story."
David Mitchell: Society just got a tiny bit worse.
I like to think I can help.
"My God, newbie, it's been two furiously frustrating years. How is it possible that you still don't get me? I would never compare you to the gays. I like the gays. I like their music. I like their sense of style. I especially like what they've done with Halloween, but our thing is that you are a little girl. That's who you are."
Geoffrey: Forget about perfection! There's nothing more boring than perfection. Imprecision. Fear. That's what gets them to their feet.
: Yeah? Well I should be brilliant, then.
"Of all the people to survive, he's not the one you would have chosen, is he? But if you could choose, Doctor, if you could decide who lives and who dies, that would make you a monster." "I don't like anyone to whom the adjective "maverick" might be applied. Cutter practically owns the copyrights." "Don't forgive and never forget; Do unto others before they do unto you; and third and most importantly, keep your eye on your friends, because your enemies will take care of themselves." "Of course. Now the groundbreaking 20/20 hindsight policy kicks into gear." "The ultimate snowball is not a snowball at all, but fear. Merry Christmas." "It's not really a party until the bomb squad says it is."
''"In three words or less, what's a common criticism you have for others in the workplace?"
"I cannot stand it when people reduce complex ideas to some simplistic catchphrase."
"We can't accept that answer."
"Yes we can."
The whole idea of a drivers' license photo is to present how you look from day-to-day. That's why DMV employees tells you not to smile: because they can't imagine anyone whose normal existence involves happiness in any form! "I know writers who use subtext, and they're all cowards."
"This here song might offend you some
If it does it's because you're dumb"
—Frank Zappa, "Wind Up Workin' in a Gas Station"
"How do you get to Carnegie Hall? Practice. How do you get away from it? Improvise."
— Mark Steyn
"Look out, honey, 'cause I'm using technology!" "That's sad, that's right,
Of someone else's fantasy..."
— The Levellers, Fantasy
"Why, I don't even know what onomatopoeia is, or a trope!"
— Lorenz Hart, quoted in Take Them Up Tenderly by Margaret Case Harriman
"He must be a successful composer... a musician with quality"
"What does it matter to you?
When you got a job to do
You gotta do it well—
You gotta give the other fella HELL!" "Born on third, thinks he got a triple." "Now you may find it inconceivable, or at the very least a bit unlikely,
That the relative position of the planets and the stars
Could have a special deep significance or meaning
That exclusively applies to only you,
But let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions
Are all based on solid scientific documented evidence,
So you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize
That every single one of them is absolutely true."
"Don't the hours grow shorter as the days go by
We never get to stop and open our eyes
One minute you're waiting for the sky to fall
And next you're dazzled by the beauty of it all"
—Bruce Cockburn, "Lovers In A Dangerous Time"
: Don't you forget that United States has been the greatest contributor of our current democracy. Mundstock
: And our former dictatorships.
"I was unhappy. I lived a sad and bitter life. I couldn't keep a job. I had dandruff. My wife spent her time nagging me, my children asked me more attention. Until one day a friend of mine lent me the Warren Sanchez's Record "Seeking The Path" And from that day on my life changed. I left the suffering, I left the sadness, I left my job, my wife and my kids..." "The language and concepts contained herein are guaranteed not to cause eternal torment in the place where the guy with the horns and pointed stick conducts his business."
"I was lyin' in a burned out basement
With the full moon in my eyes
I was hopin' for replacement
When the sun burst though the sky
There was a band playin' in my head
And I felt like getting high
I was thinkin' about what a friend had said
I was hopin' it was a lie
Thinkin' about what a friend had said
I was hopin' it was a lie" "What good is power if you're out of control?" "She's a deep water ship and a deep water crew,
(Away to Rio!)
You can keep to the coast, but we're damned if we do!
(And we're bound for the Rio Grande!)"
— "Away to Rio", sea shanty
"Say you'll remember me
Standing in a nice dress,
Staring at the sunset, babe
Red lips and rosy cheeks
Say you'll see me again
Even if it's just in your
Wildest dreams, ah-ha ohh,
Wildest dreams, ah-ha ohh."
"He said I wanna see you again
But I'm stuck in colder weather
Maybe tomorrow will be better
Can I call you then?
She said you're ramblin' man
You ain't ever gonna change
You got a gypsy soul to blame
And you were born for leavin'."
Bucky: Ferrets are guilty of what is called original sin. Do you know what that is?
: I don't think PBS
is exposing you to good enough sin.
"Note to readers: Naturally, there is no such thing as a veeblefetzer! This grotesque designation is used merely to disguise our real operation which is such a good idea that we want to protect the idea from being stolen by any unscrupulous operators... mainly you readers!"
