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Quotes / Pretender Diss

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    Anime and Manga 
Vegeta: You want to know what your big mistake was, Black?
Goku Black: What mistake?!
Vegeta: (while beating Black into the ground) It's that stolen body! Every muscle, every cell... his body was built from a lifetime of intense battles! But you took it; it's all second-hand! You feel the power in those Saiyan cells, but you don't truly understand it, because you didn't build it! And you'll never learn to think like that clown!
Black: How can there be a such a huge power gap between us?!
Vegeta: That's simple: you're an interloper, a Saiyan imposter. And I'm the real thing! THE ALMIGHTY PRINCE VEGETA!

Starscream: Your time is now over, Megatron. The reign of Starscream will be a reign of terror!! [...] All of you will bow down before me or face my wrath!
(Megatron appears before Starscream and laughs at him)
Starscream: What are you laughing at?
Megatron: I'm laughing at a coward, a gutless wonder, a wimp -- who I trained to be a warrior. But you could never cut it, Starscream. No matter how big you become, you're still the same pathetic wannabe! Oh yes... you're the king alright. The king of fools!
Starscream: Ever notice how much noise an insect makes, buzzing and clacking, until you crush it underfoot? That's what you are Megatron — a bug with a big mouth!
Megatron: We'll see — when I knock that crown off your head! Power alone is not enough, and you just don't have what it takes.
Transformers Cybertron, Starscream

    Comic Book 

Why should I kill the Batman? Isn't it obvious? I'm the Joker. He's the Riddler. And in the end, who cares about the Riddler?
The Joker, Batman (Rebirth), "The War of Jokes and Riddles"

Take off that cowl. It doesn't belong to you.
Batman to Fake Batman, Injustice 2

Thanos: A disciple of Death... versus a lord of Destruction. Tell me then, Darkseid... Would you care to make a wager on the outcome?
Darkseid: I wager, you pale imitation of me... that you will lose.
Marvel vs DC

He's just a B-list punk who's got a shot at the big-time here. A lackey of the Goblin that suddenly thinks he's got a chance in the major leagues. But I've got news for you, man... a loser dressed like Venom is still a freakin' loser.
Spider-Man regarding Mac Gargan/Venom III

You're not the Masters of Evil — You're little more than a joke! The old Masters — they never were anyone's hirelings, not like you! They were Masters, not slaves! That was the point!
Citizen V/Baron Zemo to the Crimson Cowl's Masters of Evil, Thunderbolts


    Fan Works 

Rider: What's wrong, little boy? Aren't you going to summon your Servant?
Shirou: Aren't you going to summon your Master?
Rider: I'm afraid my Master isn't here right now.
Shinji: Yes I am, Rider!
Rider: No. She's not.

    Film - Animation 

Joker: You're out of your league, McGinnis. I know every trick the original Batman and Robin knew at their peak.
Terry/Batman: Maybe. But you don't know a thing about me.
Joker: You? What's to know? You're a punk! A rank amateur. A costumed errand boy taking orders from a senile old man.

Batman: He's calling himself the Red Hood. What do you know about it?
The Joker: That he has horrible taste. When I wore that number it was classy. More flashy maître d' than motorcycle fetish. Oh, these kids today.

Simba: You will stay where I can keep an eye on you — away from him!
Kiara: You don't know him!
Simba: I know he's following in Scar's pawprints! And I must follow in my father's.

Waternoose: I never should have trusted you with this. Because of you, I had to banish my top scarer!
Randall: Ah, with this machine, we won't need scarers. Besides, Sullivan got what he deserved.
Waternoose: Sullivan was twice the scarer you'll ever be!

    Film - Live-Action 

Kurtz: I expected someone like you. What did you expect? Are you an assassin?
Willard: I'm a soldier.
Kurtz: You're neither. You're an errand boy, sent by grocery clerks to collect a bill.

Maybe I don't give a shit! Maybe I don't remember the last time I blew my nose either... Who the fuck are you? I should remember you? What, you think you like me? You ain't like me motherfucker, you a punk. I've been with made people, connected people. Who've you been with? Chain snatching, jive-ass, maricón motherfuckers. Why don't you get out of here and go snatch a purse?
Carlito Brigante to Benny Blanco, Carlito's Way

Vigilante: What gives you the right? What's the difference between you and me?
Batman: I'm not wearing hockey pads.

You sit on a throne of LIES.
Buddy to a Mall Santa, Elf

Sarah Palin: I am not your puppet! Now I understand what Hillary meant when she said she had to find her own voice!
Nicolle Wallace: Yeah... 'cause you're just like Hillary.

