Now you know that the boys are just pushing their luck
Now you know that my ride doesn't really exist
And my name's not really on that list.
It would break their hearts if they ever knew
there's a world outside and you can feel it coming in
Just pull the string
And this whole thing's coming down..
Edmund: Oh! They're- they're love bites, actually!
Baldrick: They look more like dog bites to me.
Edmund: (laughs awkwardly) Well, yes, she was, um- a bit of an animal.
Lord Percy: Oh, yes? Fight to the death, eh?
Edmund: Oh, yes! As my tutor Old Bubble Face used to say, "Make love and be merry, for tomorrow, you may catch some disgusting skin disease!" (He and Percy laugh together)
Baldrick: (feeding a dwarf in a cage) I'd be prepared to swear those are dog bites.
Edmund: They are not dog bites! She was very attractive!
Baldrick: Yeah, shiny coat, wet nose, clear eyes.
Edmund: No, Baldrick! It was a woman!
Baldrick: Fair enough, my Lord.
Edmund: Right, now that's sorted out... (to Lord Percy) Percy, what are we up to today?
Percy: Well, my Lord... I thought... that you and I... might take out a couple of prisoners and... Actually, my Lord, Baldrick might have a point. They do look like dog bites.
Edmund: Yes, all right! They're dog bites, they're dog bites! I got bitten by a dog! A woman pushed me off the ramparts, because she thought I'm so hideously ugly, and I got ravaged by a rabid dog! Does that satisfy you?!
Baldrick: Yes, my Lord.
Edmund: GOOD! EXCELLENT! GOOD! RIGHT! (tries calming down) Yes, Percy, you were saying?!
Percy: Right, my Lord. You and I... might take a couple of... So it wasn't a woman?
Edmund: NO! It was a dog, it was a dog, IT WAS A BLOODY GREAT DOG!!! (barks madly)