Todd Grisham: Come on, Ricardo! You can do it!
Josh Matthews: No he can't! What is he gonna do, Todd?
Jerry Lawler: Pat Patterson's turning over in his grave.
Michael Cole: He's not dead!
: That probably just killed him.
"This is everything C.M. Punk stands against. That licentious behavior, going out to the
discotechque, listening to the
hip and the
— Matt Striker
, WWE Friday Night Smackdown!
"Where are you, Cena?... Maybe you're walking around there trying to find your next movie script. Yeah, I mailed it to The Rock. He ran out of toilet paper."
— The Miz
, WWE Monday Night Raw
"It's the final
Raw of 2008! I'm fired up! Let's do something big! Crazy! Get a monster truck to crush a car! Or shoot a man out of a cannon! Or remake Smokey and the Bandit! Something!"
— John Cena
, WWE Monday Night Raw
"I prey on the innocent. It's how I made my fortune, and, quite frankly, it's fun."
— John Bradshaw Layfield
, WWE Monday Night Raw
"They don't serve diet soda at the Palace of Wisdom."
— John Morrison, ECW on Sci-Fi
"May I never be thought of as fuckin' legit."
— Vince McMahon, during the press conference announcing the XFL.
"The problem with William Shakespeare's comedies is that they're just like Seventies rock bands: they're all the same."
— Austin Tichenor, The Reduced Shakespeare Radio Show
"He (Barack Obama) is going to keep reaching out to the Republicans, even if they won't vote for their own ideas."
"In every Trooper training class, there is one kid with an impenetrable air of mystery. He doesn't participate in class discussions, and no one can tell what he's thinking. These kids mystify their teachers, and so the thoughtful educators kick them out of school and send them to study under the local Ancient ZenMaster. Invariably, it turns out that these kids are just nearsighted, but by the time anyone finds this out it is too late and they are well on their way to becoming Ninjas."
In a multiplayer game, if multiple players each control a level 7 Lighthouse Chronologist
, extra turns
may sometimes be created faster than they can be taken. Keep track of them carefully.
"For awhile, Pippin didn't show much enthusiasm for the work. But as time went on, he showed no enthusiasm at all." "I would love to help humanity on a Warner Brothers salary." "It is strange with your American songs. In all of them one is either desirous to get rid of one's lover, or one weeps for a man one cannot have." "I do not long for all one sees
To have a credit read "Entire production conceived and staged by John Doe" is ridiculous. It's like saying "Entire part of Mother played by Lizzy Flop."
— George Abbott
"You probably think that virtue is not going to be rewarded. But don't give up yet, because if Cinderella does not wind up happy, we will give all you your money back. And there is a
fat chance of that."
: "I O U one thousand dollars," signed "X"! How is it you can write one thousand, but you cannot write your signature? Big Jule
: I was good in arithmetic, but I stunk in English.
"We must think of a test that sounds fair, and looks fair, and seems fair, and isn't fair!" ". . . I have set my life upon a cast,
And I will stand the hazard of the die."
"The mistake began when God was created in a male image. Of course, women would see Him that way, but men should have been gentlemen enough, remembering their mothers, to make God a woman! But the God of Gods —the Boss— has always been a man. That makes life so perverted, and death so unnatural. We should have imagined life as created in the birth-pain of God the Mother... Now wouldn't that be more logical and satisfying than having God a male whose chest thunders with egotism and is too hard for tired heads and thoroughly comfortless?" "Really splendid tonight, Richard — I must tell you that. The entire section we spoke of from "To be or not to be" through the Nunnery Scene was excellent — I almost liked it." Little Mary
: But, Mother, even when the ladies do
do things, they stop it when they get the lovie-dovies. Mary
: The what? Little Mary
: Like in the movies, Mother. Ladies always end up so silly
. Lovey-dovey, lovey-dovey all the time!
"Well, Dad. I figured there's no need to stand on ceremony when the ceremony is as ridiculous as this." "Yes, it's a goofy name, but you're not likely to forget it, are you? I'm tired of all the DM levels with the same names: "Frag You," "Frag Fest," "Frag Yo Momma," etc." "The living may not hear them. Their voices may fall upon deaf ears. But, make no mistake. The dead are not silent." Raziel:
You talk as though we're allies. Kain:
Regardless of your sentiments, Raziel, in their
eyes - we are. Raziel:
certainly trying to eliminate you, Kain, there can be no doubt of that. As for me, I suspect they
made a grave error when they
allowed my unique resurrection. I don't think they
know how to destroy me. Kain:
You mustn't underestimate them
, Raziel. Raziel:
And who exactly is this diabolical they
to which we keep referring? If there's some grand conspiracy going on, the right hand doesn't appear to know what the left is doing.