I think if your clients want to sit on my shoulders and call themselves tall, they have the right to give it a try.
Mark Zuckerberg, The Social Network

Alas, you're no Vader. You're just a child in a mask.
Supreme Leader Snoke to Kylo Ren, Star Wars: The Last Jedi


Peter, by the gift of Aslan, by election, by prescription, and by conquest, High King over all Kings in Narnia, Emperor of the Lone Islands and Lord of Cair Paravel, Knight of the Most Noble Order of the Lion, to Miraz, Son of Caspian the Eighth, sometime Lord Protector of Narnia and now styling himself King of Narnia, Greeting.
— A letter by Peter Pevensie, Prince Caspian

You can sit here in your camp out in the desert, calling yourself Field Marshal or whatever gets your rocks off. The people I represent sit in big offices in big cities. Some of those cities are centres of government. And what they call themselves, they really are.
Mack Bolan, The Executioner #44, "Terrorist Summit"

Mara Jade: Is that the best you've got? Babies crying and ghosts whispering lies from beyond the grave? The Dark Lord of the Sith I knew would have been ashamed to use such tactics.
Exar Kun: What? Who Dares?
Mara Jade: Who cares, more correctly. [...] Isard would have had you digitized, analzyed and discarded without a second thought, and she wasn't even Force-sensitive. Darth Vader would have found you amusingly quaint, and the Emperor... well... The Emperor succeeded in destroying the Jedi, so he'd see you as the very definition of failure!

    Live-Action TV 

You're no God. Nor Devil. You're just a cruel, sad little blue man. So why don't we skip to the part where I end this?
Yo-yo to Kassius, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

Hello, Kieran. Who told you you could wear my mask?
Brandon James, Scream

Really bought his own press, this one. Please, Cas, I know God, and you sir are no God.
Death, Supernatural



You ain't no punk you punk
You wanna talk about the real junk?
If I ever slip, I'll be banned
'Cause I'm your garbageman
The Cramps, "Garbageman"

Did you study me hard enough?
You're never gonna be
You're just a wannabe me
Madonna, "Two Steps Behind Me" (rumored to be about Lady Gaga)

They shook
Cause ain't no such thing as halfway-crooks!
Mobb Deep


Livilla: If you do not choose to help me, I can make you do so. You understand me?
Berengaria: Oh yes. I was wondering when the threats would come.
(SFX of Berengaria being slapped twice)
Livilla: Now, what do you say?
Berengaria: ...when I came here to torture my mother-in-law, when I came to gloat, with a small blunt knife I would cut her face. Every day I would do it, hack another piece off. By the time I had her executed, there was no face left, just her eyes, so she could see the moment of her death... and never once did she cry. Did you even bring a knife?
Berengaria: You're not fit to follow in her footsteps or mine! Unless you're prepared to hurt me properly, LEAVE HERE AT ONCE!

    Video Games 

The Penguin: You’re not better than me. No one is. I own this place.
Hugo Strange: Well, to be clear, I allow you certain freedoms but, let’s continue.

Ful, losei Dovahkiin? Zu'u koraav nid nol dov do hi.note 
...You do not even know our tongue, do you? Such arrogance, to dare take for yourself the name of Dovah.

Now we see why you are a Lesser Evil!

Aquaman: I'm the true king!
Regime Aquaman: Wrong, imposter!

Atrocitus: What makes you the real Atrocitus?
Other Atrocitus: The purity of my rage!

Black Adam: You expect to best a god?
Enchantress: The gods tremble in my presence.
Black Adam: You are no divine creature.

Catwoman: I've got the cat theme covered.
Cheetah: I'm the real Catwoman!

Doctor Fate: Do you serve chaos or order?
Brainiac: I am the Lord of Order.
Doctor Fate: That title is taken.

Gorilla Grodd: A pretender to my throne?
Other Gorilla Grodd: I am the real gorilla!
Gorilla Grodd: There is no Grodd but Grodd!

Superman: Superman...
Other Superman: Who are you?!
Superman: I'm who you're trying to be!

The Dragon: Your tape was kid shit. You honestly thought you were in my league. It's sad, watching you grovel for my approval.
V: You think I want your approval, bitch? Fuck you. FUCK YOU. We could have been a real fucking team, you know? Your form, my cinematic flair. It could've been art. I'm going to fucking KILL you, fuck the questions.
The Dragon: I'm tied up and you still want my approval.