"All these science spheres are made of asbestos, by the way. Let us know if you feel a shortness of breath, a persistent dry cough or your heart stopping. Because that's not part of the test. That's asbestos. Good news is, the lab boys say the symptoms of asbestos poisoning show a median latency of 44.6 years, so if you're thirty or older, you're laughing. Worst case scenario, you miss out on a few rounds of canasta, plus you forwarded the cause of science by three centuries. I punch those numbers into my calculator, it makes a happy face." "When I first stole into this chamber centuries ago, I did not fathom the true power of knowledge. To know the future, Raziel, to see its paths and streams tracing out into the infinite. As a man, I could never have contained such forbidden truths. But each of us is so much more than we once were." "You ever get the urge to just do something stupid... and AWESOME?"
"He escaped into the waves.
"It seems that we have a great gap in our values."
— Bio-Haz, Great Greed
"Why does this seem like the end of some cheesy made-for-TV movie?" "Did everyone get it out of their system? Anyone have anything else? No? Nobody? Then let's get it over with! Ready, kid?" "I don't need to know, I have people to know for me" "Don't worry - I hear heaven's a nice place. Say hello to Satoshi!" "(Wow, this lady makes Maya look like a 6.8/10 on the weirdness scale.)" Largo:
[...]Shouldn't you be doing something more domestic than fighting with a sword
? [..] Oh, it's you again. Hey, um.... Sorry about, you know, what I said the other day. My arms and legs are sorry, too. Oh...the bruises...
Wow, you really know a lot about the Steel Samurai, Mr. Nick. Phoenix Wright:
... (I don't know whether to laugh or cry that I know more about that show than a kid...)
"The person in question was a victim of murder, not ill-conceived naming, Mr. Wright." "Whose justice is the most just? why is this always so hard!" "Game designers: think of a single, sharp, spear-like mechanic, stick with it, set it in stone, and then make awesome levels. If there's a mood you want to go for, keep it in mind. In short: be cool, and you too can make a masterpiece. Even if your single mechanic is amazing, it doesn't mean anything without great levels. However, even a bare-bones mechanic (like, say, "running and jumping") can make for spectacular entertainment if the levels are great (Super Mario Bros. 3)." "Since time before time the Vorlak had held the Crosshutch at Thraeskamp. The ancient reckoning held that the Five Skrelkampi (and their Truebine) would return when the great Trond-feast could be held anew and the Belnap reunited. But this legend became lost to all but the Papperboxen at Horbug. One of their own was Yallow the Speldrig, who found an unlikely pupil in Torbole Understeady, the discarded illigitimate waif of Wainthane Topknox, whom Yallow renamed Grumdrig and began to school as a boar-pulmet's apprentice. ...And, as it was said by some, in aberdoxy." "This place is like an assbackwards of Robin Hood. The queen took every artifact of value from the poor, and put it on display for the rich" "I've said, before, that games can perhaps never be "art" because I seriously can't think of a single game that some jerk can't just pick up and immediately tilt the right analog stick to one side, cackling as the camera spins in circles." "She is evil, a driven bitch." "I bet you were one of those people, who, when a teacher asked a question and asked if anyone knows the answer, raised your hand and said 'I don't'." "Take that, oxygen-nitrogen atmosphere!" "You can't beat me! I'm a kid; no toy can withstand me." "Fuck! What am I doing checking my objectives readout right now? There's a goddamn Satan staring me in the face, for Christ's sake!"
— Objectives description for one of the boss fights, ZDoom Community Map Project II
"Limits are meant to be broken!" "A PAWN DREAMS OF THE FINAL RANK. A QUEEN DREAMS FURTHER. NEITHER MOVES ALONE."
They shake hands
Source Agent shoots you with a pistol. I guess we're long past the point where that's a weird thing to happen in what is ostensibly a fantasy game.
: Why does one of the guards in Area 51 shoot his fellow guards with a Magnum then run away? A
: He is Jonathan, your Carrington Institute co-agent, and the person you're supposed to meet before scarpering. Look, you're obviously suffering here, give the cart back. Play snap or something.
"An ambush! Send these vermin a message: the rightful owner has returned, and their kind is no longer welcome!" Scholar is a DPS job. Now, my clothes may be white, and my job icon might be green, but don't let that fool you, I'm a DPS.
[zooms in on Eos] The healer's over there.
You were a jerk to Bruce
You will address me as royalty! Black Canary:
You were a jerk to Bruce, your highness.
Is emptiness form, or form emptiness? Either way, I am still here and hitting you! Nunu: W.I.L.L.U.M.P.
is my best friend! W.I.L.L.U.M.P.: I am the best at everything.
"Aaaaauuuuuuurrghhh! I am so angry I am cooking in my own succulent juices! The Goombas have lost...Again?! Is this our destiny?! To be trampled by oppressive feet for all eternity? No, we will definitely triumph next time! Yes, next time! The Goombas' fate is not defeat, but perseverance!"
You've sacrificed much. Carnán:
Long afore. Buried was Tar Goroth by Carnán in Doom Shadow.
Aghast my forest destroyed, my brood scattered. Now again fire is buried. Drown-ed in ice. And from decay come bloom. The circle is unbroken.
: What if my monster is like the dinosaur meteor? Ray
: Lok, there's no such thing as monsters. Ray
: Excluding, of course, the existing monsters we know about
: There's no such thing as additional
People who say "no pun intended" are cowards. Intend your puns, weakling. "As we go through development, the staff starts to think of all kinds of stories and explanations that dont end up getting explicitly stated in the final game, but we save all the ideas so that we share and reference them together whenever we start making new content."
— Hisashi Nogami
, producer of the Splatoon
Farewell to all the earthly remains
No burdens, no further debts to be paid
Atlas can rest his weary bones
The weight of the world all falls away
Goodbye to all the plans that we made
No contracts, Im free to do as I may
No hunger, no sleep except to dream
Mild and warm, safe from all harm
Good riddance to all the thieves
To all the fools that stifled me
Theyve come and gone and passed me by
Good riddance to all...
Twenty-eight years in that godforsaken jungle.
Killing soldiers wasn't so bad. I hardly remember it.
But burning those villages, watching those naked peasants cry...
I see it every day. It's not PTSD, it's the drug.
It's only been a week, but it feels like a year.
Every word is getting longer, the mosquitoes are getting louder.
When the drug runs out, time stops, and you're stuck in the jungle forever.
It's... grains of sand in a shrinking hour glass.
I know what comes next. I need to ask you a favor.
"Damn mortal. All of them have become too much of a nuisance to be ignored any longer. I'll have to deal with them all more directly. And by "directly" I mean "trying a bunch of other things on them before I snap and tear them limb from limb." But I win either way."
Jin: We have all the puzzle pieces in place!
Monica: The hell we do! You've taken all the puzzle pieces, scrambled them up, and slipped them in various peoples' pockets with the intent of later manipulating them to meet up and magically, in unison, pull a rabbit out of the ass of the fucking universe!
: I know! It's going to be glorious!
"I always imagine a Senator just jumps up and shouts "FILIBUSTER!" and then everyone starts throwing beanbags at each other."
Sam Helix, what did I say to do if you feel an outburst of honesty coming on?
If what I say is going to get us killed, don't say anything at all.
"Maybe it was an OK 2007 strip at the time, but audiences have changed. These days, I expect more out of 2007 humor."
Priest: GAH! You can't spray Cheez Wiz on the body of Christ!
What? Why not? Jesus tastes too dry and stale.
"I'm going to ask what's going on, but that doesn't mean I want to participate."
Crystal: PICKLE DEATH ATTACK!
Haley: So that's the sort of battle this is gonna be, huh?
: You're just jealous because you don't have a secret plan for beating me that's as awesome as my secret pickle plan for beating you. HA!
"Ugh. How did they manage to make
plastic welding rods sound boring?"
"If the Lord hadn't intended us to make jokes, He wouldn't have given us poodles." "If you find yourself in a social situation, make threats." "Repeat after me: 'Despite what magical girl anime has taught me, the monster does not go down with the first strike.'"
Doctor Bunnigus: Actually, Commander, the headache is probably my fault. You've got some funny flavor of blood-nannies in your system. It took me almost a month to figure out how to quiesce the little bugsies before regeneration could start.
Kevyn: Define "funny."
Doctor Bunnigus: When it happens to you, rather than happening to me?
: So. . . My bloodstream is full of slapstick.
Stephen: I made some fruit salad. Grapes and an orange.
"Imagine what medieval peasants would say if you could explain to them the stuff that people waste most of their time worrying about these days." "How many times did I tell you that you're not supposed to drink the fluid in your cloning tank?"
Sam: Sandra, listen... I can't say you haven't earned self-pity. Morning'll come, and it'll be cruel, so take what you can get from this! You're gonna hurt, but you don't have to hurt now. Right?
Jack: I hurt. I hurt now. I have to.
Well, you get self-pity too.
: Not many people would risk themselves for a robot. We can pass the word through our community that this is a person to watch out for, and to help where we can. Second Robot
: Wouldn't it be better to do something for her with a higher chance of success? Like buying her a lottery ticket? From last year's lottery?