Hey... You just ACTED like me. That doesn't mean you ARE me. You're no match for the real deal, original Bowser...

Snake: A virtual grunt of the digital age, that's just great.
Raiden: That's FAR more effective than live exercises!
Snake: You don't get injured in VR, do you? Every year, a few soldiers die in field exercises.

Hate to break it to you, but you're nothing but a cheap knockoff at best.

A copy is still just a copy. It'll never be able to top the original!
Sonic the Hedgehog referring to Metal Sonic, Sonic Rivals

Andrew Oikonny: You thought I wasn't as smart as Uncle Andross, well, guess what?
Leon Powalski: You're not.

Another thinks to bring me to my knees! Another who wishes me to bow before him, like he is some pitiless King! Does he think his pathetic sorceries will work on me or my followers? Come, my Swords of Chaos, let us show this weakling conjurer who-would-be-royalty what I do to monarchs! He will see why I am the Lord of the End Times, why I am the Everchosen, and why I will wield the Slayer of Kings!
Archaon the Everchosen, Total War: Warhammer

If Orr thinks he can take what is rightfully mine then he is very much mistaken! I will be Supreme Patriarch - I will wield the Staff of Volans! The Wind of Chamon will rise and blast any who get in my way! Now is the time for the Gold Order, and I will brook no interference. Any who get in my way will see their armour run into lead goblets, their blades melt and their bones turned to gold! Now, men, fight - bring me victory. The Emperor needs me, not some pathetic Pyromancer or insipid white wizard! For the good of the Empire, I will rise to the highest magical office in the land, and this FOOL will not stop me!
Balthasar Gelt, Total War: Warhammer

Dis fortress iz now mine! I'm 'da Greatest', not some stinking goblin-lovin' git called Rotgut!
Grimgor Ironhide, Total War: Warhammer

Feeble Liche - come hence from mine fortress and kneel before thy Lord! Drakenhof's stones are bound by mortar of mine own blood. While yours shall be sprayed across the battlefield as I wrench the head from thine shoulders!
Mannfred von Carstein, Total War: Warhammer

These beasts call themselves "hunters"? Hah! Do they not know they face Orion, Master of the Wild Hunt? Their auras cannot protect them now, for I am charged with the spirit of Kurnous; rage and destruction flow through me!

The masters obviously want to see me kill you, pretender.
Wulfrik the Wanderer, Total War: Warhammer

Dis false prophet don't talk to da Green Godz. I should know coz dey told me, dey don't like 'im! 'Ee smellz right funny. 'Ee got some crazy funk about 'im, alright.

You are not HIM.
Arkhan the Black, referring to Nagash, Total War: Warhammer II

Keiji Shibusawa: Kazama's in a league of his own. I don't have the means to stand apart, myself. But if I can't reach the top of the heap without his title, I'll mint it myself.
Kazuma Kiryu: You think you've got the whole thing worked out? Any title a man draws up for himself isn't worth wearing.

    Web Original 

Chris: Fun fact! The role of Dr. Professor Crazy Cat Lady was originally intended for — wait for it — Julie Newmar. For those of you who aren't aware, Julie Newmar was the most prolific of the three actresses who played Catwoman on Batman ’66, during which time she was quite literally the most beautiful woman on the face of the planet. She was also smart enough to turn down this piece of crap, which only makes me love her more.
David: If only Halle Berry had been, man.
Chris Sims and David Uzumeri on Catwoman

Thoreau may have only spent one night in jail, but it was the result of some pretty heavy, risky opinions.

What are Superman's great controversial moral stands in Straczynski’s run? Well, he’s not fond of drug dealers, he’s against illegal immigration unless America gets something out of it, he’s for sweetheart government deals for corporations to jumpstart the economy, and he thinks child abuse is just awfully tacky. WAY TO GO OUT ON A LIMB, BIG GUY. You’re such a maverick.
Jason Michelitch on Superman quoting Henry David Thoreau, Superman: Grounded

This is something I wished I never had to write about. We lost one of my biggest influences today. As a kid I grew up watching Siskel & Ebert every Saturday night with my dad, and I continued to watch all the way until the departing of Ebert & Roeper. Sorry Ben Lyons, couldn't make it past one episode with you.

If you ever replace Bill Murray with Bernie Mac, you'd better be doing some kind of Schindler's List thing where you're saving good comedians in a dark, totalitarian comic-killing future.