"If you have a problem that you
could fix but 'don't want to', you don't get to complain about it, you silly woman!"
"This tells me even less than before, but with more words!" Red Mage
: I won't let you destroy the world. Black Mage
: That's super.
"Oh, come on! He just ate the prosecutor! I can't believe you, man. Kirby
gets away with everything.
And why do you always take his side?"
"...Well, like it or not, you and Kirby aren't that different. But where he has childike optimism, you have untempered malice. Sometimes that's all the difference one needs to be the 'good guy'."
Artillery exists to launch large chunks of budget at an enemy it cannot actually see.
— Maxim 57 of The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries
, Schlock Mercenary
Rex, baking Christmas cookies:
There'll be parties for hosting, marshmallows for toasting and carolling out in the snow~. There'll be scary ghost stories and tales of the glories of Christmases long, long ago~. It's the most wonderful time of the year~. There'll be much mistletoe-ing and hearts will be glowing when loved ones are neeeear~... Peanut, walking outside:
There's Rex's house. What do you think he does for the holidays? Grape:
Strangle small animals, probably. Why, what do you think? Peanut:
Apparently "menstruation is for chumps and yes I'm sure" isn't a good enough reason to prescribe a full hysterectomy.
"Sometimes we go to the diner where the way-too-attractive waitress pours us coffee and gives us broad smiles. She may look like a model but she's got flannel on and never isn't turning around with a coffee pot so she's one of us." "Everyone knows that Bruce Wayne is a fictional character, so the true identity of Batman remains a mystery." "Being a father or mother is an act of the whole person, not only a biological event."
— Comment from 4thought.tv website
is a vote, in itself."
"Justice should be about correcting and healing society, not corrupting it and turning everyone against individuals." "One thing I mused about while playing Metal Gear, is why, whenever your video game hero gets captured, does all his weapons and gear get conveniently stashed in a nearby storage room? If I were a video game villain, after capturing any heroes I found sneaking around my top secret base, I'd have all their weapons, health refills and pilfered key cards tossed in the incinerator. I would definitely NOT place everything unharmed in an unlocked room 20 yards from where I imprisoned aforementioned hero." "Imagine if these guys made
Caligula: It would have been sixty minutes of a guy wearing a sheet in front of a green screen showing Gladiator, and the Roman guards would have stopped the orgy by prematurely assassinating the emperor!"
"It's not very interesting to be like, "here's the future!" and have a picture of a gigantic question mark." "It just goes to show: never stick your dick in a pudding. It might still be a good pudding and you can spend all afternoon explaining that to people but no one's still going to eat it because
YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN IT!"
"Why is it that squiggle lines hurt more than these rifle shells?" "Nothing is perfect, no matter how much you pay." Nerd:
Excuse me, could you tell me how to get to Cowabunga Corner? Critic:
Oh certainly, it's right off of Bodacious Boulevard. Nerd:
...What the hell kind of city is this? Critic:
A fucking weird one
Anon #1: I'd hit it.
"You do not hit the Boss. The Boss hits you.
"Well, the truth
is out there, it just turns out that the truth is really monumentally stupid."
"I shot my beam down and it went up
"[F]irm yet polite complaints garner more respect than obscenity-laden all-caps rants involving Opus Dei and the Carlyle Group." "[Finn] says breaking promises is great because it means you can bring the dead back to life... I suppose that's the moral."
Dexter Reed: About this contract, man....what would you say we'd just....forget it?
Ed: You don't wanna be partners?
Dexter Reed: Well.... no. See...
Ed: Is it because I'm black?
"That's a total of 205 Dumbass Points, which would be a record even if this weren't the first time I'd ever mentioned or tallied them." "I've heard of the term "the banality of evil" and somehow this game achieves it although not in the way I think it was intended." "Chief Maintenance Officer Bowen has found a T.T. Fiddlesticks family eatery seemingly growing out of the upper echelons of the Area 6 Ventilation Control Tower. DynaMars Corporation has no idea how it was constructed, and certainly did not authorize it. DynaMars Corporation wishes to remind all Ares Station residents that T.T. Fiddlesticks is an unauthorized incursion and is currently being boycotted." "Fairy tales do not tell dragons that children exist. Dragons already know that children exist. Fairy tales tell dragons that children are delicious." "At no time shall Romeo slap Tybalt with a fish." "Thermonuclear hand grenades do not exist in any genre except Paranoia." "..."hiding out" feels a lot like "waiting to die."" "Now, it may not make a lotta sense, but when have I ever been backed down from a bad idea, right? Now let's get this train wreck a-rollin'!" Gavin
: Show's over, Lee. Turn- turn the camera off. Lee
: What are you talking about? Gavin
: Go and- go and post today's episode. Idiot. Lee
: Gavin, I really don't see... Gavin
: It's a show, Lee! It's an Internet TV show! Open your eyes; wake up.