While posing for her life, Lea catches the sparkle from a true star out of the corner of her eye and her entire face lights up when Jessica sashays on through. In Lea's head, she thinks Jessica Lange is going to stop, hug her, bow at her feet, tell her how much she loves her voice and ask her to sing a song. Lea gladly sings a song for her biggest fan, Jessica Lange, and after she does Jessica asks her to sing another song and the premiere eventually turns into a giant Lea Michele concert. But that didn’t happen. This happened instead... Lea is me and Jessica is all of my exes every time I try to say hi to them in public.

I was going to say that Lea’s bronzer must’ve turned pasty white from all the shade Jessica threw at her, but that’s not even shade. That’s a one hundred percent, beautiful diss. That's some "Oh darling, you’re about as interesting to me as that red stripe in the background" shit. But you know, I am a little jealous of Lea Michele, because it's an honor to get snubbed by Jessica Lange.
Michael K., "If there's one thing Jessica Lange doesn't have time for, it's everything"

Earlier this morning, the human definition of the words "Oh, fuck right off" pulled out his phone, opened up Twitter, and proceeded to remind us all that he’s still Noted Asshole Type Chris Brown by tweeting a list of legendary music greats that included James Brown, Michael Jackson, and for some mind-boggling reason, Chris Brown. Apparently EVERYONE FUCKING ELSE didn't make the cut. Oh well, I'm sure that Stevie Wonder, Al Green, and the ghost of Marvin Gaye just breathed a huge sigh of relief, because honestly, being mentioned in the same sentence as Chris Brown is a mug you don't wanna chug.
DListed, "Chris Brown Would Like To Remind You Just How Arrogant Chris Brown Is"

I keep reading the complaint emails from fans of other teams in this series and can't stop thinking... "these sound like rich people problems."

Try the Bills on for size for a decade or two.

When people declare that the 7th Doctor's era is the nadir of televised Doctor Who they have probably just watched McCoy’s performance in "Battlefield." It hurts me to say this because I never like to admit that the central character is ever an embarrassment but this really is about as bad as it gets. This is not just McCoy bashing... he spends quite a bit of this story doing ridiculous pratfalls. Trying to suggest this gurning fool is Merlin is an insult to the Arthurian legend.

The use of H. G. Wells is, of course, because of his role as the progenitor of science fiction. This isn’t quite true, of course, but clearly we’re not going to start worrying about that here of all places. And so the implication of the story is that really crap Doctor Who is the secret origin of all science fiction. "Timelash" thus positions itself, with hilarious hubris, as the logical endpoint of all science fiction — nobody at all seems to be in on the joke.

archie bunker spins in his whites-only graveyard every time william shatner tries to make a racist joke.

The movie that immediately sprung to mind is Cary Grant in His Girl Friday. But then upon saying that you realize why this would go horribly wrong even on paper. Woody Allen, even on his best day, is no Cary Grant. Woody Allen is the intellectual who can spout jokes off at the drop of a hat and who has a witty retort to anything. Cary Grant is the kind of person who would steal Woody’s girlfriend without any effort because he is so damn suave and sexy, and Woody would still probably end up being his friend because Grant plays the lovable rogue perfectly.

It’s bad enough to invite people to compare your movie to one of the most widely acclaimed films ever made. But when you've got cyberpunk torture tables in your movie, too? What the f**k are you thinking?
Matt Wilson on Barb Wire

A guard for the Los Angeles Lakers who believes that trying to look like Michael Jordan by padding his stats is more important than winning a title or even a game for that matter.
Urban Dictionary on Kobe Bryant

In his best JR voice (which still sucked), and with his worst bells palsy impression (Note: there is no such thing as a good bells palsy impression), Ed Ferrara took pot shots at Ross and his announcing...Oklahoma even disparaged JR's barbecue sauce by implying that it would never hit the market. At 14 years of sales and counting, Ross’s barbecue sauce has lasted longer than WCW ever did.

    Web Video 

Sadly, Hotel Mario was not the huge hit it deserved to be. This is due to the CD-i's lack of mainstream appeal. Nowadays, wags complain about the CD-i's controller, which is absurd because it's revolutionary design was completely misunderstood. It was rather ergonomic in its construction with the 2 buttons placed conveniently on the opposite sides of the control pad and some other people bitch about the system's price tag. Now granted, various models of the CD-i cost between 100$ and 1000$, but it was a high-end system and you got your money's worth. It even played karaoke discs, for god's sake, but brainwashed masses went gaga over low-tech junk such as the Super Nintendo and even the Genesis. Proving once again that Americans have no taste whatsoever.
Chrontendo, April Fool's Review

Roland Emmerich really wants to be Spielberg. He wants to create movies with that same kind of feeling, and he is just the worst at it.