"Online you can get gorgeous models to do whatever you want; in real life, you're a loser with no friends." "So I'll say the same thing about No More Heroes that I say about Killer7 and EarthBound and Branston Pickle: As flawed as it is, get it anyway, because you will never experience anything else like it. God knows what would happen if you spread Branston Pickle
onto No More Heroes—possibly the universe would end. And it would be awesome."
''"So, was it our plan to have a giant space ship crash down on the blue base? No. But did we capitalize on that opportunity like a couple of bad-ass super soldiers, entrenched in a seemingly endless battle with our cerulean enemies? [Chorus of hell yeah!s]"
Red Vs Blue Season 14
"Knowing something intellectually and having a fucking gun pointed at you are two very different things." "If only there was a way to get someone who's better than you at a thing to do that thing for you." "Truth hurts, ignorance kills" "For instance, if developers had to go into a lengthy in-game explanation of why a fat middle age plumber from Brooklyn is the obvious choice to save a princess from a fire breathing dragon and his fearsome army of turtles (not that a fat middle aged plumber couldnt do that of course), I dare say it would make the game so convoluted that it would detract somewhat from the overall experience. So gamers were just sort of expected to accept it, and thats what we did." "(...) Let's recap to make sure we got this straight, OK? Alright: You wait for randomly flashing staircases to appear, in which you try to find a randomly appearing key, which randomly appears within the randomly appearing staircases, and then try to collect a random number of cherries that randomly appear as you kick palm trees (...) It's just so random! You know? How many times have I used the word random and appear? But that's exactly what's happening! Stuff appears, or doesn't appear or randomly does something else! I feel like a guinea pig in an experiment where they're testing the effects of negative reinforcement!" "I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON ANYMORE BUT I AM ENTERTAINED AS FUCK." "I plan on being an organ donor because medical literature has taught me that I can possess the person who received my organs and use them as a vessel while I exact my terrible revenge on the world." "I cannot help you if your problem is "OOOH, EVERYTHING IS SHIT!", because that is mine as well." "Our story, of course, begins with young Finn falling in love with the main character, something I would never recommend that you do. It pretty much means that you're devoting your whole life to creating dramatic situations for another person, and the most dramatic thing you can do is
"I just love dinner scenes like this where everything is going great, and then someone says something that queues in the unsettling music and everyone suddenly becomes distant and mysterious, like they've never even known each other" "...And you know how you can
prove race doesn't matter? Because no matter where you go, in every soup kitchen, in every homeless shelter, you will find people of every gender, of every race, of every sex, but you're not gonna find a millionaire, sitting in a soup kitchen, and you're not gonna find a poor motherfucker, sitting in a mansion! That's how you know where the power balance is."
"When you think about it, air goes into the engine, and then comes straight back out. So really, whenever you're in a plane, it's always farting. It's a consistent fart, across the Atlantic." "Geez, with as many Nazi sabotages and assassinations that take place in this thing, it's a wonder the entire United States military didn't completely fall apart by the second issue." Then there are my ideas about how to save asswads of money and trouble. Take washing forks. Tough, right? You need a dishwasher. Too expensive for me! So what I'll do is put all my dirty forks in the turlet and flush it like five times. Flush! Flush! Flush! Then I'll throw all my forks away! EEZ-EE! They're out of my hair, not my problem. I'm not going to use forks that have been floating around in my turlet water! Then I'll just get new forks... Kah-LEEN! Hazama: Come along, Ms. Noel Vermillion.
(Walks a short distance, then opens the elevator doors) Alright, let's split up. Noel: But... you said to... Hazama: The enemy is everywhere. They could be listening to us as we speak. Noel: Wha... What enemy? Hazama:
(Smiling) That's classified
: Most predators will have reason to kill, such as for food, or to protect their young. The horse is one of the few predators to kill purely for sport. girlbian
: This is......a lesbian positivity blog
Cell: I am purely bio-mechanical, unlike my siblings Cyborg 17 and 18. Piccolo: We call them androids. Cell: Well good for you, you're wrong. "Imagine you walked up to a man — let's call him Johnny — and you cut off his leg. You know. Regular stuff." "I'm going to save this thread and link to it the next time someone tells me that the themes I put in the comic are so simple and obvious that I shouldn't be bothering expressing them, because everyone already knows that you shouldn't kill people for being different than you."