Eventually, every promising, next great American auteur film-maker tries to make GoodFellas. David O. Russell probably should have gotten his out of his system back when he was promising and not just an undeniably talented but mercurial director who's starting to show signs of having peaked with The Fighter. It's not that this movie is bad so much as it's so average and lifeless considering all the talent on hand. Why all the sturm und drang over something as goofy and ripe for comedy as the ABSCAM scandal? Why are four celebrated, immensely-talented actors (and also Bradley Cooper) stomping around with those godawful fake New Jersey accents, like a SNL sketch they forgot to bring the jokes for? It goes on forever, none of it feels authentic or interesting. There's a moment where an actor known for actual Martin Scorsese movies shows up, and it's like George Harrison just got up on stage with The Monkees. What a letdown.

Jay Hunter: I get the feeling he thinks that if he wins, Flair with stop Naitching. Does he think he'll be Nature Boy?
V1: That's not how wrestling works. You can destroy Flair, and the next night he's still gonna be Flair, and you're gonna be fuckin' Dean Douglas.
Jay: Sorry, mate.
OOC: What is the bad blood between these two? And I assume it's legitimate, yeah?
Jay: Well, Shane Douglas hates him because he's so successful, and Ric Flair is like "pfffffffffffffffthahaha! Who's Shane Douglas?"
V1: Yeah, that's what I thought.
Jay: Shane, just because ya shot Jesse James don't make ya Jesse James.
OSW Review Ep. 34

Spoilers if you haven't seen the other [Star Trek] finales, but we've had a pretty impressive run with them: Janeway battling Borg every step of the way to thwart their menace and get her crew home. Sisko bringing final victory in their war against the Dominion and ending the Pah'wraith threat against the Bajorans. And Picard preserving the very existence of humanity and likely every other sapient species in this entire quadrant. And now, Archer shall get into a small firefight with some criminals on a CATWALK! (cue music)
SF Debris on Star Trek: Enterprise, "These Are the Voyages..."

Clark delivering his attempt at a Superman voice while chastising Aquaman was quite possibly the worst execution of an archetype I've ever heard. That wasn't the voice of a leader commanding respect, that was a bellow of great whininess and minimal import...This was just a weak and misguided attempt to tap into what past actors have done with the role and Welling doesn't have the chops for it.
Julian Finn on Smallville, "Patriot"


    Western Animation 
J-Man: Who do you think you're talking to, old man? We're the Jokerz!
Bruce Wayne: (smirking) Sure you are.

Green Goblin: Stand back for the real Goblin...
Hobgoblin: What?!
Green Goblin: The GREEN GOBLIN!
Hobgoblin: I thought you were just a rumor!
Green Goblin: You're going to wish I was! [...] (throws a computer at Hobgoblin)
Hobgoblin: How did you lift that?!
Green Goblin: Because I am the real deal, you cheap imitation!

Ultra Magnus, you are NO Optimus Prime!

    Real Life 

I do apologize for Limp Bizkit. I really do. I feel really bad that we inspired such bullshit. They’re gone, though. That’s the beautiful thing.
Tim Commerford, bassist for Rage Against the Machine

I do not care how many thumbtacks Mick Foley has fallen on, how many ladders he's fallen off, how many continents he's supposedly bled on, he will always be known as a glorified stuntman.
Ric Flair, To Be the Man

Many point to Andy Kaufman as an anti-comic. When they do, they expose themselves to be the idiots they are. Andy Kaufman was a comic. He used comedic techniques, he ridiculed no comedic techniques. Andy Kaufman was one of the greatest comics ever, because of his large arsenal of comedic weapons, which he used only when necessary. Andy Kaufman was not an anti-comic. But he spawned many.

Kerry's image-making stagecraft was amateur compared to that of the Bush administration. In a lame attempt to stage his own version of "Mission Accomplished" nine months after the prototype, he had traveled to the unlikely location of Mount Pleasant, South Carolina, in September 2003 to formally announce his presidential campaign against the flag-and-veterans-bestrewn backdrop of the aircraft carrier Yorktown... Even hokier was the soundtrack: a recording of a military band playing "Anchors Aweigh."
Frank Rich, The Greatest Story Ever Sold

She just needs to be quiet. She's a movie star. If she were confident in her acting, she wouldn’t be trying to be Martha Stewart.
Martha Stewart on Gwyneth Paltrow

Hitchens identified himself for many years as the heir to me. Unfortunately for him, I didn't die.


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