—Rich Burlew 
"YEEEESS! YES BABY! LET'S FUCKING GO! YES! Believe in yourself, don't ever give up, don't let this fucking game keep you down, you get up every fucking time! You get up, and you fight, and you fight, and it's gonna take a [unintelligible] and that fucking shit to keep you down! You keep getting up, man. You keep getting up, you keep putting in the time, you keep putting in the effort, and it fucking happens, man. You keep fighting, and you punch, and you punch, and you create a crack, and then you finally bust through that motherfucker! YOU BUST THROUGH IT! ALL THE WAY THROUGH IT!!!"
"Patches are always the defining factor as to what lies in the meta and what doesn't, with some patches being as small as a bugfix and a change in Gold costs to some patches being the funeral for a cocky bird... And like clockwork, this keeps the wheel turning. Things fall out of the meta, things fall into the meta and most of us just fall apart. Some patches favour control mages and some favour assassins, and as the wheel turns everyone gets a chance in the spotlight. Sounds simple, right? Wrong, because some characters are strong enough to balance on top of the fucking wheel like Shaggy and Scooby-Doo
riding a god-damn barrel.
, referring to Syndra
, Can We Talk About This?
"You've nothing to fear. My lawyers have advised me that killin' me daughter to get out of paying medical bills would likely cause more problems than it'd solve."
"Police work's not all glamour and guns! There's an awful lot of filing to do." "Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt." "They say only the good die young. If it works the other way too, I'm immortal."
, "The Shroud of Wally"
"Calling all units, calling all units. A squad of bikini models is being held hostage inside a donut shop. Proceed with caution." "She surrendered her individuality for a boy. I'm so proud of her." "M. Bersback, Ember's back. That's not a clue, that's a billboard." Elise:
You want me to kill it? What happened to humanly capture. Boss:
The people need to know their government can protect them from all enemies. Be it foreign, domestic, or prehistoric Elise:
But, sir that doesn't seem moral. Boss:
Neither is selling guns to third world countries. Whats your point?
Divorce? What?! Jazz, did you just hear that? Jasmine:
Hear what? Mom yelling at Dad? Relax, shell get over it. Danny:
Yeah, but I-I have never heard her so mad! Jasmine:
Of course shes mad, and if Im right, Dad will once again cluelessly do nothing to apologize to her. Jack:
Thats where youre wrong, Jasmine. I have been a little preoccupied with ghosts lately, so Im traveling to your Aunt Alicias in Spittoon, Arkansas to apologize, and give your mother the greatest anniversary gift ever! Wish me luck! Oh, and call me if you see a ghooooost! Danny:
Jazz? Are Mom and Dad gonna split up? Jasmine:
Jazz? Jazz! Jasmine:
Wait. Hes going to Arkansas? To apologize? I was wrong?
Care to come with us? Baljeet look alike:
And spoil my carefully calculated air of selfishness and unconcern? Not until the last second thank you very much.
so many reasons why that shouldn't have worked."
: That's ridiculous! There's no such thing as Santa Claus! Dr. Orpheus
: Not since he was killed by a jet in 1963, no. Nor has there been a Krampus since the pope cast him into purgatory during Vatican II. But your boys seem to have inadvertently released him from his chains. Hank
: Dean did it! I wanted to read the Grinch!
"Thanks, but no thanks, Major Stupidity. You and General Nonsense will have to carry on without me."
Eggplant Wizard: No! Wait! It was an accident!
: Oh, I'll give you an accident on purpose!
"Arnold, it's art vs commerce, and commerce always wins. I saw it on a Wall Street show."
''"My life's work. Decades (mm, centuries, really) of research and experimentation, and I — I nearly had it cracked!... Turns out there's a magic spell for it. Who knew?"
"You can't treat the working man this way! One day we'll form a union and get the fair and equittable treatment we deserve! Then we'll go too far, and get corrupt and shiftless and the Japanese will eat us alive!" Tommy Turnbull:
Gus, remind me again why I'm friends with you? Gus Bachman-Turner:
Well, because without my scintillating personality, your life would be dull as dishwater, With no conflict there'd be no subplot, and with no subplot there's no Character Development
"This question is not about who got the short end of the stick. Its the question of how to proceed with movement building based on our common struggles with homohaters...Rightwing and unprincipled people in the GLBT movement sometimes reflect the backwardness and ugliness of their societies. They contaminate our common struggle with tirades reflecting their transphobia, immigrant bashing, racism, islamophobia and misogyny. They degrade our struggle and create divisions based on their mistaken claim that one part of the movement is somehow more important than the rest."
— Bill Perdue on remembering Queer victims of the Holocaust.
"There are always lessons to be learned from the stupidity of others."
— Sean Hannity, on the arrest of Rod Blagojevich.
"We were advertising computers, not baby-killing machines."
— David Mitchell, responding to criticism of him and Robert Webb for advertising Mac computers.
"Never was so much shown by so few to so many."
— Attributed to an unknown officer of RAF Hornchurch in 1942, commenting on a performance of the "Windmill Girls" (Google search NSFW
"We're talking about story-telling, the most basic human need. Food? That's an animal need. Shelter? That's a luxury item that leads to social grouping, which leads directly to fancy scarves. But human awareness is all about story-telling. The selective narrative of your memory. The story of why the Sky Bully throws lightning at you. From the first, stories, even unspoken, separated us from the other, cooler beasts." "We've heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true."
— Robert Wilensky, University of California
"I am dying!"
— Mathematician Leonhard Euler, last words
"I've been criticized for saying this, so let me say it again..."
— Bernie Sanders
"I don't like that man. I must get to know him better."
— Abraham Lincoln
"On two occasions I have been asked, "Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?" In one case a member of the Upper, and in the other a member of the Lower, House put this question. I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question." "I ought to be jealous of the tower. She is more famous than I am." "On the morning of July 27, 1943, I was told that, according to radio reports, fascism had collapsed and Mussolini was under arrest. When my mother sent me out to buy the newspaper, I saw that the papers at the nearest newsstand had different titles. Moreover, after seeing the headlines, I realized that each newspaper said different things. I bought one of them, blindly, and read a message on the first page signed by five or six political parties among them the Democrazia Cristiana, the Communist Party, the Socialist Party, the Partito dAzione, and the Liberal Party.
Until then, I had believed that there was a single party in every country and that in Italy it was the Partito Nazionale Fascista. Now I was discovering that in my country several parties could exist at the same time. Since I was a clever boy, I immediately realized that so many parties could not have been born overnight, and they must have existed for some time as clandestine organizations.
The message on the front celebrated the end of the dictatorship and the return of freedom: freedom of speech, of press, of political association. These words, freedom, dictatorship, liberty, I now read them for the first time in my life. I was reborn as a free Western man by virtue of these new words.
We must keep alert, so that the sense of these words will not be forgotten again. Ur-Fascism is still around us, sometimes in plainclothes. It would be so much easier, for us, if there appeared on the world scene somebody saying, I want to reopen Auschwitz, I want the Black Shirts to parade again in the Italian squares. Life is not that simple. Ur-Fascism can come back under the most innocent of disguises. Our duty is to uncover it and to point our finger at any of its new instances every day, in every part of the world."
...But I am very poorly today and very stupid and hate everybody and everything. One lives only to make blunders.
"When someone dies so young, the pity of it and the waste of it touch us all. But when he or she dies of AIDS, there should be anger as well as pity, and a resolve to fight this insidious disease and the prejudice it arouses, and not to rest until we have a cure."
— Carl, The Laying on of Hands
"Thou who passest on this path,
If haply thou dost mark this monument,
Laugh not, I pray thee, though it is a dog's grave.
Tears fell for me, and the dust was heaped above me
By a master's hand."
— Greek epitaph
Death: SHALL WE GO?
Death: WHERE DO YOU THINK?
Death: HIGH OPINION OF YOURSELF.
: I DIDN'T SAY THE OPINION WAS UNJUSTIFIED.
"It's a pretty damn hard act to follow."
Normally that phrase is used because the last person was so good. This is more along the lines of "it's hard to follow that guy's act, because as he left he set the stage on fire. Literally."
— Anonymous commentator, regarding recent events in Batman
"The lady didn't wait around,
But lightly leapt upon the ground,
Stood with her back before his nose,
Lifted her tunic, touched her toes,
And said, "Your face goes here, Sir Knight."
But when her—"
— Unknown 13th century French poetry, translated excerpt
"Remember, friends come and go, but enemies accumulate."
"No, I swear it! I have a fully operational pulse! D: I enjoy walking at brisk paces! I can speak... somewhat coherently! They're just making the cranium sound like a convenient ice box for marshmallows and ice cream and lovely sweet things..." "Do not take life too seriously, you will never get out of it alive."
— Elbert Hubbard/Van Wilder/Bugs Bunny
"The Monster Mile in Dover, Delaware. It's called the Monster because it eats
dreams... Those who attempt to ride its spine, do so at their own peril. Its turns are like canyon walls; its straights bank steeper than many tracks' turns... Concentrate everywhere; rest
nowhere. Few leave here unscathed, in equipment or spirit; 500 miles anywhere else is a sunday-school picnic compared to 500 on the Monster. It's a rush like no other to bring the Monster down... but exhausting to fight it and lose..."
— Steve Evans
, Diamond-P Sports auto-racing reporter, referring to the infamous